Saturday, February 16, 2013
it is saturday morning. and very very late last night, after my husband uttered the words "you don't have to do this, you know," after my swollen eyes had truly become mere slits and my face was stiff with tears that had dried and rewet my face between layers of puppy kisses...very much after that as i held my throbbing head with one hand and breathed in the scent of a paw holding my other...i decided again. not caring that i just spent days wailing in print...feeling badly that i took a day off from my new job but not letting that factor into such a final decision...i re-decided that it was not the right timing for me or for diva. she rallied somewhat remarkably yesterday - trotting along the trails and hopping up and down from her spot on the sofa like a champ...in general, acting in a way that would make me question the timing of such a decision. and i know from experience that the questioning can haunt and haunt, and make a sad situation into a lingering & intolerable sleepless existence. so, diva stays with me on this plane for now. she isn't suffering any obvious pain...she is slower but we all are....she is suffering from Canine Cognitive Disorder, which is the doggie rendition of sundowning. but I believe that is something we can work through. whether it's for another day or week, month or year. i will be grateful for even one more night with her. and grateful to each of you for your warm hugs and kind words from close up and from afar. now to hug my bug.
at 8:50 AM