the 7 seals

so you may wonder what i'm doing up at this ungodly hour typing. well let me tell you. the seven seals have been opened upon my life. remember your Bible? having spent enough years in a Pentecostal church with fire & brimstone hitting me between the eyes, it's difficult for me to forget. in fact, i still jump start awake some nights worried that i fell asleep praying before i said "in Jesus name, amen," because i was once incorrectly told that the devil could steal my prayers unless i said that. safe place safe place. in fact, i was incorrectly told so many things that it took years to sort out right from wrong from far right from left behind from - you get the picture. i finally figured that God would figure out a way to let me know where to go and how to get there. just like the preacher did every week. but kinder and quieter, and the destination of my train probably wouldn't always be hell. until tonight. anyway, at this late hour, with sleep deprivation making me ultra sensitive to the creaks in the house,and the obvious conspiracy in High Places, i am convinced that the apocolypse has been visited upon my personal life. it all started (well - this epiphany started) in motion at 9:30pm. exhausted from a day of fruitless creativity, i decided to get some early shuteye, wake up refreshed and ready to go around 5 or 6am. back up a second....earlier in the evening, i found the source of my little dog's distress and constant twitching - a flea - just one - and put that yukky smelly stuff on her. she's happy. flea's not. now, back to bed....the bedroom is north pole cold, so i turn the heat up to 63, knowing that the human furnance would be slipping in beside me at some point, and that 63 would be plenty. little dog snuggles in to my right, as usual. i start to doze. so far, so good. then husband comes to bed, and that's when it all starts. (not what you think - read on). the temperature skyrockets. it must be Africa in there, and, AND, now i feel *plink" itch "plink" itch. i am positive there must be an entire flea circus coming alive for their next performance. my husband's loud snores are providing just the right calliope music for their best show ever. i crave a snowcone and popcorn. i can't move my legs or the dog will wake suddenly and start barking at the big moving thing under the covers. plink - on my calf. plink on my cheek. plink in my hair. not my hair! i had a flea infestation at my old house once. i tried everything. the government finally came in and declared it worse than Love Canal. i may be eligible for "brown fund" money, now that i think about it. i kept remembering how bad those days were....going out on a date and feeling a flea crawl down my forehead in the movies. oh yeah - it was b-a-d. so, then my poison ivy chimes in. a whole symphony of really bad stuff. i was in no mood to count my blessings like sheep and soon you will just drift asleep. so i counted up everything that has gone awry in the past few months, and realized that the number totaled 7. not lucky 7. 7 as in horsemen with 7 scrolls with 7 seals that meant some bad shit came down. now, if you know me, you know i'm given to flights of fancy and wild imaginings and exaggerations. so i'm not too worried that you think that i think that there is truly an apocolyptic experience of Biblic proportions going on. i'm not quite ready to put the tinfoil over the windows. but you have to admit, some really consistant "stuff" has been going on in my life. poopy stuff. like, i think i got some of someone else's stuff on top of my stuff. so here's my rundown....if you can remember any other bad stuff that's happened to me recently, keep it to yourself, my friend. i've got enough on my mind. 1)closed my business because it was too hard to do with my other job.... 2)lost my job....3)can't find another one and am going broke faster than a mathmatically challenged blackjack player... 4)poison ivy... 5)fleas.... 6&7 Bear & Nikita, of course. they should actually be 1 & 2, but this isn't necessarily in any order of tragedy. so after poking my husband 55 times and telling him to TURN OVER and STOP SNORING, i remembered that he's off in Ambien land and really knows not, nor cares what is going on around him. so i get up. of course the flea circus-carrying poochie (a/k/a Big Top Pup Tent) follows and now decides she has to go out. maybe the fleas will freeze and die die die when she does, so i accomodate her. it was after i left the furnace room that i realized - there were no fleas plinking all over - it was a heat rash. a damn heat rash. amazing. so then i think, hunh, maybe all this other stuff is imaginary too. but then i stopped to realize that, no, 1-4 plus 6&7 are still pretty much reality. so i guess that's it then. the worst is over, and i'm expecting good things from life from now on. and life better deliver, or life should fear this! i'm still not tired, but am afraid if i keep typing, i'll start rambling in some really crazy direction and no one will ever return my calls, so i think i'll drop a shot of Nyquil, or maybe some good Dominican rum i've been saving and go sleep in the closet where it's quiet and flea-free. fear THIS, life....fear THIS! 'night y'all. L.