WOW!

has it been this long since i posted?! yikes! well a lot has happened...and nothing much. all at the same time. go figure! i was supposed to get a week off after giving my notice at my last job, then start my new new job 3/5. i had a week of fantastic artistic endeavors planned for the week and was salivating in anticipation. not so fast....woke up the 1st day of "vacation" feeling like someone was smashing my hands, feet and hips with a hammer. hard. chills, fever, body cramping from the chills, pain....you get the point. ah yes. the flu. like i've never had it before. a nasty nasty bug. by the end of the week - still sick, and of course, add PMS to the mix. and a gross cough. yuk. i called my yet-to-be-started new job and begged for a few more days. they were fine with it. wednesday would be day 1. by tuesday night - no better, so i called and again begged. they were still cool with it, and said i couldn't start till i had an official note from the doc saying i was cleared for takeoff....they were afraid i'd push myself and come in before i should! Now what kind of humanity is THAT? so i started today. i really like it. yes, i know, i always say that the first day! but there is an attitude there of kindness - something sorely lacking in the corporate world today. with so many unemployed, the conventional wisdom says to work 'em to death then kick 'em to the curb. but this is a truly caring operation. a friend of mine has worked there for a while now, and she told me about the opening. good pay. good benefits. no bullshit. what more can you ask for? AND - i have my very own cubicle! i giggled when i saw that. right by the windows, too. by 5pm i was teary-eyed with exhaustion, though - only 4 hours sleep. between the time change, and my husband deciding that late night TV with loud, crunchy snacks was the thing to do, i barely dozed off before my alarm screamed at me to get up. early to bed tonight....and i'm locking the bedroom door! diva dog is having a confusing day - mom was up early and then gone FOREVER. she actually got so worried, she threw up. since the weather was giving us a break, we went to the park when i got home. so, i guess it's a pretty mundane life in those respects, but a little normalcy in the schedule isn't necessarily a bad way to go from time to time. in order to "lure" me there, the company threw in an extra week vacation! so this summer i get 1 week, then after next January, i get 2 weeks! whoo hoo! i can use some of those days to beat back the winter blahs one day at a time, and still have a week in the summer or fall to go somewhere. my wanderlust is still full force. i feel a need to travel somewhere that will take my breath away. somewhere to hold in my heart and mind and soul. a fellow salesrep friend of my husband's just got laid off (too old and made too much money) and decided that enough was enough. he's going to raise koi. that's it. just koi. how great is that?? i miss the fall, and the long walks with diva dog. we logged some good miles last year! mostly walking off the hurt and sadness, but bonding, and re-inventing ourselves....her as the only dog, and me as ....well, who knows. i think once i establish a routine here, and get some non-dependant cash flow going, then i'll figure out the who/where/what/why of myself. the distractions of trying to tread wet cement will be gone. it's been so much harder trying not to get hurt lately. there is a definate, subtle shift in the relationship. before, at least we tried. now, i don't feel that coming my way - just anger and intentional hurtings. it's lonely and hard, but strangely a relief almost. the battle to keep up a good front was tiring. now, we're like 2 drops of oil in a glass of water - each self-contained, occaisionally bumping into each other, then moving away....never merging, never becoming one. still in the same glass of water, though. so i concentrate on the new job, and becoming employee-of-the-month so i can rise through the ranks and make the big money. can you imagine? so the thaw that has melted the ice on my roof and sidewalk has also come to my heart and mind....i am seeing possibilities like the snowdrops near my Japanese Maple. peeking out. taking a chance. still unsure if tomorrow will bring a winter storm, or a few hours warming in the sunshine. but they still peek out. L.