dream on

yes, it's true I have a thing for Steven Tyler.  Sorry. That may spin your head.  But this song - whether or not Steven & I had an invisible relationship - has been my personal fight song…my mantra…my push-through-it-till-your-shoulder-aches-then-kick-it song….Dream On, dream until your dreams come true.  I mean, what's not to embrace?
The lyrics:

Everytime I look in the mirror, all these lines in my face getting clearer/ the past is gone/ it went by like dusk to dawn/ Isn't that the way, everybody's got their dues in life to pay?
I know nobody knows/ when it comes and where it goes/ I know in everybody's sin, you've got to lose to know how to win.
Dream on, dream on, dream on
Dream until your dreams come true.

what's not to love?  Dreams aren't always "name it and claim it."  Dreams sometimes are an easy clicking together of forces and events that make you wonder What Just Happened There?  But sometimes they move slow, and need A Lot Of Hard Work.  But if it's your dream, dream on until it comes true.  However long that takes.  Whatever groundwork needs to be put in place.

I've been so blessed in my life to be able to, for the most part, work at pretty much what I've chosen to do.  Not to say I worked at my Dream all these years.  But during the many years that I needed a stable and good income, I chose to work at a traditional job that provided that.  I was prudent, rather than leaping out in a wide expanse of Who Knows What.  neither choice was right or wrong.  they were just two of many choices floating around the atmosphere.  i chose safe and solvent.  as years went by (like dusk to dawn) (couldn't resist) I saw that my time was dissolving before me, and my youthful sense of immortality began to trail behind me.  it was time to leap.  the important thing to note is that i had a tether.  i had an income stream to support me as i lept.  if the universe missed the trapeze toss, then my partner's income would catch us.  and so i had the distinct pleasure and opportunity to go wildly forth into the great Will-It-Work.  the first attempt was a short-lived crashing, exhausting disaster.  well, not so much that as an eye-opening trip through reality.  There is so much to running a business.  so much more than lighting some incense, cupping some chai tea in your fingerless-gloved hands, and splashing paint on a canvas that people will fight over to buy.  ummm. not so much.  so i regrouped.  took another year in standardized corporate work, but spent every spare moment figuring out what went right, what went wrong, what i liked and what i disliked about the whole Dream.  Then, i went to the edge of the limb, flapped and made it! about 3 feet.  and floated/plummeted/floated.  once again.  Dream on.  But this time, i stayed in my studio.  and i researched and dreamed and just made art for my own soul.  and some of the Best Art Ever came from my heart and actually made it onto the canvas.  And. I. Was. Happy.  So i learned that 1 person will soon die if they try to market their work but also create it but also make sales calls but also do the administrative end of things but also make dinner.  I learned that i really didn't like weekly art fairs and all the physical set ups and take downs and the hot and cold and rainy and not to mention getting to meet some of the rudest people ever.  so i approached galleries.  and lo! i was picked up by one, which turned into two and then just enough.  and my work traveled up & down the east coast and to the west coast.  i even had a buyer in Japan.  and a few in Canada and Australia.  I learned that i like to do the creating.  and making a website is part of that creativity for me.  and i loved going to show opening where i got to ditch the sweatpants and dress up.  and drink wine.  and talk to interesting people who aren't wearing fanny packs and insisting they could make that at home with their craft club.  (and if you are one of those people - STOP IT.  just stop it).  (again - Stop It.)  But the pressure to have New Work sometimes is daunting when you've come pretty close to saying all you had to say.  So I backed away and tried new materials and techniques.  and again found success.  After a few rounds of the post-party depression, i just stopped.  i had nothing left.  Except - teaching other Starting Outs how to start out.  I developed a Business Boot Camp workshop geared specifically for creatives, but useful to any small biz dreamer.  they left the weekend with a viable business plan, a website and a logo & corporate identity…all jacked up on caffeine and high hopes, i released them to their dreams.  Can i say: I. Love. Doing. That.  But i didn't love all the follow up hand holding that was needed - if after 6 or 8 months you still haven't ventured to the edge of the limb to at least see what the Great Sky has for you, then you aren't ready.  and i can't make that happen.  only you can.  i still do consultations and mini camps for requests, but walked away from the business of Business.  and now?  I am in reboot.  i am working at the Very Same job i worked at before i got married (the first time).  I am living the same life i lived then BUT with a big difference.  I know to keep dreaming until my dreams come true…to not give up, to plan prudently but know when to flap my wings.  I know what's all smoke & sugar, and what's good hard work.  I know what I like and don't like, and I am building my 3rd business as we speak.  it is a slow grow, which makes me happy.  i know now that Things Will Get Done.  they will get done when it is time for them to - not before, and not after.  so i don't feel anxious or rushed, neither do i lag.  i listen, i work, i build.  i trust my gut, i listen to my body.  when i can, i do.  when i can't, i don't.  i am grateful for the aches and pains that help slow me to a thoughtfulness.  i am grateful to be who i am and where i am.  although i wouldn't turn down the lottery.  i am grateful for the friends and helpers i've met along the way to today.
i am most grateful for Dreams.  and Steven Tyler.