a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Tuesday, August 06, 2013

and happy for it all

if you've been trying to keep up with the roller coaster of my summer, you deserve a steamy cup of spice chai tea and a sweet roll.  this will go down as "the summer of upheaval" for me...and yesterday as i poked around my studio for 3 minutes, i found a phrase i had cut out of somewhere that said "the only constant is change."  boy, isn't that the truth.  but the past 2 or 3 days, a few moments of centeredness have tippee toed in, reminding me to breathe, relax and be calm...to reclaim that Selfness that is uniquely mine...to put all the junk to the curb and concentrate on sending out the good stuff.  and those few moments were all i needed.  i have been (too) busy with workshops, dog issues, workshops, job hunts - busy stuff.  not taking time to just stop and meditate on what my heart is saying.  and once i realized that, some pretty interesting conclusions plunked down in my heart, and some pretty gentle love came to me in dreams.  i'll share one quick one with you - last night for the first time since we got Henry, bulimia cat came to snuggle on the bed.  it was 3am, and he just rammed his head into my forehead wanting to be pet. (this was in reality, not the dream yet)  we spent a few minutes "discussing" how the puppy could be a good thing for him and that it won't be changing, so just know that there was most certainly enough love for both.  then he went back to watching the slider for a bat.  i went back to sleep, and as i drifted, realized that yes - i had made a commitment in my heart to Henry.  That he would outgrow his puppy energy and all would be well.  and then i dreamed that i was standing at the end of a long, dark-ish hallway.  i couldn't see the other end, but wasn't afraid.  there was a masking tape line across the floor, and i stood a few yards back from it.  suddenly from the darkness, my diva dog walked up to the tap line and indicated that she couldn't come any further, but Henry came from behind her and crossed the line and came to me.  it was as if she was sending Henry to me as a gift.  and it was all so sweet and not sad.  Although as I write this, the tears are flowing.  of course.  and this morning as Henry smashed his warm little body even closer to me, i realized that he had kept me so busy that my grief for diva had abated...that i could talk about her and compare her antics to his without needing to go scream in a towel in the upstairs bathroom.  or feel guilty for enjoying him.  (although "enjoy" is a relative term, and determined by the time of day).  and i think it may be time to wash that last sweatshirt that has her smell in it.  it will be okay.
so many things being resolved this week, and i am happy for all the chaos and ups-and-downs because it has brought about this clearing.
wishing you clear spaces to spread your arms and twirl...

No comments: