is it just me?

you know, for the most part, my life has been the very definition of chaos. and mostly that's been okay. actually, it has been kind of fun & interesting. i mean, i would love to have one of those lives that goes along la-la-la and everything is wonderful. but since life, real life, isn't even like that on TV, then the chaos that has been my life has been an acceptable trade-off. i have been blessed with an extremely active sense of humor, so Incidents that happen are just fodder for my own amusement. not to dissapoint you, not much unusual has happened today - othr than the thunderstorm (???) going on right now....diva has gone all weenie on me and keeps walking across my lap/laptop. so anyway, where was i? Things Happen to me that Only Happen To Me. i guess it's a badge of honor and also a cross to bear. **fake sigh** i accept my role as the Universe's clown/pinata/warm-up band. and you know, it's all good. for where would i be without chaos? without the 2am skunk fight? or the car that just rolls to it's untimely demise following my shopping spree? or having the waistband of my slip just expire and fall to the ground as i stand backlit by the sun in my white skirt in front of a very large conference room bank of windows that contain many, many industrial-type men i must now give a presentation to? or OR the time i caught my heel (yes i wore slips and heels at a stupid, misguided point in my life) i caught my heel on the 3rd carpeted step of 12 more to come and tumbled - in a skirt a SKIRT - to the very center of an office in a bomb factory. in front of the most handsome man i had yet met who had, in fact, just invited me to see the Stones in concert at the Palladium the next weekend. he never followed up. thank goodness, shallow man. he probably would have ended up my 3rd husband. and the THEN there was the time ...oh you get the point. my life has not been without it's moments that make you go "aaarrrrggghhh" in the moment just before you fall asleep...just when you take that step over into la-la land...something from somewhere hits a synapse that triggers a burst of adrenaline that pops open your eyes and a sweat gland opens up just a tad. then the horror of the 20-year old moment plays across a screen in front of you and that "aaarrrggghhh" charlie brown sound escapes from your lips...no actually comes from somewhere in your gut...it forms fully in your throat and as you begin to relive every last detail of the horrificality of that one moment - that nanosecond that last forever, a part of your brain is saying NO! that was 20 years ago for God's sake! why are you torturing us like this? and another part of your brain starts to thank it, and you realize that there is a continuation to the statement...and it goes like this.."why? 20 years ago - enough with that already. there have been FAR WORSE things that happened just 15 years ago...10 years ago...last week, even..." so now you know you have to start all over again with the sheep-counting...maybe a swig of nyquil. and you know, when you re-run into the most handsome man who you met while vertically-challenged in a bomb factory, and he's gained oh, maybe 60 pounds, and he looks like oh, maybe your grandfather except he still thinks he's 20 years younger and slicker than snot on a doorhandle...then when you say Hey! Remeber the time i fell down the stairs at the bomb factory when we went there to sell them industrial adhesives? And he says NO. then you realize that maybe your biggest ARRRGGH isn't such a big thing in the face of a lot of other things. maybe it's just late late. and you've had too much ice cream. and have pms. and everything else just stinks stinks stinks. so the brain tried to distract and amuse you from the task at hand (sleep) because it would be impossible anyway, given that you have 20 new real-imagined pounds of excess water weight on each hip since yesterday. it was misguided, but it's heart was in the right place, the brain. so you decide to go easy on it and realize that 20 years later, it really was pretty funny after all...thump thump...briefcase filled only with a tuna sandwich and some business cards...crash thump....stupid shoes anyway. i can tell you with certainty - i bounce. and so goodnight to all! L.