my gifts

This year, I've had to scale back my surprise KMart layaway payoff thing quite a lot, and that had me feeling pretty bad.  despite a friend donating the sale of an item she made, i am still at just $100.  It has been a little difficult, having been out of the 925 for so long, and i can't ask my husband to pony up, since this is not his thing.  I like gifting unexpected things - i love to make other people's rotten moment (or day) turn around - or at least have 1 shiny thing to point to that went right, or that was beautiful.  it has a ripple effect.  of that i am certain.  but this year my puny $100 isn't going to stretch as far as i want.  and it had me rethinking a lot of things - if they still belong in my life…is it time to change up…etc.  My career goal is to be a philanthropist.  that's what i want to do.  and then i realized that philanthropy involved making a difference in peoples' lives, and not just waiting to win the lottery and having gobs of money to hand out, the more i realized that i can realize my career goal n-o-w.  Yesterday, i became a philanthropist.  true.  but before you email me with requests to pay off your mortgage (which i would gladly do, if i had the means), i realized that my gifts aren't exactly money right now.  they will be someday.  i am 100% certain.  i'm just not sure how yet, and just not today.  years ago, i traveled with a band.  cold fact.  i sang, believe it or not.  in french and english, though my french has left much to be desired.  (i once wanted to be a french teacher, though).  Anyway, the manager's wife traveled with us, and one day she said to me "you have an intrinsic way of seeing the big picture and breaking it down to the small parts.  You have a way of seeing what needs to get done, and doing it."

Those words have stayed with me for 34 years, and Charlotte - if you're out there, know that you changed me.  right there.  right then.  and forever. ever forever.

so now, i will freely give all of my gifts every day…i will smile at every person i make eye contact with - my smile will be my gift.  if a neighbor has surgery or breaks an elbow, i will make sure there is dinner on their table and their dogs are walked.  (the kids are up to someone else *smile*).  And as always, i will let those close to me know that i honor their friendship, and that they have a special gift.
I have other gifts to give out every day, but i won't hog up your time.  it just feels so damn good!