whirlin dervish

my husband just returned from a business seminar in NC. as we ate dinner that night, he was telling me about the hands-on demos they had with centrifuges. in case you aren't a beaker-head, a centrifuge is a round piece of machinery with an inner core that whips test tubes around at g-forces that'll make your head spin - so to speak. kind of like that ride at that state fair that you stand in and as it spins, the floor drops out, but you're plastered against the wall so you don't fall through space. if all goes as planned. anyway, this got me thinking about how the purpose of centrifuge-ing a solution is to seperate it into it's various parts. at the demo, they used milk with chocolate syrup in it. before the whirl, it was chocolate milk. after a few spins, it had seperated into milk fat, some sort of frothy layer, and a clump of pure chocolate at the very end of the test tube. (of course hubby had to dip his finger in and eat it, grossing out the other participants who are used to bacteria and dna type things being in these test tubes). my point is this: the past year has had me whipped and whirled and dazed - much like the centrifugal process. what's now left is the various striations, or layers, of me. what's left to do is pipette off the layers that i no longer need, so just the purified layers will be left. it's time for me to be very picky about what to leave and what to scrape off. (having received my aarp card last week - bastards - i still have time!). this whole card-carrying AARP thing has me thinking about the whole time/who am i theme even more. when i visualize myself in the life i would be living, it is so attainable. i don't want much...a nice little house with a porch, and yard for diva dog to run in. a huge, bright room for art. 2 bedrooms would do. maybe a cellar, but not essential. and the paint - ooohhh! how i would decorate shamelessly! the walls would put any shotgun-wedding cake to shame! cozy, scruffly rugs on the floor. "sticky" couches - the kind you sit in and stick there...they enfold you. maybe a fireplace, but given my luck with them, maybe not. and fiestaware in the kitchen! in fact, the whole house would be a fiestaware tribute. the bathroom would be calm though - colors of my Lake Ontario - sandy tans, seafoam green (now called sage, i believe) and a hint here and there of dark green, blue and a small dash of orange. not sure how the orange fits in, but i want it. my spirit is longing for this house in a way that tells me it will be mine soon. i've never seen this house, and have no idea if it even exists, but i just "know" that it will be mine. Bruce Cockburn, Tunstall, Norah Jones, Rikki Lee, all cued up on the CD player. rusty metal piled up waiting to take shape. friends filling the house with laughter, love, creativity. i long for this time to happen. in the meantime, i'm planning a surprise 50th birthday party for myself. i LOVE having a birthday party! hubby hasn't taken my (blunt blatant) hints for 5 years, so i figured i'm not leaving this one up to chance. in fact, i'm so excitied, that i'm planning it for April, even though my birthday isn't untill December! (that way it'll be a real surprise!). and i'm hoping to treat myself to a week at Artfiber Fest this year. i've been waiting years, and don't think i need to wait any longer. i don't even care if i take a single class! just to be in the company of all those creative people. i am finally not feeling like an imposter. i am finally knowing that i am an artist. i may not do this technique or that one. i may not feel like teaching, or writing a book about my art. that does not make me less of an artist. duh! so, strap on your party tiaras, and watch the floor fall - we're takin things to a new place, my friends! L.