i'm tired of being brave.

Tired of having the drama to wade through that supposedly will build character.  Tired of life situations to be dealt with that are so hideous and ugly that people say You're Brave.  You're Strong.  One foot, one day at a time.  I am willing to live a mediocre life in exchange for just being able to live it.  to have certainty where my feet will step next.  sounds boring, doesn't it?  well, there's a lot to be said for boring.  a lot to be said for steady-as-you-go.  a lot to be said for keeping that boring day job that pays so well, rather than branch out into the great unknown and live what you think is you dream.  not to kick someone's wings, but the larger percentage of fliers do not reach the sun, Icarus, so make sure you can still walk, should your main supporter till death-do-you-part decides to have a midlife crisis and leave.  make sure your ducks are orderly and accounted for, because i can tell you straight and solid this:  it is a messy and ugly and kleenex-filled time, and your friends will have patience, but only so much, and you will get sick of hearing how strong you are when all you really want to do is sleep the sleep of the dead or scream for someone to help and they will get sick of your back-and-forth between wanting to stay in the polluted water/wanting to commit an amazing felony and when you realize your plan is made of cotton candy and you get a glimpse of reality you will have to choose quickly whether or not to push that door with your shoulder and move through or simply become bitter.  i'm on the fence right now.