happy independance

life lately has been handing me lemonade...the sour part sqeezed out and sweetly chillin' in a glass with a little mint thingie floating on top. i feel freedom from the nasties that seemed to dog me and drag me to a standstill. a quiet confidence in myself, and in things to come. a great anticipation fills me, and i know that just around the bend there are some wonderful and amazing things about to happen. one of those things - i'm teaching a workshop! details to come, but i'm very excited about it. meanwhile, along with this bubbling anticipation has come a quiet center. this, my 50th year, seems to have taken the reflection and inner solitude, and formed it into the person i was meant to be. day by day i am coming to know (and like) the person i am becoming. maybe i always was. years of old paint and frills stripped away to the essential blank wall on which the original structure was built. in the past weeks as i came to know my mother, i learned more about myself...how and why i react the way i do in situations. fears i inherited and learned and have discarded. now free to feel and love, reject or discount things as i see them...not as i "should" or "shouldn't." as the eve of the 4th of July arrives, so too has my own independance. from the old. from opinions and obstacles. from fears and uncertainties. from myself as i was...toward the self that i was meant to be. tomorrow i'll head to my Lake to watch the waves break across the rocky shoreline...listen to gulls screech - maybe this is the year they'll trust the food in my hand...to thousands of ladybugs in need of rescue...and butterflies alight on the dunes. sunrise or sunset? yet to be determined. but guaranteed to fill my soul. L.