Monday, February 20, 2012
this morning, i felt a strong intuition to post something on facebook basically asking people to let those you love & care about know that you love and care about them. little did i know that i would be the recipient of a message from a longtime friend that was so astoundingly sweet and wonderful that it's like chocolate. we've known each other since i was around 13, and have shared so many bumps and turns and highs and lows, but i had no idea she thought some of the things she shared with me in that note. and we hold each other's deepest secrets. when my dad passed away in 1977, i missed out on telling him how much i loved him...missed it by 6 hours...and have held that in a little box inside for all this time. our family dynamic was such that we never really hugged or said "i love you" to each other. i had a deep intuition that night that i should stay at the hospital...the nurses had even put out blankets and a pillow in this little conference room with a couch, which had never happened in all the months he had been there. but i went home that night. and when we got the call to come back in the wee hours, it was already too late. they said that for the first time in months, he had sat up and was perfectly lucid. the guilt and sense of utter frustration and of being cheated softened some through the years, but never left. so i learned from that, and from that day forward, have always tried my best to remember to tell those close to me that they matter...that they are indeed loved...that they have worth...that they make me happy...that i appreciate them. it may make some people feel uncomfortable, and one person i met 5 years ago seems especially put off by it, but i will always always tell it anyway. not to belabor a point. this has been a difficult bunch o' months for me, and i want to use this space to say thank you to those who have held on, held up, stayed strong for me, jumped with joy & happy danced with me, and knelt in prayer with me. it's been that kinda ride. i've made peace with so many things, and helped others make peace. and life being what it is, that whole flow thing, i know it will all just keep on the way it should. and i wouldn't have it any other way.
at 10:33 PM