as i broke down the old shelving unit from my bench area, i realized that it would make a perfect coffee/wine table/bookshelf in my cozy corner, soooo....

i still have to get some rugs down, and paint the phake paneling, but i'm just bushed.  10 loads of garbage down the stairs and to the curb...10 loads of garbage back up the driveway into the garage due to imminent storm (which was a doozy - tornado warning stuff, flooding)...4 carloads delivered...tomorrow A.M. - 10 loads of garbage down the driveway again.  it is at the point where i'm just tossing it - not even looking at it, just tossing.  if you have some bad children you want removed, just put them in my studio.  my attitude is that i am grateful for the studio space, and want to honor it, and i also believe in the abundance that is given me - that i will always have supplies when i need them.  and i think that's what this whole lesson has been.  trust.  back to that again.  and! I'm almost done!  and i believe it's kitten approved...

diva is whining that it's nappy time, and i agree.  see you in the morning!  sleep well!

before & after

ok, my bench area is 99.9% finished - just need to hang some art, and do something about the carpet.  i may just put one of those heavy duty plastic chair roller thingies over it.   ok, remember before:

now...AFTER! TA-DA!!

 I couldn't have done it without my helper, Bulimia Cat....

now - to cozify the cozy corner...here's the cushion to the papasan chair...love the aqua, which will go perfectly with a piece of art I just bought...

still have to paint the phake paneling, and clear up stuff that i moved to the other side of the room, but i should have some lipstick on this pig of a project by tonight.  Whoo Hoo!

ponderings and procrastinations

ok, let me get a few things on the table right at the beginning, so you know where I'm coming from. First, (as I've mentioned previously), although I am heterosexual, I do not care who you sleep with/partner with/spend eternity with as long as you both are consenting adults.  I don't feel it needs discussion, or revealing, and if i ask you to tell me about yourself and the 1st thing you say is "I'm gay,"   then i have to wonder just how interesting you find yourself if you define your entire existence around who you choose to partner with.   Now, being that I am not gay, and have not felt slings and arrows because of that, it might make me sound a bit uncaring & ignorant.  But if the situation were reversed and I started out with, "I'm heterosexual," or "I'm a dork," then you can see my point.  and in my mind, you being gay is a separate issue from the prejudice and hostility and violence against people who are gay.  Which is my business, since I am a human.
 Second, I am in the middle of an incredibly huge renovation project, that has gone at least 6 days over my attention-span budget, and i am procrastinating by writing this post - so it may go long, just so you know.  and it may be hard to follow because i haven't slept in a while, and that sleep was a mess.

Yesterday, i mentioned that i mowed the lawn.  i also mentioned that i had the neighbor show me how to start the mower.  i have taken much shit over this.  but let me explain: i haven't lived anywhere that I personally needed to mow since 1977, and i assure you, mowers were different then, and there was always a kid who would do it for Five Righteous Dollars, so now it should make more sense to you and you WILL stop sending me those emails.  or i will reveal things here that you may not be too proud to remember, Captain Underpants. Fair enough?  (But i will accept a "You Mow Girl" t-shirt, xl, with the queen).
So that got me thinking about a number of things.  all at once.  as my mind usually travels.  first is how we think we have come such a long way to say "I have gay friends,"  yet our children (actually, not my children - i have none) refer to Home Ec class (now called Home & Careers) as "homos and queers."  so although people from my generation may have put aside their prejudice along with their tie-dye and water buffalo moccasins, we forgot to tell the kids.  *head smack*  duh! and no, not just upstate new york, or cornbelt states.  ev.er.y. where.  And it's wrong.  And it's our fault as adults...as parents...for not drawing the line and holding the line.  and for not re-empowering the adults around our children to set things right.  like teachers and such.  although it just kills me to say this: Like in my day.  (the empowerment, not the prejudice).
so all that somehow morphed into the fact that we, as women who were young girls, were subjected to Home Ec classes without even the possibility of taking Shop.  we never learned how to use those cool tools, or how to do minor motor repairs or how to wire a lamp or how to start a lawnmower/snowblower/or any other -ower.  We had to get permission from the principal of the school to take a woodworking class, when things began to loosen up a bit.  but only that class. and we still had to take Home Ec.  so unless we had a father who was intent on raising his daughter to be self-sufficient, we never learned.  and that was the exception.  so we grew to be women who depended on their husband or neighbor to teach them, or to do the chore.  and all THAT got me talking with my friend about retreats and workshops, and how there should be workshops for women about this stuff.  it's never too late to learn, after all.  i may not have the physical strength to pull that lawnmower cord, but i can tell someone else what they need to do to get it going for me.  but i really want to learn how to hang this chandelier i bought the other day.  Maybe we could take over cooperative extension someday.  or go guerrilla in Lowe's and make them teach us how to use all the Good Tools and machines.  I actually had a guy in a hardware store try to refuse to sell me a cut-off wheel for my drill because they were dangerous, he said.  hunh?
yes, i warned you this would go long, so don't bitch.  i hope it made some sense, but most likely not, unless you've spent some time with me and have learned to follow the trail.  so i do apologize.  and if you're gay, and i have somehow offended you, i apologize, and you must know that from the bottom of my heart it was not my intention.  quite the opposite.
and now *sigh* back to the job at hand.

i know - this is boring, these updates, but they keep me honest...keep me moving.  and if i stopped now, i'd have to move.  plain & simple.  things are too pezzed up.  BUT i think that i might just finish tomorrow, if i start at 5am and work through the day.  not sure if i'll make it to zumba, timewise or bodywise.  tonight i had the neighbor show me how to start the lawnmower & mowed my heart out.  it's been a looong time since we mowed - haven't needed to, as the lawn was fried. but there were little patches here and there that were growing up again, and we get fined by the community association of the lawn isn't mowed.  so much for the allure of the 'burbs.  i am going to put my feet up, have a glass of wine, and watch my guilty pleasure, Real Housewives of NY.  then a new show, Gallery Girls.  unless i'm drunk.

quick peek

still getting there, but hopeful....

the left corner is where the cozy chair is going.  i have to hack the carpet off with a box cutter, since my work table is waaay to big and waaay too heavy to move.  likewise my desk.  the question then becomes what to do with the floor?  it's bald plywood underneath, and even if i promise to wear shoes or slippers on it, puppy and kitty have none.  and honestly, i've tried doing the iditarod-style boots on miss diva once or twice before, and i'd rather chew my hand off than do that again.  bulimia cat? not even going there.  so now i have to move that big empty shelving unit over to my bench and transfer all the stuff.  the unit is a few inches larger than the space it needs to fit into, but i will do some Albert Einstein space/time continuum on it and jam the bastard in.  i've worked too hard for this to not fit.  and yes - i measured first.  it grew.  (by the way - have you played with the kitty on the right side of this blog?  move your cursor around on it.  and hover on the white spot on his chest.  yes - i'm easily amused)

Alis Volat Propris

i am down to the wire on this project...the remaining units are nearly full, and the table in the corner is almost cleared in preparation for it to GO!  it will be at least a 2-day exercise, though, to transfer all the stuff from my jewelry-making area to the new shelving.  i'm hot and sweaty, despite taking a shower and already changing my clothes once.  i took a break to walk diva down the street and back - too hot for her at midday.  i think this is the point where i need a cheerleader to sit and chat while i work.  and someone to drag the tons of garbage down to the garage.  i have no idea how i'll get this huge container of metal down there, and then what to do with it after that - short of sneaking it all into someone's dumpster.  well, like Stephanie Ryan says, "One small sweet step at a time."  ok - break time's over, except to send a quick email response out.  then...tote that barge, or something like that.
oh - and here's a question for you:  if you could plan your own for-real birthday party, what would you do?

PS: added later.....
ok.  through a weird set of circumstances, and some normal everyday ones, i have been bombarded with buffalo...bison...buffalo...whatever.  and then got hit on the head with one just a while ago as it fell from a shelf i was clearing.  well, apparently you do have to hit me over the head with a buffalo to get me to see what message is in my fervor lately.  from Animal Spirit Guides:  "Buffalo - Trust that you'll always have whatever you need.  focus on being appreciative and grateful for all you have.  clear out any surplus goods and recycle those items.  have faith in the natural abundance of life."
DUH!  not only am i clearing out carloads and carloads of stuff, but in the thick of things, found a wad o' cash in a box.  (see previous posts).

if there was a day that needed the most get up and go - and keep going, today would be it.  I'm in the homestretch of this dig, and today's scheduled task is a mighty one.  i would have done it first, just to get it out of the way, but it was logistically impossible...much litle those little plastic puzzles with the squares, i had to move this to get to that, and that needed to be over here in order for the other thing to be moved out, etc.  so now, one of the most daunting parts.  but also the most rewarding, i think.  i may end up with a new jeweler's bench in the process, which would help keep me organized going forward.  and boy do i need it, with necklace orders coming in.
and as much as today needed to be a get up-and-get-in-gear day, sadly - it isn't.  it's damp and rainy and a perfect day to cuddle under the covers with diva.  i woke up at 1am, and thought about getting going then.  but didn't.  then woke up at 3am, and snuggled deeper under the blanket.  finally at 5am i was up.  ate breakfast, and those darn pillows entered into a plan with the cuddly blanket, and back to snoozeville.  i have to say it did me good though.  at 5am i could barely walk, but after taking some ibuprophen and elevating my legs for a few hours, it is better-ish.  so i'll re-start the day now.
some good news:  i am getting re-tested for Lyme.  it would make sense.  the laundry list of symptoms that i've been experiencing for the past few years are each on the Lyme list, and honestly, they are not getting any better, that's for certain.  there are days when walking, using my hands or getting out of bed are just not an option.  i've gotten diagnosis of fibromyalgia and RA and OA, but those don't explain some of the other things.  for too long, i've felt like a hypochondriac running to the doctor constantly, but the pains and symptoms are real.
oy enough of that.  time to get busy!  Today's reward will be dinner out, and a bubble bath.  lusting after a big soaking tub.  waiting on delivery of this essential item.

progress report

ok - it's been a really really really exhausting time of it, trying to purge and re-do this studio.  i will never-not-ever bring a single 'nother thing into this room.  ever.  not even a piece of paper.  what a dredge out.  and the picture i'm about to show you won't do the job justice - the shelves on the right have been re-stocked with stuff-that-stays.  same goes with the top shelf in the middle, and the 3rd shelf down.  the rest is awaiting transport to the trash. 

the unit that the leetle wooden man is waving from will be moved to my jewelry bench area (hopefully) tomorrow, to replace the little-ish unit i have there now... i have to clear my bench first, though, and that could be the final straw that breaks my mental stability (such as it is anyway).  here's what it looks like now, and don't scream...(my easel is hanging out there while i shift things).  the white table with the printer on it is part of my desk, and will stay put, as it is attached to the wall.  (there's my crow)...

also on tap is removing everything from below this table & getting it down to the garbage,  then folding up the table, and painting the faux paneling a distressed aqua AND making it my little zen reading area...

that lightning bolt panel is part of a piece by Tommy Lincoln...i'll show you the rest later, but trust me - he's going to be big.  now, all that stuff under the table is going out, don't forget.  i must admit i am not looking forward to clearing my bench area - you saw the mess - but i think that will be the area with the most remarkable change.  we shall see.
and i must admit that i am really diggin this tossing stuff out...i'm done picking through everything, and just tossing it if i haven't used it or looked at it in more than 6 months.  except the Crayolas.  i do have an addiction to that smell.
ok - time to reward myself with a chocolate mint Skinny Cow flying saucer ice cream.  then back at it.

cha-ching!

so maybe this clearing away of stuff does have a literal payoff...i opened a 48 gal plastic tub that I keep my vendor stuff in, figuring I'd weed through it before i stored it in the attic.  there was this curious looking envelope that i almost tossed, but opened instead - it was addressed to me - in my own handwriting...???? AND it had $140 in it.  hunh? wha? it sure isn't like me to forget about something like this.  I mean, I remember that Sam Larned owes me $5 for some pot back in 11th grade.
so there is a payoff in many ways here.  after a slow slow start, with waves of feeling overwhelmed holding me back, i got started on the dig again and WHOO HOO!  ok, enough frivolity - back to it.

the clock lies

time is no longer "time" in a household with an ailing pup that needs to go O-U-T asap every 15 minutes, despite the rollicking lightning storm outside, and despite the fact that today was to be a day of needing to clone myself in order to get everything done. instead, I am lying on the couch next to my boo-dog, rubbing her gurgling tummy as she poots loudly and occasionally.  my girl.  bulimia cat watches from a nearby cushion.  i am also not feeling so hot, after a sudden violent sneezing attack left me with stuffed sinuses, blurry eyes, and a slight fever.  my neighbor says it's probably West Nile.  she works at the health department.  no one ever has a reaction to mold - they have rabies or EEE or West Nile or dengue fever.  according to her.  i am supposed to finish sewing patches on her daughter's Band jacket for her senior band photo in a day or two.  i have 2 left, and my hands will not do the job i am trying to force them to do.  i am mush.  pup is mush.  we are laying on the couch together like sluggards.  i need a shower, but am certain that i'll be cleaning a carpet afterwards if i leave diva's watch for a minute.  ok enough depressing stuff.  i am going to put a mini chandelier of the blingie variety in my studio!

maybe blingier if i can find one.  and find someone to install it.  my goals:  have studio cleared of stuff completely by monday.  re-do what's left.  paint livingroom and have new diningroom chandelier installed.  if i can find someone to install it.  i'm on the fence about painting my studio, but think i'll leave it white.  less color for my eye to stick on.  maybe in the new sitting area.  a little aqua-ish wall.  why aqua?  no clue, but it seems to be the color i crave lately.  aqua and orange.  not ugly aqua, but a distressed, whitewashed, old wall aqua.  and orange, go figure.  okay - time to go out again....

I'm sorry - I ripped the link to this off elizabeth's blog and cannot stop looking at this photo. Hannah has captured the unseeable ... love.  and love so incredibly deep, it dares you to look away.  whether you own a dog or not, this is so fierce. it makes me want to run and hug my diva, and never let her go.

dare ya not to dance....

and for so many reasons - all of them wild:




(found on this blog and shamelessly ripped)

need zzzz's today...another night waking up every 15 minutes, then up for good at 5am.  but i need a nap now.  maybe if i hit the couch, the animals will leave me alone for a bit.....

breaking bones

Breaking Bones ... Linda Esterley

A new show at Szozda Gallery starts Friday, and here's one of my pieces included.  It's a brief show before the gallery closes for a week.  I will have to leave my credit card at home. It's no secret that I am a total dork when it comes to one of the other artists' work. I cannot stand in front of Phil Parsons' work without getting choked up and feeling a total need to own all of it.  And as much as I love Phil's work, I admire & respect him as a person as well.

so today. hmmm.

ok - a question for you:  show of hands - who among you would order an MRI for a patient who is suffering from dizzy spells?  Anyone?  Buehler?  I mean, pretend you're a doctor.   and the dizziness manifests it's evil self when the patient lays down (lies down? oy - becomes prone).  as if the whole MRI experience wasn't uncomfortable enough.  add the cups-and-saucers to the funhouse.  yeah, okay - that was my day.  i was within 3 minutes of finishing this nightmare, when it became apparent that i would need to sit up, or die like Elvis.  Signaling madly with my feet, a voice on an intercom informed me I was "doing good" and it would be "3 more minutes."  all bodily indications were screaming that 3 minutes would be 2 minutes and 57 seconds too many, and they vaulted me out of that clacking coffin and into an upright and locked position just in time.  yeah, i probably should have taken my Antivert, but wasn't thinking of an MRI as being laying down.  i share the shame.  but now i have to go through this again, pre-medicated.  they were offering valium too, but I figured my history being what it is, I'd better just suck it up.  And I still don't know if I have a simple inner ear issue going on, or an alien growing inside my head.  My money is on the ear thing, which would totally piss me off to have to do this whole thing again for THAT.  but i've always been an optimistic person in the face of strong contrary facts.  just built that way, i guess.

and that's the way it was.  to anyone who has to have MRI's on a regular basis, I send prayers for you.  It wasn't that I was horrified by the entire thing, but seriously - they can put a rover on Mars, why can't they invent something a little more comfortable to get this job done?

so exciting!

okay - with help from my private interior decorator (Sue), I have a Secret Plan.  I can't say much, but it involves paint & electrical work while husband is off sailing for 6 days.  In fact, this will be an enormous undertaking, so if you want to help, call me.  but don't even hint about this to husband.  he will grow to like it.
meanwhile, back at the dig site, 5 bags of garbage went out this morning.  the big black bags.  industrial size.  husband helped.  i staged everything at the top of the stairs, and he patiently explained that i should sort and recycle the plastic from the glass from the metal.  i explained back that if i had to re-touch or examine this stuff in any way, shape or form, that most of it would find it's way back into the room.  he grabbed bags and bolted down the stairs.  he is proud of me.  i am proud of me.  and i lost 3 more pounds.  and finally got that 1-2-3-1-2-3 step at zumba.  no arms yet though...i'd end up on my keister if i had to do both arms & feet.  but i have an inner homey trying to express herself, so i suspect the arms come soon.  old dog/new tricks.
today is the MRI day, so keep your fingers crossed.  maybe there'll be a lightening storm, and i'll somehow end up with super powers if the machine gets hit.  you can't say for sure.
ok - off to order electrical things & paint, and get this day started.  i promised a neighbor kid i'd sew her patches on her band jacket in time for her group photo, and forgot.  it's due in 3 days, and she accomplished a lot in her 4 years in high school, apparently, because there are a jillion of them.  all being sewn by hand.  why by hand?  my sewing machine is buried.  yes.  the expensive machine my husband bought me for my birthday eons ago, that fits perfectly into the 10'x8' table he built around the machine.  the very table that i now use for everything but sewing, as i don't really do art quilts any more, and don't have the heart to tell him, although i do use the table for everything else, as i mentioned.
then i have to start locating the supplies i bought for the art workshop i'm headed to in October, as opposed to the one i usually head to in september, which i still can't talk about without feeling upset.  (if i'm honest).
That's me on top of that EMPTY SHELF!  and actually, the unit next to it is also technically empty - just waiting for husband to help drag some of it down the stairs.

heavin

i am tired of sorting, dragging, boxing up, organizing.  It will all be tossed within the next 30 minutes.  all of it.  everything that remains.  i may just ask husband to do it, so i don't get my eye caught on something so precious that i didn't even know i had it.  the fabric will get jammed in my car along with the lace and trims and sequin stuff and it will go to the Salvation Army store.  that would be incredibly wasteful of me to dump something that useful to someone else.  there must be hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of it.  it was a hand-me-down.  an awesome score at the time.  but i've moved on in my art interests, and fabric no longer holds the same mystique for me.  and even the piles and piles of rusty stuff - i think it was the thrill of the find.  i've saved a good sized box of paper, but am re-thinking it, and that will go too.  maybe i should do a curb alert on craig's list.  if you're reading this, and you live near me, consider this your curb alert.  tonight is garbage night and it's going out.  if you want the fabric, you should have a few hours before i take it.  i feel so free!  and this will free up time for a secret project i have planned next weekend.  do not give me things.

diggin

more dig news - are ya bored yet?  amazing how much a person can get done when they close their facebook account :)
another shelf cleared, and a huge-o tub of paper all boxed up (several boxes) to go...where?  claim it or the garbage man will score big tomorrow.  my rules - stuff cannot be touched once it's in the "to go" pile, and it has to be "gone" by the next day.  speak now...
also up for grabs... the 30 gallon tub of fabric (all sorts - velvets, silks, hand dyed stuff, etc) and the rolls and rolls of ribbon i spoke of.  last call!  this would be a shame to toss.
ok - time for lunch, then back to it.  i am determined to have paint on the walls and a cozy corner by the end of the weekend.  tonight is zumba, and tomorrow is an all day MRI/scan fun fest, so i'm losing time there.  grrr.

and this was at the bottom taunting me.....

a little birdie told me...

an early wakeup call today, as bottle rockets launched a celebration somewhere nearby....at 3am.  i couldn't help but wonder if someone's child was just conceived, but rather than get ticked off, i swung my feet out of bed and sat by the slider...the (finally) cool air was a welcome treat after the 98+ degrees we've had.  another Dig Day today, and although my enthusiasm was waning yesterday, the 3am meditation brought a great idea....i've been wanting (deeply!) a cozy corner to put a comfy chair in my studio.  i just visualized the process in completion, and realized if i clear 1 more unit, i can move some things around and have an entire wall for a loveseat!  And AND! once the area is clear by that wall, i can paint it (it's fake paneling now) and hang artwork there! this has me all re-motivated!  so i'm off to dig.  but i want to share this with you - i get a daily newsletter from Melodie Ross.  Not sure how it happened, but there you have it.  and here is today's "little birdie" blurb  (dedicated to you-know-who-you-are, and to me):

ok?

i've managed to fritter away a lot of the day...i got a lot of heave-ho done, but then got lost in an ongoing research project...it seems that i get close close close to an end point, and then take a left turn down another interesting possibility.  this will be the project that never ends, i suspect.  there must be something in the air, as far as the clutter clearing - i know of 3 other friends that are doing major digs right now.  i'm at the point where i just want it done.  i want to paint and re-purpose spaces and change things around and do whatever the trendy word is for redecorating.  husband is heading out on a sailing adventure, and i have plans for the house while he's away.  the last time i did this, though, it was a bit of a disaster - his daughter & i painted the kitchen red.  i can't revisit the horror entirely, due to intervention necessity, but let me say that red is the hardest color paint to cover.  ever.  including 2 or more coats of primer.  so don't paint red.  this time, having learned the hard way, i'm just having the bubble thing fixed, and maybe  freshen up the livingroom a bit, paint-wise.  similar color but brighter and, well, fresher.  the taupe we have in there is 11 years old already, and has turned that peachy sort of color that i despise.  and there is no color that i like for 11 years, so i'll find something.  maybe be wild and do beige.  don't get me started.  my hairdresser is gutting her house and re-doing it with reclaimed metal stuff and crusty things.  i hope my roots grow fast so i can get my decorating-with-metal fix from her.  she's a fantastic artist.  her shop is an amazing masterpiece called Miracles, in Fayetteville NY.  go there.  trust me.  if you come in for the show, we'll take a car out there.  she's open 7 days, which shocked me.  usually only mall places are open 7 days.  but these are all Master stylists and estheticians.  i had a pedi and a root cover today.  took diva for a walk and kept smelling chocolate.  my legs.  chocolate mint.  i could just lick my legs, if i could reach.  ok going places now, so i'd better say bye.

(post 2) Oh - by the way...

today is the last day to join up...

The Dig: Phase 2; Section 2; Day 5-ish; Shelf 6&7

well, hopefully.  Baby steps.  today's goal is shelf #6 and shelf #7.  it doesn't look like much progress has been made, because i have to keep shoving stuff from the new work area over into the old spot that I just cleared.  But trust me (and my garbage man), there is a t-o-n of progress.  today, the top shelf of unit 1 & 2 were cleared.  the stuff on top of unit 2 is waiting for the recycling bin to be emptied.  anyone need feathers?  blue jay, flamingo, hawk, cockatiel, cardinal and some other ones.  oh woodpecker.  those will be scheduled out in the morning, so let me know quickly.  a huge bin of fabric is going going....where?  velvets, lace, netting, many "etc etc" and a cartload of lace ribbon and lace stuff that comes wrapped around the oval plastic thing at the store.  yes - it's mostly all still on the oval plastic thing.  ("I like that.  I'll take it all").  some antique lace, some just plain old lace.  and much embellishment-type stuff...sequin-y and yarn-y stuff.  want it?  the hardest thing for me will be the rusty metal stuff, i can see that right now.  i've gotten rid of a million boxes already, which i thought would be hard, but the rust just sings to me, and i make no apology. it's just the way it is.  and throughout all this, i just picture the load getting lighter, and less to drag around with me, which mean less of a drag on me - less holding my feet in cement.  so let me know asap if you want/need anything mentioned above. also, if you might need some cool rusty stuff, let me know, and when i get to that part, it will be easier (maybe) to sort through it if i know it's going to a good home.
As difficult as this project is, I'm so excited by it - freedom to breathe & create, comin' right up!

This is from the other day:

 ok - here's a picture from this morning - see, i told you it didn't look like much had been done...(there are empty shelves, though, behind that painting on the bottom right)....


now - off to do some more digging.

the plan

Tomorrow, an early start, with a hair appointment at what?? 9am?? across town?? oy vey who scheduled that? well, okay, then AFTER that, a continuation of The Big Dig: Phase 2, Shelf 5, Day 4.  I am lightening my load, and it feels so good.  i am starting to get a little crazy with minor stress about the fundraiser (WHAT IF NO ONE BUYS????)  plus the fact that i can't actually make art in my art studio (see above - Dig) and it's frustrating.  but tonight the air is cooler, and there's a nice breeze, so i've turned off the fake air and am enjoying the feel of the Outside air inside.  goodnight, sleep well.  thank you all for your encouraging emails, by the way.  i appreciate it!  nothing like hearing Ping Ping Ping while i work.  now wasn't this just all deep & spiritual?  ok maybe tomorrow.  i do have some things on my mind.

a little birdie...

about half way through, something pretty spectacular happens....best seen full screen....

update

i have been working for a while now, and haven't cleared the first box.  it is a huge box, granted, but i decided to start with one of the hardest. (actually 3 boxes in one). there are teensy scraps of paper, etc, in this box (which i dutifully chucked) but there were also some family photos mixed in...had plans for a collage/painting.  there is also a load of stuff that made me scratch my head wondering why in the world i felt it had any value in my life whatsoever.  so progress is being made, but not at the heave-ho pace i had planned.  just getting the stuff out of my studio is a major feat, and the only way i can do this project is to remove the box or bag or whatever, and make stuff justify it's way back in.  i have set aside a specific and non-adjustable amount of space for all this ephemera and "objects of imagination."  it's the only way i can do this, after looking at some of my "prizes."  there are 3 objects that i have no immediate use for, but will remain.  and i will fight you on them.  one is an antique typewriter given to me by Lynn.  I love it...the way it looks, the way it types, the way it feels.  i do have use for it when i make some of my jewelry.  the other 2 things are tools, as well.  and i don't like to give up tools, as they are expensive to replace.  so there's the update.  husband goes on a 6-day sailing adventure in a week, so i hope to have this mess cleared by the time he returns on the 16th.  then i'll treat myself -er, my studio, rather - to a coat of fresh paint, and actually hang some artwork!  breaktime is over...got the shakes real bad, so had to protein-load.  that crazy blood sugar thing.  and the coolest thing i've found is......a secret.  but if you have a trip to italy planned anytime soon, you are going to want to keep your eyes peeled for the necklace this treasure ends up in!  keep checking here for it.

Post #3 (sorry)

please don't bring me any more stuff.  it's like giving the dog too many treats.  it's all well-intentioned, but now look at this mess to clean up.  it's for my own good, even though right now, i feel like i'm dropping my kids off at summer sleepaway camp...parting is such sweet sorrow.  and i don't even have kids.  just how sick is this, that i'm emotionally attached to some of this crappity crap crap?  ok.  no judgement - it's just all going.  1,2,3......
breathe into the bag.....

post #2

by the way....I have a Gi-Normous chalkboard for free to anyone who can pick it up by sunday.

the only answer

my studio is such a mess that i consider it a disrespect for the space and materials that i have been given.  in my attempt to clean & clear, it is at the stage where things must be hopped over and scooched around, and i fear i have lost the dog into the great abyss.  i am tired of it being like this - threatening to topple...things saved for Someday...but i don't even remember what they are, nor do i have a visual on them, so, quick - what's under the big roll of batting?  for $50 and the championship....no clue.  i have half - started and half- finished projects...i have never- started and never-will-start projects....all lining my wall-to-wall shelving...all collecting nests in my head....so...what to do?  chuck it all.  ALL.  nothing will remain on the shelves.  not a single feather or grain of sand.  not a typewriter or a boat light or rusty gear or paper ephemera....and i have tubs and tubs and tubs of all of it.  and seriously - how important can it be if i don't know it's there, or i haven't needed it in 3 years??  that is just nonsensical.  i started looking at it, and said "oh - wait - i'll use that...and that..."  but guess what?  If i found it once, i'll find it again.  and that leaky bag of rusty shit?  it's a leaky bag of rusty shit.  there are no magical powers in it...no spiritual answers.  and who knows what will come in once there's room?  and maybe i can put an actual comfy chair in here so i can think and read.  oh, studio...you will heart me soon.  dumpster dumpster, where for art you?  (pun intended)
BTW - the paper is gone gone gone!! thank you everyone.

post #2

today is a "despiteful" day... despite wanting to crawl back into bed & pull the covers over my head, i got up.  Despite looking at my studio dig out project and being overwhelmed and walking out the door, I dug in (and it was easier & more fun than I thought it would be!).  despite wanting to nap away the afternoon and evening, i took diva for a pedi and got ready for zumba (despite wanting to skip it).  despite feeling teary-eyed and sad all day, i pushed a grin on my face, and dang if i didn't start to feel better (enough to count!).

I am so intensely looking forward to a movie date with my brother tomorrow afternoon...just us!  we live in the same town(ish) but never get to see each other, and i miss him.

I'm not sure why I feel so discombobulated and tired the past 2 days.  but it has been a struggle through the pea soup, trying to keep my footing so as not to fall into the abyss of icky stuff.  and missing the smell of this is certainly not helping.  i tear up every time i look.  but, i won't be there this year for reasons that just won't be discussed.  My future exhusband will just have to get along without me. :)

but ohhhhh, i can just feel myself on the dock, toes dipping into the water, quiet quiet, my tribe and more.  ok, i have to stop thinking about it now.  

diva is needing some attention, after her tormentation - a pedicure.  oy vey.  she jumped out of the car and hurled.  i mean, it wasn't that bad an ordeal, eh?  the drama.

wowa

i have been digging in and digging out for hours today.  two of my friends are going through a similar purge, so whenever i'd feel like stopping, I'd pretend I was doing their house for them & the re-motivation would kick in.  and what an amazing difference already.  i started out the day getting boxes filled to send out, which made the paper purge so so much easier.  (and BTW:  I was wrong on the box price - the shipping is just $5.35 ).  after I got the paper separated - (YES! I am DONE with the paper organization!  Now the boxes wait for adopters to request!) - after the three hour paper rodeo, i decided to empty the garbages in my studio - all 3 bins.  not cans... bins.  huge bins.  tall, large, deep, long bins. some with stuff from my desk that needs shredding first.  soooo....yes.  i DID it.  except for the shredding.  i'll do that later.  and it already feels so light in here.  i'm going to tackle some of the metal stuff i have up here next...there may not be anything to toss, but if there is, then it will go.  wow.  it feels so good to do this!
i'm off to the vet now - diva has a pedicure appt, which despite her nickname, she is not at all happy to comply with.  she becomes wiggles and slippery as a fish, so i gave up.
be back with more later......

PS: I seriously got this comment in my moderation box:

Tremendous! This particular is all I can think pertaining to a blog post like this excellent. This kind of is literally a notably explanatory article post on the blog. You just need to know a lot about this amazing. 

post #3 - digging it

digging it out, that is.  I have a MONUMENTAL amount of very high quality papers - a 30lb tub of them...these came from a letterpress company that had a loading dock full of leftover bits and pieces and boxes of overruns or something...some cream colored, some are very cool envelope liners (never glued into envelopes)...some are heavy cardboard-y and some are just thick paper-ish, some are onionskin... all widths & lengths.  I'm closing my eyes and boxing them up, and out they go to whomever wants them...I'll do little-bit-bigger than VHS-size boxes crammed for $10 (or $17.95 Canada/Mexico).  It's church bazaar/grab bag style...I can't take special orders for color or style, or i'll never ever finish this, but i will make sure everyone gets some cool stuff.  you don't think i'd have any UN-cool stuff, do you??  I would keep this, but y'all, just HOW MUCH paper can a person use in a lifetime?? and i assure you, i will still have enough to cover the state.  so leave me a comment with your contact info, and i'll hook you up.  (your comment won't publish unless i tell it to, and i promise not to publish your contact info). i don't have paypal, so i'll take a check or any credit card.  hurry hurry step right up.

post #2

a view from the nest behind the chair, where Every Single toy has been hidden...

"even my toys!"

this amazing 7-foot painting by Jamie Ashlaw greets me every morning as I head toward the smell of coffee...

yes - you may have noticed, I am procrastinating still.  nothing has been cleaned or cleared.  the dishes remain in the dishwasher.  the vacuum - safe & sound in the closet.  I did paint a little.  very little.  and tried to watch a Japanese movie about sushi (with subtitles), but dozed.  my body is just not in the game today, so i give.  uncle.  i'll make some dinner, then ice my ankles and prop them up on some pillows.  it's the best i can offer to the day today.  i can't budge past my homesickness for this place, so i'll just wallow and hatch a plan.

be brave

(from Melody Ross' Brave Girls Camp)

I'm feeling frustrated and un-tethered the past few days...i start something, then have no interest in finishing it...i think part of this has to do with my house being so disordered, and my desk so disordered, and my studio - well, let's just not go there.  i have an opportunity that requires I send pictures in for jury by tomorrow.  have i even made the object to be photographed?  no.  everything feels overwhelming right now.  despite that, i'm not feeling Bad...just seriously overwhelmed.  a leak somewhere in the part of the house that's hidden in walls and crawlspaces has caused a huge bubble to form in the ceiling.  right near the entryway.  right where a guest would need to walk to get anywhere else in the house.  i suppose you could read a metaphor into that, but it really is just an ugly stain & bubble that needs attention soon, but husband is headed out of town again, so i'll wait & watch. 

 this morning hung onto the night's cool breezes and low temps, making for some CozyCozy time on the couch before dawn, wrapped in a quilt, snuggled by poochie, fingers basketed around a cup of fresh brewed coffee.  i wanted 5am to last all day.  the weather report is promising high 90's again today, and i say Enough.  diva can't take the heat of the day, and our summer has been spent breathing artificial air and snoozing all day (she does the snoozing).  i think today will be a cleaning and clearing day.  as soon as husband pushes off, i plan to spend some time in focused meditation (an oxymoron?) to see where my feet need to travel...to see if i can shake this unease by figuring out what it wants me to hear. then - dancing with the mop.  cleaning cleaning cleaning.  and organizing.  and tossing.  

there is a male cardinal out my window who is desperately trying to impress a female that caught his eye.  tweet-pause-tweet-pause-tweet-pause all day.  All day.  i want to tell him that if she hasn't looked yet, she isn't going to, but nature has it's own way of doing things, i suppose.  they put on quite a show yesterday, with preening feathers and vibrating wings.

ok - off to Becky Home-Ecy land!

wishing you a clear path to your own destiny....

i need a maid!

my house is a disaster.  my studio is a disaster.  every single place i look in this house - a disaster.  husband and i have been so busy being busy that i haven't cleaned or Cleaned in a looong week.  it's not that we're dirty folk, but stuff piles up...on the table...on the floor by the table...by the couch...everywhere.  so tomorrow is going to be an air conditioning and cleaning day.  and a purging day.  i just have too much stuff STILL in my studio.  but like the people on the Hoarders show, i try to imagine getting rid of some of my rusty metal, and i feel pain.  some of my paper stash?  ouch.  i look at a wall of stainless steel industrial MetroShelving crammed to the limits with stuff, and can't imagine what i'd do without.  so maybe i'll scrub tubs and vacuum instead.  just don't come visit for a bit, okay?  and i'm weird enough about my studio.  i'm not a real "open studio" kinda person.  this room feels sacred to me, and i know that sounds all flighty and oogly googly, but it's the only space that's Mine, and i am uncomfortable sharing it.  except with diva & bulimia cat, of course.  time is really starting to fly toward the november fundraiser, and husband now wants to throw a week trip to Wisconsin in there somewhere.  wisconsin.  he has relatives there.  which would be lovely.  if i didn't have a fundraiser to pull together without white canvas high tops (as yet) and plus, another week away in early October.  i have to stop thinking about it right now.
it is promising to be cool tonight, so it'll be wonderful to open the sliders and get some real air inside.  i love sleeping with the windows open on a cool night.
i went to yoga this morning at early o'clock.  i have to get past the fact that not every instructor is my Clare, whom i love love love.  she spoiled me, that's for sure.
okay - time for dishes.  just wanted to check in quick.  i promise an actual meaningful post coming up!

a busy day, trying to fit errands in before the Big Storm, which will probably miss us like all the others have.  my lawn is no longer a time consuming task, as it is a burned and brittle mess.  just walking across it risks conflagration.

between making better food choices, and zumba (zumba-cide: death by zumba), I've lost 8 pounds in 3 weeks.  there is a feeling of control now, whereas before, it felt like an alien had taken up residence in my body and was growing & growing & growing.  My mood has changed from helpless to "okay now, let's concentrate on more important things."  i signed up for a hooping class (not to be confused with whooping cough) next month.  ever since i saw a video of a girl hooping with fire on a beach at night, i've wanted to learn (without the fire).  never knew they had classes here! i think, for me, just staying active is the key.  it's so easy to sink into the "me" shaped spot on the couch and get lost in Netflix.  so that's what i'm going to do now - get busy with errands!  hey - i need 30 pair of unused white canvas high top sneaks, asap, and need them for free.  just putting it out there.  they can all be the left shoe or right shoe, de nada.  size doesn't matter.  Zappos has a different giving path this year, Converse and Van's have yet to reply, but i just realized i would need them in the next 2 weeks.  yikes.  so .... say a prayer.

wisdom from Teddy (Roosevelt, not bear)

to all the nitpickers, naysayers, self-criticizers, self-haters, worry warts, non-tryers, fearful, self-impatient, feeling invisible people...

You are beautiful.  You have a right to be here.  The world needs you as you are.

and now a few words from Teddy:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, 

because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; 

who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly . . .”

Wishing you a day of messy enthusiasms! 

yes!  I'm alive!  hitting a busy streak right now, and working out a lot - trying to figure out a good schedule for that so I don't run to the gym everyday.  Not getting crazy about anything, but it sure feels good to ride my bike by the lake, while husband rollerblades the same trail.  it's something we've found to bond with.  so this morning is crrrazy busy with one appointment leading to another to another...all good & exciting stuff for the fundraiser!! i am lovin' this fundraising!  ok - off now.....have a remarkable day & make it memorable for someone you love, or someone you don't even know.

zumba starts with zzzzz

oh, y'all....(wailing & wringing of hands)....zumba.  i mean, really?  who invented this?  satan?  i am directionally challenged, and have the vertigo thing still going on, and never could dance to save my life, so let's mash all the things i do worst together, and throw me into a hot room, yell "go," and see what happens.  it was blasphemy.  sweaty, feel-the-burn, what-the-hell, i will die blasphemy.  but the music was good.  i hung in there the entire hour, only because i couldn't figure out how a person's butt could be so teeny and still support a torso - i mean, the teacher was buff, and could obviously dance like the stars.  and here i was in the back row with the other clods.  someone suggested a BEGINNER zumba class ("spaz zumba") held at the sister club across town.  the next night.  which was last night.  ahhh.  beginner zumba.  sounded right up my alley and not at all fearsome.  i show up.  the teacher shows up.  she is a big girl.  i am happy. the rest of the class tromps in.  the music starts and whoa nelly - what the hell?  i cannot for the life of me figure out the difference between the two classes, other than the teacher slaps her thigh when we're about to change moves, and points in the direction we SHOULD be going.  again, i stay for an hour, but mostly because i'm too dazed to find the exit, and figure i should do something productive while waiting for someone to follow out.  and much like a casino, there are no clocks, so i have no idea when my deliverance will come.  again the music is good.  i fear the last sounds i hear on this mortal earth, however, will be Pitbull and Will.I.Am, which under normal occasions is fine, but not appropriate for your last breath.  this teacher had moves.  i just wanted to lay on the ground trying to suck air and watch.  alas, all things come to an end, and i crawled out the door behind the others.  hey, i got a free t-shirt, though! i suspect it was for the spazziest zumbini.  so this morning's torment was yoga.  i am totally spoiled by Clare, my yoga instructor.  but it's time to spread my wings, broaden my horizons, and try the free yoga class at this gym.  what could be evil about yoga? i say with innocence.  there is a difference in types of yoga...flow yoga, hot yoga, gentle yoga, etc.  the class listings just say "yoga."  (hey Larry -  i got new yoga pants for this class!)  this was not a yoga i knew.  my expectations were this: a mind, body, spiritual experience, while stretching my body and strengthening my core.  what i got: we never not ever stopped.  the music was Led Zepplin Stairway to Heaven and other rockinest stuff.  we never even said Om.  it was exercise-called-yoga...sort of like elementary school fish sandwiches - they aren't really fish, but we'll call it that to keep people happy.  yes yes, i know - i am used to 1 teacher's methods and should be open-minded, but i felt homesick.  exactly homesick.  and now i know i need to go back to Clare.  so after all this torment and chaos and sweat, i set up an appointment for a trainer next week.  oh yes i did.  it's time to figure out all those gruntifying machines.  i'm paying for them, dammit, i'll use them.  and meanwhile, i'm doing laundry every night because the sweat smell is teenager-ish.  tomorrow is a work day, though...necklaces to make!! proposals to write!! a workshop to put the finishing touches on!! it'll all be cool, you'll see.  tonight, a luxury bubble bath.  for Diva, actually.  oh, and thank you for asking - she is doing fantastic! 99.99% better.
time to shower - again - and make dinner (well, Wegmans made it for me already, but i have to heat it up...eggplant roulettes and broiled vegetables).  (and a cupcake, yes, for godssake.  only 2 hours on the treadmill to get rid of it).

wanna go?

on top of being might-break-a-record hot today, i am all over the place with things i need to do.  and not getting any of them done.  drove husband to the airport this morning, and then went to the gym for a bit of treadmill action.  very little bit.  came home to try to get some necklaces done...got all the materials out, then remembered an online class i signed up for started today, so went to peek in at that, and then wondered why i had signed up for it since i had all the skills already, but do love the teacher.  sat down at my bench to drill some holes in some fancy things i'm making for y-o-u, and remembered something else i needed to do, so got up to do that, and thought i should check my calendar quick before i sat back down, then remembered an email that HAD to get out today, which reminded me about a snail mail request i HAD to send out, but realized I didn't have all the paperwork i needed, but figured i would get an envelope ready, and when i went to get the stamp, figured i'd grab lunch or a cup of coffee but absolutely not any of the dark chocolate & caramel chex mix left over from the block party because it would cost me 90 minutes of heavy labor on the treadmill, but did have a sensible nosh before coming back upstairs to the studio. and then feeling more out-of-sorts/amy winehouse-ish, i decided to check the movie listings, figuring i could gorge myself on popcorn in a cool theater and escape my clear lack of interest in work today, and found Moonrise Kingdom playing about 40 minutes from my house.  so now i wonder if my brother wants to go?

yesterday was our annual block party.  there are 12 houses on our cul-de-sac, and 3 of those houses are new-ish neighbors.  we usually get together mid-september, timing it to the date when the local boyscouts have their lobster sale, but this year i felt it was important for everyone to meet and have the summer to become friends.  we have a soup party planned for winter, also.  (everyone brings a different soup).  it was hot.  Africa hot.  and the grill going full time didn't help.  one neighbor had a giant inflatable water slide for the kids, which kept the whining (from them) down, but as the afternoon wore on, and the slushy adult beverages disappeared, a few of us them wanted to rush the slide.  fortunately for the inflatability of the slide, that would have required standing up and moving, so the adults stayed put.  i have to say i really enjoy my neighbors.  we all have each others garage door codes, and look out for one another.  it takes a cul-de-sac to raise a child, and each one of those kids has a safe haven at their pick of houses on the street. (some have better snacks, though).  It felt nice to just relax with people I've known for 11 years, and catch up with some of them.  husband leaves for chicago tomorrow, then somewhere else the week after.  it figures that when we finally start re-establishing our love and marriage bonds, his travel schedule heats up.  maybe that's why we're getting along!  tomorrow is the only day i don't have appointments or full phone days scheduled for the fundraiser, so i plan to hit the resin.  having a blast making these necklaces.  one of my vendors asked why i needed such a large order of their material, and i told them what i use it for.  they are now going to carry some of my necklaces!  cool beans.  more about that after the deal is sealed.  meanwhile, a sleepy, peaceful day - napping, laundry and not much else.  the circle is cleaned & cleared of tables and pop tops and trampolines - any food bits carried away by crows and raccoons.  the hot spell continues with rising humidity that hints of a cooling rain, but never delivers.  diva is desperate for a Big Walk, but can't manage it.  our out time is the crack of dawn, before the sun is fully awake.  or after the sun sets, which is a few degrees cooler, but not by much.  i love warm days and very cool nights.  (not this warm, tho).  looking forward to finding a cool night.
ok - off to laundry land.

bodies bodies bodies

i've always  tried to walk a fine line inside myself, between total acceptance of my body and wanting to tweak a few things.  my recent weight gain that accompanied quitting smoking made this more of a tug of war than a walk on a fine line.  it's funny because i have never looked at another person and thought anything about their size...only their actions and intent and spirit.  but here i am, heavier than i've ever been, and growing by the day, it seems.  and i feel a certain amount of frustration that my size is even on my radar - i'm too busy to have to think about whether or not last week's new jeans will fit, or if i'll ever find a bra to fit.  and i just don't want to think about those things - they have never been that important to me.  and i'm noticing a funny thing - sort of a perfect storm of self-awareness issues.  on top of my theory that women become "safe" and "invisible" after a certain age, i now find myself feeling like i should explain my weight gain.  i catch myself and don't, but feel like whenever i shop for the next size, i have to tell the clerk that "i used to be a size 2, then a 4, then a 6, and then quit smoking and went from a 6 to a 14 lickity split."  all one fast sentence like that.  like she could care.  but it's almost like i have to prove my worth - let her know that i was once like her, or some such nonsense.  even at the gym last night...it's a nice family-type atmosphere (with nowhere near enough AC for us menopausal types), yet i felt uncomfortable at first as i stepped onto the treadmill.  all around me, teen girls were sweating and running on these hamster wheels for humans, but i started at a leisurely pace, imagining they thought "how nice that this old woman is doing something healthy."  keeping these defeating and bullying thoughts at bay has been my lesson these past few weeks.  i have always been accepting of myself, and never owned a scale.  i have never looked at another and thought they were too thin or heavy or fill-in-the-blank...so why the issues now?  add to the mix that i'm working on a fundraiser for an eating disorder resource center, and you have the recipe for clearing some inner space.  so here's my challenge to myself, and to you, if you feel so inclined:  go here and print out this manifesto.  pin it to your wall, and to your heart.  leave a comment here, if you'd like, telling the world that you accept and love yourself.  because i accept and love you.  and i happen to have good taste :)

2 words

2 words that will change your life:
Ticklebelly Cupcakes.    num num num num.

Everything changed the day she figured out there was exactly enough time for the important things in her life.
_Brian Andreas, StoryPeople




it finally happened...i joined a gym.  yep.  my intention last MARCH had been to join the zumba group that uses the space where i worked (after we closed, of course).  but not so much.  and just saying "i went to zumba" felt so 50's suburban mom-ish, like zumba is the new mah johng.  so after a dinner of tri-colored tortilla chips and iced tea, i realized this madness must stop, and i hauled my ever-expanding pooter down the street to the fitness center (my correction - it is not a gym).  They have yoga and PiYo and machines to Pump You Up and it seemed like a fun family place - no pretty boys roided up to the hair follicles expelling overly loud groans and attempting to lift the building's weight in steel.  mostly people like me, and they seemed friendly yet intent.  but it was hot in there.  real hot.  i was sweating while i filled out the paperwork.  it was explained to me that "the AC must be broken and they were fixing it."  so you're not sure if it's broken, but you are sure they are fixing it?? i know how these things go, so yes, that was me who wrote "contract null & void and full refund will be issued immediately if AC not fixed prior to 7/12/12.  Refund to be issued on 7/12/12" and made them sign it.  they thought i was kidding.  at first.  i'm as serious about my money as they are about working out, and there is no way i would go work out in a rain forest of humidity, and i tell you - there were clouds forming in the treadmill section.  and fitness centers are notoriously cranky about issuing refunds of any sort.   besides, consumer protection law gives me 3 days to change my mind, so it was a warning shot to them that, yes, i am expecting big things from y'all.  like AC.  and clean machines that aren't slick with the last person's sweat and who-knows-what that creepy crawled out their pores.  people, come on.  yes, i have a germ thing, but would you  want to roll around in a stranger's sweat?? and there it is, item #4 on the rule sheet - "thou shalt carry thy towel with them at all times."  or similar.  not an exact quote there.  now, i may be one of those people who has all intention of going every day, every other day, whatever, and end up just hanging my clothes on the membership (like all the fitness equipment that's come and gone from this house) but for 2 weeks, i will be that person.  and if it kicks starts my metabolism, so much the better.  but i may be the person who decides moderation will win the day.  or i may just pop something in my head and expire on the ab flexer (which beats dying in Kmart or Golden Corral).   so this fitness center is open 4am-midnight, so nary a chance of missing their open hours..."darn it!  i keep missing you by 5 minutes!"   not so much.  so i woke up this morning at 5:45-ish, ate breakfast, fed the animals, and here i am with coffee and you.  i plan to take a yoga class at 10:30 this morning, and then treadmill for an undetermined amount of time.  just walk on the treadmill.  because it will be too damn hot to walk outside today, and it better be snowing-on-my-hair cold in the fitness center today.  
i started a painting yesterday that is at a point where it is trying to kill me, so the treadmill should give me some zone-out time to plot against it.  art is a conversation - and sometimes the artist needs to converse with the medium in rather loud and harsh tones to get it to realize who's the boss of the brushes.   but in the end, you know, the paint always wins, so maybe i'll plot against something else instead.  organize a coup or something.  against who/what to be determined.  maybe just sell my method on dvd.  okay - off to sweat.  say a prayer.

well, my intentions were good: clean the house top to bottom (including the load of hand wash dishes, while we wait for a replacement dishwasher), do all the laundry, organize my studio, and generally clear the decks and the niggling things that distract.  then create art.  oh, and design a booth for an upcoming vendor show i want to apply for.  oh, and make plans for a movie this week, and maybe dinner with broseph.  but just those things.  except yoga, and maybe finally checking out zumba.  and my dentist appointment wednesday.  just those things.  nothing more. except for a 1pm webinar. but that's it.  a week to paint, with the house to myself. except maybe my self-created to-do list ran on and on and on.  so, here it is 10am, and i've been up for hours and haven't done any of it and my studio is a distracting mess.  i have a choice - start the to-do list and get nothing else done before yoga, or just crank the ipod and paint.  i will have a snack, take my chantix, and paint.  dishes will wait, laundry never seems to go away, maybe painting will help me think of a booth design, everything else can wait (and it will!).  time to test out the cauliflower-blue cheese quiche-y thing i made last night.  early tiny tastes proved quite strong tasting, but i'll let you know.  at least it looks somewhat edible, which is a good start considering only part of the recipe had actually printed, and i couldn't find it online again, and there were water spots that may have changed the amounts of the visible ingredients.  so okay - i'll live wildly.  can't be any worse than my famous Chicken Salmonella.  even the dog walked away from that one.

 be bold, be brave, say "yes" more often, and ask yourself this: why not?

catch up

Missing this view:

but loving this one, all the same....

just finished this book, and I recommend it wholeheartedly...

these hot days have demanded some frozen refreshments....

the view on my studio windowsill....

*sigh* my messy studio needs some work, but i've been busy busy busy using it as a studio!  (this is just a slice of it, unfortunately)

taking the week to cook good food, re-start my yoga, check out zumba, and continue to not smoke.

still smiling over our anniversary dinner last night...11 years (yow!)

we got married here...

and come back each year for dinner. 

Saturday, no - wait, it was tuesday...my days are all mixed up because of the mid-week holiday...so Tuesday I bought an incredible book... "This I Know," by Susannah Conway.  I met her a few years back at an art retreat in the piney woods of New hampshire.  No, I didn't sign up for her workshop.  it was all about unraveling your heart, or some such nonsense that i was waaay beyond in my life.  waaay beyond.  so i read that she had a new book out, and decided to give it a look, just because i had met her.  i sat down in the bookstore with a spiced chai latte and a biscotti, and the book.  no, i did not make it through the introduction before the whole throat-tightening, teary eyed thing grabbed hold, which can only mean that i may be getting a little close to a truth that my head doesn't want to acknowledge, but my heart does.  buy the book.

new topic:  after bitching about never going anywhere or doing anything as a couple, and feeling so incredibly single and disconnected from my husband, we have decided together to make an effort to do things together.  yesterday we listed them, and i have to say we've done good...movie, Cirque du Soleil, NYC, neighborhood BBQ, baseball game with BBQ and fireworks, and this weekend is our anniversary and kayak trip.  this may not sound like much (and the baseball was a definite payback for all the museums in NYC), but for 11 years, we have done very very little together.  between dog responsibilities and kid responsibilities and his travel schedule vs. my work schedules, it has been a losing battle, and honestly we really didn't try too hard to make it work.  but i am determined, and will do things by myself if he isn't inclined.  but i think the door has been opened.  and whereas before i always felt that i had to use "my" money to do things (like art retreats) i realize that is one of the ways a wedge develops between us - keeping track of who spent what, etc.  (i told you it's been a separate and parallel time).  fingers crossed.

ok - the studio is almost cool enough to work in....bath time for diva dog, then hit the paints!

perspective