a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Thursday, July 10, 2008

entanglements, estrangements and the like

where to start? ok - the middle. soon after my father passed away in 1977, my mother, brother & i became somewhat estranged from dad's family. the issues were many, and seem understandable, yet silly now. a few years ago, my friend gail-who-never-calls found her family history on a small island outside of Clayton NY. This made me realize even more that i had no idea where my beginning was...family secrets kept locked tight prevented me from knowing much beyond the point where my parents met. even those circumstances were hazy. i had no sense of history...no sense of who i "took after." (although speculations were not always flattering. or printable). a few weeks ago, i emailed the one cousin that i have kept in touch with. sent her a scan of a family photo i thought she may want, since her mom was in it. she emailed it to the rest of the cousins, 2nd cousins, and probably even 3rd cousins. names in the forwarded replies that i didn't recognize. so sad. that prompted an email from my 90-year old uncle to me, saying he had some family pictures i may want - call him. funny - i can't remember from moment to moment why i walked in a particular room, but i remember my aunt & uncle phone number from when i was in kindergarten. hunh. so i called last night. and we talked for over an hour. once he realized how little i really knew, he began to spill the stories. he invited me to ask anything and "if i have an answer, i'll tell you. if i don't i'll tell you anyway." he was clear that he wouldn't GIVE me the pictures, but would find a way to copy them. treasures. i plan to visit him in the next few weeks to take him up on his offer. it has certainly been a complex and complicated week. i sit today at my worktable with beads and baubles and solder, and wonder what the lessons are. chaos always creates lessons, i've found. wheteher the lesson is to avoid chaos, or to step back, breathe, and not rush into (or out of) anything. so i'll take today to breathe and relax, and heal my heart and rest my body. and maybe learn a thing or two. and wonder who i'm taking after now. L.

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