a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

envy and sameness

first a little housekeeping: Diva is out of her natural mind with joy....she has TWO TWO kitties visiting for a few days. she stands by the blocked off hallway they escape down and whines so pathetically...she runs up the stairs to my studio to entreat me to please please make the kitties show themselves and play with her...then runs back down to see if it happened. such faith. i'm hoping this will keep her busy so i can get some stuff done in the studio. it's also an allergy test....if i don't sneeze and become miserable, then she gets a real live kitty of her own to hug and kiss and wear out. *** so lately i've been thinking (again) and marveling (again) about the people in my life that i hold dearest. and why. what is the common thread? why do they hang out with ME (?) all these wonderful, talented, incredible women that i know? and what makes them more "specialer" then acquaintances. part of it - envy. good envy. in a sense envy, but not total. and definitely not jealousy, which is from a hateful place. i envy this ones ability to do such-and-such, and that one's whatever. but the envy is actually the part of Me that i see in them....except maybe they've developed that talent or that quality or that whatever, and i've just let it be wistful in me. so it's Good Envy - it makes me want to be a better me. so part of it is recognizing Self in Others. the other part is that They compliment Me. and I compliment Them. so we each recognize ourSelves in each other....the part of them that reaches out to me, is the part i need. and vise versa. two people who are too much alike often come to loggerheads....competing rather than complimenting. i would never hang out with someone exactly like me. not that i don't like myself. but why go see a movie that's just a video playback of your own day? this whole thing is a lot harder to put on paper than i thought. my favorite people are those who challenge me to be the best me....even unintentionally. and i must do the same for them. it's not all one-sided and all about me. there is something of a chemistry that concocts itself when you meet someone, male or female, that is destined to be an Important Person in your life. and how very sweet and very grateful is that feeling. your spirit dances. your load lighter. your smiles broader. and it just knocks me out that i have been blessed with so many people, especially women, in my life that have been so incredible to dance along with. role models, teachers, friends, confidants, hangin' out pals....i am so grateful. i always say i am not the easiest person to be around from time to time....sometimes uber-enthusiastic, sometimes despairing, sometimes feeling like i'll never accomplish what i need to, sometimes certain that i am about to set the world on it's ear. oy. but what i am is honest, loyal to a fault, considerate, and also right there to give a hand up. i value my friends. value. there's a part in the Bible that talks about friends being more precious than gold. i concur. i wouldn't trade any one of you for money, or gold, or a winning lottery ticket. i would never lie to you or sell you out. i'd never steal your ideas. i will encourage you, even in your wildest sounding idea. for if it's your dream, than live it babe! i'll be right there with you if you need that. as soon as i get a sitter for Diva. speaking of Diva......i'm rambling and she's melting down. i'll try to collect a few thoughts and get back to you in a more coherent way. here's a question: what would you say to a dear friend that you felt was unsaid? L.

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