a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.
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a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus. ____________________________________________________________________
Friday, February 15, 2013
it's just so damn hard. and that is the truth of the matter. i know this now even more deeply than i suspected i ever knew it before. we walked this morning, diva and i. we walked her favorite walk through the woods, and the echo echo tunnel, past the lake and the second pond and the monkey tree and the rhododendron potty place...past the house that was Snickerdoodles & then George's and now a big dog lives there, but we don't know her name. she sniffed the air and paused at different spots, staring. i doubled over with the pain of it all and howled as hard and as loud as if i was giving birth, not caring if the owls fled from their perches or the crows sat silent for once. just hard sounds from my gut. not caring about making the sounds that came from caring so deeply. after a time, she would look back at me and we'd continue on. home now, and upstairs, she paces and i continue silent sobbing tears. stepdaughter called up the stairs to check if i needed a hug. i cannot express how much i adore her. she could never disappoint me.
for a person used to granting wishes, i have so so many of my own today....
i wish i wish i wish i wish i wish.....