walking Henry

today…early morning…smell of dawn in the woods…dew drops on leaves…mulchy smells…the pond tranquil, with just a few ripples from the gentle breeze…i notice my hand gripping Henry's leash.  i am already anticipating his recently acquired bad behavior when he spots another dog - lunging and barking and growling.  it has made our walks unrelaxing.  and my clenched hand is an obvious sign of that.  but he is a good boy, in general, and so peaceful and loving.  not sure why this has begun, but it started just before my husband moved out for good…was there something that happened in that last walk, off leash, in the woods? who knows.  but today, as we walked through this amazing gift of a place…the woods that heal my heart and stir creativity in my soul…today, i thought: what has ever happened that has been bad? he sees another dog, you pick him up and walk by, then continue.  easy peasy lemon squeezy.  so i stopped worrying about the "proper" way to walk a dog, and who's in front and all the Cesar Millan rules and such.  and. just. walked.  and somehow it got even more beautiful.  and of course, i translated that to everyday life.  holding the leash too tightly only makes you fixate on the thing you're clinging to…

in other news…you'd think i'd know it all by now, but au contraire.  the other day, my mom came to help me move my stuff from the downstairs bedroom, to the upstairs bedroom.  i'll be having a guest stay for a few months, and it's more private for them to take the lower 2 bedrooms and bathroom.  i had a baby girl tantrum.  it felt awful and weird.  and it wasn't until the next day, after i'd shut the downstairs bedroom door and stayed out, that i realized there was mildew in the room…i am very sensitive to mildew.  so it's a blessing to be moving upstairs.  i've been sleeping better up there, too.  but my eyes were so scratchy i wanted to gouge them out…and it made me cra cra, that mildew.  and tired. my recent torpor most likely caused by this insidious mildew.  so, culprit named, and soon i'll be away from it.  meanwhile, i've had to wash all the clothes that were down there.  not an easy job.

it is all so very good.