1418

tissue alert.

1,418 posts since I began this little stream-of-consciousness letter to whomever stopped by.  wow.  many years.  many twists and turns.  much much growth and drama and stretches of boringness and philosophical thoughts and rants and rages and threats and sharing of heart friends and love-liness.  and waay back when, this little blog was started to pour out my heart after losing my best mandog ever, Kita.  i still miss him so.  and then Bear.  and on saturday, my diva will join them to romp the fields of Heaven.  i have to believe that vision, or it would just be impossible.  i'm taking tomorrow off from my new job.  yes, i know, just 4 days in.  but a job will always be there, and a puppy heart won't.  i wasn't much good today at work, with eyes swollen nearly shut.  as i left for the day, i knew there was just no way i would ever forgive myself for not spending the day with her.  not something a do-over would be possible on.  i called and left a garbled, soggy message and i know they'll understand.  if not, then they don't deserve me as an employee.  but i think they are good. and i hope my diva will understand.  she's been at grammies all week, and seems to be sliding some.  i owe her her final dignity for all the love and kisses and snuggles she's given me throughout the years.  many of you don't know that she started her life out as a bait dog.  when i got her, she weighed 7 lbs., had no hair and was all sorts of a mess. many surgeries and hugs later, she came to be the cranky, snappy dog you knew.  but she was all love to me.
so i will ask for your prayers Saturday morning, and that's really all i can bear to say now.