(photo by Bates Littlehales, NatGeo) yes, it's true. i have been battling ferociously against torpor...that sneaky, pea soup in the brain feeling...the feeling that you are trying to run a race through thigh-high wet cement. grickly grackly mind-numbing. and crabby, but i've managed to keep that inside, so as not to do irreparable harm to relationships i care deeply about. it can't possibly be leftover from the Grim Creeping Death that had me down since October. i'm just not sure what the heck is going on. tonight, i stopped in to wander the halls of the Delavan, and soak up some of that artistic mojo that hangs in the air, and i realized how long it's been since i was there, and how long it's been since i've created anything for the sake of creating it. way too long. my bones feel dry with it...my frustration leeches out onto the canvas...small dribs and drabs that are quickly covered up with gesso. inspiring post tonight, no? but this is my sounding board...my place for my fingers to take over and tell me what my brain has been hiding from me. this morning, i got my daily email from Brian Andreas StoryPeople, and thought, " this. is. it." Waiting for the pen to dry up so he can start fresh with thoughts that are worth new ink. yes. i had complained that i was tired of doing the same-ish artwork...that i needed a new direction. so a palate-cleansing time was set in order, is what i believe. except i forgot to feed my spirit...forgot to keep the windows of my soul polished and open to let in warm breezes and bright sunshine...forgot to keep the wicks of my candle trimmed. so tonight, a porcupine reminded me that we all have built-in checks-and-balances that are natural functions of our beings...before we get too close to taking a left when we should stay straight ahead, our warning bells will go off. in my case, they hit the gear shift into neutral. there is a reason, i am certain, for this staying in place. not sure what, yet, but i know i also need to open the windows. so, the porcupine gave me many gifts tonight. they are interesting souls...they like to climb trees, but are very clumsy, so nature granted them a survival tool that they need do nothing to activate - when they fall, (and they do with regularity), a naturally occurring antibiotic is released into the quill, and basically injected into their own bodies. so they fall, but do not die from infection. you can connect the dots from the natural to the spiritual here. In some Native American teachings, the porcupine represents protection - from both outside attack and from inner spiritual attack (the tricks our mind plays on us, or the untruths we tell ourselves). little porcupine is a peaceful animal, yet protects himself fiercely if pushed too far. Porcupine gave me some other gifts tonight, but more on that in a few days. some new stuff began burbling...new ideas...new designs...new materials to work with. and sooner than soon, i hope to share those with you. for now, a nap is in order...a long night is ahead.