I don't feel good - those words are an understatement. Day becomes fevered night becomes day again with bone-crunching chills.  Henry stands guard, sleeping close to my body in case I get up. In all my medicated haze, 2 thoughts come to me over and over...You Have No Control Over This, and also a strange gratitude. Gratitude because now I can have an inkling of what so many go through with chemo, and other nastiness we put our bodies through as we reach for health.  And I'm certain this is the tip of the iceberg, this flu.  The other thought, the control one, I will hold that closer in this public forum, for now.  But when you think of it, life...happens.  We can control our reactions to what happens, and how we make our decisions, but the decisions that come to us to be made - life is just as likely to sling hash at us as it would a winning lottery ticket.  We make decisions, and those decisions lead us left, or lead us right.  Then THOSE choices take us here or there, and onward to infinity.  Life is about the choices we make, her fever said. Whether you ride the roller coaster car frontwards or backwards, it's going to end up at the same place.  Better to see where you're headed than where you've already been.  And the view never changes backwards. Yes, we can learn from our choices by looking backwards, but it's the mulling that will get you.  If you aren't steering the cart, it'll go where it wants.  And you still have to deal with the choices...made by you, or made by the cart.
Okay, here come the chills...back under the covers for now.