a Tiny description

a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.


Sunday, August 02, 2015

Last night, I held the past, the present, and the future in my hands.
Lately my mantra has been Live In The Moment, and I'm getting there...not racing ahead, not holding onto the past...just dancing on that edge of Nowness. But I now realize how important a look backward is...a chance to revisit, to make peace with those things that have clung to your ankle...the person who made you feel less than...the moments that haunt you at the strangest times.
What better place to do that then a 40th high school reunion? I never would have gone, but Ellen asked me to be her date, so how could I say no? As the hour approached, I remembered how much I hated these things (as if) and would've stayed home, but someone was counting on me to escort them.  I don't want to name names, because it isn't about the Who...more about the sudden realization that I am 40+ years past any hurts, slights, feelings of inadequacy, feeling like a square peg. And why I allow those things to remain a part of my history is beyond me...why I hadn't chopped the choking vine off my life quite some time ago is a mystery.  But by the time brunch was done on Sunday morning, I had a full sense of what belong in the past - to stay. All done without drama ... Just a gentle wingflutter and a reality settled in and a 40 year old ghost dissolved.
I will take the lesson along with me, but not carry the weight of the learning.
Wishing you empty baskets.

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