ok so i've been trying to carve out time to connect here in a decent way. and as day after day passed with no time, i realized...i spend a lot of time on obligations, and waiting for the perfect moment for something. i don't start an art project because i'm afraid i'll get in that zone, and lose track of time, making me late for something. oh, like work. a few months ago i determined that i was too exhausted by the end of the day to put in any quality studio time, so rather than frustrate myself with wanting to be there, but having to be elsewhere (like behind the vacuum), i decided that i would only hit the studio on weekends. that became frustrating because all my errands would pile up for the weekend, and i'd find myself frustrated because i was doing some Becky Home-Ecy thing, when i really wanted to be in the studio, or in the studio with a thousand "errand bees" buzzing around me. so you can see how many times the word "frustrating" has appeared here. and in the midst of this, one lovely, warm, snuggly little furball with paws that smell like popcorn got shorted. i don't know how to be a good dog-mom, despite endless hours watching Cesar Millan. i spoil her and pretend she is a princess changed into a puppy, because her unlimited capacity for love was reaching a danger zone in a human body. because i recognize her as a special being in my life, i feel guilty about time spent away from her, or rather - with her watching me go about my day in ways that don't include her. like studio time or pushing The Green Sucking Thing around the house. truth be told, she's as likely to be content just gazing at me from her woobie in my studio, as she is having her belly rubbed. it's all about companionship for this little being. (who has a huge case of separation anxiety). so this long version of a post is not a rant, or a "poor me" scenario. walk with me. a year or so back, i began to think about the phrase "time is money" and realized how many similar expressions there are to each - "spend time wisely" "wasting time" "not enough time." now use the word Money in place of time. i began to think about how we each have the same 24 hours in a day, and how we spend/waste those hours is our choosing. think Monopoly - everyone starts with the same amount of money (but no one gets the shoe or dog in my house, as they are glued into an assemblage i did. shh.don't tell). i won't continue to belabor the point, and you can certainly connect the dots about value vs. time...does this activity warrant me spending x number of time-dollars? it made me re-think how i spend my time, since no one really knows when the bank will run dry. and i re-shifted priorities and purged some unwanted, and useless activities and relationships that had outlived what either person cared to give. that freed up time, both minutes on the clock, and internally. nothing like a clearing of space to make you breathe easier. my focus became clearer, and with a sharpened goal, the rest of the clutter of life fell into place. if you visit my house, it will be clean-ish...no crusty dishes stuck to the sink, but usually a fur nest in a corner. laundry piled up, but not on the couch...in the hamper where it belongs. that sort of casual housekeeping. and i am okay with that. if you need to visit me in a clean & orderly house, please call ahead a day. and the shift was also a letting go of needing things to be perfect. i am not that way by birth or inclination. growing up, we had someone make our house shine. it was not me, and it was not my mother. and when i moved out on my own, i would rather spend a day with friends then a vacuum. my family has slowly gotten used to this. and if they want it different, i will not be offended if they grab the vacuum themselves. the long road to my point is that in determining Time Value, i also enabled myself to determine The values that i have inside. and that lets me spend those precious moments engaged in purposeful living. and that is gratifying beyond belief. for christmas this year, a Friend Who Knows My Heart gifted me with an amazing book...it's actually called The Gift - poems by Hafiz. and here's a portion of one i want to share with you, and dedicate it to the ones who, like me, held myself hostage to a standard that was not mine: We have not come here to take prisoners but to surrender ever more deeply to freedom and joy... ...Run my dear, from anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings... ...we have not come here to take prisoners or to confine our wondrous spirits, but to experience ever and ever more deeply our divine courage, freedom, and Light! ------------------------------ that just resonates with me. hopefully you enjoyed it, as well. may you have the time to do the important things, and the wisdom to recognize what they are.