love & intimacy

so is it love or intimacy that we seek? most men say love (read: sex), most women seek intimacy...a deep spiritual connection of the soul. a broad, sweeping generalization? maybe, but it is MY blog, after all. and after spending 2 wednesdays by the broad, sweeping vastness of my Lake, i'm given to fits of largeness. have i always been capable of love? yes. yes. now, intimacy - that's a whole different box of crayons. no. i have guarded my most private self. shielded it from everyone and everything. like a fine porcelain doll given by a grandmother to a child to save....not to share. kept it safety-sealed for protection from even those with every right to expect it. a simple hug broke that seal. a genuine heartfelt hug. one of those "i want to melt into you and become a part of you" hugs. and isn't that what intimacy is? becoming a part of the other person. joining, or re-joining, the heart, the spirit, the bond. re-tying loose threads. finding where the nooks meet the crannies in your psyche. i can say i've loved my mother. but have never allowed her the intimacy of myself. and never allowed her to share the intimacy of herself with me. i can say i've loved my brother. and i have - with a fierceness that only an older sister can have. but untill the three of us shared hugs on the shore of my Lake, i can't say that i've shared more than my thoughts, dreams, disappointments of whatever moment, joy of whichever success. a great start, but not intimacy. you can share all those things with a stranger on a call-in radio show. intimacy cannot be quantified. you can spend every day of your life with a person and not allow them intimacy. conversely, that friend who lives across the continent can share the imtimacy of your soul. the word "intimacy" is often swapped out for "sex" in polite company. and they can be the same - when the only way you are able to express the gratitude you have for the other person sharing their inner self is to do so in a physical expression. (now let me stop here a second with a disclaimer: there was no sexual activity between we 3 family members. none. that is just creepy if you thought that. ). now back to the rant. i had thoughts tinkling around my brain about love vs. intimacy for a while. how is it that i can say "i love you" to someone and it may as well be "don't forget your sweater?" yet have friends - male and female - that i feel intimate with? is it because they allow me to be me, and celebrate the "me" that i am without trying to smooth down the edges or touch-up a little faded paint here and there? is it because we are kindred in some way? share deep emotions about a particular subject, or way of thinking? maybe both. and more. in my younger days, i have had sex with men who had passion about things that i had passion about, but there was something sustaining that was lacking. i have also felt moments of deep compassion and understanding with a person and felt very intimate with them. but for that moment. what sustains intimacy? does it need to be fed? can it come and go? once discovered, is it always there, but sometimes buried under obligations and appointments and laundry? can it be cultivated, or must it grow wild? rooting at whim and where. what sparks it? why are there moments when i look into my dog's eyes and see her very thoughts (as i imagine them)? see her pure love. is pure love part of intimacy? the love that accepts without judgement, that opens itself without reservation, that expects no payment or return on investment. i think you need one to have the other, with the 2 neck-and-neck in the chicken/egg question. what is intimacy with a love that takes? what is pure love with no intimacy of the soul? is one the resting place for the other? the result of? the condition of? so as the waves lapped and answered one another farther down the shore, we 3 became intimate, unashamedly, with one another. and i have the pictures to prove it. L