i've been up since 3:45, walked the dog, fed the cat & dog (who turned her nose up at *gasp* dog food), made pancakes (including a teeny heart-shaped one for the dog) (yeah, i know), poured resin, drank coffee, scheduled my day & re-scheduled my week, let the dog out again, cleaned up after bulimia cat, started a necklace, took a nap, read 4 whole pages of a book Sue sent me, showered (finally), let the dog out, made more coffee, checked resin for the umpteenth time, cut resin out of hair, and now here i am. feeling mighty productive for a 1000-degree day. am grateful for A/C and will worry about the electric bill another day. I'm pleased with the new designs coming out of my studio...they remind me of spring and farmer's markets and lemonade and candy...they make me smile, so sitting at my workbench for 18 hours isn't so bad! I figure if I can stand them for that long, someone else is certain to like them also! i'm working on a commission right now that involves making beads out of dried rose petals. the problem solving has got me energized, and I'm hoping the resin sets up well. i decided to try a new resin in a syringe-type pump, and it doesn't actually pump out as evenly as the makers said it would, so cross your fingers that i got the 50/50 ratio correct. i'll know in 6 more hours. this necklace is bittersweet...it's main feature is a dried sweetheart rose that was given to JC by her husband. He died in a car accident a week later. she wanted to have this somehow incorporated into a talisman necklace. i said yes, of course. These are exactly the things that get me up at 4am. memento necklaces, talisman necklaces...call them whatever you choose. but to be asked to make a piece of jewelry that is a reminder of a special event, or life changing moment...it's an awesome responsibility that i take very seriously, and am humbled by the trust given me. so many stories of the memory quilts i used to do, back in the day...baby clothes, husband's favorite work shirt or flannel shirt, varsity sports jerseys...each had a story, and as heart wrenching as it was to hear the story, i knew it had to be told, and i knew i could. not. screw. up. there was no fabric at Joanne's to replace a mis-cut. nothing would smell the same, or be worn in just the right spot. oddly, one of the happier quilts i've had to work on is still unfinished....many years after the shirts and skirts and pants being dropped off - my angel-friend Georgia's. and i don't know why this is...my guess is that it needs to say so much more than fabric and thread can be expected to say, and the design and redesign and redesign again will never meet my expectations of what i want it to do. (G just wants to be warm in the winter, at this point, i'm sure!) so - enough rambling & blathering...off to check resin, twist sterling, and find just the right vintage components and chain for a necklace!

Today: Record heat. Slight chance of a pop up storm in the afternoon. High near 100, with heat indicies in excess of 105. Wind: West 10-20 mph. Tonight: Hazy, warm and humid. Low in the low 70s. Wind: WNW 5-15 mph stay cool!

a 2-fer!

I need your help. You've heard me mention Kindred Kingdoms Wildlife Rehabilitation Center before. It is the passion and lifeswork of Jean Soprano, and her husband Len. just them. and a volunteer or two that stop in a day or so per week. It is not a government sponsored or funded place...just 2 people who made a conscious decision to dedicate their lives to healing sick, wounded and otherwise abused wildlife, then releasing them back into their natural habitat. you will not see the work of their hands at a fair or traveling road show. and they do it all on donations and sometimes a small grant. those grants are drying up. So Macy's has stepped in...For $5 you can buy a shopping pass with discounts exclusive to passholders...good at any Macy's anywhere, and even online. the $5 goes to Kindred Kingdoms...100% of it. Beautiful, right? and very very much needed right now, as she is chock full loaded with over 10 raptors (eagles, kestrels, falcons, etc) that eat over $200 worth of food a week. then there are the bear cubs, and the squirrels and skunks, and even a tiny hummingbird with a hurt wing. she lovingly and expertly cares for each. Please - if you think you may need back-to-school clothes, or bedding or perfume or furniture - or you just want to help...contact me for a shopping pass. i thank you, Jean & Len thank you, the animals thank you! and i'll say a special prayer that skunks stay out of your yard!

ah ha! so this is how i spend my days! I met Carrie at Squam Art Workshops last year, and was impressed by her vibrancy...especially so, after learning more about the challenges she has faced the past few years. It's not my story to tell, but when life kicks you in the gut, it's good to know that you can get up swinging. Even though she won't be able to attend this year, she wanted a memento of her september at Squam, and sent me this picture of herself wearing her necklace. loved seeing it! and you've heard me rattle on about the experience of Squam so much here, that I'll save the gushing for mid-September when I come home. But it has been my pleasure and honor to create these talismans for the June tribe, and I thank them for their trust in me...it has been a unique (and a little nerve-wracking) experience to get an email with the request for a necklace "in green" and the rest is up to me. usually, these necklaces find their match at vendor shows and art festivals, after the purchaser sees them and selects the one that resonates with them. i wasn't able to attend the June session of Squam, but didn't want the Junies to be left out, so I threw the net out there and hoped for the best. and overall, the emails I've gotten back have been really delightful & wonderful & encouraging. Just one misstep, but that will be corrected asap. It's difficult to create a piece that represents such an awesome experience...it isn't just a piece of jewelry...it's a reminder of all that happened, and all the ripples that began inside. i have watched friends i met in 2008 grow in confidence and certainty and boldly going where they never thought they would...or could. this tribe of women have held each other up, and encouraged one another, and celebrated wildly with each others' success. they show up. they see and hear. they share their hearts and their inspiration and their secrets...whether those secrets are personal, or creative. there is a trust that it is a sacred space being created. and each person takes a bit of that sacred home with them, to nourish, and brings it back next year "see what has grown?" It was through a series of coincidences that i got there that first year, and a promise to myself that I would return every year, no matter what. this year, there are 12 of us sharing a cabin. 12 women...2 bathrooms. should be interesting! i am so looking forward to seeing them, and meeting new people who've read the blogs and descriptions in magazines, and have ventured out for themselves. for some, it is just another workshop trip, with no anxiety attached. for others, it is so far outside their comfort zone, they've probably canceled and re-upped several times in their mind already. i hope they stay determined and come. it's not at all intimidating once you set foot on the grounds...just peace...breathe in the cedar balsam air, listen to the lake shushh-ing up the shore, smell the woodsmoke from fireplaces in cozy cabins, watch as separate planets become one galaxy, and know this: you were meant to be there. back to work now...yesterday was a lost day, with hands in ice packs, motrin, and movies. today - we'll see! If you have a necklace request with me, please be patient as i convince these rusty gears to get turning again! wishing you a beautiful day with wonderful surprises!

it's kind of interesting to me to listen to some younger friends grow up. not that they were immature, but just in a different place in their lives before...before kids, before marriages and divorces and mortgages and carpools and all that Big Girl Reality stuff that intrudes on the ability to be light...by "light" i mean being able to wake up when you choose (somewhat) and do what you feel when you want, either after a day job ends, or (should you be so blessed) taking a day off because you're the boss...but in the past few years, those little tethers i mentioned have begun to cling to these friends also...having to arrange budgets and childcare before attending a workshop, or even out to dinner with other friends...and there has been a sudden awakening within them that life does come with responsibilities sometimes. it's how you manage those responsibilities that will determine your "lightness" i suppose. i agree - it is very easy to hop on a plane or into your car and just go, when it is just yourself that you have to think about. but in my life, i've had dogs, cats, husbands, stepkids, and yes, a parent, that i had to plan around. and for the most part, was able. but the interesting thing is, now i'm at a point where i can pretty much pick up and go (after getting diva dog to grandma's) but they are the ones who now have children and houses and all manner of things to plan around. and this seems to be a big revelation to them, as i imagine it was for my parents when i was born, then my brother was born. i want to say to them, "you have not discovered a new reality - this is just life as many before you have lived, examine your parents, for example." but then again, it is a new reality for them...a new phase of their lives. the same people who once espoused a "leap for your dreams" mantra, now are a bit more cautious in advising. those who thought it a brilliant, new experience to gather and share deepest inner thoughts and feelings, now just want a babysitter & a nap. anywhere. and since this is a written commentary, and you can't hear my voice inflections, i will say (in print) that i am not mocking or denigrating in any way...not even a teensy bit. i smile because they are where i was many years ago. and i know they will carry the spark through the challenges of toddlers and teens and mortgages and Big Girl jobs that have nothing to do with their Inner Them but much to do with feeding those teens and toddlers and saving for college and helping out the husband who has supported this Lightness Lifestyle. i have confidence, as they grow even older, that they will recognize that women are not defined by size, as menopause takes the last of your size 4 clothes and adds a "1" in front of the tag, and facial hair abounds and things start to creak...i have confidence that they will suddenly realize that perhaps that "old woman" they tried to value but could find no common ground with - is now them. and that time and age has put a beautiful patina on them, but they are still holding the same spark inside. and i hope they think back, as i did, to all the "older women" i have known in my life, and hope that i respected them as they deserved - as a woman, plain and simple - not an "older woman," as if our inner SpiritFire depletes as we age. (and the secret is this: you recognize who sees you, and who Sees you. and the "see-ers" don't get the good stuff from you). Times are different now...technology is different now...i can log into facebook or text a friend or shoot an email out saying hello in 2 seconds flat...there are online communities for anything you want/need, and can have virtual mommy playdates at 2am if you want. so with all that at a person's fingertips, it will, indeed, be easier to navigate responsibilities that life calls upon us to master. and it will, indeed, be easier to keep that captured Self within. and thank goodness for that...they will soon be responsible for the whole world. i guess it was a softening of a friends attitude recently that got me thinking about all this. where before, she was calling constantly to do this or that Right Then. and most times i had to beg off...i needed time to arrange for a sitter or check schedules to see who needed a ride when & where. and this, to her, was proof that i was not living in my True Spiritual Self - that if i felt a calling to go to the lake, i should just up & go. and we had many a conversation about this (is the nicest way i can put it) and many a month of frustrated silence between us. now she is seeing what my reality was then, and it is a dawning for her. the interesting part is that she is convinced she invented the whole idea of keeping her Self Identity as she performs her day. i smile. and am proud of her for moving somewhat seamlessly between junctions of her life. and yes, i admit, a teensy tiny part of me is waiting for the day when she is in the grocery store with a small child past her naptime who is shrieking about wanting Cocoa Puffs. i think that is the defining moment when we all realize our mothers were once regular women who happen to have kids, and maybe they had dreams and passions and blissful thoughts, but pushed it all aside to raise us. and i am hoping also that my friend doesn't push her dreams and passions aside...that she finds community...that she realizes that she can have most of it, even if it's not all of it...and that a good nap helps a real lot.

ok. 8 hours later, computer fixed. it only took 1 tech on the phone who cared about doing her job to the fullest. i lucked out, after a dizzying circle of finger pointing...the server people saying it was the computer people saying it was the computer manufacturer...and spending 3 hours saturday night and 5 hours sunday morning on the phone, reconfiguring things to the point where I literally had no email program...none...on my computer or phone, then the tech giving a verbal shrug and sending me on my way...many many times repeated...after finally connecting with just the right person, she had things all squared away in 20 minutes. being Amish is kind of eye-opening. so what did i do with all this low-tech imposed time with the weather in the high 90's and humidity to match?

all this amish talk...my email is kaput for now...the server won't recognize my login and just endlessly asks me to log in...this has affected my mobile email too. i am email amish. if you need to reach me, kick it old school....call. i am furious. if you know how to fix this, call. or post something here. it all went crazy as i was trying to add a 2nd email account.

wait - what's today??

Holy moly...working in a bubble as I do, it's entirely possible to lose track of the date...i mean, i know the day(grocery day, laundry day, post office day, etc) but the number date is not usually as important unless it's Car Payment Day, or a hard deadline day. so imagine my surprise when i realized i had an Entire Extra Week to prepare for a festival! an entire week. that's like winning the calendar lottery! I'm knee deep in lovely lovely Squam necklaces, with just a handful left to create and send to their forever homes, and also in the middle of a total studio re-do, oh - and getting ready for my biggest 3-day festival on the 29th. so extra time is incredible! not so "extra" though once i realized it...it got penciled and slotted in pretty full, pretty quickly. and that's with Extreme Organization tactics. and i also corralled and organized my electronic time even more after reading this. (thanks for sharing, my queen!) this may shock you, but there was a time within my lifetime, where people had no cell phones. Yes! It's true! there was no cable tv, and AND - no remote control for the TV. There was nothing like a home computer, or the internet (YES it's for real)...long distance phone calls cost big money, and you could have the operator call you back and tell you how much the call just cost. there was 1 phone company, Ma Bell, and you put real coins (5 or 10 cents) into a phone on the corner of a street, and dialed your number...and *gasp* there were no touchtones! just an actual dial...a round thing with holes in it, and a stopper bar that ...well, google it. yes all of this is true. so you can see, coming from the dark ages, it is easy for me to go Amish if need be. if i want to know the weather, i look outside. if the birds have stopped singing, and it's getting darker, then it's either about to thunderstorm, or it's night. if i want to contact someone, I have the capability (being old school, and all) of writing an actual letter. with paper and a pen. it just cracks me up to remember a few years ago, when the steppers faced severe punishment for a large infraction, and that penalty: no cell phones for a week. the weeping and fussing. never mind that the infraction (in my day) would have included at least an ass-whooping and cold, hard, scary looks from both parents. i honestly don't think i would have crossed the boundary they did. well i KNOW i didn't. didn't even occur to us to have an underage drinking party with 55 of our closest friends while the parents were out of town, in florida, both trying to quit smoking at the same time, weeping copiously in fine restaurants as the withdrawl took place and the itch to smoke could possibly only be relieved by an act of homicide. never would have occurred to me to have that party. but that's off track and behind us all now. so the point is, i am uber-productive when there is no electronic device beeping and ringing and demanding my attention...there is nothing - i mean nothing - that scintillating that it needs to be tweeted every 10 minutes. there is rarely anything so urgent that it needs to be posted on facebook every 20 minutes. emails are shot out into space with little thought. there's something about having to find paper & pen & envelope & stamp that makes you consider each word. and you still have a chance to take it all back by crumpling the paper and throwing it out. early on in my marriage, it was a rocky rocky road. i admit i sent some absolutely scathing emails to my husband. absolutely scathing. because to talk to him would have been to incendiary. he never twitched an eyelash, and that fueled my anger. till i calmed down, and we began a 10 year conversation, in which i asked (at one point) why he never responded to the emails. he replied that he never got them, and then we realized that when he set up his email account, he checked the wrong box, and ANYONE who had an email ending in "verizon.net" was blocked. oh praise the email gods. they were bitter words to have to take back, and i was truly truly lucky they had dissolved in space. so the point of this ramble? oy. who knows. just make it a thoughtful, and productive day!

today I am thankful for 2 words: YES POSSIBILITIES also for the unlimited, unbridled joy & relief of being on track. can i tell you? YOU are so special & unique in all the world...and know, like I have re-learned this week, that your journey is not without apparent twists and bumps and some miserable moments. and i say "journey" as a person follows an outline of: realize there's a path/purpose for you, then try to find the start of the trail, then follow it to the destination, and BINGO! there's your purpose! nope. someone far wiser than I said that "the journey is part of the destination." so true. the nasties that come to trample on your zen moments where you swear you feel like Mary Tyler Moore throwing her beret in the air and you own the whole wide world? those crappy buzz-kill moments are part of the journey? yeah. those bliss-buster moments are part of the journey. will they make you stronger for an even bigger challenge/reward ahead? hopefully. i don't know your purpose/path, so i can't say. for me, it's only when the bigger challenge comes that i realize, ah ha! that happened before, so that this could happen now and not crush me. and learn from both experiences. sometimes i learn to not wince and whine and twist away from a challenging time, knowing it is there to make me stronger. honestly? sometimes i just wince and whine. twisting away is impossible though. whatever the "it" is, will still be there waiting, it seems, like a bad blind date you forgot to cancel, ringing the doorbell, wearing his best polyester suit. it sounds strong and favorable to say that i recognize these challenges for what they are, and welcome them for what they will teach me. truth? i really would prefer fewer ripples and high tides that engulf me and absolute tsunamis of the soul, where no amount of reasoning or meditation or mindfulness or puppy love & tea can save my balance. those moments where everything is just shit. and we all have them. i guess the trick is knowing that you hold on, and the water will recede...that the coast guard will come in some form, if need be, and you will survive. and honestly, life would be emptier and less colorful. the best view is from the top of the mountain. getting to the top is hard work. trust me - i've hiked the Adirondacks. i tend to overpromise and overbook, not wanting to disappoint someone who wants a special necklace, or print, or what-have-you. i tend to want to enjoy everything i can that life has to offer, that i want to do. but i can't. and time is what it is...there are only enough hours in a day to do what you can. i have learned to balance out time in the studio with time relaxing. an imbalance creates a space where neither time is productive. I found myself at Walmart last night at 11pm buying office supplies. i had gotten up at 4am and started in the studio. but that's how i'm wired. i am super excited about a design i'm working on and couldn't stop. i did pause my day to take a 20 minute nap around 3pm, and did take 2 walks through the woods with diva. and some days are just doomed from the start, and meant only for staying in bed watching endless movies and being a princess. lovin' me those days, too! i'm so totally off whatever track i started off on, but you're used to that with me, so i offer no apologies or recriminations if you actually left a while ago to check out a better blog. but, this is what it is. i've been up since 5am and worked for a few hours. am sitting at my desk, with a cat on the back of my chair "combing" my hair, and diva dog sleeping under my printer table to the right side of me. there's a (thankfully) cool breeze coming in my studio windows, and my iPod is set on random (making for an odd sensibility when Mary J Blige follows sanskrit kirtan!) the sun is just rising high enough to dapple my curtains and cast a shadow or two on my mannequin forms to my left. time for a peanut butter and banana sandwich, some fresh coffee, and more work! say YES today to all the possibilities, those known and those yet to come. and watch your heart fill.

as you may have guessed, i've been at war with myself the past week. it's been ugly. and i won't bore you with the details, mostly because there is no possible way i could end up explaining the things that have been twirling through my head and heart like a majorette on crack and Red Bull. my usual way to deal with the freak outs is to talk it out. usually hearing my own voice saying out loud what is hiding in the dusty corners is enough to snap me back on track and realize it just isn't that big a deal. thank you Georgia. so tonight, after a heartfelt conversation with the lovely Elizabeth, by chance i found this video. i couldn't even tell you now how i found it. but you just have to watch it. it's wow amazing. so go watch.

you will survive from Dyana Valentine on Vimeo.

drinking the Kool Aid

so i was advised that I should be on Facebook...a good way to connect with customers and friends and announce events and shows...and to be honest, it sounded good. so i did it...i drank the kool aid. and managed to get my name MY OWN NAME on there wrong and suddenly had 1 billion messages, posts, pokes, friend requests or whatever, and people i judged as sane who felt it was important that all my other friends know their baby just filled his diaper. i mean, do i need this information?? there is zero chance i'll be helping with that task, and for real - why??? was there a contest i missed? sigh. but i am there and will test it out for a week. maybe a day. it's a full time job, and i already have 2 of those! speaking of which....i'm off to the studio now. more later!

building like storm clouds all afternoon yesterday - not some-light-rain-expected, but anvil heads and thunderheads and all manner of tumultuous grumblings coming in from the side where the periphery is blurred, and quite unexpected...having enjoyed the solace of a kayak wandering in the early morning, this was, by comparison, even sneakier...this eruption, of sorts...this vertigo that took my sensibilities and shook them by the ankles, trying to release a coin from a secret pocket. the too-busyness of the past few weeks grabbed me and set my feet walking through the woods for a pair of hours, as i struggled with what the tempest was about. again the journey includes some steep hills and treacherous pathways, all to be navigated in order to reach the destination...or turn back and never see. a long listen to some Nebraskan sensibility and snap! there it was...the torment, the issue, the answer. and once the light shone on it, not so impressive after all...a sort of pay-no-attention-to-the-man-behind-the-screen trickster, it was. and today, reinvigorated, a website almost complete, a husband safely on a plane, a fur baby walked, a new design...all before 9am. not bad for a morning's work, eh?

i'd love to show you the pictures of this incredible weekend, but, alas, blogger is jealous and not allowing me to upload. in fact, blogger has been downright snarky the past week, and i've been having issues just trying to post, period. so bear with me. suffice it to say...this has been a wonderful weekend...we celebrated our anniversary on friday (actual date was the 7th) with dinner at Rosalee's....awesome. saturday morning we went to the Lavender festival, which was way more fun for me than husband, but stopped at the kayak shop on the way home and FINALLY found a roof mount for husband's company car. it's been 2 years since we've been able to get the yaks out, as there were no car rack systems available for his make/model that didn't require drilling and permanent installation. we got them up on the roof asap, and this morning early, we were on the river! i'd forgotten how centering and peaceful it is to drift along...and how hard it is to paddle against the current! but it was wonderful wonderful. i followed up with a solo walk to my backyard lake, with 3 crows following. i'll post pictures as soon as i can trick blogger. (later: ah ha...trickery worked!) wishing you a peaceful day...

power. where do we get it? who do we give it up to? when do we feel most powerful? least powerful? i'm not talking about "power" in the Snidely Whiplash way...i guess i mean more of an "empowerment" idea. we are all born with the empowerment we need for our own personal journey. i believe that with all my heart. and those times when you feel so In The Flow? that's when you know you're on the right track. so often we give up our power to others...let them take from us...let their words or actions convince us we are anything other than the cape-wearing, love-glowing children of the Divine that we are. we get caught up in all the meaningless details. a favorite exercise of mine is to sit quietly and expand my view...if i have something niggling at me, i concentrate on it and try to feel every last atom of fury or confusion or hurt it may be causing...really feel it, and let it grow for a minute...then take my view back a step...how will this effect me tomorrow? then another step...in a week, will this seem just as important? then again...in a year, if i look back at this, will it be that much of a game-changer? till finally ...if i had a phone conversation with someone who just lost their home to fire, or a child to disease, or is starving in another country (or this one), would this issue that's creating all sorts of horror inside, this issue that has stopped my day to capture my attention...would this issue be a blip on the radar? would i be embarrassed by it, in the face of all that is truly disappointing & bad in the world? if the answer is "no, it isn't that important after all," then i take some breaths, and think of some random act of kindness to do...usually the planning alone will chase the nasty out. that's not to say that i will allow someone to take a pass on bad behavior, but i just won't let it fester and spoil in me. and addressing the matter from a better place, always produces better results. on occasion, we give up our power...that's what leaving radio & working a "normal" job felt like. it was the Big Girl thing to do. and there i languished for a number of years, still craving the fun of doing a morning radio show, but too tired of getting up at 2am and shoveling the driveway and walking the dog and drinking gallons of coffee in order to get to the studio and prep for the show and be in bed when most people are having an afternoon coffee break. and honestly, wanting neither. i know that art is where i belong. i am learning Trust now, and it is just the hardest lesson for me...i'd rather do something myself and bollocks it up, rather than hope that someone else comes through - even if that Someone is God. He and I have a strange relationship...me, a born-again Jewish Buddhist ordained minister from the Church of Universal Light. try fitting that on your passport. i have my own beliefs that don't fit through a particular worship house door, no matter how wide they throw open the welcome. but i do believe strongly in God, and in Jesus, which made my Sunday School teacher have multiple conferences with my parents before i was allowed to stay home and watch cartoons on sunday. and i do pray. not like in high school, in that panic-moment bargaining prayer. but i'm not ashamed to say this, even though believing in God is not as cool as some other beliefs, and people are always afraid they're about to be judged or thumped with a Bible. no, not that kind of born-again. so as usual I'm off-track. but i guess wherever you feel you get empowerment from, hold it. nourish it. don't use it to kabong someone in the heart with it...know it is your gift to help you on your journey...in your unique purpose for being here...the place in the puzzle where you fit. and when you find that spot, that inkling, that blast of empowerment...move with it...we need you...

today is my 10th wedding anniversary...ten. hard for me to wrap my head around that one...it was a blink of an eye. and a testament to endurance for 2 people! we married, all sharp edges and opinions...all hopes and ideas about how things should be...and most expectations fell by the wayside so many years ago...and the frictions slowly slowly ground down the sharp edges, filing them smooth...2 hardheads... looking for that curve to fit against and find safe harbor in...and looking back, maybe we accomplished just that, and maybe now we can accomplish so much more...but i do know it's much better without the jagged edges....now - off to celebrate! oh wait - work day today. more new good stuff later......

ooo ooo that smell

one of the first rules in a studio is: if you can smell it, wear a respirator. and even if you can't actually smell it, but can't pronounce the ingredients and think you should wear a respirator....wear a respirator. just do. and clear the pets out of the room too, unless you have teeny respirators for them. why am i so obsessed with respirators today? maybe because my fume box was buried under some other stuff, and i thought, "ach - i just have a few little things to do," and the next thing i knew...Woodstock! so the garden got some attention while i cleared the marbles in my head. i don't usually use toxic chemicals, or anything that would be that corrosive to a person's state of mind, but sometimes there is nothing else, and i haven't had time to invent this 1 product's replacement. I'm reading a book called "Haiku Mind." it is like a meal. love. my bud Sue from Squam mailed me a huge box of books she was done with, and i've been trying to get through them and get my work done. okay - be honest - am i the only one who has to go into the bathroom and lock the door in order to get some uninterrupted time with a book? i visualize myself sitting, no - lounging - on the windowseat with some mint tea, and a good book...the birds at the feeder outside stop by and sew me a new dress, the chimney gets cleaned...all that, right? we don't have a window seat, but we do have a cat that thinks it's a dog, and a dog that thinks it's a cat, and both have to have me in plain view or they panic. even with the locked door, the clawless cat/dog stands on her hind legs pawing at the door, i don't know, maybe trying to wear a hole in it? then diva the dog/cat will go to the furthest point in the house, tip her little coyote head back and howl for all she's worth. the neighbors must think i abuse her. so there is no peace, per se. i've learned to ignore. which is why i decided early on that i am not good "mom" material, and just decided on dogs. not sure how good a stepmother i am, but i try. it has it's moments. so the Love Canal in my studio has cleared...back to work. remember - respirator respirator respirator...Peace out, man

there are days and there are Days. today is either one of them. :) i have always treated Time with great respect, and thought of it as a "thing" almost...think about it...all the ways we describe Time - wasted time, time flies, down time, etc etc. and i try to balance my time between volumes of work and "me" time. a visit to a specialist today put a whole new perspective on using time wisely & well. She is a lovely woman from Egypt, with her words spiced with rolling R's and slight inflections from her distant homeland. I adore her. we met before. today's visit was prompted by some bloodwork from February that my General Doctor tsk tsked at, and said "no wonder." so we are now watching & waiting to see what happens next. Dr. Abdulky sees the beginnings of RA. she wants xrays now, and follow ups in 6 weeks, when she thinks she may begin drug therapy. i say no. but will reserve my arguments till the time they should become necessary. The test is known for false positives, so i will continue on as before, but not put off any spark or inspiration that needs to find canvas or rusty metal or sterling silver for it's own voice. and that is pretty freeing, actually. the bloodwork today and driving across town for appointments and xrays and all that yuk just wiped me out, and i spent the late afternoon with my pillow and dreams. now - time for a walk with diva, and my secret pleasure - watching Deadliest Catch. shh- don't tell! how's that for hillbilly?

so here we are on the day that celebrates freedom (and mattress/box spring combinations at 50% off) and here, right here in line at the grocery store with 200 other crazed people who had no particular holiday plans and decided to grocery shop...there. That's where my snarky foul attitude of today caught up with me and my head, i tell you, almost blew off. if you were near me in line, you never would have known, because of course i kept that smile on my face while the sweat ran down my scalp and soaked the nape of my neck, and a puddle of sweat and ill-will and nasty pooled in my bra like the tide testing the levee and i thought for sure This Was It right here in the grocery store is where i finally blow my cool and why couldn't it be Tiffany's or at least Saks? so i sucked in some air and gently blew it out, telling my head that it better not talk to the mouth, because if one cell in this body listens to the nasty attitude, then there would certainly be hell to pay. so i sidetracked the brain by asking it what it was so upset about all day? just what could bring on a full-blown tantrum-like attitude at this late stage of life and with all the blessed goodness happening every day and the fact that i had predetermined that i would use the husband's debit card for groceries...just what could possibly be the problem? and as i mulled that, i realized just how blessed i was...you know how a person casually says "count your blessings" (usually after something bad happens and they have something to top that story) well that's exactly what i had to do in the same way a person would count sheep to get some sleep...and i looked at the cashier who was perhaps the slowest cashier in all grocery history, and i saw her...in a flash i saw her...she was an older woman (even older than me!) and here she was on the 4th of July standing on her feet at the hottest register by the door where the warm tar smells came in with every customer and she was just doing what she could do to earn some money and had probably been at it for many hours without a break and the screaming kids and nasty people and the coupon-clipping fanatics all conspiring against her mental stability and she was smiling and thanking people for shopping there as if it was her store...and i was next in line with some tempest inside me ready to scream I Will Buy Your Freaking Groceries For Life If You Just Put Those Freaking Coupons Away And Be Gone Step Off Already. and i realized that i had best shove this nasty sweat-inducing moment back to wherever it came from and start acting like the so-called enlightened person i believed myself to be. and something wonderful happened. in the moment where i saw her, she looked up at me and smiled so very sweetly and truly, and said Thank You For Your Patience. thank me? for my patience? how in the world did she feel that i needed a pat on the head for letting her do her job and make each customer feel special as they juggled coupons and crying children and benefit cards and their life in general and wondered what they may have to put back because even with all that preparation there wasn't enough money. and she was thanking me for being patient while all that was going on. and i felt ashamed and sad, but also glad that i stopped the irrational soundtrack of hot flash before it took hold of my Mood In General. and in line in front of me, the Cheez Doodles did not make the cut, but everything else seemed to, and now it was my turn to return the favor to this woman on her feet for so many hours and give her my truest smile and thank her for working today so that i could grab my groceries. her name was Lydia.

i've been asked to give a workshop. and a presentation about being a fulltime artist. two separate opportunities, yet one will likely feed the other. as i worked yesterday, i thought about what i might say. (and if you know me, then you know i tend to go long). i've never been one to kid myself, or candy-coat when people ask. i don't use this blog as an advertisement for the work of my hands, although i will update on new & exciting things simply because it's my voice. i'm not a journaler, so this space is where i dump my day...good & bad...precious and not-so-proud of moments. it's where i connect & work things out, and stay in touch with you. and don't worry about punctuation & grammar. so to answer a slew of email questions i've gotten, and also to try to gel my thoughts for the presentation, here is what i think: being a fulltime artist is not for the faint-of-heart. it is not for risk-takers. it is a business with no guarantee of financial success, and requires complete updating & remaking on a monthly basis. it is a business, first and foremost, if it is your sole income. i have been blessed with a safety net of husband's income, but his patience would run thin if he didn't see how much effort i put into it...with or without financial reward. there is a lot of paperwork and details that the taxman wants, silly him! there are emails to return and orders to keep on track with, and oh yes - creativity and soul to mine like gold nuggets. anyone can buy anything from anywhere these days...why should they buy from you? i've heard artists talk about "product," as in "I moved a lot of product at that show." they day i think about my work as "product" is the day I rinse out my brushes, and douse my soldering torch for good. despite the high volume of pieces i need to make for a festival, each one is designed by me and is unique from every other one. product. snort. see? i'm already windy & off-track. okay... first the nuts & bolts, then the sweet stuff: you will get up earlier than you imagined...you will work a minimum of 12 hours a day, and often weekends. and holidays. you will work through times when you are creatively constipated, because you have to - someone is waiting for a piece they've ordered, or there's a show in 2 weeks and you need 3 more pieces to hang...someone copied you and now all you can think about is how dare they...despite what you perceive should be a religious experience every time you enter your studio, you begin to notice that you are "going to work" but in your bathrobe...friends, relatives, stepchildren and sometimes husbands will ask for favors/errands/free artwork because you are home and "have time" / "want to help you get your name out there." They will stop by your studio to chat uninvited, and usually when you're up to your eyeballs in alligators, trying to get something finished by a deadline. They will expect free art and discounts. you will worry endlessly if you are good enough...you will worry endlessly if you deserve this opportunity...you will question everything, and suddenly that desk in the cube farm will start to look pretty good...you will realize you need materials but hadn't budgeted for it because you forgot to figure in how much all the one-time setup stuff costs...your loved ones (furbabes included) will try to tempt you away from your studio with kayaking and daytrips and all manner of sparkly things, and you will feel guilty saying "i have to finish this." your neighbors will look at you with the same eyes that used to be reserved for stay-at-home moms (before we all became them and realized how hard it was)...only you have no children to carpool, so you are more like the nutty neighbor who gets the mail in her bathrobe. and then watch her melt down when her order from a supplier isn't there. now the sweet stuff... yes, you get up at dark o'clock every day, but it's quiet and peaceful and the world is yours...you imagine who will be wearing a piece of jewelry you create, and try to send them a love letter with your work...you are free to take a "walkie" break with your diva dog whenever you want, and if it's a day of thunder, you can hug her and comfort her...yes, the risks are all yours, but so are the rewards - to hear back from someone that they love the piece you made for them, well, that beats all...you get to meet interesting people at festivals and galleries, and talk about art and process and all manner of soul-enriching conversation...your studio is your sanctuary....when things are going well, it is truly an amazing feeling...when they aren't, the frustration is enough to make you put on those pantyhose and heels and go back to the cube. essentially, you have to have a deep passion for the work - and it is work. hard work. but if you feel it is what you were born to do, you simply must. you must. or you must find a way to be deeply & truly satisfied with whatever configuration you can make to let that passion express itself. without that outlet, you will be miserable, and that will creep into every aspect of your life. no matter how good of an artist you are, or how passionate about art you are, if you have a low tolerance for risk, you may not want to chuck the day job. i grew up with a father who worked on commissions. my husband works on commission. i am used to fluctuations in salary, and months when it's a little too close to the edge, or even just short of safe. i understand that a big sale today doesn't mean it will be something to count on...that sale may be the only income you see for a month or two months. 12 years ago i had a plan...and that plan was structured so that i could work as a full time artist without needing to worry about income. Then i met & married my husband, and his children, and the plan vaporized as we blended needs and wants and other plans. this year, as i sat at my desk in the cube farm of my Big Girl Job, i realized that it was time for me to realize that plan. and i walked away from the assurance of a steady paycheck, and into the hardest job i've ever loved, truly loved. i am more my authentic self than ever before, and that deep gratitude & joy has transformed my household and my marriage. my husband has dreams also. he wants a boat. always has. and i know he will own one someday. he will make the choices he needs to in order to make that happen. but i need to keep on the path of what i know to be true - that my purpose is to create art. why that is, I don't know. but i know it to be true. so as you can see, the nuts & bolts portion is the realistic part of being a full time artist, and by no means is it an all-inclusive list. the trick is to have more gratitude and appreciation for the sweet stuff. now, on a Sunday morning of a holiday weekend, i'm off to work!

a 2-fer post!

not the best pictures but just taking a quick break to rest my wrists and back...i've been hands-deep in yummy, creamy Blue Opal from India (which is really a very light greenish), and a stunning Aquamarine from Nairobi. I love that I can hand pick these stones! While I work, I think about where they came from, and all the hands that held them, and here they are on my worktable...blows me away. yesterday was just incredible...did i mention that in the past few posts?? aside from meeting Shawn, I came home with a tote bag filled with sparkly amethyst, fresh & fun glass squares with millefiori flowers, incredible topaz, some really really cool turquoise that i can't wait to pair up with some wooden beads and also some sparkly Swarovski crystals. i tended to go for a lot more brighter colors than i normally thought i would, but in the same tonal range. as my friend Gail always says - all colors go with all colors, so i guess it will hard to decide which to pick for the next piece! it's a beautiful day...warm & sunny, with a gentle breeze. perfect to kayak. diva wore out her welcome at grandma's wednesday night, though, when she wouldn't let grampa into bed. the little gremlin. so, it will be a day around the studio, and husband shampooing carpets. i suspect this month will go quickly, and i have a ton to do before the end of the month...so break is over! Have a beautiful day!

ok, let me back up...the art scene here is, well, apathetic. there are few venues, but they are strong (one main gallery being my fave Szozda). the apathy is not reserved for art - it is a general feel of the city. "the city that could, but just couldn't." this is not a rant about art or buyers or art-lovers...this is a fabulously uplifting post - wait for it. for every enthusiastic "HEY LET'S...." there are a hundred snipers waiting to shoot down the idea. there is a distinctly eeyore attitude that prevails. Yesterday, I drove to a nearby city, Rochester NY, to meet with a gallery owner, Shawn Dunwoody. we had been emailing back & forth about a show. I'm not a prima dona artist by any means, but need all the details discussed and nailed down before I commit...insurance, dates, commissions, etc. So that's what this meeting was to be. Holy Codfish on a cracker! This guy is ON FIRE! just walking the street of his neighborhood, listening to him talk about how it went from a "shady" part of town to the vibrant arts area that it now is....it was inspiring just to breathe the life in the area, and i wished for my studio Right Then! his passion, absolute passion, is exploding from him. The article in the link above calls him a "tireless advocate for the arts," and that is an apt description. Before I even unloaded a single piece of art to show him, he wanted to take me on a walking tour of the neighborhood. he was as proud of it as he was of his kids. People hanging out in front of their houses making music...galleries painting up walls for new shows...cafes...antique shops...and everyone with the necessary YES WE CAN attitude to make it happen. and my camera was where? oh, right...at home. picture an old phone booth (yes - booth - remember them?) painted red, and where it should say "phone" at the top, it says "poetry." and people can go into the booth right there by the sidewalk and write a poem inside. sculptures everywhere...benches that look like hands...brick sidewalks with a braided design...everything clean scrubbed and prideful. but this Shawn - this Force...he is into everything and knows everyone...and his vision is that of a much older person. He will most certainly keep things moving - and just try to keep up with him. Gentle & patient, with depth & wisdom...and electricity for blood...i swear i was ready to cross the street and rent an apartment just to be a part of all that is happening. the city has a whole different vibe to it than mine. it feels more Yes than No. i need to go back with my camera, because words do not adequately describe, and i wonder if it's possible to capture magic on pixels. If you have the opportunity to be in Rochester NY, look Shawn up and see if i'm not under-describing. I wish him stamina for the journey, and patience for those who can't see his vision. May his dreams never go unrealized. the world needs more Shawns, and far fewer Eeyores.

this has been an exhilarating & exhausting day...i started my day with a 2 hour drive to meet a vendor...the weather was perfect, and i just tooled down the hiway with tunes cranked and a huge smile. by 2pm...i needed a n-a-p, but had a tote full of beautiful pretties, so what could be bad? nothing! then i went to meet with a gallery owner about an upcoming show. i am going to have to do a separate post about him...he is on FIRE! it was absolutely electrical just being around him! sorry for the tease, but i am flat out exhausted and diva is on her way home from grandma's, so i need a few minutes to myself. you will want to know this guy. trust me.

today as diva dog & i took our usual walk in the woods, through the echo echo tunnel and around the coyote tree and Other Pond, i spied what appeared to be a cool piece of rusty metal. not one to pass up anything rusty, i picked it up. just then, the crows let out a full-on caw-fest right overhead, and i watched as they chased a hawk from "their" territory. when i looked down at the object in my hand, i saw it wasn't rusty metal, after all, but a vine that had wrapped around a twig. it got me thinking. this vine, in it's effort to bring life to itself, had bound itself so tightly to it's life-source that both had died. i know people like that. i have been a person like that. and it is such a struggle for either side to maintain a healthy boundary, that eventually someone has to walk away, or wither. and the relationship dies, just like the twig & the vine. Mighty trees have crashed onto our roof, brought down by seemingly innocuous creeping vines...their roots take hold, and aren't easy to remove. so this morning's walk brought me insight and gratitude on who i've become on my journey.

a slow start today ...up at 3:30 with diva's kidney clock, but snoozed back to bed til 6. there are 2 young men asleep on my couch. 2 nights ago, there was just one. i fear they are multiplying. husband is working on an epic guest room project that thus far has taken 3 weeks to paint a small room. next, he is insisting that the carpets get scrubbed before any any beds get moved back. but he is out of town today, and i am tired of creeping around at dark o'clock while stepson snores on the couch. today i'll reassemble the bed. there's time to do the carpets in august. the second boy is a friend of stepsons. i don't ask anymore. today will be a short studio day, followed b a trip to the gallery to grab some of my collages back to take to rochester tomorrow for another gallery show. am (once again) grateful all over again, for the freedom of time to be able to do this. when i used to sit in my cube at my Big Girl Job, i'd play a game with myself wherein i'd imagine what i'd do, should i win the lottery. having taken a summer off before, and having squandered that time, i resolved that i would set goals and stick to them. i'm happy to report that within the freedom of structuring my days, i am not squandering a minute. in fact, i'm busier & more productive than i was at the BGJ. and that feels good. plus i get to have lazy days if i want. like today. if you've ordered a necklace from me, it is either on it's way, or I am finishing up. i have 2 to get in the mail today (but 1 still needs additional info before i can process the card...pls email me if i've contacted you!!), and 2 in job boxes ready to start, and 5 more that are awaiting decisions about color and metal. tomorrow i head to a vendor show to get some pretty pretty new gemstones and beads and beauties! I am cautiously excited. cautious because i loose my MIND at these things...i want it all, and if i had a way to back my car into the venue and say "load er up!" i would. but i'll be good. snort. yeah, right! still feeling a tiny bit funked, so i'll go now and eat something healthy before the grippe gets an advantage. have a fantastic day! what we speak becomes the house we live in... -Hafiz

we changed things up a bit today, my diva & I...since thunderstorms are promising by afternoon, we took our official walk before breakfast, and before work. my mind wandered along as the scent of the mulchy woods hung heavy in the humid air. a buzzing in my belly has been growing insistently...More*Deeper it says...at each turn of an age, i feel a call to growth, a call for more, a call to peel back another layer...like a snake shedding skin, it's about finding and fitting who i am now - which is everchanging. i remember thinking that when i turned 16 and got my license, that would be "it" and i would be grown. then it was 21 ...after that it would be all set in stone and i would know all the mysteries of the universe, and from that point on, it would just be getting married, having babies, working, and going about life. guess my surprise. so this morning i did a quick check of email, printed something out for husband, and of course, my fingers began to wander. and i found this. this is something i would avoid at all costs, (late note: i would normally avoid at all costs - didn't mean to imply this retreat should be avoided. quite the opposite) picturing a small, young group of petite women with extravagant budgets and airy dreams. in short, everything i once was. yet i felt drawn in, felt the possibility. so as i walked, i wondered about this dichotomy, and why there was such a separation between Then and Now. yes, i am older, and have shed some skins since then. but the secret of the matter is that really, we stay basically the same inside...though different, though life experiences have changed my reactions and attitudes somewhat, i am still the same Core Self that i was born to be. hard to explain, you have to drift into the idea. as i walked through the woods, i felt embraced by those women that i have never met, or met just briefly. by their spirit, by the response of my Core Self to their unapologetic lives. i suspect i will not be attending the retreat, but felt, as i walked through the woods, as though the essence of it had already found me. the craziness of the past few weeks, creating necklaces, taking care of animals and creating collage work for a new show...it all stopped swirling like bad children on a long road trip, and perspective and priority took the wheel...and a swell of gratitude, calming and explosive at the same time, filled me. and just when i thought i'd touch back down to earth, this leaf stopped me. larger than my hand, in the middle of the path, with a space cleared around it. a love letter from the woods. "be a part of it, not apart from it," was the message my spirit said to me. and a quote from Rumi came to mind...one I have used in a collage ... Don't be satisfied with stories - how things have gone with others...unfold your own myth...without complicated explanation, so everyone will understand the passage, we have opened you. so here, with complicated explanation, i am typing through a puzzle whos pieces are saying to me you have been opened. once opened, the brilliant work of addition can begin. wishing you a day of openings, and humid tendrils of Knowing that cling, perfumed, to you. and now, gently, i'm off to the studio.

i moved gently into the morning around 4:30am...the world was quiet in the cool stillness just before dawn arrived...diva yawned & stretched, and decided it was too early to follow me outside... good strong coffee steamed in my mug, as i sat on the step, lacy ferns tickling my legs...i let my mind wander through my to-do list for the week and for the day...past the should's and have-to's and want-to's...ever closer to that very moment...realizing again, with incredible gratitude, the life i have. as the dawn began it's charted course across the sky, sounds of busy began - a woodpecker making hollow drumming in search of breakfast, followed by it's hysterical laughing call...a cardinal giving it's one-note call over & over...finches and tufted titmouse chattering at the feeders and in the trees, awaiting their turn impatiently...a chipmunk scurries up to my perch, stopping, looking, deciding friend or foe. i head back inside and up to my studio to begin a talisman necklace for a person i know, yet have never met...the sterling emblazoned with the name of the most magical place, "Squam." Making these necklaces has been such a balm...as i twist wire and match beads and gemstones and found objects, i remember the feel of the week...of being Seen and Heard...of a creativity being born, drawn from places i didn't know existed. and although the requests have been coming from incredible women i have never met face-to-face, i feel a bond with them. and it is my privilege to make these reminders of all that week stands for, and becomes... how a person re-learns themselves, and stretches beyond what they thought was possible, and becomes -little by little and sometimes all in a great rush - their best self. Live in the opening where there is no door to hide behind. - Rumi

check this out

what to do with old books....

(random photo) this week has just been a battle. physically, and spiritually. and i believe the two to be interrelated. when i'm in the studio, i have a tendency to get so absorbed, that i lose track of time...lunch time, break time, day time, night time. my body clock takes over and when it can chime loud enough, my brain will listen and stop me to eat, or rest. this week i've been so focused, that i didn't listen to the chime, and didn't take good enough care of my physical body, leaving me worn out and downright grumpy by saturday. husband and i took separate corners of the house, in effort to stay out of each others way. and i knew it was all because i didn't eat properly, or hydrate properly. the annoyances felt were mirages, and i kept that thought clear in my heart, so as not to make a large issue out of a non-issue. as we work towards re-making our lives alone, it is a garden that needs careful tending, so as to keep weeds from re-growing where they have painstakingly been pulled. finally yesterday, i gave in to the call of my pillow, and slept from 4-8pm, waking only long enough to walk diva, and go back under the covers. a day wasted. i awoke at 4am, groggy, hungry, and with a pounding headache. after loading in some protein and water, i dozed on the couch a bit more, waiting for tylenol to kick in. finally as the morning birds began to sing outside, i got up. this would not be a day to dither away. a collage has been sneaking around the corners of my sight, and today would be the day to bring it to light. as i began ripping paper and swirling paints, i felt revived within myself. the life that art brings me, once again has visited. diva snores loudly on her woobie nearby, opening one eye when i pass, making sure i don't go outside without her. kitten sleeps on sweaters in the closet. husband paints the new guestroom downstairs. it is all so good. it is all in order. a little cheese, a little peanut butter, some paint and some plaster. a prescription for wellness. wishing you an incredibly balanced day!

remember the whizbang printer i got for christmas? the one i was afraid to use until i HAD to because it sucked ink like a Hoover, according to reviews? the one that would print on anything from copy paper, to rag paper, to posterboard? that one? have i mentioned that i have yet NOT EVEN ONCE been able to get the paper to feed through? any paper? perhaps because my head was exploding and eyes spinning, i may have forgotten to mention it. so today, as i stood in my bathrobe on the deck, and diva snooped behind some trees, i got a Must Do idea for a collage, and began to set my day up to accomplish that. 1st - breakfast, because it would be a long day. while i was eating, husband showed me his pictures from a recent trip to Niagara Falls (on business, of course). one of the shots had the exact EXACT lines i had just sketched out for my collage - same tonal values and everything. yow. so (you know what's coming) i decided to print it out on the whizbang printer and use pieces of that print in the atual collage. 2 hours later...i found a number to the tech support center - open on saturday! which could only mean an offshore call center. which i am usually patient with, even though they mostly just read the troubleshooting guide from the internet self-help section. I got to speak with JD. he indeed, began reading the troubleshooting section, but we went through it together. when he threw down his ace, and said "okay print," you could almost hear him smile as he waited to have praise heaped upon him for his genius. nope. the paper jam light continued to flash even though no paper was jammed. being truly surprised, and now a bit irritated at the printer himself, he advised that what i needed to do was blow it out with canned air. oh. hell. no. and i explained to him calmly that "Oh hell no, JD. It has done this since being released from it's box in december, like a scourge visited upon me." a moment of silence, then he asked for the serial number. like 2 seconds later, he advised me that they would be sending me a brand-spanking-new printer with return postage for me to return my disobediant one. just like that. hunh. i am pleased. very pleased. happy that it wasn't just me. happy for a new printer. happy that it will arrive in time for me to make prints for my show. happy happy happy. in fact, so happy that i may not be able to collage. but happy all the same. i need a break from cutting silver and polishing and deburring and buffing and all that is involved in producing a perfectly wonderful silver disk. my hands need a different rhythm for a day or two, so they don't get frozen in place! okay - diva is doing her big impatient no-one-loves-me howl, so off to the woods. Have an incredible day!

whew! break time! my boss is a slavedriver! i just shipped out 4 more necklaces, and it gets harder every time...i want them all for myself! the girl at the post office asked just what was in all these little boxes...i was tempted to come up with a wild explanation of contents. another art show opening tonight...i am just so socially awkward in person at times that i think i should've been a millionaire recluse. or the nurse to one. i'm fine when i'm around people i know, or can feel the spirit of like-mindedness. just never had a use for mindless chit chat at cocktail parties. remember cocktail parties? oy - am i dating myself here? there's a place in Sodus that we love to go to called the Bay St. Inn...the exterior looks like a ramshackle biker bar, or something from an abandoned wild west movie set. inside, pretty much the same. but through a doorway is a small little restaurant that serves gourmet offerings. shock & surprise. the chef/owner lives between Key West & Sacketts. the food is unbelievable, and they've added an extensive (98+) martini list at the bar. that must make the bikers grind their teeth. last time we went, i had a Toblerone martini. i don't usually drink, but had to try it. mmmmm mmmm mmmm. it was like dessert in a glass. so was the watermelon. (just a sip from my friend's). ok break time's up. back to luscious copper & sterling!

i am an addict. they say admitting it is the first step to recovery, but i want nothing to do with recovery. i am actually addicted to 2 things: chai, and magazines. oh how i love chai! every morning, i have chai spiced oatmeal, and Tulsi Tea's Red Chai Masala tea. what a great way to start my day. love love love. and magazines. oy. i just can't help it. though i am better, just picking up a few every so often. (down from a few hundred bucks a month. i know, right?) it doesn't help that i have to pass Barnes & Noble to get virtually anywhere. so healthier eating, healthier spending....what's not to love about these addictions?

I received this quote in my emailbox today: "May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." peace peace peace to you

This is the picture I tried to upload the other day, to no avail....a cloudless & tasty day, with the fragrance from lilacs blooming on the breeze, and dragonflies taking a curious closer look as I stood on the dock with diva dog. the starlings have made their annual nests under the dock, and dart perilously close as they warn us away. Today...another story...thunder greeted us as the garage door opened and diva bolted back into the house. it promises to be a day of many hugs and reassurances and hiding out in the tub, as the "angels bowl" throughout the morning. so I'll get some more work done, dispense a few more tummy scratches, and again be grateful that i am able to be home to comfort her. wishing you a beautiful, lilac-scented day - even if you have to close your eyes to imagine it!

yikes, so okay - I was just notified that I have an opening on July 18th at Starry Nights, a Van Gogh inspired cafe in the heart of the arts district in Rochester NY. Details are scant, but will keep you posted. It looks like a very cool place, and worth the jaunt in, artwork or no artwork! Hope you can make it...keep an eye peeled here for further details.

ok here's that break time i mentioned. oy do i need a stretch! maybe a solo walk around the lake & through the woods is in order today. diva is just slowing down by the day, and i'm in tune with her little body limitations on a given walk, but my body is craving movement. today, the solstice, has indeed been a balanced day so far...some great chai spice oatmeal for breakfast, and a little teeny tiny barely visible honest sliver of peanut butter pie for a quick snack. oh what?? like you've never. diva has alternated Big Wolf howling and quiet napping by my feet. Prince hit the iPod and we danced a little. she has better rhythm than i do, for the record. I'm working to get Squam necklaces out to everyone that has ordered so far, but some of the designs - i want to keep for myself! oh well. i guess it's like the shoemaker's daughter going shoeless. okay if i'm honest, there are days when i don't see my bathtub til late afternoon. i'll wake up totally on fire to get into the studio, and know if i stop to shower, then i'll find some excuse to go run errands or something far less productive. but this morning, as i headed toward the studio, i had a strong feeling that i should shower first (i said "feeling," not scent). and whenever i don't listen to that little voice of intuition, i end up wishing wishing i had. so we'll see what the day brings. maybe TV cameras at my door with Publishers Clearinghouse. yep. (i worked with a woman who used to work at PC. she said it was legit and fun. i think they paid her to say that). yes. i am rambling. yes. i've had an ocean of coffee. and yes. i did have a point to share, but it seems to have gotten lost in the random ping pong-ing of my synapses that happens after multiple nights of little sleep and lotsa coffee. so rather than continue to bore, i'll close the box, go for a post office run, then a solo walk, and hug the diva. Wishing you the balance and clarity that the solstice can bring.

I wanted to share this with you - not my words, but from Brian Andreas StoryPeople: If there is any secret to this life I live, this is it: the sound of what cannot be seen sings within everything that can. & there is nothing more to it than that. love it! another perfect day starting, with a cool whisper coming through my studio window. i love love love mornings like this, with the wrens fussing in their little houses beneath the 2nd story deck, and the crows peeking in my studio window caw-ing loudly for a treat. My days have a wonderful rhythm to them lately...in the studio at 5:30am, work until 9, then a stretch and a new mug of coffee. back to it till lunchtime, when pup & I go for a quick jaunt to the lake. (by then the geese have moved to the other side, and the protective parents don't hiss at us and get all upset). maybe a quick bite to eat, then back to the studio till dinnertime, or dark, if husband is away. I've made it a rule to leave the phone off til 9am. my most productive hours are between 5am-9am, and any interruption gets me distracted for the day. yes- i'm writing before 9am, so you can see where my day is headed. the funny thing is that i don't really watch the clock, but it just "feels" like 9, or "feels" like noon, and it's usually pretty close. Today's weather has threatened possible thunderstorms later in the day, so i best get to it, as i suspect i'll be comforting a shivering & terrified diva dog most of the afternoon. the vet suggested giving her a benadryl 1 hour before the storm. now, if i could predict the weather with that accuracy, i'd be on tv. wishing you a wonderful day filled with small surprises of joy!

it is one of the most perfect days...clear sky, moderate temps...the sun on my shoulders as i walked diva over to the lake...dragonflies buzzed us, curious...the geeselets are almost ready to try out those wings - downy fluff covers the grass as their Big Goose feathers start replacing their baby cotton. husband's trail cam caught a pregnant deer making a midnight snack run, and emptying our bird feeder in short order. we had bets as to what was doing it every night...raccoon, possum, bear, flying squirrel, sasquatch :) but there she was. most wild babies have been hatched, birthed, and are well into self-sufficiency, so this was an odd sight. we left her an apple last night. the scent of lilac drifts in my studio window as i work on squam necklaces...right now, perfectly, is Jonatha Brooke on my Bose. a deep breath of gentle breeze, and time to get back to work. wishing you a perfect cloudless day.

one of the many jobs i've worked at in my life, was at a karate studio. the owner, Kato, had a whole mental bag of inspirational quotes he'd throw at you when the situation demanded motivation. as if a request from a man with lethal hands wasn't enough motivation to get the job done. don't get me wrong - he was an incredible inspiration to anyone who met him. here's a few Kato-isms that seem apropos for the day: (and honestly, i don't know if he made them up himself, or got them from some Lethal Hands guidebook, so i apologize if i am mis-crediting) If it's got to be, then it's up to me. If I can't, I must....if I must, I will. may your day be filled with progress.

For those who have asked.... depending on your monitor, this should give an idea of the difference between the sterling & the copper. Personally, I love copper for it's warmth and the patina it takes on with age. Copper has traditionally been thought of as having healing properties, but who knows? I am thrilled and honored to make these talismans for my Squam tribe! It does my heart good to see women from all backgrounds, and all parts of the world, with this commonality of the spirit. You should all know we speak the same language, and that language has no words. A few weeks ago, I ran into a woman who was at Squam1, and when she said, "weren't you at Squam?" it encompassed everything. When I go into Barnes & Noble, I see magazine articles and books written by friends made at Squam, and it just makes me smile. and tear up a little, i admit. When you stop to follow the thread of this backwards to the beginning, so very many things could have stopped it. but didn't. The fact that the RDC is even there is totally remarkable. Take time to read the history of the camps, and it will blow you away. then fast forward to the incredible dream Elizabeth had, that she had the fortitude to bring to fruition...gah! it's just so much amazing, as my little neighbor says. so that's why i say i am honored to make these lovelies for you...with each one, I know it is going to a woman who has been there for the pink unicorns and quiet moments of the heart, and has been changed.

from the archives of my nearly deleted document files.... I am an artist. I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a homemaker, though a somewhat distracted and disinterested one. Whiter socks and perfect piecrusts never really troubled me. As I thought about the different roles each of us plays throughout their days, their lives, I realized how the particular role sometimes requires a particular mask…to hide the authentic, the true. And why was a mask worn? And what effect did that have on the authentic and true? Did it wear down the deepest desires and creation sense of Self? Did it seamlessly blend and incorporate the different facets? And was that dishonest, or just the way things were expected to be? And how did that ripple out to those contacted with…to become frustrated with them for seeing only one facet of the person, when the mask worn was too heavy to see through…and do people see what they want, or expect, to see - then stop looking for more? Witnesses to a crime will often tell widely varying accounts, often based on their LifeStory. When asked to describe a personal friend, it’s interesting to hear or read the different labels or personality traits that each person remarks on…one saying the person is quiet, the other describes a funny, gregarious person, yet another mentioning the organizational skills, and yet again another remarking on artistic ability. All the same person…different faces shining in different lights. And haven’t we all had days where we “felt” like an artist, or “felt” like a traditional homemaker or fill-in-the-blank? Then the next day…completely different. Except for that core of the authentic and true Self. So then, is the mask a part of the authentic and true? Or does it hide? If it is to hide, is it in shame, or in protection? So again, the questions hang…what is true…what is authentically you…are you peaceful with your masks - your roles - or do they rattle at you in the dark? Do you long for someone to dig deeper…to look past the outward appearance…to find You? Or are you content…covering and preserving and protecting…You? I found this while weeding through my documents folders early this morning when i should have been sleeping. and i remember feeling the feelings of that time, but honestly don't recall writing it. (just thought I'd share.) Funny how far a person can come in a few well-chosen years! Have a fabulous day full of grace-filled moments in your heart, and bubbling joy when you least expect it. peace peace peace.

where to start??

oy. deep breath. hold on - have to grab my coffee. ok i'm back. so last march, i sat in my cube and decided i Could Not Do This Anymore, and plus PSD needed support, so i left and the rest is history. and having had respite periods before, and knowing that All The Time In The World can translate into a dreamy fugue-state where nothing gets done and suddenly you regret all the time you wasted, knowing that, i vowed not to waste one nano second. and i did not. for a month and a half. then after the first festival, gave my self a day or two or three a week two weeks to recover and regroup and have big thoughts and virtually do not a lot. so tuesday, as i was coming out of the anesthesia, i was having a dream about painting a huge, glorious painting. it was remarkable - oranges and glittery gold and some green and i was trying to focus on it so i would remember it but this Loud Insistent Sound kept making me (in the dream) turn my head away to the source of the Sound which sounded an awful lot like a nurse calling my name to wake me up and she just wouldn't stop. til finally, of course, my brain, lemming-like, woke my body up and PoOf the painting in the dream gave way to a really unattractive cotton curtain around my bed in recovery, and that Sound was telling me i should try to get up and walk. had i been able to, i fear her life would not be the same. at least her mood would have dimmed. but foggy headed, i vowed again to get on the stick and make art and get going with applications and phone calls and all the yukky parts of being a fulltime artist. and an amazing thing happened. once again, the magic clicked. and a phone call i was badgered into making turned into an opportunity that i would never dare hope for - a show with 2 internationally collected artists. hunh?? yes. and the double magic: i did not feel the least bit intimidated. it actually got my creative smile going and the mojo running. so if that was that, then it would still be a cool thing, but not so fast. today, as husband pulled out of the driveway to go play golf, i was left to wait for the cable repair person. (not really cable anymore but you know what i mean). the person was a woman named Lisa. and she had to check the router which is in a close corner in my studio. that prompted conversation. she looked around and said "I'm starting a bakery." well, we were off and running! She is working 70 hours at her Big Girl Job AND doing the bakery biz AND has 4 kids. where's the cape?? it's called Pastry Stop. i can't wait for her to retire so she can make sugary goodness fulltime. she has an item called cake balls that sound so intensely yummy that i started to drool. she left with my info, other contact info, and a "dream" necklace, because i know her dream will get her through til she retires. i adore her. and unless she's mainlining Red Bull, she has such a natural enthusiasm and energy that I have no doubt, she'll be a Frosting Force to be reckoned with. she's good people, as dad used to say. there's other news that will have to wait...i have to get a few necklaces in the mail (Hey Squammies!) and head out for a date with my Angel Friend to TH3. Secret Lentil & Barbara Bags at Szozda Gallery, along with Joyce Day Homan (eek - Mrs. Homan to me - my 7th grade art teacher), Carmen's glass and other amazing things! will continue tomorrow. or later if i can't sleep again tonight. (my apologies to anyone who received a late night posted email from me today if it clogged up your email box).

a gift from the heart

my diva dog is very sensitive & intuitive. and she knows i've had a few rough days with tests and prepping for tests and after-effects of tests. yes, it was exciting for her to have Grammie here, but that was tinged with worry and throwing up for mommy. so today, i got up, showered and powered into my day. she felt relieved. i ran out to do errands and wish Caroleena happy birthday, but sensed it was time to come home to keep furbaby company a bit. as i sat at the table eating (EATING!!) a sandwich, she slowly walked up to the table with a gift for me. she held this shiny green bow in her mouth until i put my hand down, and she dropped it in. this is unlike her....her usual MO is to show it off, then hide with it somewhere. but clearly she was "feelin me." little love of mine.

The baby crows are fledging today, and not at all happy about it. it was so much easier to sit in the nest and have mom & dad bring food. although the nest is getting a bit too small. the parents sit a few branches away, caw-ing at the young ones. a sound like a creaking door is the response. clearly crow-speak for "no way." the caw-ing continues, then a burst of leaves rustling as a young one lurches toward the ground...but...halfway down, the wings spread, and flight! briefly anyway. the parents fly a few trees away, and babe follows, afraid to be left alone with new wings. they continue going a few trees away at a time, til it's time to fly back. so cool. i'm not dilly-dallying.....i'm on perma-hold with the IRS, and suspect they all went to lunch and didn't change the recording. oooo! lunch! well, breakfast or dinner would get me going right now too...i am not allowed to eat today, except clear liquids. and no red clear liquids. yes - the great colonoscopy prep redux. attempt #1 ended poorly, even as it just got started, with my body totally rejecting whatever it was i was supposed to drink an ocean of. this time, a kinder, gentler process? we'll see. but it involves lots of Zero Water (lemon lime), so what's not to like about that? or at least tolerate. and honestly,, i would ignore the whole process, but having a family history of particular types of cancer makes you feel like you should be responsible for checking every so often. and my cousin out west-ish sends an annual email to remind the family to have this test. yes, i know - most normal families exchange holiday greetings and "catch up" letters. we email about colonoscopies. explain a lot? so i'm sipping sodium-free chicken bouillon yum yum for brunch, promising myself a disgusting boston creme donut for brunch tomorrow if i'm a good girl. and a peanut donut. and i don't care that i can't have sugar. i just really want those 2 things. but not til tomorrow. so today, diva's grammie is coming to help out and stay over night!! husband is away on business, and i'll need a driver. so we get a girl party (somewhat) and that will make everything worth while. today i'm collaging. it's a little scary and tentative, having stepped away from it since getting ready for the last show. i feel like i have to start from scratch, but am trying to urge forward from where i had been. well there should be such problems worldwide, eh? enjoy your day, and have a big waffle or pizza for me!