a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.

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Tuesday, December 04, 2012

ok, while some glue is drying...i'll ramble and half-answer some questions.  No I haven't moved to NYC.  Am I thinking of it? heck yep.  i'll freely admit that Times Square does it for me - standing in the smack middle, with all the smells and sounds and those lights (!) just does it big time for me...yes, tears. unashamed.  And if i had an iPod with a drumline playing, AND was in Times Square, I might just explode on the spot.  just leave a small pile of ash right there.  gone. done.  so this weekend was just all that. (except for the ash part).  (i was careful).  i am a sensory person.  yes, i pet the man's dreds at the restaurant.  i asked first.  but they were waist length and perfect and just, well, petable.  i had to.  i just had to. and he was not upset about it.  prolly grew them (bought them?) for the purpose of attracting women.  so now that i've cut my hair,  i realize i'm a long hair person.  so i'm growing it back.  (maybe buy some for the interim?) even if it looks creepy.  which it won't.  i found a hairdresser who promised to cut it exactly the way i want it.  or else.  side note - i smell popcorn from downstairs.  okay, anyway.  yes i am thinking of making some changes.  i find myself being stuffed into a smaller and smaller box, and that isn't what this is supposed to be about.  and when i notice myself saying "Here, let me help you stuff that arm in" then it's time.  past time.  and after getting hit with a flying D thanksgiving day+1, it is past time, apparently.  it's just the implementation....so overwhelming.
i used to be fearless.  absolutely fearless.  knowing my power.  and i believed in Magic like it was my religion.  then it all got clouded in Being An Adult.  well, the belief in magic is back.  and it is more than a religion.  it is just the way it Is.  and i love swimming in the possibility and synchronicity of it all.  Mrs. Walker was right all those years ago when i interviewed her.  she was just a little cautious about the timeline :)   And Violet backed it all up.  i just didn't believe.  because i was An Adult.  and we must Be Serious.  shmahttah, i say.  there is so much inside me right now - so much to share, so much to hold close to the vest, so much i'm yearning to hold out in my hand and say "see!"  It's frustrating, yet i feel such gratitude at being able to feel it all...to know the things that i am turning this way and that in my mind...wanting so badly to grab a hand and say Come On! Let's sing the lights on!
today i wish you the magic of wishes and glittery lights overwhelming you .....

2 comments:

susan greene said...

Oh please please move to New York and I will visit once a month!!!

Kim Mailhot said...

You got the magic in you, Baby ! Choose the love magic and tell the fear to f-off !!!!

(I got your back ! )
Love you !