in my inbox, and Power Tools

"Linda, if you know what you want; if you've made up your mind; if you can see it, feel it, and move toward it in some small way every single day…it has to happen. xxxooo  Linda, move toward it in some small way every single day."
from TUT
Someone's been looking in my window :)
Now, I know that every single person that subscribes to TUT got the same sentiment, but does that lessen it's power…it's meaning…it's downright thunk-in-the-heart assurance?  things are what we make them…a feather found is just a feather found, unless we imbue it with power.  every single thing in our lives - yes, and people too - only have the power we give them.  take money, for example - there are many women who do not have access to the family money…their husband/boyfriend/trust manager keeps a lock on it, and they must ask for every nickel.  in that case, money can be given power.  for a woman who has unlimited access to money, it can be a tool to purchase, or to help or to just move about the day.  so every thing in our lives, or our lives wished for, can only have the power we give it…people, places, animals, thing, rock, paper, scissors - oh, sorry.  that includes emotions….anger directed at us can only wound as deep as we let it…likewise love or peacefulness.  WE are the ones who give the power to the thing.  i wanted to clean my Perfect Stepdaughter's room a while back when she actually lived here, but i knew there may be things in there that looked like junk to (even) me, but were special to her.  sure enough…some lint that was on her dresser belonged to a very special blanket from a very special 4-legged who was gone.  i am SO SO glad i didn't scoop it away.  that lint held power for her.
so my life has been held at bay while i stood in the center of indecision and clutter.  i stepped out at the 12-o'clock position of the circle, made everything line up as it may, and have dealt with each and every thing as it was presented next in line…small steps…or Tiny Steps…one day it may be to look at land, the next day to clear clutter from a closet, and the next day spend time in the woods working out an emotional attachment to a thing or clear something from my core that i no longer want there.  we drag this shit around like a woobie blanket…we are no longer our 7th grade selves.  and most importantly - We control the power these things have, and the power we allow them to have.
My studio has been a source of cement for some time - it has kept my feet stuck in the same spot for many many years.  why?  because my studio is larger than any Tiny House I might design or live in.  so even before the Tiny House idea, i couldn't imagine finding a place i could afford that would allow for the space i needed for all this Stuff.  so it grew moss on me.  well, time to get my life on, and i am keeping the Stuff that is irreplaceable, or very expensive to replace IF i actually use it, and aside from the basics…out.  plus, i found and rented a studio space, so now my art supplies can have their own Tiny House, and I have a place to hold workshops for money!  winner winner chicken dinner!
i have some amazing Kayaking and fall foliage stories to tell you, but now it's time to play with my favorite thing: Henry!
You got the POWER, baby!


and just for fun…

The Best Day….ADK foliage and friends….what a buzz!

This is amazing!  and has been right under my nose! it is the week before the art retreat i used to go to…easy peasy! and it's held in The Best Place on Earth…Rockywold Deephaven Camps.  I am certain that God sleeps here.  i love it so much that i've requested my ashes be scattered there, when the time comes.  (not before).

this morning was a particular brand of perfect that is only found in early fall…Henry and I went for an early walk through the woods…fog sat low on the ground - clouds come to earth, and the air was cool which made for a snuggle in my favorite hooded sweatshirt.  the woods were filled with sounds of woodpeckers and crows…leaves have begun to fall somewhat half-heartedly, and the lake has turned a spectacular shade of turquoise.  geese stage up and leave for the season.  i'm hoping to capture my injured duck soon and get her to rehab.  she's wily, though, and will have food till the lake freezes.  there's a Great Blue Heron that hangs with her.  the smell of early woodsmoke was in the air - nights are cold now, with an actual freeze the other night.  the sun slanted through the trees, making everything magically lit.

every morning is such a surge of gratitude, it must flow out of my pores!

oh hella yeah -

my Tiny Step for today is to call a friend who has a Tiny log cabin near here.  I just remembered she lived in one!
http://www.bluemoonrising.org just sayin a trip here may be well worth it…just to see Tiny in practice. to see what works and what works well and design ideas and all that stuff.  These don't move, so the bonus is running water (!) with some oomph to it - a thought that has been on my mind. i do love me a hot shower.
funny thing…i am paring down Many Large closets (6'x10' walk ins), and trying to get it down to 1 small broom closet size for my clothes.  1 closet and 3 dresser drawers.  that's my goal.  my closet is becoming full, with the one hanging rod, and last night i started feeling like i had way too much stuff…such an odd thought for me.  i'm usually the one who gets a gold medal in the sport of shopping.  but i felt closed in by, well, the clothes!  i still have way way more than i need, and am finding a weird, lingering attachment to some of the stuff.  i realize i could easily become a hoarder.  in my art studio, there are Things on every surface…bunnies, tiny glass vases in all colors, rocks, etc.  So it's obvious that i will need a separate place for my art studio.  not just for the knick knacks, but for the Real Stuff.
But back to Blue Moon Rising.  I looked carefully at each of the floor plans, and realized that i need more space for entertaining (such as it will be!) than i need for day-to-day living.  a loft bedroom is a must.  but i want the rest of the main floor to be convertible into a dining room and then living room…i LOVE girls movie night, and love to have people over to eat.  so those will be my priorities.  and some of the Tiny's in the Blue Moon have exactly that.  feeling a bit better about it.  still not 100% certain which way i'll go, and i think Michelle is right about visiting both, if you can, before deciding.
ok - Henry is having a burst of energy which can only mean it's go visit the duck time.
wishing you Tiny dreams with Big results!

a 2-fer

while Henry whines for me outside my studio door, i just want to say there is something MaGiCaL about when women gather.  yes.  saturday evening, i hosted Girls Movie night, and 7 neighbors came by bearing gifts of food.  and wine.  lots of wine.  veggies, dips, chip.  did i mention wine?  oh and a movie!  we watched The Neighbors.  so funny.  the rule of GMN is food, wine and a movie that funny and stupid…something you'd rarely admit to watching, but YOU know you want to.  we do.  unashamedly.  we laugh so hard and have bonded so deep. i will miss this in a deep way, and hope i'm invited to GMN at others' houses…and hope the tradition continues.  It's about taking time away from the madness of young kids and cleaning and jobs and whatever else is going on.  one evening a month (more if needed!).  toddling 2 doors down in your sweatpants and sitting with friends.  gossip is allowed, but nothing hurtful, and honestly these are not the hurtful type of women.  (henry is at full wail now).

i'll admit to having, perhaps, one too many glasses of wine.  but i had to be a good hostess and try everyone's offering.  and when i woke to the alarm on sunday, and realized i had to go to brunch with another group of fabulous women…i wasn't thrilled.  and all i thought about was the cost and the car repair bill coming today and next week's kayak adventure…ugh  and i texted my friend and said Not Gonna Do It.  then laid in bed for a minute more and realized i HAD to go.  as much fun as my neighbors were, i enjoy the company of these women also.  and Lynette is such a special friend that i don't get to see often because she lives over an hour away.  so i re-texted and said yes.  and i went.  and it was as lovely as lovely can be.  ever ever ever.  i met some new friends, and 4 of them came shopping in the quaint town of Cazenovia after brunch.  it was the perfect day, weatherwise…warm but not hot, with a touch of a humid breeze.  nothing to curl your hair, but warm and so so perfect.  if i could bottle the day in a jar, i'd label it Perfect.  I may do that :)  While i was brunching, my neighbor texted me - this is why i love my neighbors - and said she "saw my car was gone, and can I walk Henry for you?"  I mean, do you envy me or what?? so that gave me extra time to relax and go about being a friend.  it chokes me up.  

in one of the shops, they sell FlyLondon shoes.  i fell in love with the logo, and began obsessing and chattering about it incessantly.  i finally asked the clerk if she had an empty box or soething with the fly logo on it, and she came out of the back room with an empty shoebox (!) all wrapped nicely in a shopping back!  i mean…wow.  what a gift.  Lynnette pointed out that so so much Good Stuff has been piling on me since the Tiny House decision.  i agree.

Here's the fly.  it's not much here, but in person it's wild and creepy.  and there's a FlyLondon tattoo in the box!  

I'm wild with gratitude after gratitude.  I'm doing a free workshop for my women's group and anyone else who may want to join in, just to get the kinks out and plan for my 10/11 workshop in Binghamton. so so much goodness that i have to say it twice.

okay - Henry's melting down, so time to open the door and let him in…along with the cat who will be annoying and walk across the keyboard.

You Are Able.  yes - you.

random Tiny around 400sf - yes

Gypsy Tiny

fairy Tiny

random storage

today's Tiny Step has been to cull through all my email contacts and erase/update them.  this is because i needed to change my email address - the same one i've had since there first ever was email!  too much spam, and no spam filter.  every day i'd see all these spamwiches coming in, and it made my blood pressure rise.  so why bother with it? this morning before i got out of bed, i got a clearer vision of what Tiny Steps is about…it is taking a small step toward your goal every day, but i needed to define "goal."  my definition is to be changed and prepared for the physical move to Tiny.  that encompasses all sorts of things - the purging, and clearing the reasons for having So Much Stuff…designing the physical Tiny, but also why I am making room for certain things…to stop having such strong attachments to things and people who no longer have a place in my heart/life but i just can't let them go.  (think about the special sweater or 8th grade skirt that holds memories, BUT takes space.)  i decided to take a tiny piece of whatever is dragging my feet down and put it in my Tiny scrapbook…just a 1x1" piece of fabric, or photo of a person/place, etc.  I also thought up some cool design features to add storage, so i'm diggin it.  I realized that sometimes i feel overwhelmed with what's on my To Do list, so i just set the list down and walk away…where to start?? i'm usually a person who breaks down huge tasks into small (Tiny?) bites.  but when there are a ton of tiny bites scattering around your ankles, it's overwhelming.  like tonight - i'm hosting the neighborhood Girls Movie Night.  which means i have to deep clean the house, and i look around and see dog toys everywhere, and the cat box in the guest bathroom and and and.  when in reality, it takes me about an hour to clean top to bottom.  which is why i feel calm taking this time to post.  and a quick trip to the store for dip ingredients…i have until 7pm for goodness sake!
so, today so far I've set up new email, designed storage for a bedroom loft, designed storage for some art supplies, went through my entire email address book on the computer (still trying to figure out how to delete on the phone), sent out emails to let folks know about new email addy (if you didn't get one, leave me a comment or send me a note to my old address), fed the animals and said my 9am prayers.  Hen's in the backyard fussing about something, so i better see to him.  i wish you an organized mess of a day today!

todays Tiny Step is an unbelievable load of winter clothes (part 1) going to the Thrifty!  I wish I could show it to you, but my camera and computer are not speaking.  As i grabbed things off hangers, i wondered what it was that these clothes provided for me? what was i trying to fill or fulfill or ease by buying all these clothes? i certainly didn't need them in my day-to-day, and just how many days worth of clothes were there??  was i trying to reassure myself that there would always be plenty?  I think that may have hit the nail, in a sense.  when i was very young, i remember my mom telling me that my father had changed jobs, and that he wouldn't get paid from his new job for a few weeks, so we had to be sensible with our money.  she then took me clothes shopping and spent the unheard of amount (for the time) of $50!  so it was passed down to me in a quiet way, i suppose.  and yes, i am far and away a Big Enough Girl to change those misguided behaviors.  the trick is to recognize them.  i went through closet after closet, pulling things off hangers.  if i was uncertain, then the item stayed.  then i went through again.  i work in radio - no one sees me.  i need few "play clothes," i don't go to black tie events, and do not have a secret life.  so another pile went into the box for the Thrifty.  I imagined someone seeing an item on a rack and if i imagined that they would be happier with it then me, then it went into the box.  it's a big box.  i am limiting myself to 1 small closet, as i prepare for Tiny living for real.  and please - is there any need for bigger in my situation?  previously, i''d buy clothes that i Might Need if i decided to work in an office again, or if i felt funky that day or if if if.  it was endless.  now, i will trust that my radio job will continue, and if not, then i'll Thrifty the clothes and buy new ones At The Time they're needed.  it will also force me to take a look inside and decide who i am, and shop for that person. one closet.  one love.  i work on it till it starts to get nit-picky.  then i stop.

today's Tiny lesson that came through with the Tiny Step was all about balance and trust and centering and knowing your strength and concentrating on the goal and not losing site of what you want…I submit for your approval (as the man said):

and i just have to peek at this again, i love it so so much:

random thoughts and Tiny Steps

Todays Tiny Step involves purging, again…a stack of summer clothes that hid away from me is now in the staging area to go to the Thrifty…soon to be joined by winter clothes and coats that no longer zip over larger parts or are hopelessly Not Me.  tomorrow is another planned purge day.  along with the closet purge came an epiphany.  There are still some things I hold in my head and around my heart that should no longer have a place there.  not bad or destructive feelings, but just a sort of Law Of Returning Averages…they no longer return what is given out, and what is given out should not be - it's time has past, and it's time to relinquish the people and the places to the Fond Memories pile.  not to say that future memories shiny and new won't be made, but it's sort of like an older woman trying to dress in her clothes from her glory years.  (again, the clothing connection).  time to move on.  and as this reality struck, i felt something grow larger within me…the ties that i had been trying to maintain, had held me in that place…had kept that small part of me from growing past that spot.  it had an immense importance in my life…I cannot ever describe the earthshaking bookmark in my life.  but it is time to move on, move past, move forward.  keeping the lessons and the growth, but letting the teachers go.  and with the exception of a few Truest Ones, that is exactly where I'm at.
Funny how these are supposed to be Tiny Steps, but they seem to be large?
Last night, in that wishy washy time between wakefulness and dreamfulness, i thought of Nikki.  and I felt her in the room…with my eyes closed and in the darkness, i felt her.  i think i mentioned the dream i had last year - about her giving Henry to me, so i wouldn't feel guilty about sharing my heart with another 4-legged?  well, i've been worried about Henry not eating his food…he eats everything else - grass, sticks, poop - but not his food.  i didn't want to give him wet food because it caused such a dental nightmare for Nikki and for Kita.  so in this nebulous state of neither-here-nor-there, i realized it didn't have to be one way or the other.  today, i mixed a teaspoon of wet food in with the dry and Hen gobbled it up.  i know, sounds so obvious.  but it took my little NikkiNoodle to open my eyes while they were shut.
And so comes Tiny Step #2…a lesson: watch for the obvious - it isn't always a puzzle to be solved…sometimes the answer is obvious.  (head smack!)  And sometimes life isn't about a choice between this or that…sometimes it's a blending of the two ideas.  Like a Tiny House - a house but smaller.  and some other personal stuff that is whispering transparently in my ear but hasn't formed into a solid thought yet.
So it appears that the Tiny Step Initiative is about physical steps and plans and movement, as well as growth and learning to prepare.  i'm diggin this scary, wonderful, grateful, humdinger of a life.  and i have to tell you a secret:  it isn't all sparkle farts and roses, but i've shifted my view to accept everything as a blessing…and knowing that sometimes the blessing will take a while to reveal itself.

a word about my last post

I am truly digging Nancy's book.  That being said - i have a strong aversion to how-to books, and "life coaches" that want to tell you how to live your life.  this book is not that.  I am not opposed to therapy, coaching, prayer and any necessary help to get through, get over, get past a stumbling block or trauma.  not at all.  (I pray to God, but allow that you may pray to another diety or none at all.  That's how I roll).  I am opposed to using the self help guru as a tool for procrastination…When I Finish This book/workshop/drum circle/ etc., I Will Have An Amazing Breakthrough.  nope.  guess what?  you'll just be older by that many days/weeks/months, and be in the same spot you were before.  To clarify another point emailed to me, I am scared of the folks who espoused "Leap and the Universe will catch you" back in the 90's.  Most of those people had a 6-figure (or more) income to fall back on, and the luxury of walking away from a second income was no risk at all.  I saw many follow that path, and it never ended well.  ever.  there is prep work to be done a/k/a a biz plan, for one.  but rather than just go off here, let me say that I will not trample on your dream.  i am a more skeptical and cautious person - that is my journey and who i am.  i'm finally cool with that.  you are free and able to do as you feel best, because - that is your journey and who you are.  easy peasy.  winner winner chicken dinner.  so if i sounded like i thought anyone who didn't do things my way was wrong and that they'd meet with crashing disaster while i chuckled and shook my head knowingly….no.  not sure where the idea came from even, but there it is - out in the open and the light of day.  doesn't look so terrible in the light, does it?  I am just so lit up with gratitude for all that i have, all that i don't have, all that i will have and for the people i love (whether they love me back or not).  i smile every single day because i am blessed.  and this was a Tiny 2-step day…having the opportunity to clarify my journey by answering your email.  Thank you.  now, to play with Henry who is woebegone and testy with boredom.

todays Tiny Step & a random photo

todays Tiny step:  I downloaded a book by Nancy Levin called "Jump, and your life will appear."  Here's the thing…the 90's were all about Vision Boards and Fire Circles and squeezing your eyes tightly shut while exclaiming I Believe I Believe, and hoping all your dreams would magically land at your feet like a sparkly cotton candy prize delivered by a pink unicorn speaking french.  no, mon petite.  it will not happen.  and yes - i believe you need a vision, and one you believe in so strongly and with enough certainty that you will get up off your couch and walk toward it through rain and snow and high winds and flooding. (is that the post office??) no, not every single thing has to be that dramatic, for instance - grocery shopping…you don't need to grab crampons and BeLiEvE you want those mangos SO SO badly that you'll fend off super coupon-ers to get them.  just buy the mangos.  and the same is true for so much of life.  but the important Thing…the general direction or your strong Due North…you can't sit on your tush waiting for it.  if there's not enough of a desire for it that you'll work for it, then honey it isn't your truth.  it you trying on someone else's style because you admire them.  and no amount of cutup magazines and sketchbooks will ever make that cloak fit.  you have your own adventure…your own truth…your own shiny path & journey.  taste the rainbow of another's dreams to get inspired, but acknowledge that it isn't yours.  find yours.  move toward it.  on a parallel thought - ever notice how "fortune tellers" tell everyone they were a king or an important person in a past life?  were there ever any commoners?  The Just Joe's who make the world go around day-to-day?  same here…there are lives we bump into that are amazing - they've gone from literal rags to riches and back and forth a few times.  they are solid and calm and everything we wish we were, so we start buying the same clothes as they wear, and decorating our houses the same, and starting a blog, and feeling blue when they are.  it doesn't work, and it's as silly as me dressing like my Perfect Stepdaughter.  (who is 30 years younger and 60 pounds lighter and is Perfect).  my point is - discover your dream as you move through your life…your dream is your purpose (you'll see)…it will not drop into your lap…you can do this.  you are able.  don't disrespect yourself by denying your dreams aren't good enough…they are plenty and enough, and exactly what is needed in the world.  whether you are a stay at home mom, or a cake baker, or a corporate CEO or busdriver or artist…YOU are the dream and YOU are the purpose…it is through you that others are reached, through who you authentically are.  be you.

first, some stuff:

and now some other stuff:

In 1982, I woke up paralyzed.  no accident, no twisting the wrong way, no apparent reason.  just could move my arms, then my legs, and soon my lungs began to move slower.  I'm grateful my lungs woke up before I needed assisted breathing.  and, despite stumbling if i didn't concentrate really really hard, my legs began to come back.  my arms, though were useless.  i couldn't feed myself, or type or take care of hygiene issues or even get out of a bathtub by myself.  i had to move back home with my mother.  i was at the prime of my Years of Great Coolness, and i became an invalid of sorts…tho i despise the name "invalid," because spell it out, man.  i was not invalid.  just a little broken up.  it's a long long story of sweat and intense pain and very hard work and being told "you'll never _____" fill-in-the-blank, and had i been able to - i would have thumbed my nose at them.  i would not be a child in my mother's house forever.  i would do all those things and more.  and i did.  three years later, i began a body building training.  yes - arms and all.  slow and easy at first, using primarily legs, but soon those bird wing arms grew stronger, and my scapula began to build muscle to hold them down and i began to get stronger.  i am now 99.85% better physically.  i am grateful for every misdiagnosis, every over-prescribed muscle relaxer & pain pill and every time my PT worker yelled in my face that i would NEVER walk again or lift my children when they should be born … she was awesome…she knew just the right buttons to push…she knew when to lay off and let me cry a while…she knew when it was time to get busy and help myself.  she fired me from her practice so many times, which made me show up and sit in her waiting room till she decided i meant it - that i would work.  she knew, but didn't tell me, that i was fighting for my life.  that if i didn't move forward, i would literally die.  that the nerves that had been destroyed need to grow back QUICK and we had lost many precious months with the wrong medications being given to me.  she knew because, out of the hundreds of PT's in my area, I had somehow been cosmically been referred to her.  and she had 3 other people in her care with the same condition - one that most physicians never ever see in a lifetime of practice.  and now she alone had 3 people.  a 4th died before getting to her.  Gilliam Barre Syndrome, if you're wondering.  people were getting the new Swine Flu shot, and dropping like flies.  i never got the shot, just the effects somehow.  But i share all this to say that you would think after something like this, a person, me for instance, would go brash and bold through life knowing that they can accomplish anything at all.  that, after cheating death and disability, nothing worse can happen.  but it hasn't been that way.  i did become more mindful of the people around me, and how everyone has a battle going on in their lives … be softer and slower with people…let someone ahead of you in line if they are tapping their foot…give someone the closer parking space…whatever you can do to lessen someone else's load, do just that.  and more.  but not too much - don't make them feel unable.  but back to my point, somehow.  i know of my determination and strength.  i know i Can If I Have to.  mostly.  but i've also seen a lot of tragic endings and listened while weakness won out over mind-boggling circumstance.  i say weakness, not in a less-than sense of the word.  weakness as in limpness…where you Just Can't See The End of the bad time…and you let yourself go limp and death comes to snatch you up.  i've listened to that in my former job, was a magnet for it somehow.  and oftentimes, when i thought there was a crack in the door for a person to peek out through, often i'd remind them that they indeed had nothing left, and it was a Good thing, not a bad one…that they could start fresh, a clean slate, no job/spouse/house/whatever to hold them back from whatever they wanted to do and become.  and the weird thing is that it worked almost every time.  the realization that, it was like a Janis Joplin song:  Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose.  The worst had happened, and now the choice was theirs to rebuild or not.  it was my job to keep them on the phone til help arrived in person.  and so now, my words come back to test my heart and my determination.  i've lost nothing, let's be clear before you panic.  however, there are choices before me that are dazzling and scary and wonderful and sparkling.  and they all require a restart.  a reboot.  a factory reinstall.  a walking away towards something new.  and the new stuff is a little hazy right now.  but it shimmers.  and i say 100% that i am grateful for every single bump in the road and for every easy ride through the woods.  this post rambles and weaves all around with no real point, i realize, but here is my offering and i hope you smile big today.

it is so freaking cool to trust.  to be able to slide you hand into Another's and feel confident that 100% there is nothing to fear…that you will only be hurt if you misinterpret total, pure Love for trickery…that you will only be misled if you mis-follow.  Trust.  who'da thunk?

New Topic.
i did not expect the email love i got after my last few posts - after re-reading them, i realize i sounded like i felt an orphaned sock, thumbtacked up to a corkboard at the laundrymat.  not so, mostly.  i know there are a ton of folks who believe in my Tiny Plan, and even if it was just YOU, then that would be enough.  thank you.  some days require extra sparkle sent out.  this weekend was an entire 2 days of sparkle being sent out, commencing with new hair, a makeover, fall/winter Thrifty wardrobe (LL Bean, Ralph Lauren, Ann Taylor, Liz to name drop a few) for $54.00.  time to dig out last years stuff and re-thrift.  I think i'll re-thrift a lot of my summer stuff too.  i liked what i got, but less in less, and it will be there next year.  right now, the air is cool and cozy, and being all about autumn - i'm diggin it.  still need to capture The Duck and get her to a rehab place.  she is proving crafty & elusive, but I am determined and sneaky.  time for Special Ops.

I dare you not to dance: (and by the way, the little blond fiddle player is a twin to Perfect Patty)

be audacious. and don't trample the flowers

I am blessed to be surrounded (virtually) by women of courage.  women who will walk up to their fears and bitch-slap them down, or find a way around, or in some method big or small - make their dreams come true.  the list is endless, and it chokes me up to think of all the audaciousness their lives encompass.  i feel small and whiny compared to their feats of strength.  but then i feel large and capable.
one such person is Patricia ("Trish") Seggebruch.  and i rip off, copy & paste, and otherwise borrow this from her blog, because she says it best:

‘When a resolute woman steps up to a great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, she is often surprised to find it comes off in her hand, and it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.’

RW Emerson~

________________________________________________________________________________________________

It is only in the effort of facing down our own demons and putting our faith to the test

that we find out how strong we are

or how weak the supposed enemy.

And when the enemy is our own ill conceived notions of ourself

our ability

our strength

our value

our dedication

our purpose

our contribution

all the more amazing

the joy and wonder of

having the beard come off in one’s hand~

Come along with me on one amazing, bold adventure.

With this one timid yet bold adventurer.

- See more at: http://www.pbsartist.com/blog/#sthash.gVAk0WK0.dpuf


Yes.  I read these words and said yes.  After yesterday's crushing of my heart, i read this today and said Bring It.
Can I explain/lecture here a minute?  I may be preaching to the choir, but there is one specific person that needs to hear this, and won't otherwise listen.  When a person shares their Dream with you…their deepest, fear-filled step-at-a-time-gonna-do-this Thing, consider yourself blessed and be grateful for the trust they have put in you to share the most raw parts…trust that you won't tip the salt shaker onto those still-forming Dreams…They are not  asking your opinion and especially not not not asking you to play Devil's Advocate, which as we know is a thinly disguised manner in which people allow themselves bad behavior and all manner of dream-crushing under the guise of making sure you've thought this through….hence the name.  it is a very thinly disguised forum for a person to exhibit their hostility and perhaps jealousy.  it is never, however, appropriate to offer up your DA.  and if the Dreamer should ask, "what do you think?"  they usually are not asking truly "what do you think?" but instead asking for reassurance that they have the skills, knowledge, and balls to work through any dilemma until the Dream is satisfied in one of two possible outcomes…it lives, or it does not.  but either way - the purpose of Dreams are often the skills and knowledge acquired along the way, not the actual "success" of the Dream.  which makes it successful, no matter what the apparent outcome then, no?  (that's French).  So i guess the so-called Devil's Advocacy foisted upon my ears, and the Only Possible Solutions pushed and shoved at me yesterday turned what could have been a Very Wonderful conversation into a battleground, which i do not appreciate and lowers you on my list of People To Be Trusted With Dreams Of Any Sort.  it is not up to you to resolve my bumps in the road, and i certainly did not ask for the torrent of trash strewn at me verbally.  do not do that again.  This dragon will protect her heart.  And i will not excuse your words unless asked in an apology.  I will, however, notice that your thinly disguised disgust of my Dream in verbal form…did. not. sway. me.  i stumbled with the blow, but my last thought before sleep was "tomorrow starts again."  So on the other hand, i thank you for allowing the lesson.  but that hand remains closed, hiding the Dream.

2 important lessons learned today:
One) eating undercooked bacon does not end well
Two)  it is absolutely essential to never, not ever, trounce on someone's dreams...no matter how unrealistic or spaced out you think they are. The dreams belong to the dreamer alone. And a seeming setback is not your opportunity to express your view that the outcome is bleak.  Be kind, and if you can't be kind, be quiet.  A setback is also an opportunity for growth...let it be just that and not laced with anger and opinion.

Now, good night.

a somber day in every sort of the different ways that a day can take on a personality...from the nation's collective remembrances, to a sky filled with rain and high winds that blow an umbrella past it's breaking point, to a Tiny Step's toes squashed and trampled.  But it's only just one day..the sun will rise again...there's a chance for temperance in the weather, and perhaps just perhaps - some graph paper and a mechanical pencil will help restore and revive.  for the rest of the day today, as best i can, it will be a quiet day as my heart chooses to beat only every other beat.

the daily Tiny Steps have continued, and I have to say that some days the Tiny Step forward is to hold steady in the storm and not let my foot slip back a step.  or two.  my studio purge has slowed to a stop, and it remains in upheaval.  so today i took a hard look at the studio - the physical table and paints and tools and found objects and fabric and all that stuff, but also the idea of the studio.  i haven't done anything artmaking-wise in quite a few months, yet my plans are all trying to encompass this volume of supplies.  right now, my studio is in a 22x22 room…a Tiny House all on it's own (actually larger than most of the tiny's i've seen!).  and it holds my feet.  always has.  so is it time to choose between going tiny and having all these supplies?  is it time to sit with this for a day - but just a day - and decide which expression moves me most - collage, paint, fabric, assemblage?  each of them taps into a different feel…each one has it's place.  sometimes an idea can only be expressed by paint.  sometimes only rusty metal will do.  perhaps the answer is to find a small studio outside of the Tiny and when i feel the need to create, i can go there.  maybe keeps some small stuff at the Tiny…hand work like embroidery or crochet/knitting.  A studio would be a great way to immerse in community, also.
I connected with another woman who is building a tiny, Michelle.  when i feel overwhelmed, and like a dog chasing it's tail, i go to her blog and read a bit for re-inspiration.  Last night I discovered that my Very Own Mother thought i was just dreaming and not serious about the Tiny.  She was so unencouraging, i had to hang up the phone.  i know she goes for traditional security of a marriage, rather than building your own strength, but had thought she was behind me. (she is convinced that my stepsister's problems would all be over if she just got married).  it's a little sad to realize there really are few people who are behind me on this…who truly believe in me and my plans. not dreams, but Plans.  they once were dreams, but now i am putting my shoulder to the door and bursting through to walk the hall.  are you with me?
it's funny, but less than a decade ago, "connection" was all about having/reading blogs.  then Facebook took over, then Twitter.  people have cell phones, then texting.  now - no one talks.  it's all text and hitting a "like" button.  I call my stepdaughter and she doesn't answer the phone.  but i'll get a text in a minute or two after.  at first, my feelings were hurt.  but then i realized that's just the way of communication today.  i'm old fashioned for having this blog, actually.  but i like it that way.  i still say that if you're too busy to pick up the phone and say hello, then you're too busy to be my friend.  but on a lighter note…my job goes well & i love it.  maybe the creativity in my job serves the same purpose as my studio?  hmm.  a thought to think in the shower and through the woods with Henry…if i can wake him up, beautiful dreamer that he is….

speaking of beautiful dreams…dream on, dream until your dreams come true….doesn't look so Tiny, eh?

2-fer

oh and by the way…some Extreme Coolness just occurred…details to follow next week…meanwhile:

Just put yourself ahead in time, Linda, pretend that it's next month already, and imagine that the past 4 weeks just totally rocked. Every hope you now possess for the coming weeks has manifested. Every challenge was breezed through. Every cool person stayed cool. Every trickster became an ally. There were happy surprises along the way, and you got plenty of sleep.

This is how we roll.

Kung Fu -
    The Universe

look at this!


I went to look at some sheds - premade - just to get a feel for what Tiny space looks like in person.  and it made me a little sad, the rectangular space.  not to sound like a space cadet (no pun intended) but i like working with a square…there's so much more I can do with a square.  and the video above just hits all the right bells.  yes - i am certain that apartment cost a very pretty nickel to contort.  but i'm also certain that it can be done in a similar and less expensive way.  i don't need European imported gadgetry - but i love how the space was divided and used.  the closets were much more than what I'd need, but the pantry/office i could definitely use.  i love how the seating is rolly and all storage.  i love my new Tiny Table, and i love the long counter/table/island in the video that goes up and down.  so there's a mix of ideas, and maybe my Tiny table can be my new art table.  maybe, we'll see.  but seeing things in person makes a big difference.  that apartment was 550 square feet, and would be more than enough, i think.  it looked downright spacious compared to what i've been looking at!  i measured out the few rooms that i actually use in this house, and it is almost the same.  Plus, I don't use the entire room - for instance, our livingroom is huge (and rectangular!) but i only use 1/4 of it to sit on the couch and watch an occasional movie or tv.  so really, i'm looking at lifestyle - (i'm home a lot) - and space preferences - (i like to have people in for dinner) - and all the things that are important to me.  i'm leaning more towards a Tiny House not on wheels.  still keeping an open mind, and conscious that i live in a snowy, cold climate, so can't depend on outdoor space as usable year round.  i like being tucked in during the winter months, like a bear in a den, but don't want to feel suffocated.  it's an exciting thing going on here.  Tiny Steps.