finally quiet

finally...peace and quiet. i'm still feeling out of sorts and restless. today is the anniversary of my dad's death...a weekend filled with passings. it's made me a bit more thoughtful and needing quiet - although my last post was pretty thoughtless. i think i just need more quiet time, more alone time than some. and my recent life has been anything but! i give a lot of myself at work, then come home exhausted. but try to push on and start my 2nd and 3rd jobs...artist and suzy homemaker. i like the house to be neat...it's not a huge priority, i admit, for ME to do the actual cleaning...but if the house is in some semblance of order, then i can think better. starting this week, i'll have more time to get EVERYthing done that i want to. so - butter my butt and call me a biscuit....all week i've been thinking there was a ghost or something following me around. i didn't FEEL a presence, but kept seeing little flashes of something in my periphery. and a lot. i tried to be quiet and feel who it may be, to no avail. I was feeling all special and spiritual about this. finally last night i realized what was going on....i wore my contacts yesterday, and when i went to peel them off and put my glasses back on (all 40lbs) i noticed the lenses were scratched up as if i'd taken a nail file to them. so the ghosties were actually refracted light getting caught in the scratches. double bummer. i was looking forward to meeting this shy spirit, but now it looks like i'll be laying out $200 for new glasses. yeesh. i always get frustrated with the optometrist....there should be a more accurate way of determining my correct prescription than relying on ME to answer questions ..."is it clearer now, or is this better...A or B?" there usually such a slight difference, and the pressure mounts. then you have to pick out frames. oy. now i ask you - how can a half-blind person pick out frames for glasses unless those frames have THEIR prescription in them??? you can't SEE the mirror, let alone make such a big decision. plus, those cute little frames you pick out never look the same with your actual lense in them. instead of asking "A or B" they should ask me "Coke or Pepsi?" since my lenses always feel as thick as a soda bottle. i thought about laser surgery. katie had it...hated it. they have a disclaimer/disclosure in t-i-n-y writing at the bottom that says something to the effectthat if you're over 40, you may see halo-ing around stuff and other blah blah. most everyone i know over 40 has had to wear glasses after the surgery anyway. but at least the lenses wouldn't proceed me into a room. it's funny - i wore my glasses friday to the calling hours because i went right from work (too dry for contacts at work). saturday i wore my contacts and half the wisconsin contingent re-introduced themselves to me ...uncle someone said he didn't even recognize me. i guess they figured my husband had more than 1 wife....is wisconsin close to utah or something? i told him he should show up to the sunday brunch-a-thon with a sheep. that'll get 'em going. i joke, but most of the people i met were very nice, and there were a few i'd even hang with briefly. but they're all just LOUD. very very loud. like let's fill the void here with chaos....that kind of loud. and i don't get the whole mausoleum thing. i had a bad-stepmother moment when we went there and husband's girlchild asked why the names were on the walls. now, mind you, i was already 2 days past tolerance with this whole family thing, cramps to beat the band, and had to sit thru one of the worst funeral services ever - the priest arrived late and was so disorganized. he hadn't bothered to find out any details about the person he was eulogizing, and told stories about being married to an italian girl who couldn't cook pierogies. a cousin got up and gave one of the most beautiful, heartfelt eulogies i've ever heard. then the priest goes, "it looks like i've been outdone!" duh. and uncle someone (loudly) proclaimed "AMEN!" i mean, some people want a certain amount of ceremony to guide them thru the grieving process. especially older people, i think. if you've lived to the age of 97, you deserve more than this guy gave. so we go to the mausoleum, after a brief and confusing memorial service, and girlchild asks me the question,"why are all the names on the walls?" so i explained that the walls were filled with people. (i say GIRLchild - she's 17). so now she's very very curious, and a little creeped out. that kept her quieter than candy in church. till then she spent the day asking "when are we going home?" and texting her friends. i don't mean to sound disrespectful of bill's grandma...i liked her. she was spunky. i just have issues with the whole funeral process as an industry. i know when my time comes, i'll hang around a while to make sure they get it right - control freak that i am. and i'll be disappointed if they don't make it quirky and memorable. but there are ways of doing things that are wonderful, non-traditional shall we say, and won't make you re-mortgage your house. i mean, if i'm dead...i'm dead. do not spend a bunch of money on me - i do not need it and will not be impressed, at that late stage of things. no pun intended. i am deeply respectful of people's customs and traditions, and would never ever make jokes about the death of someone's loved one. however...the funeral INDUSTRY just gets my works churning. it's almost as bad as the wedding industry. let me say this now while i can...i want to be cremated...i do not need a dee-lux edition-4 on the floor-under hood blower edition- chopped chromed & toasted model casket for this. do not buy it - i won't use it - can't make me. save your cash. flowers - yes - i love flowers, and will be watching to be sure things go right, so flowers are acceptable. especially sunflowers. some righteous music would be good. my brother is a dj, he'll do something. now here's the most important part ....the food. get this part right people. much like a wedding, THAT'S what people remember. yesterday as we all gathered at Nestico's for brunch, no one could stop talking about the salad dressing. salad dressing. you heard right. we each left with a styrofoam cup of it....compliments of the owner. THAT'S how much they liked it. it was oil & balsamic vinegar. maybe in wisconsin, they don't have that...who knows. girlchild and i had a secret moment of eye rolling on that. so music...food...maybe a few nice words, anecdotes...respectful but with some thought to who i was. so now i've been up 2 hours and managed to bore even myself....i'm going to the flea market to look for rusty stuff. i really think i need a blog break till i come up with something interesting to talk about! aaaanyway.......L