a Tiny description
a full time artist, stepmother, radio personality, and mom to an energetic Chug dog, tries to get through the days without committing a felonious act. My life is a rickety Zen circus.
Monday, September 20, 2010
This week i learned: that a small cabin in the woods can bring large gifts.... the choice is yours... that a sunrise and a sunset have the same magical properties.... and a warming fire attracts friendship.... That it is often hard to determine what is "real" life, and what is a moment's escape to magic... it was a time to set intentions and go deep, but also to laugh and cry and make art and make friendships - with cabinmates, new best friends, and with yourself...to push yourself beyond...to expand and settle in quietly, as your spirit asked of you...for me, it was the best of everything...sharing a cabin with 5 other women was an uncertain prospect for me - i need a certain amount of "alone" time and wondered if that would be possible...on the long drive there, the words "crack open" wound through my mind...i have wrapped layers of warm, comfortable safety around me in recent years, and knew that meant shedding them. of course the irony is that in 2 of my workshops, it was all about the layering. where layers belong - in art, not in the heart. i learned that it is not my job to make sure the universe spins properly on it's axis - God & Elizabeth do that best. living in the "helpfulness" mode is a good dodge from helping yourself...to constantly flow outward makes for an struggle for inflowing goodness - think salmon swimming upstream...they eventually make the destination, but are exhausted. i learned that each person's presence makes a difference, even if they aren't aware of how important they are to the Whole. those that were there, those that were missing this year - each holds a piece to this gigantic, amazing puzzle, and each brings something that radiates in the soul of the Common. no person, not a single one, ever not ever is "just." whether you came and stayed quietly to yourself, or were big and exuberant, your spirit contributed to the common experience...you Are. Jen Lee's t-shirts said it best: Just Be True. and in being true, and authentic (that over-used word) you are being just exactly what the world needs - you are living your purpose & destiny. you were designed to be You for a reason. as my grandpa used to say, "a bagel without a hole is not a bagel." (mmmm. now i'm hungry for some of those incredible buffet crepes. and eggs. and maybe a waffle). it is important in so many ways to Be Yourself. and, if you've read this far, that is what i went deeper on this week. although i don't feel that i act in a false way normally, i saw that i was being untrue to myself...that by making sure everyone else's mask was firmly affixed to their faces before putting my own on, i was doing a disservice to myself, and not allowing the other to muddle through and learn and grow and experience. and i learned the fine line between that point and ignoring a true need for assistance...by being quiet within and letting the lesson gel within me. this year's Squam was unique for me, in that i was quieter, gentler, less worried about whether things would get done or if this person was having a good time, etc. i allowed myself to let go of the reins and indulge myself in everything that was there for me to learn...it was not up to me to manage anyone's itinerary or enjoyment or process. and it never was, and never is. but i finally Got It. i believe i will still be kind and helpful and compassionate, but in a healthier, less martyr-ish way. in my job, i will still love being involved in planning things and organizing things and working the process...it is innate in me and where my puzzle piece fits. but will be able to present things and then step back. thank you, kindred ones, for being yourselves this week with me...for allowing me to be quiet and happy and not in charge of anything but myself. and next year, who knows?
at 9:00 AM