it's time

it is truly time to fold this blog into my arms and tuck it away for a grand sleep.   When i began blogging oh-so-many years ago, it was to try to write out the deepest pain squeezing my heart from the loss of my dearest Kita.  (i still feel him beside me when uncertainty stalls my feet).   As years past, i shared my heart, my day-to-day, my triumphs, disasters, heartbreaks, deep thoughts, goofy stuff i should probably delete, and just anything that wanted to leap onto "the page."  There are meditative messages... some that still await you.
But it just feels like the time has come for a break.  I am about to leap into a whole new life, which will not allow for proper posting, and it is just time to say good evening to this log of events.
I appreciate the comments, emails, support more than you could ever know.  And i hope many of you will join me on my new journey into Magic!
it will be so very good.
wishing you each the courage to continue your journey, the friends to help you over the rocky spots, and hearts open enough to accept where the road leads you....be well, do well.

I stand.

In anthropology, liminality (from the Latin word līmen, meaning "a threshold"^[1]) is the quality of ambiguity or disorientation that occurs in the middle stage of rituals, when participants no longer hold their pre-ritual status but have not yet begun the transition to the status they will hold when the ritual is complete. During a ritual's liminal stage, participants "stand at the threshold" between their previous way of structuring their identity, time, or community, and a new way, which the ritual establishes.

one last thing...

yoga tuesday...zumba last night...what the heck??? well, that's what my body is saying.  so i've noticed recently how boring this blog has gotten, and am wondering if perhaps it's time to seal it up and shut it down.  maybe I've run out of witty things to say, or deep thoughts to think.  I refuse to let it become an advertising vehicle for self-promotion.  i hate when i've seen that happen.  so here's what i think...i'm going to lay off till the first week of January, and see what happens then.  There are some Big Things popping that you deserve to hear about, having traveled with me this far.  and it has been a journey, hasn't it?  So right after my show opens january 2nd (SHAMELESS!), i'll let you know big secrets and little steps and huge leaps into the uncharted and possibly fantastic waters.  meantime - pray for me.  and i will for you.
Wishing you deep and sincere prayers from friends whose hearts beat in tandem with yours. poofpoof poofpoof poofpoof

beans beans beans beans

so.  my recent annual checkup - not so good.  after quitting smoking, i added on weight like it was my job.  full time job.  and it appears i wasn't picky about what i filled the sack with, though i have no real memories of eating junkie junk (except the apple pie incident at thanksgiving).  but i must have because my cholesterol matches the national debt.  and my triglycerides?  circling the moon.  everything else pretty much fell on the bad side of good.  so the other day i went for my OTHER annual physical.  and my gyn suggested a dvd called Forks Over Knives...in other words eating well vs. surgery.  The documentarians were well-respected docs - one from right down the road at Cornell University.  And they purport a vegan diet as the Way It Should Be.  (I don't disagree, especially after a hideous nightmare i had many years ago involving a slaughterhouse.  All i can say about that is Do Not read books by Temple Grandin just before bed.)  But how?  it seems a lot harder than shoving a frozen lasagna in the oven after a horribly long day.  the prep work seems deliriously protracted and involved, and requiring much forethought - buying fresh veggies almost daily, etc.  what.  do you even think i could make this a lifestyle?? i can't keep a plant alive, let alone myself.  and to think my cooking choices trickle down on the welfare of the family.  (very dramatic, yes?) So what to do what to do.  and can i honestly think that i'll base my life on vegetables?  i mean, i WANT to, but in practice...?  just a whiff of Dinosaur BBQ makes me quiver.  decisions decisions.  and a plant-based diet seems like it would be uber expensive to maintain.  is anyone out there a vegetarian or vegan?  give me some insight please...i don't want to go on Lipitor or any of those drugs.  i won't, in fact.

the most wonderful time of the year

welllll, for many.  for others - it's a foot race with a cement block tied to your ankle and googly glasses on...hard to see your way clear through jingly bells and cinnamon smells and happy happy joy joy all around.  and even though obligations may fill a calendar, it's the pillow that calls loudest.  and on the flip side, this is the time of holiday parties and cookie parties and gatherings - how much more lonesome is a clear calendar.  Please keep a special lookout for those who may be struggling this time of the year...be sure to include them...reach out a hand, invite them out for a latte, or just chat on the phone.  a well-timed email can mean so much.  and even if they decline, it feels so good to be asked, doesn't it?
wishing you each soft days......

all i want...

there are a ton of art options out there!  retreats, workshops, day-long, 2-day, weeklong, sleepover, commute, blah blah blah.  Maybe it's an explosion of them, maybe I'm just noticing.  I have to say that each & every one owes a tip of the hat to Tracy & Teesha Moore.  They were the pilgrims, the upstarts, the bold & brave who went first and figured it out.  Thank you.
here's what i look for in an art retreat:  an nice outdoor setting, all-inclusive meals/lodging (classes too, for a bonus!).  As far as classes are concerned, a good mix of levels - basic to has-some-experience.  i think if you have all these things on deck, the connections and experiences and friendships will form naturally and with strength.  my belief is that when we reach a bit past our comfort zone, or our level of expertise in a craft or artform, then we open ourselves to other new things.  the other stuff doesn't need to be contrived or planned...it will just happen.  poof.
so give me a cabin in the woods, some good bug stuff, good food, a river/ lake/ ocean, and a full moon.  bam!  I'm yours.

post#2

does this just choke you up?

and this.....

ok, while some glue is drying...i'll ramble and half-answer some questions.  No I haven't moved to NYC.  Am I thinking of it? heck yep.  i'll freely admit that Times Square does it for me - standing in the smack middle, with all the smells and sounds and those lights (!) just does it big time for me...yes, tears. unashamed.  And if i had an iPod with a drumline playing, AND was in Times Square, I might just explode on the spot.  just leave a small pile of ash right there.  gone. done.  so this weekend was just all that. (except for the ash part).  (i was careful).  i am a sensory person.  yes, i pet the man's dreds at the restaurant.  i asked first.  but they were waist length and perfect and just, well, petable.  i had to.  i just had to. and he was not upset about it.  prolly grew them (bought them?) for the purpose of attracting women.  so now that i've cut my hair,  i realize i'm a long hair person.  so i'm growing it back.  (maybe buy some for the interim?) even if it looks creepy.  which it won't.  i found a hairdresser who promised to cut it exactly the way i want it.  or else.  side note - i smell popcorn from downstairs.  okay, anyway.  yes i am thinking of making some changes.  i find myself being stuffed into a smaller and smaller box, and that isn't what this is supposed to be about.  and when i notice myself saying "Here, let me help you stuff that arm in" then it's time.  past time.  and after getting hit with a flying D thanksgiving day+1, it is past time, apparently.  it's just the implementation....so overwhelming.
i used to be fearless.  absolutely fearless.  knowing my power.  and i believed in Magic like it was my religion.  then it all got clouded in Being An Adult.  well, the belief in magic is back.  and it is more than a religion.  it is just the way it Is.  and i love swimming in the possibility and synchronicity of it all.  Mrs. Walker was right all those years ago when i interviewed her.  she was just a little cautious about the timeline :)   And Violet backed it all up.  i just didn't believe.  because i was An Adult.  and we must Be Serious.  shmahttah, i say.  there is so much inside me right now - so much to share, so much to hold close to the vest, so much i'm yearning to hold out in my hand and say "see!"  It's frustrating, yet i feel such gratitude at being able to feel it all...to know the things that i am turning this way and that in my mind...wanting so badly to grab a hand and say Come On! Let's sing the lights on!
today i wish you the magic of wishes and glittery lights overwhelming you .....

let me introduce you to my leetle friend....Max.  Max Brenner...the chocolate guy.  oh my freak OUT.  imagine hot chocolate so thick and chocolatey you need a spoon.  yes.  a spoon.  i just had a few sips and am higher than a kite from the buzz.  but this is the real deal, my friends.  oh nom nom nom

what a magical few days - even for a fairy!  Time in NYC at christmas is not to be missed.  and AND if you can spend the afternoon with your BFF (other) Linda, and Seth Apter...well...it's doubly not to be missed.  AND AND if you can spend 4 days in NYC at Christmas, see your BFF (other) Linda and Seth Apter AND happen to run into Perfect Patty under the most beautiful tree in a park near your hotel....call it magic...seriously, call it magic...what are the chances???