lazy day

so i was bad today....i called in sick and laid in bed with diva dog all day. normally i would have felt guilty about that, but coming on the heels of giving my notice yesterday, it felt especially wicked. i really didn't feel great, and between all the hoo-ha lately, and the relief i was feeling, it spelled r-e-s-t. my body and mind craved it like chocolate, so i gave in. it was delicious - the rest. i slept until dinnertime and decided to write a bit. i have my mannequin set up in my studio staring blankly at me, taunting. well, staring as good as a headless mannequin can. more of a dress form really. i have too many ideas for her, that's the problem. i think that's where my create blocks come in - too many ideas vs none. i have notebooks filled with ideas that i could borrow from when i feel stunted creatively, but i think i get nervous that i'll mess it up. there's only 1 mannequin. it isn't like buying pockets full of beads or rusty nails....there's just 1 chance. but then again, maybe that will spur me on to greatness with her. oy vey, who knows. diva dog has cabin fever with all the cold cold weather we've had - it's too cold for her little paws to stay out more than a few minutes, but she wants to run and play. hurry spring! here's something to ponder as you wait: be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart...and try to love the questions themselves...do not noe seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them...and the point is to live everything...live the questions now...perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answers." that's by Rainer Marie Rilke. i guess sometimes i spend so much time trying to find the answers, the RIGHT answers, that the point of living the question becomes moot. why have an answer to something that no longer matters? won't the answers come by just living? or is that too passive-aggressive? do nothing and let it roll. maybe by spending too much time inward seeking, the "outward" changes enough that you have an obsolete question you're ruminating on. i guess this year i will try to live with gusto, make the best choices i can, and know that there are 2 roads - and the ending is the same. just a different ride. gusto...i remember gusto. hunh. time to get back in bed with a cold washcloth on my head. migraines. hate em. L