in my soul

...i believe i can change the world.....

in case you wondered...

never touch your eyes after touching a lightswitch that has pablano pepper on it that your husband forgot to wash off his hands after making salsa. especially if you have 18 necklaces due for an order on tuesday morning. and your retinas are shredding. and your eyes are puffing closed. in case you wondered. no - don't do it.

in case you wondered...

i've been here...

in case you wondered...

this is wrong

i will be Amish for a few days while I attempt to get my website (!) up & running, and get some new designs birthed.....please check back often, as you know how my announcements go. If you had wanted to order a Squam necklace for yourself, your roommate, a secret admirer, a friend who has always wanted to go to Squam, etc etc, I am down to the very last few. after they're gone, i will be happy to make them special order, but there will be a lag time (no extra cost though). (i guess i didn't mean Amish, as in un-electrical...just unplugged from the social scene) (my apologies to any Amish people reading this - no offense intended) oh wait...

it's apple time in my part of the country...crispy, sweet & delicious apples are ready to be picked and eaten, or made into pie, or cider, or just about any other thing you can imagine an apple being used for , and a few that never crossed your mind, i'm sure. and that got me thinking about trees, and the fruit they bear, and how each fruit ripens in it's own season - good thinking on someone's part, so we don't end up with Everything All At Once, and nothing later. ya know, i may have sounded a bit cranky yesterday, but really i wasn't. there are so many opportunities vying for our attention these days - and thank goodness for all the creative blossoming and fruit the Creative Tree is producing. you can open your email or google "creative," and a bushel basket of e-courses and workshops and opportunities will pour out at you. you could spend the whole day watching vimeos and reading email newsletters and working ecourses. but then...where is your own fruit? i've become very selective about what i spend my time on. i may let a few sparkly invitations go, in order to take advantage of more studio time. i have stopped checking facebook like a crack monkey in a lab...stopped opening forwarded jokes in my email...giving email offers 15 seconds to grab me or i hit delete. i am a recovering virtual packrat. i no longer feel the need to save or respond to offers that really don't interest me but are from someone i know. i have my eye on the prize, right now, and sitting in front of the box all day won't get me there. so, no i'm not cranky - actually i feel lighter & happier. it's about organizing my life around my goals. there is nothing like making a checkmark next to a "to do" item to boost your morale and self-satisfaction...more so (to me) than spending time & money to have someone tell me i'm a fantastic person. and don't get me wrong - there are some incredible ecourses and day workshops online...just not my choice right now...i feel the need to speed things up a bit in my creation...the tree is heavy with ripe fruit for me, and i need to get picking! so off i go now, to grab a hammer and some shiny silver, and get to work....is it YOUR special necklace I'm working on? hmmmm......maybe.

you'll love...

Amy Dickenson's new book The Mighty Queens of Freeville! Be sure to click on the Freeville Radio link at the bottom...I got to meet her yesterday and she is a riot. and be sure to change the world here

ok a bonus round!

yes...it's true. 2 posts today. amazing what 12 hours sleep will do for a person, eh? and not to worry - i've made Big Headway on the cleanup/organizational project in the studio, and have gathered all my notes and boxes and Things from pretty much all over the house, and they will soon have their own cozy homes in my OFFICE! yes...office. some observations: people do not need one more Thing in their lives. Most are past the mindset that a nice new shiny (fill in the blank) will feed their soul, make them thinner or taller or blonder or richer or whatever hole needs filling in their lives. we are in a time of people wanting to do good things. that may still mean buying a shiny new pair of shoes for some, but buying responsibly. and my take on the economy is this (and i might preface this by saying i have no training in economics and rarely even balance my checkbook)...there are fewer goods moving off the shelves, because there is a realization that More won't help. yes - there is less money to go around the table for many/most. i get that, and i live that. however, i find myself wanting to spend any so-called disposable cash (disposable? i'll empty your trash any day) with a person/company that also is doing some good somewhere, be it down the street, across the world, or even just in their home. i want a 2-fer. i want a nice Bolga Basket, and am willing to spend $35 for the real deal, and know i am helping an actual village of women in Africa. I will do that rather than buy the $10 knockoff that is mass-produced somewhere else in the world that will only profit a big corporation. yes - i get it - those big business employ & pay wages & pay taxes in a larger scope than a small group of African women making baskets all day. and yes, those companies are located down the street from me and employ my neighbors. yes yes yes. all of that is true. however, i really see a trend toward small business buying. and here's the thing: you cannot fake sincerity. it will catch up with you sooner or later. you cannot talk the talk about all things wonderful & bright & sparkly & the Universe having wings and all that, WITHOUT walking the walk. sooner or later, someone will see the man behind the curtain, so to speak. and that authenticy, or rather the lack thereof, will shine out like a beacon and you will be exposed. it isn't wrong or evil to be a small businessperson and make a lot of money and keep it all for yourself. (although most small businesspeople tend to lend a hand in their community quite a bit). what i feel is absolutely wrong is to pretend you are one thing to "lure them in," when really, you are not that person. again: neither is wrong. just toying with people is wrong. Recently, I've had the opportunity to experience 2 different groups of women, each 150 strong, each creative entrepreneurial types. each group met in similar surroundings. each had the same range of ages. one group was in it to get. the other was in it to give and receive. i left one group feeling positive, uplifted, certain of my place in the world and truly supported by 150 pair of hands. i left the other feeling exhausted, and sad that they were so focused on what they could get from you and the bottom line, that they missed the opportunity to connect on any important level...and that level would have translated into sales. i won't do business with anyone i don't have a good vibe about. i won't do business with someone who doesn't share my core values, even if their expression of it is completely different than mine. it's about putting your yoga where your mouth is. i'm not mentioning group names, because my point is not that one is evil and the other is good. they are what they are, and going in, i knew what each was about, and respect each for what they are. to quote Norris Church Mailer, "I bought a ticket to the circus - I should not be surprised to see elephants." (or similar). just don't come from the sad group and stick a toe into the other group pretending it isn't JUST about the cashflow. when it is, it is. and unless you have the vibe in you, you cannot possibly fake it. at least not for long. so my quibble is not with commerce. and it isn't with making money. it is with authenticity. i had a long conversation with Kelleygirl this morning (as conversations with me tend to be) and we discussed this topic. as i turned away from a potentially lucrative opportunity, there was some regret. however, i knew that i would need to become consumed in studio work in order to produce what they needed, when they needed it. and part of doing what i do is so that i don't have to miss the important moments in life - i can take a day at the lake if need be, or if i just want to. i can take a day to reach out to help someone. and i can decide where i want any proceeds from my sales to go. for a long time - like 12 years - i have had a dream. literal & figurative. this dream project has been so intensely real to me, that i can describe every detail of every square inch of every room, and the dishes and silverware and paper and pencils and sheets on the beds and even who is there. this respite house will be born, and i feel it will be soon. i've felt this soonness before, but i wasn't ready to do it properly. a wise queen told me i wouldn't need to push or pull it into being, that it would just happen, and i would guide it. i visualized clay on a potter's wheel. i can tell you from experience, if you stress too much trying to make clay do what YOU want, then your neighbor will be wearing your creation all in their hair. (I got a B in ceramics in college - an arrangement that was worked out if i agreed to just write a paper about ceramics and observe, but Not Touch The Clay). (the other lesson of clay is that patience is a virtue, and also that you should not put your idea out there - in the kiln - unless you've prepared the clay properly.) so yes, it's true that once again, i have had my share AND your share of caffeine today. and i bet you guessed that about 10 minutes ago. but, it is now time to get back to work. keep it real, y'all.

what a lazy lazy person i am! after yesterday's Women Ties networking, workshopping, speaker presentational extravagana (can i also mention the food, without sounding too shallow? yes? okay - the FOOD was AMAZING), so after all that, i came home and managed to heat up some leftovers and walk the Diva on a nice, slow, contemplative walk through the woods. (I was contemplative...she is just slow these days, which works out well for our combined purposes). got home from the walk, and thought it must be close to midnight...yawn...i was so tired. nope. 7pm. so i gave myself permission to unplug and lay on the couch with my feet up, and a big snuggly quilt cocooning me. i knew i'd end up sleeping there for the night, but didn't care. husband is out of town, and there's something that appeals to me about our couch...a big "L" shaped thing with plenty of room and comfy to it. sure enough...soon snoozin. i woke up at one point, absolutely certain it was 3 or 4am, but no - just 11pm. Diva went out back for a quick potty break, and soon she and I were joined by bulimia cat on the couch. diva doesn't usually let BC anywhere near me, but i think we were all too tired to care. yesterday's conference was strange...having just come back from Squam, here i was again in a room filled with high energy entrepreneurial women. But see, i'm a hugger...i have to hug. and these were Serious Business Women and hugging isn't necessarily a part of Business As Usual. so i occupied my hands with coffee cups and bottles of water, lest a hug sneak out. and it did. one of the keynote speakers came up to me during a break to tell me how much it meant to her to look out in the crowd and see me smiling and engaged, and how it made it easier for her to present. well, i don't know about you, but that is a Cry for A Hug if i ever saw it, and honestly i have little control over the urge to hug. so i hugged her. and she was really surprised. and didn't actually engage in the hug, except a little bit of her did. she really needed a hug, i could tell. and some people, to be fair, are not huggers. just don't want that much contact. and i respect their boundaries. but this was a spontaneous hug and from my heart to her. so somewhere, in that little spot that hugged back, she needed it. so i may not have distinguished myself as a 6-figure entrepreneur, but i suspect i'll be remembered as the hugger. oh - and the woman who led the charge into the men's room, not having patience to wait 15 minutes for the line in the ladies loo. (Hey MB - do you know they have these little sinks in the men's room with soap right in them?) it was a whole different vibe, and made me realize how much more i appreciate the pure extravagance of Squam. i say extravagant because it's a chance to let your Self loose, if the opportunity isn't there in your day-to-day. hell, it's a chance to FIND your Self and then let it loose. i had pretty much forgotten that there are times/places in society where hugging is not as appropriate as in other times/places. sometimes a terse handshake is appropriate instead. and it made me happy to realize that i live in a realm within myself that says Damn The Torpedos to convention, and recognizes the spirit within a person, and what it is craving, or lacking, or is just joyfully full of. i regret to inform you that i will not change. it is a gift i freely accept, and it is my place in this world. so to the presenter with the strict suit and tight tight hair who i hugged, please know this: your presentation was one of the best given...you have worked in a man's field for many years, and have felt you needed to be one of them to compete and accomplish and surpass, and maybe you're right, but sometimes a hug is just what's needed too. we are women, it's okay. :) to everyone else - go hug someone today...there's got to be someone you know who needs a hug.

what could be more exciting?

today i have a unique opportunity to present my business to a group of 140 entrepreneurial women at an all-day event in a beautiful lodge in a beautiful setting. life sometimes just hands you the lemonade. with a plate of those cookies you like so much.

it's mid-morning for most people, which is early afternoon for me. my body has found it's balance again (literally, after amazing dizzy spells that hearkened back to the 60's, but differently induced). my toe is on the mend, and i am in search of steel toe socks. my studio/office is still a shambles, so i am at the dining room table. i hear my husband's voice from his office down the hall asking someone if there are ski resorts in Alaska and then some talk about ice road trucking. i furrow my brow and shake my head. today i have so much to do...i have a design due ummm - today, actually, and business cards to pick up (which hopefully will be done, since they were done friday - wrong - & repromised for yesterday but then rescheduled for wednesday, which would be too late). i want to finish my Right Brain Business Plan...I promised Diva we'd go on an Adventure this morning, since she was in a deep, puppy-eyed funk yesterday, which entailed her laying on the floor in the exact spot my feet needed to be, and just staring at me mournfully. unfortunately, the sky has delivered it's promise of cold rain, so there won't be much adventuring. she is, apparently, made of sugar, and not inclined to venture out into rain, be it warm or cold. but once we get onto the path through the woods, we're sheltered by the trees, so i'll take her on a mini-adventure. there's been an internal revolution going on inside me...many things vying for attention and prominence...many things sparkling at me...and in gratitude, and in that space of time where you aren't quite sick anymore, but aren't quite well yet, when your body says Whoa! What the heck just happened?? during that time, I held each idea/opportunity/path in the hands of my mind's eye, and acknowledged it and examined it and decided whether it was Something For Now, Something For Later, Something For Someone Else. i envisioned myself standing in the middle of these 3 piles of sparkly, glittery things, all still vying for prominence. and had to make the tough decisions about which to gather, and which to send to their proper homes, and which needed to be gently wrapped in paper and set aside for a while. and i am comfortable with my choices, and am grateful for the drill vs. toe accident which literally kept me immobile so i could spend time examining, and for the food poisoning which made sure that i didn't spend the "down" time staring slack-jawed at the TV screen instead of taking care of some brilliant and still-fragile dreams. and today, i can and i will take care of a list of things that need today's attention...after an adventure with a furry companion who never doubts my love for her, even though i am the most boring dog mama she ever knew. my intuition tells me that the woods will hold some gifts for us today, despite the rain, which i tell you looks like light snow. wishing you a cozy heart today

a tip: always, without fail, ALWAYS cook pork to a safe temperature. Check twice, eat once. That's all I have to say. i should be a life coach with all these helpful suggestions. and isn't it fitting that a person who is half-Jewish should half-die from half-cooked pork PORK during the High Holy day busy season? ironic.

i know all you crafty types that watch way too much HGTV will eventually want to paint your rooms by yourself someday - what could be easier, right? well, here are a few tips i've recently learned to make that process go so much easier: *if you know a painter, call them & hire them. trust me. *cats and dogs do not make good assistants, no matter how much they beg. *send husband out on an obscure mission before you begin, so there will be no interruptions or mental record of what may transpire. *see #1 *a plastic dropcloth is absolutely essential, and at the same time very slippery. *paint barefoot, so should you step in a drip, you will know immediately, before tracking it throughout the house. *dust cobwebs off the walls. it is acceptable, however, to leave that chunk of god-knows-what on the wall IF the previous painter became deceased in the house just after painting that wall. you don't even have to guess at what it may be. your mind will figure it out - just paint over it and move on. *the white paint you bought to finish a project you started 3 years ago may not be the SAME white you are now using. it may not even be the same finish. plan on buying pictures to cover. *be certain the space you left to wiggle into to paint that one corner is large enough for your post-menopausal ass. be honest here. things may fall. *remember to have fun. also remember to chose your playlist wisely. should the stream of songs jump over to "old boyfriend playlist" change it immediately. before you give in to great heaving sobs about the one that now owns a house painting/construction firm. *see #1. *know that the spirit of Lucille Ball will, at some point, come for a visitation. just take a break till she gets bored and goes across the street to your neighbor, who is attempting to use rapelle gear to climb a tree with a chainsaw in his hand. *do not, above all else, plan a dinner party on the very same day as this simple project, unless you have seen #1. so far, that's about all i can think of...but i'm only on the first coat. learn by this, i beg you.

today is going to be huge...after a year of using a tiny desk meant for scrapbooking (given to me by a neighbor), we are building a large 4x6 work surface that will accommodate both printers AND my elbows! it will be nice to have all my left-brain stuff in one spot...packing/shipping station, laptop, etc, and filing cabinets. it will be nice to put those folding plastic "banquet" tables back into storage and use them only for block parties! i may go way over the top and actually have a garbage can meant for more than 1 sheet of paper! whoo hoo! this will allow me to also get ride of some shelving that towers between my jewelry bench and my "computer desk" so there won't be such a visual delineation between everything. the cozy bench area is getting a bit snug, and i'll be able to deconstruct the shelving and use it under the new work/desk table. this is such a huge organizational thing for me, and despite what looks like a random & messy studio, i like to have things organized. clearly, "organized" to me would never make the cut on a design show, because i need to have everything in plain view. i now have my beads and gemstones on the shelving behind me, so i turn to design & pick what i want to use, then turn back to the bench to create. sometimes i'll finish a piece, and something on the shelving catches my eye, and i'll wish that i'd incorporated it into the piece. AND it means i'll finally be able to hang that huge mirror on the wall that i face while creating, so it will bounce back the view from the windows across the room! i look forward to watching the leaves change while i hammer & solder and twist wire. i've also (finally) chosen a name for the second line of jewelry i'll be making...that will be revealed as soon as the website goes live. all in all, very exciting. it's funny because i've been beating myself up over not being too productive the past 2 weeks since returning from NH, but i've actually been getting quite a lot done, and am almost through with my october goals list, and there's still a crumb of september left. feeling good about that. so now i'm off to clear the area so i can paint. did i mention i was painting the walls? well - part of the walls. back in the day, when husband's kids lived here, he used half the room as his home office, and i used the other half for my studio. not a good mix, as i would get all zenified and zoned, then he'd explode in expletives. now, his office is downstairs in what used to be his son's room, and we are making his daughter's former room into a cozy, wonderful guest bedroom. but back to the paint....when we moved in, the walls in this room were painted a flat, baby blue color. yuk. i couldn't stand it one day, so grabbed a can of white paint from the garage and painted the walls - at least the parts i could reach. husband's desk had a huge hutch thing on top so i stopped painting where my part of the room ended. i know. now that his desk/hutch thing is gone, there's a ragged line where the white ends, and the leftover blue walls are what i face all day. ug-ly. so a fresh coat and a facelift. very excited. good timing too, because i'm ordering supplies and gearing up for christmas orders. which reminds me - if you think you want to order for christmas, now is the time...it's getting busy here, and i want to be sure everything is done on time. if you were at Squam, you may want to order a necklace for a roommate or favorite teacher....if you weren't there, plan on it next year! the necklaces can have different words stamped on them, also. and i have a few talisman styles i hope to have complete by next week. pictures to be posted. enjoy your weekend, and be glad you don't live near me - i'd put you to work!

keep it real

there are certain truths that every person needs to find within themselves if they are going to succeed - whatever their definition of success is. The foundation of it all is this: What do you believe in? The answer to this question will guide & define everything you do. I unfashionably believe in God. An accessible & available God who helps & guides me, when I stop to listen for it. So I order my steps according to how I believe He would want me to behave. that keeps it real with me...my business decisions, my standards, etc., are dependable because of it. I also believe that the gift of Discernment came from God, and the ability to tap into another person's vibe (for lack of a better word) has helped push me away from some potentially bad situations, and away from people who are using their voice in a way that doesn't line up with their true purpose. that can only bring disaster down the road. I want the work of my hand to reflect my truths. which is why the past 2 weeks have been frustrating...one avenue i've been pushing towards didn't align with my Truth, but in true Me fashion, i confused that inner voice with "just some challenges to overcome" and kept putting my shoulder to the hard object, hoping to move it. well, duh. finally the object moved, but there was nothing on the other side of it. oy. so Finally i was able to see the lightbulb over my head and realize those weren't obstacles, the were dead ends. so lesson learned (again!) and moving forward with ears open. wishing you a day of living fully...with all senses engaged, and gentle & natural flow...

rumbles

ah, of course! had i actually stopped pushing myself to be Productive yesterday. i may have been able to listen to my body, which was saying "tummy's not good." today, Tummy let me know it Was Not Happy. a quiet day of self-care and apologies to tummy for not listening.

mobius

it's funny how a day can go...starting out all full of promise and potential and productivity, then with a small twist, turn on you like a rabid dog, then just when you're heading for the refuge of a pillow and the sound of gentle rain, it goes 'round on you again, and suddenly angels sing and lavender scents are adrift and you feel like you're doing a razor commercial on the beach. life. what a trip. needless to say, i did not make it to the post office again. not sure why i have such an aversion to the shipping procedure, but there it is. i love wrapping up presents all nice nice. the people at the post office are very nice, as only small village post office people can be. they know my business. my business business...not my Business. i've only lived here 10 years, and only due to marriage, so i'm considered an outsider. well, i think a healthy dinner with at least 2 food groups should lay a good foundation heading to tomorrow, where i now have to do today's work and tomorrow's. but my mantra remains: self care, self care, self care.

a strange dream woke me early this morning (although early is relative for me). and as i worked from darkness shifting to daybreak, and listened as the first cardinal called the world to Lauds, and the dew-laden air began to blow a gentle, cool drifting through my studio window, and the sound of leaves as they landed on my deck provided the hushed backdrop to some Deep Thinking and kitten and puppy snored at opposite ends of the room...as all of that was going on, i realized that my dream was an affirmation that there are many here to help me...that i was not brought this far just to fall. and i breathed in the chocolate-scented air from the ligularia plant and smiled, because i felt the presence of Each One. and though i know enough now to Trust, a little reassurance at the right time is always nice. In case you forgot: You are amazing. You can change the world. yes, you.

another 2am wake up, with my mind rolling along like a fallen leaf caught in a strong current. all good things...all invigorating ideas. i spoke with a friend last night who i mentally file in my "Incredibles" section. we talked about business stuff and ideas and referrals and all manner of wonderment. her information quickly quashed one of the paths i was moving towards, and i cannot be thankful enough for her advice & information. imagine spending precious time & money working toward a goal that turned into the biggest nightmare of life! and truthfully, whenever i had done work toward that path, a very teeny whisper would tell my Inkling Bone to walk away. but being the fast mover that i am, it takes more than a whisper to get my attention, at times. i think my lesson for this year is Listen. My years are marked by a different calendar than the january-December one, apparently, with fall/August being my season of beginnings and endings. I've been feeling a subtle shift in what now feels like Last Year's Bones, and even yesterday at my annual woman's exam, the doc came back in the room after she'd left for the next patient, and said something along the lines of Listen Carefully, Respond From A Place Of Love. she is a wise woman, with whom I've shared insights and mysticisms and nettles tea. she is as inclined to "prescribe" a tea or yoga, as she is a pill or ointment. so the new year will bring me plenty of opportunity to enhance my Listening skills, i suspect. last night's dream included a "chapter" where i was back at my old job at 911. that signifies the ultimate listening job - reading between the lines could save someone's life. so i am Listening, and i am Hearing the message. I am a total and complete geek when it comes to being appreciative - i'm all in with my heart, and sometimes feel like someone's Golden Retriever puppy dancing circles and wagging it's tail in pure joy of your existence. i may have learned to be a bit cooler about saying "thank you," but it's bound to leak out somehow. so here in print, where i can backspace & delete at will, i will say that i am so slobbery grateful for all of the women in my life...those who have offered a hand, those who have allowed me to give them a hand, those who have mightily torqued me out, and those who have just been themselves - which is plenty. my life could not be richer. i know - geek. but there's no doubt that i love you, right?

when you have some serious questions, there is only one thing to do... somewhere after heaving the yak onto the car, watching sad puppy eyes stare a laser of guilt through the front window, almost losing a boat on the road at 55 mph, slipping down a muddy embankment to put in, somewhere after all that, as my oars dipped silently into the clear water of South Sandy and guided my kayak gently down a tree-shrouded channel filled with dipping dragonflies, an occasional jumping salmon, camouflaged Green Herons, the sweet last scents of a thousand wildflowers...somewhere after winding past skyscraper dunes holding the now-empty homes of swallows, and lilypads floating above tethered roots and sunshine now warming my shoulders as the tree cover gives way to the expanse of my Lake...somewhere after the lazy drift of the sleepy channel makes a bend and the fullness of Lake Ontario spreads out it's offering with perfect wave-lets and expanses of uninhabited sandy beach on both sides...somewhere after all this, after navigating sandbars and currents and small shells that crunch under your water shoes as you bring your kayak up onto the beach...as you maneuver past the groups of migrating monarchs and curious clumps of dragonflies as big as a finger...that's when the answer comes in the form of a question: Why Not? and inside you resonate: Indeed.