Tuesday, May 05, 2015
As my emotions stretch about as tight as I think they possibly can, another rock lands on the fabric stretched taut. I've been judged by a single action...not a bad or malicious or ill-intended one...but an everyday thing...that was somehow taken offense to...though I don't know how, I honestly don't - even in retrospect...but each is entitled to their feelings for certain...and that one single thing has overshadowed a lifetime friendship...a person I felt so deeply rooted in my heart has decided that this one action, which was so ordinary, so not exclusive to them, has made continuing our friendship impossible. My instinct was to call, to write back, to drive over in my pj's and make it right. But I thought and thought, and could find no reasonable reason for this reaction. None. And I think that if I ever ripped my friendship away from someone over one blip that wasn't even a blip, that I wouldn't deserve that friend in the first place. We are all human. All of us. And we are a continuum...a timeline of good & bad & ups & downs. We have our ecstatic heroic moments, and our failings. It is how we are, we humans. And I have learned there are no black and white, clap on clap off moments in a friendship...a person does not change with a snap...they are inherently good or bad, and their actions in totality should be seen through that lens. So if it appears that they've done something that pissed you off, ask: are they normally thoughtless? If not, then the problem is either an error of judgement, or perhaps the problem is within your own heart - a lesson scratching to be let out, or a jealousy that's best redirected at another. To the one that now has her back turned, I wish you peace. For this action is sure to cause you more turbulence than it will me. I am grieving our friendship. You were the last person I'd expect this from, having tread these steps before me. I am unable to live up to your expectations, so perhaps it is best, after all.
at 10:51 PM