oh my! some scary times, my friends.....i actually got my full time job changed to a part time job. uh oh. now i have to really get busy! one minute i'm on cloud 9 ...certain that i'll be o-so-productive with my extra 2 days...the next i'm thinking, "who do you think you are? an artist.....yeah right!" so back and forth i go. too late to turn back now...so i guess it's time to take that leap into the cold water and get it over with. geez, i know - it sounds like i just signed up for the family pack of mammograms or something! after all, isn't this what i've dreamed of - fought for - wished for - for years? Big Daddy still is in the dark about my little plan. i wanted to wait until i had the official nod, and was going to tell him when he called tonight from the road, but his news was a little more compelling - his grandma passed away this morning. so i'll wait. i guess that's the part that's making me nervous....somewhere along the way, this warrior girl started believing the myth that i was actually superwoman...able to leap tall piles of laundry in a single bound! away from the house 11 hours a day, then cook a delicious, nutritious meal for the family, satisfy my husband, clean the house, take care of 3 special needs dogs, blah blah and blah. oh - and make art. well, how the hell those thoughts got woven into my fabric, i'll never know. i mean, i can barely cook...laundry is, well, let's just say it's easier to go buy some new underpants than it is to wash a pile of em...a clean house was never on my priority list...and as for Big Daddy - who the heck can even spell s-e-x when you're this tired! so it all makes sense to be home at least as much as i'm away. and the strange thing is, some very Special Coincidences have happened in my life to make me believe that it will all be just fine. in fact i'm very certain of it. i've finally found an awesome photog so, the website will be live and wonderful by the end of october...i'm planning to go full tilt with my workshop schedule...and am finally mentally in a place where I AM. despite the aforementioned moments of doubt, self-doubt, self-critique, etc....i still have that feeling of assurance that must have gotten Popeye through the rough times ....I Yam Whats I Am. and it's all good. so ...time to paint a shrine...fittingly, it's Caliperia...a shrine to slowing down and seeing what's around you. (made from a brake caliper, of course). pictures soon. thank you all for riding the Big Girl Roller Coaster with me! oh! i spoke with Grandma Lana again...part 2 in the next few days. an amazing woman! such a life. a shared heritage. just like chocolate, my life is.....L.
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