the care & feeding of a blog

yes, i know...if this blog were a child, then social services would have removed it from me weeks ago. my apologies. it's been a bit hectic in the day-to-day change-your-entire-life department, and most of it so mundane, i would be embarrassed to write it...like "oy! such a day! i shaved BOTH legs today. i need a rest." well, a bit more than that, and some pretty miraculous things jetting about, but (for once) i cannot find the proper words to properly express them, so i need to wait until that's possible. i am a person of schedules and lists. i am a planner & do-er. i have been told that i can plan the fun out of a vacation. and it's true, although i have gotten better with that. (okay, we have a window from 2-3 where we can do something wild & spontaneous...how about a shoe shop?). so i have lists and orderly chaos...the house is still upside down from the Room Exchange, but looking better. and i find that by controlling the chaos, i can have better quality "down" time & not worry that i forgot something. and with that time, i've caught up on some blogs. it feels like a reunion, catching up with the daily stuff of friend's lives. and i have to say, some blogs, i want to call the person (if i actually knew them) and say "are you STILL in that place??" i have stared down depression in my life, and the score is about even as to who won which round. and it became a cozy rut to be the Depressed Friend who needed consoling and cheerful little emails and such, that, when you think about it, is really a cry for love and proof of affection, which is really a statement on self-love (or the lack). and i don't mean DO NOT MEAN people who have recently lost a loved one, or had some other mad life-altering thing happen. i am talking about the people who have found their identity in being the vulnerable victim of life. it gets tedious and strenuous being a friend to that person. i give all my friends credit for hanging in there, as i went through that. (especially you-who-know-who-you-are). if you recognize yourself in this identity, this persona of poor-me, please - stand up, put on some funky clothes & makeup, turn around and give it the finger. trust me. there is learned behavior, and after a while, you knee-jerk react to everything the way of a habit...your glass will always always be half-empty, and if it isn't, you'll spill some out so it is. you are not loved by the volume of kind words sent you. you are loved when you can get up, smile into the mirror (well, once in a while), and Reach Outward with no agenda to get reached back to. i have no idea why this is spilling out now. it just is. and shame on me for not having patience at times with people who are the mirror image of what i have been. maybe it's too grisly of a reminder of what can happen to me if i don't give good stewardship and gratitude to the contentment i have worked for. not sure. but to the person who's blog i visited, perhaps for the last time, please - get help, and please do the work honestly and seriously, before it becomes less of an attention-getting thing, and more of an ingrained response - a hole you cannot dig out of. i'm sorry if i sound uncompassionate. that is not my intent At All. depression is a big, bad booger that can drop from the ceiling onto your best dress at any time. i guess this rant is aimed at helping 1 specific person that i have met, and have occasional emails with. she has the potential to do great things, but has chosen, instead, to be a victim of herself. so much the shame. who knows what greatness lies within? so after this hit-or-miss posting schedule, i come up with this?? fortheloveofgod. okay - dog screeching, cat vomiting,tea water overboiling. bye for now.