today i felt her...all around me, wherever i went, i felt her. at the store, i kept thinking that i had to get home to walk her. in my studio, i'd look at my clock, thinking it was time to go walk her. or feed her. and i could feel her around me...she seemed happy, if that counts for anything. and i was happy for her. and it came as no surprise that husband called from 3 hours away on a business trip to tell me that the Emergency Vet called him to let him know her ashes are there. we can go pick them up. i decided to wait for him to be home and come with me. there was a moment where i wanted them here right here with me tonight. but knew it would be better to wait. i'm grateful for this time to properly heal. mostly, i know it was the right decision at the right time, and that it will take a while for missing her part to ease into it's place. bulimia cat has been staying very close, sleeping in all of her spots. i told diva that now she could sneak up on kitty and scare the be-hay-soos out of him, like he did to her all the time. i'm watching for it.
wednesday is my blood work follow up, and i hope to get started rebuilding this old body...spackling, oiling the rusty parts, and doing whatever needs to be done to get back to a healthy state. it's time to take care of myself better. it has been a helluva year.