I was talking to my neighbor, as we power walked for 75 minutes last night (mostly because we were lost)…and we were planning the annual neighborhood block party. she mentioned how the dynamics of the neighborhood have changed, with one family moving, and another adding children and how it all still feels like a family. and she was right. we have the very best neighborhood - depending on each other for things big and small…having been a stable neighborhood for so many years, we entrust one another with garage door codes and babysitting and "just go in the house & open the fridge" borrowing. a neighbor is just as likely to come home and find their lawn mowed, or dinner in their fridge, as they are to find an invite to a spur-of-the-moment gazebo party (at my house!)
i am so happy here. and having a solid root system has helped me regain what i lost in the past years. i truly am happy. yes, there are moments of utter frustration and sadness, but my baseline is "happy." i have a lot of unknowns to look forward to, like meeting my future ex-husband, or who knows what! I'm good with setting limits, but without constructing a wall to go with those limits. i feel like i can love freely - whether that love is as a deep friendship, or a serious relationship, or a puppy snuggle. NOTE: not looking for #2 or any more #3's. i don't feel the need to spend hours trying to figure myself out, or any such thing - right now, it's not about resting my spirit, it's about moving forward from the place i've been resting for far too long. and making my own choices about…everything. good or bad, easy or hard…the choices are mine, because there is no one else. truth be told, there never was anyone else to make the deep decisions, and i think i was expecting way too much from a mere mortal :) It was a good excuse for staying stuck. and now, i need my feet to move. to make a plan and a budget and live as full and wonderful as i can. for that is my purpose.