there have been an amazing number of Tiny Steps in the past few weeks…a few stumbles, but mostly each and every moment has been one of empowerment and learning and going for the Tiny. it has definitely not been all shiny and tiaras the past 11 days. but looking back, so far, i can see the lessons. and that helps. the constant question is: What holds me? and in that question, the key to everything…what holds me back from moving forward? and you don't have to be "stuck" in some great dilemma in order to ask the question…or need it asked. if you're doing an end of year home/studio/closet clean out - what holds you? what is it that owns you, rather than you owning it? for me it was the huge & ginormous accumulation of art supplies…a giant continent of rusty metal and old wooden whatnots and baby doll heads and game pieces, etc. That, for the most part, is gone. the ceramic bits scheduled to be re-homed tomorrow. (the snow cancelled today's disgorging). i feel so much lighter - SO much lighter. and for the first time in almost a year, i'm back at my work table in my home studio.
this winter will be one of making determined steps toward how i want my life to look in the spring…garden…bees…Tiny. my friend Lynn has assured me that, despite my moments of panicked visualization, i will not end up living in a cardboard box under a bridge. That has been my irrational yet real fear for years, and has held me firm to the spot i am living in. another friend works at an abused woman's shelter, and she said it was not an uncommon fear. so i feel better about that. and am ready to kick it to the curb. that has been my tactic - at night, just before sleep comes, the What If's sometimes hit. rather than turn them this way and that, gazing at their endless and horrid possibilities, I picture myself putting them in a box & sealing it up & putting it to the roadside, saying "I'm done with that in my life." it's worked. sometimes the boxed up terror will hitchhike home, and i repack it and send it down a cliffside, never to return. today is Grandma's Coming day for Henry, so i'm off to shower off the snow shoveling sweat.
wishing you a Tiny day….