mind the mole

diva was barking her pretty little head off...not the usual I Own The Neighborhood And Surrounding Areas-type bark. this was the real deal...something in the yard. Coyotes...my first thought. i threw on the first shoes by the door and flew outside. she stood near the back - her attention riveted to the ground. too low, too small for a coyote. whew. on closer inspection, i spied a small, brown, furry little mole...the animal type, not the kind that grows on your chin. diva verbally abused this poor animal as it continued to dig a hole to hide in. (actually, i think diva was waaay overexcited at the prospect of a new friend). feeling badly for the mole, i scooped diva up and brought her inside. a few hours later, i happened outside in the same area, and there was the mole...laying still. i felt so badly. i know Diva didn't harm it, so at least there was that. later in the day, sitting in the eye dr's waiting for the drops to work, i thought about the lesson of the Mole. in order to really understand, google Moles, and check out their unique structure. although tiny (and fat!) they have a pink, stubby proboscus that they use to feel their way around. they have long, sharp claws to dig with. no eyes in evidence. so as i sat there with dilating pupils, i realized that the mole didn't sit there waiting to grow eyes, he used what he had to feel his way ahead. and when he seemed to be in the right spot, he dug for all he was worth. i don't know what caused him to die...i gave him as proper a burial as possible with frozen ground. but his life left me with a lesson...tiny and fuzzy, but a lesson all the same. L.

okay, so far today..i've had my moments of insight, taken them to the worktable with me to cogitate while actually making art. i undid everything i had done previously...bashing and chipping away at cement and Liquid Nails and rocks and glass. a few of the ricocheting pieces looked interesting when seperated from the front of the assemblage, and ended up getting re-attached with their smooge of cement still clinging on for dear life. now, i'm waiting for glue and cement to dry again. so i'll entertain you with some thoughts. sparklier than the last post. a while back, Swirly began reading and referencing May Sarton in her blog. intrigued, i ordered Journal Of A Solitude. i already had a dusty copy of At Seventy somewhere in my mess. from the 1st lines, it just pulls you in...i hear my mind saying, "yes! me too!" at different points. so not to be a copycat, here's one for you (actually for me...i'll share though): "I have made an open place, a place for meditation. What if I cannot find myself inside it?" and i thought...oh yeah, that's me. Sarton talks about pushing away the lives and needs of others before she can bring any frshness and zest into her work. double yes. that is exactly what has been going on here. there are so many things grabbing my ankles for attention...some necessary, some optional, some with 4 paws. even now as i write this, i have a cat jammed up against my right side trying to get my attention, and a diva dog on the left grabbing my wrist and pulling...she's got that flesh-ripping claw in there and won't be denied. it is rare that i get time alone....really alone....with nothing but emptiness in the "gotta" and "should" columns. i will do my best to cram everything in during the "free" time i have, but i think it will cause a great shift in what is essential. so....here goes. i urge you to read Sarton. Swirly is never wrong about these things *wink* L.

sleeping ghosties

when i first realized i was awake this morning, and before i opened my eyes, in that nether-time when you straddle the Dream world and the Substantial world...in that inkling of a moment, the breath of my thoughts felt like today would be an un-ordinary day. in a good way. i wanted to stay in that moment forever, swaddled in good intention and possibility...but that transfer of care from dream to light is so swift, lest a careless movement leave you forever in the divide. i awoke quite early. all quiet inside...winter hushed outside...the moon just warning the sun it was nearing time to trade shifts...i walked purposely slow, so as not to jar this mood away...down the stairs, the carpet squishing between my toes...cats fed last night needed only water...dog still snoring upstairs...i pour some coffee, go to the couch and watch out the glass wall for the changeover. inside, thoughts and shifts were coming to the foreground...held up for inspection, put aside or tossed out...the strongest desire - to complete an art project i'd begun last week...i worked it mentally for a bit, then, satisfied i was on the right track with my vision, breathed deep and began to meditate. or so i'd hoped. instead, great globby wet tears began rolling down my cheeks. what is this?? i had no desire to dance with my Shadows today. today i vowed i would do anything and everything to fight them down. but no - it wasn't the Dark Cloud veiling over my heart. then what? i waited until the Dust settled a bit, then gently examined what was left. much like in yoga, when you've stretched one side...i hear Clare now - "take a breath and feel each side of your body...what feels different?" and in those dark/dawn moments, with no one demanding anything from me...not even myself...i mourned. i cried for the loss of my art time, soon to come...i cried for the corners of me that haven't reached their potential - where i push them away either in fear, or in carelessness...i cried for opportunities that i let go by...all silent tears sliding, pooling, tracing down my cheeks into the folds of my laughlines and down my chin. and when the tears no longer came, a stillness took hold...and in that stillness, one thought: you are. and i thought I Am...what? and again: you are. so my thoughts began to list all the things i AM. and it's funny...all those horribly scary ghosties that keep us from doing the things we want, or believing the things we ought...it's funny how they start to look not so scary when you look real close at them...more like your brother with a sheet over his head hiding in the clothes hamper, rather than a All-Encompassing Tortured Spirit Who Knows The Truth. ghosties do NOT know the truth. and one of my biggest ghostie was the yourenot...as in You're Not An Artist. and his song sounds like this: "You're not an artist! guffaw. artist's wake up in the morning, slip on black jeans, and black turtlenecks and paint. all day. every single day. monday is sunday is wednesday...no matter. just paint paint paint. you don't even paint! You. Are. NOT. An. Artist. Go get a real job somewhere so you don't starve. go now." and you know, a part of my heart believed it. a part of me even tried to paint. and when that failed, it made that little part of disbelieving heart shake it's head and say I Just Knew It. but this morning, sitting in a puddle with the sun just stretching a bit, beginning it's goodnight to the moon, i realized...the ghostie was just a big bully. and the little part of disbelieving heart had fallen under his spell. i gently led the heart, (and shoved the ghostie/bully)to the window wall where my artwork sits precariously aware that the cats are facinated by it. and i said, See...here...this one was in a museum...and this one won me a grant...and this one was in a magazine...and on we traveled in my visualized conversation. and i explained that sometimes a person, an artist, must weigh their circumstances and needs of their family when choosing whether or not to make art their only source of income...and although i am perfectly willing to once again have a fulltime go at it, i did indeed make promises to another person who is expecting me to honor them. and the art is expected to remain fully accessible until it is Time for it to be expressed. That is my new deal with art. i will soon not have the luxury of Well then tomorrow maybe. and then i told the teeny part of the doubting heart that there is always a time for just a teeny amount of questioning, but that the ghostie needed to go find someone else and that the heart needed to shake it off and join the rest of the team. i know all this sounds so sappy, but it was one of the sweetest moments i've afforded myself in a while. i've been busy beating myself up over wasting time, and smoking, and gaining weight. i've been busy spending endless thoughts over my marriage. i'm the first in line to kick my own self. and this morning as the first beam of sun exchanged places with the beam of moon twinkling off the snow outside my window wall, i realized that I Am. and that is Enough to be. L.

oy am i tired tonight! i'm not sure how i'll do with 5 entire days in a row. it is alaska cold today...16-degrees with a breeze. even diva needed a "carry" home on her morning hunt-for-The-Perfect-Spot. (oh- side note before i forget- welcome Portland!) there was nothing exciting about my day to report and for that i'm thankful! tomorrow is a studio day! i am looking forward to getting a bunch o' stuff done. i totally hate the doors i made, but then realized i could flip them over and switch left & right, and the outside makes a decent inside. so onward. y'all have a sparkly night, k? L.

etsy update

thank you all for asking....a slight delay for opening day. it's all good...very good. you'll have to trust me. and pick a favorite color. gotta run! L.

is this not an incredible life? if you mix the good, the bad, the disappointing, the overwhelmingly wonderful all together...it makes a nice little cake. all in all, looking back, the worst of the worst had it's place....became it's lesson....eventually softened around the edges a bit so bumping into it on occasion didn't hurt so much with the sharp corners gone. it's been a very full weekend...xc skiing on saturday (of course falling down every hill)...the snow was once-in-a-lifetime wonderful..the afternoon proved just as wonderful as my assemblage began taking on life....inspired by, but not representational of, a song by Jonatha Brooke "Sweet and Bitter Bowl." go now and buy the CD, The Works. you will not regret it. the story behind is is flat out amazing too. diva and i scooted out for a walk both days. just wonderful. even the crowds in the grocery store didn't dampen my mood. and was the entire nation in my grocery store today?? i bought a container of Perry's Ice Cream: Dark Chocolate with raspberry swirls and some other stuff. Oh. My. God. pinch me. i got to talk to 2 far-away friends and my brother this week, and it just makes me smile thinking about it. yeah - i blathered. as usual. well, i'm off to set out my clothes for my Big Girl Job tomorrow. one last week of the Usual schedule. although i really enjoy what i'm doing so much, i almost showed up last wednesday. but then said, nah. plenty of time for that. so a warm & boring post. sorry no excitement! it's never too far away, though. i wish you huge smiles and Extra Special Moments this week. L.

hey swirly

made ya look! HA. and now for the rest of us...a little shameless promo here for the Swirlinator: she will have an essay in Skirt magazine coming up! very exciting!! buy it, read it, thank me after. you should accompany the essay with a viewing of the documentary about Henry Darger. it is an amazing story of his quiet and utterly remarkable life. there is little more i can say without ruining the whole thing, but just imagine..... (new topic) Now that our Winterfest celebration is over, the temps have plunged and the snow and wind are howling like a banshee. (what is a banshee by the way?) i do not want to go out for any reason. although in the spirit of getting along, i agreed to meet husband to go look at glasses for him. this is a traumatic moment for him, as he has never needed glasses till now. i say get over it. there are plenty more body parts just waiting for the warranty to run out, and the clock is ticking. trust me, i know. it looks like Maybe i have a reprieve...i may still have my part timeness in place next week too. good because i have too much to do to have to go to work also. i want some Dove dark chocolate solid easter eggs, a cup of ginger pear tea, a good book, a thick heavy quilt, diva (the one i imagine, not the one that jumps all over me when i'm trying to recreate a magazine ad for peacefulness.) (usually an ad for feminine hygeine products, flavored powdered coffee, or douche). and what about magazine and TV ads?? for a while, women were all doofy and constantly wearing pearls. i have never not ever seen a woman so ludicrously happy over making a stack o' flapjacks for the family, as the women in some of these ads. it was enough to make Mrs. Butterworth want to reach out and bitchslap that spatula-happy stepford wife. or as katie would say "i will slap the wrong right out of you, then proceed to slap the sense back in." (she never raised a hand). then, we were all career gals...but still very concerned about our scent and still wearing impossibly crippling spiky heeled shoes, and suits that were either Victoria Secret tight, or Charlie Chaplin loose. there was no place in the middle for someone not built like Barbie who didn't want to look like a man. a moderately feminine person, who cared about her looks, but was a wee bit cautious about flaunting what she did not have, or did not care to share with every other world traveler at any given moment. Then we trended into smart women who still looked good, but didn't make objectification their goal in life. they usually wore half-glasses, because their target market was aging too after all. and now, they chose their cosmetics, not to make their man fall at their feet writhing in lust, but they choose based on "science." you'll be as likely to see a white-coated professional hawking skin cream, as you will a successful looking, expensively dressed woman. and not a flapjack in sight. if children appear at all in the ad, the woman is looking at them in a sort of bemused way....like, who are these children? and they're blocking my camera angle. ad execs still are under the impression that we women haven't figured out that the person in the wrinkle commercial is 15 years old, and the poor bastard in the art dept has been up all night trying to put some age ON her...but just enough. and here's a huge secret...and i only tell you this so you can finally get off that Nordictrack and eat a piece of chocolate cake...the secret is that Everyone everyone has cellulite. true. the difference between my butt and Britney Spears? she has someone to airbrush those dimples off before we get a look on paper. so relax, y'all. it's all smoke and no mirrors. and no one i mean No One in hollywood has their own hair. how i got from flapjacks to weaves is anyone's guess, but i remembered what a banshee was, so it wasn't a total loss. go put a sweater on. L.

oh hello! and i ask you....is there anything like a vomiting cat at 5:45am to keep you humble? as you sit in your meditation closet feeling all super-uber and close to God and nature and feeling just a wee bit superior because of it?

my crows and hawks have taught me so much...today, Diva and I were on a walk through the Beechwoods...had just gone through the echo echo tunnel and around the first bend towards the little beaver pond...i glanced to the right, and just across the small stream - coyote. adrenaline. second look. incredible. the remnants of a fallen tree stump that looked Exactly like a coyote, coloring and all...well that served to wake me up a bit and sharpen my senses...that's when i heard the crow ruckus. crows are a funny lot...just as content to perch on a limb alone, watchful, as they are in their group...some Native American legends teach that the Crow is the Messenger - bringing messages from those who have passed, and delivering our messages. When you heard a group of crows all cawing and agitated, the only message they are sending is : GO AWAY! usually a hawk is in the area. or an interloping crow. and that's what the coyote/tree alerted me to on my walk...crowtalk. which got me thinking about crows, and how they interact and cooperate. in times of danger. in times of trouble. crows will fly in from all over, screeching and cawing the whole way. letting everyone know, the ranks are growing...i'm here to help. because, to help a neighboring bird will only help yourself, ultimately. right? so, let's switch to humans...if you've spent 5 or more minutes listening to the news, you realize that times are getting tight for a lot of people. there are two ways to weather the storm, i think...one is deny it - rearrange the deck furniture on the Titanic. and though this may work for YOU, it does little for those around you that may need you. the second way - live like the Crow. be alert for times when your neighbor may need you...maybe ask if they need you to pick something up at the store for them...maybe just go for a walk together...sometimes just that human contact is enough of a sigh-maker, a relief...someone else is out there! so the message of the Crow today was: gather and be community. be help. be family. (and in case you were wondering...yes, it was my hawk that they were unhappy with! naturally.) namaste y'all. L.

this or that

today i had a choice, and had to decide right on the spot....my job is changing - my Big Girl job, that is. in fact my whole department will be dissolved within a week or maybe 2 if it lingers. we had been warned this was coming, but i don't think anyone believed. and the deadline passed once, twice, three times. we were told to decide where our skills would best fit, and make a pitch...if we wanted to think up a whole new Candyland dept, bring it to the table. i brought 2. i do love this company. so while pretty much this whole town has folded up and blown away, we were doubling in size. again. just not my department. and i wondered how much longer the ride would go on, as i passed the newly empty Chrysler factory just before my left turn into my parking lot at my job. so today they pulled 2 women to train in other departments, and i realized there was a chance i'd end up in a mind-numbing job if i didn't take a hard look at what i was willing to give up in order to get a steady, reliable paycheck to weather through a few tough times. or was the steady reliable worth giving up for other things? think think. the boss backed me into a corner and almost demanded that i take one of the last interesting jobs left. they had originally created the department with me in mind. but i stood firm with my part time plan. they needed to expand that department. again i stood firm. having wednesdays and fridays off was just right, thank you. add in a few sick thursdays, and it was damn near nirvana. so now the rubber meets the road. but now...not so appealing to spend 3 days simply setting up appointment after appointment after appointment. no challenge there. and many demands placed on you with scripts, etc. yuk. so i plunged. and in a week or two, i will once again be fulltime, 10am-7pm monday through friday. i am mourning the loss of my studio time, but think perhaps now i'll make better use of the time i will have. i'm trying to line up a new yoga class. The Only Thing Constant Is Change, read my mantra in early January, given to me by my yoga instructor. sweet Clare. with gentle firmness she has transformed her little band of yoginis from awkward, struggling, inflexible students into some semblance of of pride. mostly. and then there's me..."Clare! i think i blew out my hara!" "sun salutation?? hellllo sun! i sit now." "oy you're killing me! did my husband call you??" we've laughed together. we've grieved together. we've tried to plan roadtrips together. but mostly, we silently agree to keep our eyes closed while we work through our practice, and avoid seeing each other grimace and groan. so i think that is what i'll miss most. Clare's yoginis. and i may try to work that in somehow...leaving early on wednesdays...mumble some doctor appointment hazy reference. because i have to tell you, the world just fits together perfect in that class. i leave feeling taller, prouder, more able than ever. and i don't want to stop. so here i am off on a tangent. but i am grateful for the job i have consistantly tried to quit. the job that won't let go of my ankle, despite how i've tried for 3 years to shake it off. and i will make time more sacred, once again. back before it was all a luxury, time was a sacred element to me...as precious as the air i brought into my lungs, and water that gave me life....time was a gift. and still it remains so...i got so used to a never-ending supply of it, that i took for granted that there would always Be Time. happens a lot, don't you think? so as i have been given a gift of a week or so with my precious "extra" time, i will try to honor every minute. and then, when my time is re-appointed, i will appreciate even more the time i can spend with my art. i expect good things. this feels okay. except for the yoga part. and i will be able to buy more art supplies! honor your time...you never know, eh? L.

rip off

sorry for the not-so-original post here, but this is truly worth the scorn of having ripped it of from ceanandjean.typepad.com ...a theme in my life has been Fearlessness...and oddly, for my surprise 50th birthday (turning 50 wasn't a surprise, i mean, i CAN COUNT...just the party was a surprise. and even that - not so much. but don't tell husband.) so anyway - one of the gifts i received was from an artist friend of mine, Amy, who made me a small bowl that says "fearless" on it. so the stars were pretty clear about what my mission would be evolving toward. so watch this then come back. i'll wait. done? pretty spanky, eh? that's how i feel. i have had a series of Real And Imagined Life Issues thrown at me this past year where the only way around...is through. and it took, and i suspect will continue to take, an amount of Fearlessness that i did not have inside me...that i had to grow and reach to, in order to move forward. or take 2 baby steps backwards, like in the video. i am a back-stepper of Lord Of The Dance proportions and skills. oh hey yeah. i can backstep, triple lutz with a twist in the pike position while making it all smoke-and-mirrors so you don't notice. and the best part was that i was able to wow even myself with this show. bravissima! but at some point, you realize that your feet are starting to get bored with the same 2-step and you think, hey ok, maybe i should add a small cha cha cha. so little by little, i began to dance. but i'd wasted so much time 2-stepping, that i had to catch up quick to join the march, so that's where i've been. catching up. and much like doubling up on semesters, it has been exhausting and tiring and tiresome and very difficult. and very wonderful. hard work brings good reward, according to Great Gram Mina (who was a twin to Minnie...and Mina could drive a Percheron team through the fields as well as a Harley through the streets. no helmet. no teeth. not a hair out of her hairnet-encased bun.) so now that i'm perfect...oh yeah right. ah-hem okay. and i had applied some of my lessons to my art before but it had been too hard to apply it to my actual life, till my art took a break from me, and the Brain had all this new-found information and nowhere to apply it, so the Brain said "Ah Ha - the Life! I'll apply it to the Life!" and as you may know, the Brain listens to nothing and no one but itself, and is very very stubborn once it convinces the Mind to go in halvsies and i needed a break from the angst of non-creativity, so i grudgingly said i'd give the Brain a listen. along some synapse, the message came out wrong, and this whole Life Improvement campaign began within the Brain, and was never checked into for a vote whether or not to proceed...it was a "go" houston. so back to the art example. at a certain point in a person's artistic life, and when the shine starts to wear a bit on All Things Stampington, you realize that your art is...Your art. and hopefully, Your Art. it does not have to look like Anything Anywhere, and hopefully will not. it does not need wings or coneheads or eiffel towers or be made out of the material-du-jour in order to be valid and wonderful and yours. and so, the moment where Life, does indeed, imitate Art...or at least my art theory. i did not need to wear this, or have that hair, or live here or there, or blah blah blah, in order to be Okay. and Good. and Wonderful. lightbulb. remember in kindergarten? Just Be Yourself. at what point does that message gets blurred to Blend in? Go with the Flow? Fit In? so i've spent one-third of my life learning to be myself, another third learning to fit in, and now...the third third will be spent back at kindergarten learning to be myself?? is that the best the Brain could come up with?? so with the fearlessness of my coyotes, and a box of crayons, i proceed. join me? L.

of course! a quick Happy Valentines Day to you all!! later, i will regale you with stories of dressing rooms and being stuck in shirts and dresses at Macy's. but for now, i must go breathe. and get ready to go for dinner...not in a new outfit. and by the way...since this IS the first day of the for-real Age Of Aquarius, does anything seem different to you? oh - also remind me to tell you about Diva vs. the Folksmarchers. tie goes to the runner. peace, y'all! L.

yes i know...it's been just a bit. well i have been mad crazy wonderful busy...getting ready for 2 (and now THREE) shows. i hope this pays off in cold American money. not to downplay the spirituality of the art, but it isn't doing me any good staring at me from my studio and livingroom. i made this art to be sent out into the world. i think just now i will be able to do that without remorse. only Hover and Icarus will stay forever with me. and i think Meyers. but the rest feel like they are meant for others and it's time. i have a few loads of projects started, and will welcome the time to work on them. the difference now, is that i don't feel crowded or overwhelmed by it all. i don't feel guilty to put one aside for a while or a year, while i get the bones down for another. it feels good artistically, productively, rather than the frantic fear of non-producing. it's not coming from a "produce-or-perish" perspective, and that's finally a good place to be in. i'm almost done with the BLACKFISH and CROW pieces. i was going to add them to my etsy shop last week, but want it to be just right from the get go, so i'll throw marketing concepts aside with Valentine's Day and do it properly. and what about Valentine's Day?? i must say, i'm not in favor of it. i call it a Hallmark Holiday - a day kanoodled by some slick marketing rep somewhere to sell cards, candy, flowers and diamond jewelry. i'm not being a grinch here...i just don't feel comfortable with One Day set aside to buy SOMETHING ANYTHING to present to someone because if you don't you'll be in Trouble. i want Something more often. (tee hee) and i don't want to be told when to send a card and worry if it's the right gift etc etc etc. yes - we are going out for dinner to a real nice place. but only because we have a gift card, and to ignore the holiday at this tenuous point in our relationship challenge would be like poking satan in the eye. so we'll overeat in the name of love. come home and fall asleep in front of the tv, and then sunday...car races for husband, and studio time for me! la vida loca. the non-smoking is coming along better than expected, and i realized yesterday morning in my shower meditation, that i need a strong Hand to hold me on this go-round. (seeing as how i've dropped a miraculous amount of weight and have regained concentration - the scales go back and forth weighing health vs. girth) and ya know, whenever i get a craving, i picture God saying - "here...take my hand" and i am able to get through it. so that's cool. hearing voices? just inner...no worries. what do you expect from a born-again jewish buddhist? oy vey. go in peace y'all...namaste and shalom. L.

oh - one more thing

i just read a post on Jane Wynn's blog that really hit home. it's at least a 3-Kleenex post, so be warned. it's about a man who had no one, or so he thought. and maybe so. but my point is this: i am probably the most constant communicator that you will ever meet. and the reason why is this...no one i know, under my watch, will ever doubt that there is SOMEone out there they can call. at 6am. or midnight. or 3am. (but it better be good at that hour). i will call you with no particular train of thought or purpose, just to touch base. i will email you just to let you know someone is thinking of you and wanted to say hi. it may tire you. it may annoy you. but you will never doubt that at least ONE person knows you are alive. and cares. and i apologize if it does tire and annoy you, and hopefully the day will never be yours that tells you "no one cares." but someone does. i do. i call my mother every morning at 8am, while i'm heading into work. she adores this. neither of us has anything resembling coversation, and the call may only last a minute. but it lets her know i am thinking of her. sometimes we get busy and think "i should call so-and-so" and don't....life is hectic. maybe that was the Moment they most needed to hear from someone. maybe not. but i am not taking the chance. so pre-apologies for interminable emails, and perhaps random calls. but know that i am just trying to remind you that you are so very special to me, and i care. and if you need me to listen at midnight EST or 6am, do not hesitate to call. don't worry that you'll wake someone up. you probably will and that's okay. truly. the phone is on my side of the bed for a reason. L.

i'm watching the kitties pull some play out of thin air...they spontaneously make up little games, and then...it's on! Diva ignores them for the most part, unless they get too close to her b-o-n-e. today i got out early (yippee!) and was finally able to get furry lovebomb for a quick walk before darkness fell..it's a little nerve-wracking now that the coyotes have gotten so close. somehow i feel safer in the daylight. with husband gone another 2 days, it's nice to have my own space. and my own pace. i work differently when i'm alone...not worried about making too much noise with my Cat Empire CD blasting, or the reverse - having my quiet time remain quiet until i'm done...or a cat knocks something off a shelf. and i ask you - why do they so not care? why are they utterly shameless after destroying something? they'll even sit proudly next to it waiting for you to notice. at least Diva knows she's done something she can't undo and it isn't a happy thing. oy. honestly - i never had a hankering for kids or cats. well - scratch that - i USED TO be a total cat person. after a few paw-less years, and the arrival of Kita, well, the tides turned, and i became a total dog person. so i'm planning a nice dinner-for-one (salad and christmas cookies) followed by some reindeer games with Diva, then reading in bed. it is almost obscene how much i love reading in bed. i just love it. all snugged up in a downy comforter, mug of tea, good book. don't let me kid you - i usually fall asleep by the 3rd sip, though. so i wish you each a chocolate-frosted day tomorrow...unexpected blissful happiness at some moment...and a wabi sabi moment to carry in your heart. L.

mmmm...i have a mug a Ginger Pear tea at my elbow and am trying not to just swig it down! so good! what an incredible weekend, workwise. art work-wise. i got all but 3 of my felted pieces mounted and ready for the show....the last 3 needed some burlap behind them, so i had to come home, cut it and i'll go back to the shop on wednesday. the new Gratitude blog is up and running, and my etsy shop all spiffed and ready for the shelves to fill! i have some pieces ready to go - just waiting on photos. and i haven't decided if i'll wait on the jewelry for a few weeks, and do t-shirts , or the other way around. it depends on my silk screening tonight, i guess! i worked at a semi-icky job for a while at a print shop that also did embroidery and silk screening. my plan was to get in and learn the embroidery machines and silk screening, but i left before that came about. the owner is an exemplary man, and it was an honor to work for someone with his work ethic. the only other good thing that came out of the job was meeting Perfect Princess Patti, whom i ADORE! what else can you say about someone that, when asked how she is, answers "perfect!" every time. every time. makes me smile. luckily she is so nice and of true heart & spirit, because she's so Barbie doll pretty, you'd want to knock her down otherwise! there is no one else i'd rather spend a day with playing with glue and glitter! she is tiara worthy. so i am wishing you a bountiful week full of great good things, and smiles, and giggles. and some awesome Ginger Pear tea! L.

yippee, i think!

so some crazy/good things have been happening...and i thank you all for your calls and emails, though i wish y'all just POST the darn comment, but oh well. so i have decided i will keep this blog...being the constant communicator that i am, i can hardly contain myself at an arm's distance, so it's inevitable. the next 2 weeks will be mad busy though...i am launching my etsy shop (yippee!) and also preparing for a gallery show (double yippee with a side of fries!). i'm showing some of my Nuno felted pieces, and let me tell you how labor intensive it is to make a piece...VERY, okay? like harder than giving birth to the actual sheep that provided the wool for the roving...that hard. so by the time i'm done with it, i never i mean ever want to lay my eyes upon it again. so pricing is hard. today i was at the art supply store where i love everyone. they set up a special area for me in the back room so i could try to mount these beauties...it's like nailing Jello to a wall. try mounting a sweater, say, in an attractive way so that people will pay big American dollars for it. yeah, okay. so anyway, one of the clerks came in and was all about this one piece, and she said, "dare i ask how many thousands that one is??" i'm thinking, "Thousands??" like, if it doesn't sell, you can HAVE it. so maybe i'm just undervaluing my work due to the exhaustion involved. i know for sure in this area, the only thing people will pay thousands for is a snowmobile or some electric fencing. I'd quote Grandma Lana and say they wouldn't pay a nickel to see Christ jump off the cross, but that would be so far past what i consider taseful, that i'll let it go by. plus i bought a lottery ticket and don't want to jinx it. so i'm real tired and have a looong day tomorrow back in the art supply store dungeon, so check out the new place here. i'll still be here but the other place is self-sufficient and kind of fun. so 'night y'all, and shalom to you. Linda

it's (almost) here!

fluffy kitty and so long

so the sign over our dryer now warns you to check for cats before closing door. there should be duplicate signs on the washer, dishwasher, closets, fridge...anything that can open. no the cat did NOT go around and around, i was emptying at the time. ***so the past year has been one of frantic self-examination, trying to figure out Who Am I now in this portion of my life? i say "frantic" because rather than sitting back and trying to reason it out, i've been trying it out for size...do i like xc skiing? am i a smoker? best suited for single life? what about fill-in-the-blank. and then taking those pieces and trying to make a picture of something familiar. experiences mirrored back in friends' faces...relationships kept, and those left behind. taking the pieces of these and looking for a familiar comparison to be able to say Ah-Ha! i remind me of so-and-so. it's a strange place...one day volatile and moody, another perky and happy...as hormones ebb and overflow...realizations dawn...day-to-day needs tending. and certainly to keep everything in perspective. and i know it sounds like all i do is hang out with myself all day thinking thoughts about myself-my-wonderful-self, but the truth is very different. one of the things i learned about myself is that i care deeply about my friends. i wish the very most incredible best for them, and will do whatever i can (if needed) to help that happen. and not for a thank you or pat on the back or an emotional IUO. there are a lot of things that have been done on your behalf that you don't know a thing about. but for all my seeming shallowness and drama-du-jour at times, i care so much about my friends. it's sometimes difficult for me to express it in person, so i sometimes fill our face time with wordswordswords...if i keep talking, you won't go, and i like being here with you so much. that type of thing. as i've said before, i started this blog to try to express my feelings of grief over losing my best friend, Kita. and as that grief guided me through the next phase of my life and became a sweet remembrance, i grew with it, and shared that freely. i've always written my thoughts and happenings as if i was writing a personal letter to each of my friends. that's just what came naturally. and some days i was feeling all Earthwoman, and some days just plain cranky and Earthworm, and i let that be. i tried to share things i've learned and things i've experienced. and sometimes, i wondered if i shared too much...me, ever the constant communicator. (no wonder i get paid to talk!). i am again questioning the purpose of this blog at this point. to use it as an emotional barf, or to just post nice pictures, or share frustrations & Good Things seems a bit self-centered and, frankly, boring for you. to just write all the good parts and leave out the burnt part is unacceptable to me, and should be to you, as well. where's the happy medium? and why do i even write this blog? i have no ETSY shop to promote, and most of you contact me by email anyway. my immortality is assured by the graffiti i wrote on a wall in 9th grade, so it isn't that. so i think i'll take some time and retool and rethink. decide if what i have to say and share is worth the time to post it. i guess i thank you, D, for your email because it made me wonder all this stuff. so y'all...bye for a while. please continue to email me, or i'll surely get way too lonely! and That can only lead to Trouble! xox L.

quickie for now

i have many pictures to share, but no time....so i give you this for now.... by the way...i saw Slumdog Millionaire with my shiny friend Gail...(pics to follow)...one of the most intense and wonderful movies...very intense...jump out of your seat and forget to breathe intense...however, it seems by all accounts to be a very real portrait of the Other India. i have friends who know, you know. so i recommend it highly, but with advisory. it is quite violent, but not in way that is common - not just to be violent and gory, but to tell the story. AND - don't leave till the credits are done...you'll miss a good part. a secret part. but not so much a secret now, i guess. ** so, how DO you say "thank you" to someone who takes all the scraps from the unfinished quilts you've half-made, and makes The Most Beautiful quilt for you? how? and what an allegorical gift. and warm. so i'll just say: a great and good and from the depths of my heart teary-eyed i don't deserve this but i love it and you will not never i say ever get it back thank you. it's wonderful, gail. you are a most thoughtful and generous person. and we'd All like to borrow your husband-who-must-be-worshiped for giving up his mancave garage and making a sewing room for you, yet staying manly. so the Gail post must end now...diva calls. loudly. and i will post some startling and thought-provoking pictures tomorrow. spring is just around the corner. i just know it. L.