this has been an exhilarating & exhausting day...i started my day with a 2 hour drive to meet a vendor...the weather was perfect, and i just tooled down the hiway with tunes cranked and a huge smile. by 2pm...i needed a n-a-p, but had a tote full of beautiful pretties, so what could be bad? nothing! then i went to meet with a gallery owner about an upcoming show. i am going to have to do a separate post about him...he is on FIRE! it was absolutely electrical just being around him! sorry for the tease, but i am flat out exhausted and diva is on her way home from grandma's, so i need a few minutes to myself. you will want to know this guy. trust me.

today as diva dog & i took our usual walk in the woods, through the echo echo tunnel and around the coyote tree and Other Pond, i spied what appeared to be a cool piece of rusty metal. not one to pass up anything rusty, i picked it up. just then, the crows let out a full-on caw-fest right overhead, and i watched as they chased a hawk from "their" territory. when i looked down at the object in my hand, i saw it wasn't rusty metal, after all, but a vine that had wrapped around a twig. it got me thinking. this vine, in it's effort to bring life to itself, had bound itself so tightly to it's life-source that both had died. i know people like that. i have been a person like that. and it is such a struggle for either side to maintain a healthy boundary, that eventually someone has to walk away, or wither. and the relationship dies, just like the twig & the vine. Mighty trees have crashed onto our roof, brought down by seemingly innocuous creeping vines...their roots take hold, and aren't easy to remove. so this morning's walk brought me insight and gratitude on who i've become on my journey.

a slow start today ...up at 3:30 with diva's kidney clock, but snoozed back to bed til 6. there are 2 young men asleep on my couch. 2 nights ago, there was just one. i fear they are multiplying. husband is working on an epic guest room project that thus far has taken 3 weeks to paint a small room. next, he is insisting that the carpets get scrubbed before any any beds get moved back. but he is out of town today, and i am tired of creeping around at dark o'clock while stepson snores on the couch. today i'll reassemble the bed. there's time to do the carpets in august. the second boy is a friend of stepsons. i don't ask anymore. today will be a short studio day, followed b a trip to the gallery to grab some of my collages back to take to rochester tomorrow for another gallery show. am (once again) grateful all over again, for the freedom of time to be able to do this. when i used to sit in my cube at my Big Girl Job, i'd play a game with myself wherein i'd imagine what i'd do, should i win the lottery. having taken a summer off before, and having squandered that time, i resolved that i would set goals and stick to them. i'm happy to report that within the freedom of structuring my days, i am not squandering a minute. in fact, i'm busier & more productive than i was at the BGJ. and that feels good. plus i get to have lazy days if i want. like today. if you've ordered a necklace from me, it is either on it's way, or I am finishing up. i have 2 to get in the mail today (but 1 still needs additional info before i can process the card...pls email me if i've contacted you!!), and 2 in job boxes ready to start, and 5 more that are awaiting decisions about color and metal. tomorrow i head to a vendor show to get some pretty pretty new gemstones and beads and beauties! I am cautiously excited. cautious because i loose my MIND at these things...i want it all, and if i had a way to back my car into the venue and say "load er up!" i would. but i'll be good. snort. yeah, right! still feeling a tiny bit funked, so i'll go now and eat something healthy before the grippe gets an advantage. have a fantastic day! what we speak becomes the house we live in... -Hafiz

we changed things up a bit today, my diva & I...since thunderstorms are promising by afternoon, we took our official walk before breakfast, and before work. my mind wandered along as the scent of the mulchy woods hung heavy in the humid air. a buzzing in my belly has been growing insistently...More*Deeper it says...at each turn of an age, i feel a call to growth, a call for more, a call to peel back another layer...like a snake shedding skin, it's about finding and fitting who i am now - which is everchanging. i remember thinking that when i turned 16 and got my license, that would be "it" and i would be grown. then it was 21 ...after that it would be all set in stone and i would know all the mysteries of the universe, and from that point on, it would just be getting married, having babies, working, and going about life. guess my surprise. so this morning i did a quick check of email, printed something out for husband, and of course, my fingers began to wander. and i found this. this is something i would avoid at all costs, (late note: i would normally avoid at all costs - didn't mean to imply this retreat should be avoided. quite the opposite) picturing a small, young group of petite women with extravagant budgets and airy dreams. in short, everything i once was. yet i felt drawn in, felt the possibility. so as i walked, i wondered about this dichotomy, and why there was such a separation between Then and Now. yes, i am older, and have shed some skins since then. but the secret of the matter is that really, we stay basically the same inside...though different, though life experiences have changed my reactions and attitudes somewhat, i am still the same Core Self that i was born to be. hard to explain, you have to drift into the idea. as i walked through the woods, i felt embraced by those women that i have never met, or met just briefly. by their spirit, by the response of my Core Self to their unapologetic lives. i suspect i will not be attending the retreat, but felt, as i walked through the woods, as though the essence of it had already found me. the craziness of the past few weeks, creating necklaces, taking care of animals and creating collage work for a new show...it all stopped swirling like bad children on a long road trip, and perspective and priority took the wheel...and a swell of gratitude, calming and explosive at the same time, filled me. and just when i thought i'd touch back down to earth, this leaf stopped me. larger than my hand, in the middle of the path, with a space cleared around it. a love letter from the woods. "be a part of it, not apart from it," was the message my spirit said to me. and a quote from Rumi came to mind...one I have used in a collage ... Don't be satisfied with stories - how things have gone with others...unfold your own myth...without complicated explanation, so everyone will understand the passage, we have opened you. so here, with complicated explanation, i am typing through a puzzle whos pieces are saying to me you have been opened. once opened, the brilliant work of addition can begin. wishing you a day of openings, and humid tendrils of Knowing that cling, perfumed, to you. and now, gently, i'm off to the studio.

i moved gently into the morning around 4:30am...the world was quiet in the cool stillness just before dawn arrived...diva yawned & stretched, and decided it was too early to follow me outside... good strong coffee steamed in my mug, as i sat on the step, lacy ferns tickling my legs...i let my mind wander through my to-do list for the week and for the day...past the should's and have-to's and want-to's...ever closer to that very moment...realizing again, with incredible gratitude, the life i have. as the dawn began it's charted course across the sky, sounds of busy began - a woodpecker making hollow drumming in search of breakfast, followed by it's hysterical laughing call...a cardinal giving it's one-note call over & over...finches and tufted titmouse chattering at the feeders and in the trees, awaiting their turn impatiently...a chipmunk scurries up to my perch, stopping, looking, deciding friend or foe. i head back inside and up to my studio to begin a talisman necklace for a person i know, yet have never met...the sterling emblazoned with the name of the most magical place, "Squam." Making these necklaces has been such a balm...as i twist wire and match beads and gemstones and found objects, i remember the feel of the week...of being Seen and Heard...of a creativity being born, drawn from places i didn't know existed. and although the requests have been coming from incredible women i have never met face-to-face, i feel a bond with them. and it is my privilege to make these reminders of all that week stands for, and becomes... how a person re-learns themselves, and stretches beyond what they thought was possible, and becomes -little by little and sometimes all in a great rush - their best self. Live in the opening where there is no door to hide behind. - Rumi

check this out

what to do with old books....

(random photo) this week has just been a battle. physically, and spiritually. and i believe the two to be interrelated. when i'm in the studio, i have a tendency to get so absorbed, that i lose track of time...lunch time, break time, day time, night time. my body clock takes over and when it can chime loud enough, my brain will listen and stop me to eat, or rest. this week i've been so focused, that i didn't listen to the chime, and didn't take good enough care of my physical body, leaving me worn out and downright grumpy by saturday. husband and i took separate corners of the house, in effort to stay out of each others way. and i knew it was all because i didn't eat properly, or hydrate properly. the annoyances felt were mirages, and i kept that thought clear in my heart, so as not to make a large issue out of a non-issue. as we work towards re-making our lives alone, it is a garden that needs careful tending, so as to keep weeds from re-growing where they have painstakingly been pulled. finally yesterday, i gave in to the call of my pillow, and slept from 4-8pm, waking only long enough to walk diva, and go back under the covers. a day wasted. i awoke at 4am, groggy, hungry, and with a pounding headache. after loading in some protein and water, i dozed on the couch a bit more, waiting for tylenol to kick in. finally as the morning birds began to sing outside, i got up. this would not be a day to dither away. a collage has been sneaking around the corners of my sight, and today would be the day to bring it to light. as i began ripping paper and swirling paints, i felt revived within myself. the life that art brings me, once again has visited. diva snores loudly on her woobie nearby, opening one eye when i pass, making sure i don't go outside without her. kitten sleeps on sweaters in the closet. husband paints the new guestroom downstairs. it is all so good. it is all in order. a little cheese, a little peanut butter, some paint and some plaster. a prescription for wellness. wishing you an incredibly balanced day!

remember the whizbang printer i got for christmas? the one i was afraid to use until i HAD to because it sucked ink like a Hoover, according to reviews? the one that would print on anything from copy paper, to rag paper, to posterboard? that one? have i mentioned that i have yet NOT EVEN ONCE been able to get the paper to feed through? any paper? perhaps because my head was exploding and eyes spinning, i may have forgotten to mention it. so today, as i stood in my bathrobe on the deck, and diva snooped behind some trees, i got a Must Do idea for a collage, and began to set my day up to accomplish that. 1st - breakfast, because it would be a long day. while i was eating, husband showed me his pictures from a recent trip to Niagara Falls (on business, of course). one of the shots had the exact EXACT lines i had just sketched out for my collage - same tonal values and everything. yow. so (you know what's coming) i decided to print it out on the whizbang printer and use pieces of that print in the atual collage. 2 hours later...i found a number to the tech support center - open on saturday! which could only mean an offshore call center. which i am usually patient with, even though they mostly just read the troubleshooting guide from the internet self-help section. I got to speak with JD. he indeed, began reading the troubleshooting section, but we went through it together. when he threw down his ace, and said "okay print," you could almost hear him smile as he waited to have praise heaped upon him for his genius. nope. the paper jam light continued to flash even though no paper was jammed. being truly surprised, and now a bit irritated at the printer himself, he advised that what i needed to do was blow it out with canned air. oh. hell. no. and i explained to him calmly that "Oh hell no, JD. It has done this since being released from it's box in december, like a scourge visited upon me." a moment of silence, then he asked for the serial number. like 2 seconds later, he advised me that they would be sending me a brand-spanking-new printer with return postage for me to return my disobediant one. just like that. hunh. i am pleased. very pleased. happy that it wasn't just me. happy for a new printer. happy that it will arrive in time for me to make prints for my show. happy happy happy. in fact, so happy that i may not be able to collage. but happy all the same. i need a break from cutting silver and polishing and deburring and buffing and all that is involved in producing a perfectly wonderful silver disk. my hands need a different rhythm for a day or two, so they don't get frozen in place! okay - diva is doing her big impatient no-one-loves-me howl, so off to the woods. Have an incredible day!

whew! break time! my boss is a slavedriver! i just shipped out 4 more necklaces, and it gets harder every time...i want them all for myself! the girl at the post office asked just what was in all these little boxes...i was tempted to come up with a wild explanation of contents. another art show opening tonight...i am just so socially awkward in person at times that i think i should've been a millionaire recluse. or the nurse to one. i'm fine when i'm around people i know, or can feel the spirit of like-mindedness. just never had a use for mindless chit chat at cocktail parties. remember cocktail parties? oy - am i dating myself here? there's a place in Sodus that we love to go to called the Bay St. Inn...the exterior looks like a ramshackle biker bar, or something from an abandoned wild west movie set. inside, pretty much the same. but through a doorway is a small little restaurant that serves gourmet offerings. shock & surprise. the chef/owner lives between Key West & Sacketts. the food is unbelievable, and they've added an extensive (98+) martini list at the bar. that must make the bikers grind their teeth. last time we went, i had a Toblerone martini. i don't usually drink, but had to try it. mmmmm mmmm mmmm. it was like dessert in a glass. so was the watermelon. (just a sip from my friend's). ok break time's up. back to luscious copper & sterling!

i am an addict. they say admitting it is the first step to recovery, but i want nothing to do with recovery. i am actually addicted to 2 things: chai, and magazines. oh how i love chai! every morning, i have chai spiced oatmeal, and Tulsi Tea's Red Chai Masala tea. what a great way to start my day. love love love. and magazines. oy. i just can't help it. though i am better, just picking up a few every so often. (down from a few hundred bucks a month. i know, right?) it doesn't help that i have to pass Barnes & Noble to get virtually anywhere. so healthier eating, healthier spending....what's not to love about these addictions?

I received this quote in my emailbox today: "May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us." peace peace peace to you

This is the picture I tried to upload the other day, to no avail....a cloudless & tasty day, with the fragrance from lilacs blooming on the breeze, and dragonflies taking a curious closer look as I stood on the dock with diva dog. the starlings have made their annual nests under the dock, and dart perilously close as they warn us away. Today...another story...thunder greeted us as the garage door opened and diva bolted back into the house. it promises to be a day of many hugs and reassurances and hiding out in the tub, as the "angels bowl" throughout the morning. so I'll get some more work done, dispense a few more tummy scratches, and again be grateful that i am able to be home to comfort her. wishing you a beautiful, lilac-scented day - even if you have to close your eyes to imagine it!

yikes, so okay - I was just notified that I have an opening on July 18th at Starry Nights, a Van Gogh inspired cafe in the heart of the arts district in Rochester NY. Details are scant, but will keep you posted. It looks like a very cool place, and worth the jaunt in, artwork or no artwork! Hope you can make it...keep an eye peeled here for further details.

ok here's that break time i mentioned. oy do i need a stretch! maybe a solo walk around the lake & through the woods is in order today. diva is just slowing down by the day, and i'm in tune with her little body limitations on a given walk, but my body is craving movement. today, the solstice, has indeed been a balanced day so far...some great chai spice oatmeal for breakfast, and a little teeny tiny barely visible honest sliver of peanut butter pie for a quick snack. oh what?? like you've never. diva has alternated Big Wolf howling and quiet napping by my feet. Prince hit the iPod and we danced a little. she has better rhythm than i do, for the record. I'm working to get Squam necklaces out to everyone that has ordered so far, but some of the designs - i want to keep for myself! oh well. i guess it's like the shoemaker's daughter going shoeless. okay if i'm honest, there are days when i don't see my bathtub til late afternoon. i'll wake up totally on fire to get into the studio, and know if i stop to shower, then i'll find some excuse to go run errands or something far less productive. but this morning, as i headed toward the studio, i had a strong feeling that i should shower first (i said "feeling," not scent). and whenever i don't listen to that little voice of intuition, i end up wishing wishing i had. so we'll see what the day brings. maybe TV cameras at my door with Publishers Clearinghouse. yep. (i worked with a woman who used to work at PC. she said it was legit and fun. i think they paid her to say that). yes. i am rambling. yes. i've had an ocean of coffee. and yes. i did have a point to share, but it seems to have gotten lost in the random ping pong-ing of my synapses that happens after multiple nights of little sleep and lotsa coffee. so rather than continue to bore, i'll close the box, go for a post office run, then a solo walk, and hug the diva. Wishing you the balance and clarity that the solstice can bring.

I wanted to share this with you - not my words, but from Brian Andreas StoryPeople: If there is any secret to this life I live, this is it: the sound of what cannot be seen sings within everything that can. & there is nothing more to it than that. love it! another perfect day starting, with a cool whisper coming through my studio window. i love love love mornings like this, with the wrens fussing in their little houses beneath the 2nd story deck, and the crows peeking in my studio window caw-ing loudly for a treat. My days have a wonderful rhythm to them lately...in the studio at 5:30am, work until 9, then a stretch and a new mug of coffee. back to it till lunchtime, when pup & I go for a quick jaunt to the lake. (by then the geese have moved to the other side, and the protective parents don't hiss at us and get all upset). maybe a quick bite to eat, then back to the studio till dinnertime, or dark, if husband is away. I've made it a rule to leave the phone off til 9am. my most productive hours are between 5am-9am, and any interruption gets me distracted for the day. yes- i'm writing before 9am, so you can see where my day is headed. the funny thing is that i don't really watch the clock, but it just "feels" like 9, or "feels" like noon, and it's usually pretty close. Today's weather has threatened possible thunderstorms later in the day, so i best get to it, as i suspect i'll be comforting a shivering & terrified diva dog most of the afternoon. the vet suggested giving her a benadryl 1 hour before the storm. now, if i could predict the weather with that accuracy, i'd be on tv. wishing you a wonderful day filled with small surprises of joy!

it is one of the most perfect days...clear sky, moderate temps...the sun on my shoulders as i walked diva over to the lake...dragonflies buzzed us, curious...the geeselets are almost ready to try out those wings - downy fluff covers the grass as their Big Goose feathers start replacing their baby cotton. husband's trail cam caught a pregnant deer making a midnight snack run, and emptying our bird feeder in short order. we had bets as to what was doing it every night...raccoon, possum, bear, flying squirrel, sasquatch :) but there she was. most wild babies have been hatched, birthed, and are well into self-sufficiency, so this was an odd sight. we left her an apple last night. the scent of lilac drifts in my studio window as i work on squam necklaces...right now, perfectly, is Jonatha Brooke on my Bose. a deep breath of gentle breeze, and time to get back to work. wishing you a perfect cloudless day.

one of the many jobs i've worked at in my life, was at a karate studio. the owner, Kato, had a whole mental bag of inspirational quotes he'd throw at you when the situation demanded motivation. as if a request from a man with lethal hands wasn't enough motivation to get the job done. don't get me wrong - he was an incredible inspiration to anyone who met him. here's a few Kato-isms that seem apropos for the day: (and honestly, i don't know if he made them up himself, or got them from some Lethal Hands guidebook, so i apologize if i am mis-crediting) If it's got to be, then it's up to me. If I can't, I must....if I must, I will. may your day be filled with progress.

For those who have asked.... depending on your monitor, this should give an idea of the difference between the sterling & the copper. Personally, I love copper for it's warmth and the patina it takes on with age. Copper has traditionally been thought of as having healing properties, but who knows? I am thrilled and honored to make these talismans for my Squam tribe! It does my heart good to see women from all backgrounds, and all parts of the world, with this commonality of the spirit. You should all know we speak the same language, and that language has no words. A few weeks ago, I ran into a woman who was at Squam1, and when she said, "weren't you at Squam?" it encompassed everything. When I go into Barnes & Noble, I see magazine articles and books written by friends made at Squam, and it just makes me smile. and tear up a little, i admit. When you stop to follow the thread of this backwards to the beginning, so very many things could have stopped it. but didn't. The fact that the RDC is even there is totally remarkable. Take time to read the history of the camps, and it will blow you away. then fast forward to the incredible dream Elizabeth had, that she had the fortitude to bring to fruition...gah! it's just so much amazing, as my little neighbor says. so that's why i say i am honored to make these lovelies for you...with each one, I know it is going to a woman who has been there for the pink unicorns and quiet moments of the heart, and has been changed.

from the archives of my nearly deleted document files.... I am an artist. I am a woman. I am a wife. I am a homemaker, though a somewhat distracted and disinterested one. Whiter socks and perfect piecrusts never really troubled me. As I thought about the different roles each of us plays throughout their days, their lives, I realized how the particular role sometimes requires a particular mask…to hide the authentic, the true. And why was a mask worn? And what effect did that have on the authentic and true? Did it wear down the deepest desires and creation sense of Self? Did it seamlessly blend and incorporate the different facets? And was that dishonest, or just the way things were expected to be? And how did that ripple out to those contacted with…to become frustrated with them for seeing only one facet of the person, when the mask worn was too heavy to see through…and do people see what they want, or expect, to see - then stop looking for more? Witnesses to a crime will often tell widely varying accounts, often based on their LifeStory. When asked to describe a personal friend, it’s interesting to hear or read the different labels or personality traits that each person remarks on…one saying the person is quiet, the other describes a funny, gregarious person, yet another mentioning the organizational skills, and yet again another remarking on artistic ability. All the same person…different faces shining in different lights. And haven’t we all had days where we “felt” like an artist, or “felt” like a traditional homemaker or fill-in-the-blank? Then the next day…completely different. Except for that core of the authentic and true Self. So then, is the mask a part of the authentic and true? Or does it hide? If it is to hide, is it in shame, or in protection? So again, the questions hang…what is true…what is authentically you…are you peaceful with your masks - your roles - or do they rattle at you in the dark? Do you long for someone to dig deeper…to look past the outward appearance…to find You? Or are you content…covering and preserving and protecting…You? I found this while weeding through my documents folders early this morning when i should have been sleeping. and i remember feeling the feelings of that time, but honestly don't recall writing it. (just thought I'd share.) Funny how far a person can come in a few well-chosen years! Have a fabulous day full of grace-filled moments in your heart, and bubbling joy when you least expect it. peace peace peace.

where to start??

oy. deep breath. hold on - have to grab my coffee. ok i'm back. so last march, i sat in my cube and decided i Could Not Do This Anymore, and plus PSD needed support, so i left and the rest is history. and having had respite periods before, and knowing that All The Time In The World can translate into a dreamy fugue-state where nothing gets done and suddenly you regret all the time you wasted, knowing that, i vowed not to waste one nano second. and i did not. for a month and a half. then after the first festival, gave my self a day or two or three a week two weeks to recover and regroup and have big thoughts and virtually do not a lot. so tuesday, as i was coming out of the anesthesia, i was having a dream about painting a huge, glorious painting. it was remarkable - oranges and glittery gold and some green and i was trying to focus on it so i would remember it but this Loud Insistent Sound kept making me (in the dream) turn my head away to the source of the Sound which sounded an awful lot like a nurse calling my name to wake me up and she just wouldn't stop. til finally, of course, my brain, lemming-like, woke my body up and PoOf the painting in the dream gave way to a really unattractive cotton curtain around my bed in recovery, and that Sound was telling me i should try to get up and walk. had i been able to, i fear her life would not be the same. at least her mood would have dimmed. but foggy headed, i vowed again to get on the stick and make art and get going with applications and phone calls and all the yukky parts of being a fulltime artist. and an amazing thing happened. once again, the magic clicked. and a phone call i was badgered into making turned into an opportunity that i would never dare hope for - a show with 2 internationally collected artists. hunh?? yes. and the double magic: i did not feel the least bit intimidated. it actually got my creative smile going and the mojo running. so if that was that, then it would still be a cool thing, but not so fast. today, as husband pulled out of the driveway to go play golf, i was left to wait for the cable repair person. (not really cable anymore but you know what i mean). the person was a woman named Lisa. and she had to check the router which is in a close corner in my studio. that prompted conversation. she looked around and said "I'm starting a bakery." well, we were off and running! She is working 70 hours at her Big Girl Job AND doing the bakery biz AND has 4 kids. where's the cape?? it's called Pastry Stop. i can't wait for her to retire so she can make sugary goodness fulltime. she has an item called cake balls that sound so intensely yummy that i started to drool. she left with my info, other contact info, and a "dream" necklace, because i know her dream will get her through til she retires. i adore her. and unless she's mainlining Red Bull, she has such a natural enthusiasm and energy that I have no doubt, she'll be a Frosting Force to be reckoned with. she's good people, as dad used to say. there's other news that will have to wait...i have to get a few necklaces in the mail (Hey Squammies!) and head out for a date with my Angel Friend to TH3. Secret Lentil & Barbara Bags at Szozda Gallery, along with Joyce Day Homan (eek - Mrs. Homan to me - my 7th grade art teacher), Carmen's glass and other amazing things! will continue tomorrow. or later if i can't sleep again tonight. (my apologies to anyone who received a late night posted email from me today if it clogged up your email box).

a gift from the heart

my diva dog is very sensitive & intuitive. and she knows i've had a few rough days with tests and prepping for tests and after-effects of tests. yes, it was exciting for her to have Grammie here, but that was tinged with worry and throwing up for mommy. so today, i got up, showered and powered into my day. she felt relieved. i ran out to do errands and wish Caroleena happy birthday, but sensed it was time to come home to keep furbaby company a bit. as i sat at the table eating (EATING!!) a sandwich, she slowly walked up to the table with a gift for me. she held this shiny green bow in her mouth until i put my hand down, and she dropped it in. this is unlike her....her usual MO is to show it off, then hide with it somewhere. but clearly she was "feelin me." little love of mine.

The baby crows are fledging today, and not at all happy about it. it was so much easier to sit in the nest and have mom & dad bring food. although the nest is getting a bit too small. the parents sit a few branches away, caw-ing at the young ones. a sound like a creaking door is the response. clearly crow-speak for "no way." the caw-ing continues, then a burst of leaves rustling as a young one lurches toward the ground...but...halfway down, the wings spread, and flight! briefly anyway. the parents fly a few trees away, and babe follows, afraid to be left alone with new wings. they continue going a few trees away at a time, til it's time to fly back. so cool. i'm not dilly-dallying.....i'm on perma-hold with the IRS, and suspect they all went to lunch and didn't change the recording. oooo! lunch! well, breakfast or dinner would get me going right now too...i am not allowed to eat today, except clear liquids. and no red clear liquids. yes - the great colonoscopy prep redux. attempt #1 ended poorly, even as it just got started, with my body totally rejecting whatever it was i was supposed to drink an ocean of. this time, a kinder, gentler process? we'll see. but it involves lots of Zero Water (lemon lime), so what's not to like about that? or at least tolerate. and honestly,, i would ignore the whole process, but having a family history of particular types of cancer makes you feel like you should be responsible for checking every so often. and my cousin out west-ish sends an annual email to remind the family to have this test. yes, i know - most normal families exchange holiday greetings and "catch up" letters. we email about colonoscopies. explain a lot? so i'm sipping sodium-free chicken bouillon yum yum for brunch, promising myself a disgusting boston creme donut for brunch tomorrow if i'm a good girl. and a peanut donut. and i don't care that i can't have sugar. i just really want those 2 things. but not til tomorrow. so today, diva's grammie is coming to help out and stay over night!! husband is away on business, and i'll need a driver. so we get a girl party (somewhat) and that will make everything worth while. today i'm collaging. it's a little scary and tentative, having stepped away from it since getting ready for the last show. i feel like i have to start from scratch, but am trying to urge forward from where i had been. well there should be such problems worldwide, eh? enjoy your day, and have a big waffle or pizza for me!

get corked

now, hear me out on this. it's really simple. i am asking that you save your wine corks for me. when you have a bunch, let me know and i'll send you a postage paid box. they aren't for me. and i don't mean to suggest that y'all are a bunch of winis. but we do enjoy a bottle now and again, and these corks will add up. even ask your favorite bartender to save them. we need 60,000. i say "we," and by that i mean Kindred Kingdoms. they have someone that will donate money to them for every wine cork they hand over. and they need the money, with no end of injured wildlife, but plenty of funding sources and grants stretched to the max or drying up completely. i won't get into the buckets of mash & mealworms i observed today, and thank goodness you can't smell me through the computer...baby skunks aren't quite so cute when they get nervous. and they are always nervous. so please please don't forget the corks. i'm trying to wrangle a cool prize for the person collecting the most corks. (the real cork corks, not the ones that are plastic-y.) hmmm, maybe a baby skunk as a prize....nah.

i really try...

I do. I try to wake up, and be still, and pray/meditate/seek direction. but i don't seem to be able to pull it off...too many things swirling - coffee to pour, feeding of furry ones, feeding of self, potty breaks...oy. and i felt pretty guilty, having wanted to start my day with a prayer of gratitude and gentle direction to listen for. and i realized, finally, that after the furbabes are fed, and i have a warm mug of coffee in my hands, i can sit outside for a while, in my bathrobe of course, and listen to the birds waking up and getting busy, and smell the flowers in my garden wafting their scent to me, and hear the buzzing of the fat bumblebees starting their day. and in those moments, i don't need to form words and make logical prayer, because my heart is saying all that needs to be said...the deepest expression of my gratitude for those moments, and the time to relax in them, is being spoken by my spirit. and it was at that epiphenous moment that i realized that i had, indeed, entered in to worship. and that the prayer of my heart was answered. and that the rest of the words i would think to speak would be more like a Dear Santa list, rather than a conversation with Divine. it is in those moments when my thoughts are stilled and my mind is receptive. and in that time when my truest expression of art begins to bubble. and what better answer to any un-prayed prayer?

yesterday i did one of the most important things i suspect i'll ever do, short of donating a body part. and - double bonus - it was keeping a promise i had made to God year after year...i signed up to teach english to immigrants. doesn't sound earth-shattering, but imagine if you were dropped down in a foreign country...you had to leave quick, and had left most of your possessions and most of your family behind...you want & need to work, but can't read a job application, and without a job you can't pay rent or buy transportation....you may not be able to get proper medical care because you can't communicate with the doctor...you may not call police if you need to because you don't know how the system works and can't communicate your need when they do respond. the list is absolutely endless. and every so often, as i sat at my desk in the cube farm, i'd daydream about what i'd do if i had all this "free" time, and promised God i'd teach english/reading to people who needed to know. so yesterday i (finally) signed up. and am so excited i can't wait for the training to begin! Last night was a blast! it was international craft day, and the art store i go to (Commercial Art Supply) put on a huge bash...crafts from around the world, with matching f-o-o-d! what's not to love? and i got totally absorbed by block printing. totally. the general plan of the evening was that there were tables set up with each art/craft. you would pick a table of interest, work on that technique, then move to a different table. not so much for me. i sat there at the block printing table for close to 4 hours. then, of course, bought the official Speedball set up. because i am, after all, me. love it! Many many thanks to the art store for their incredibly generous pile of awesome materials and tools...and the coupons & prizes!! Leslie never stopped smiling even after a 12-plus hour day- she's a better person than me! maybe it was the sangria. oh - and we learned how to roll our own sushi rolls. brought back similar high school memories. (dave's not here, man). so today, as husband helps build a raptor enclosure, i will be re-working some necklaces, grocery shopping, walking diva (who had a very rough night with mini-thunder), and all those similar domestic goddess chores. for reward - i have a book on hold at Barnes & Noble, "Devotion," by Dani Shapiro. sounds very good. wishing you an excellent & restful weekend filled with wonderful treasures!

it's 6:02am. I have been up for 75 minutes in the cool almost-dawn. My crow mama has been caw-ing at the window, trying to get me to come back outside. Diva is snoring at my feet, and kitten is perched on the back of my chair snoozing, with one paw outstretched and resting on my shoulder. i am being watched over, that's for sure. i've given myself the week to recover from the Art Trail, and to regroup. being a person of forward motion, i have a tendency to react and surge ahead, rather than sit quietly and think things through. i'm done thinking, and ready to make some design changes that please me. i am so grateful for my life, have i mentioned that recently? so, in this cool almost-dawn moment, with snoring dogs and cawing crows and gentle paws on shoulders, i need to spend some quiet time in prayer & focus. wishing you a spectacular day!

shoulda known better

Every Fall, I go here to reunite with my tribe in the cedar-y, balsam-y smelling woods of New Hampshire. Every fall, I reunite with myself, and grow in amazing and unexpected ways. There is a June session also. They are just home and re-entering, and blogging about their time spent in magic. i should have known better than to peek at their pages. i should have known i'd end up a blubbery, slobbering mess. i should have known.

your heart's desire

this is delish.... from Hiro Boga... https://www.authenticpromotion.com/download/hiroboga.mp3 see it all here....

ps

i cannot recommend this book more highly

to love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart and to sing it to them when they have forgotten

the big show

so this past weekend was the first art/craft show I did with the lovely & talented Elizabeth. It was a huge learning experience, and I'm so grateful for that opportunity. It rained day one, which seems to be the way things go here. day two couldn't have been more perfect weather-wise. i am exhausted, dehydrated, and have a huge pile of stuff to put away - make that 2 piles. one in the garage, and one in the dining room. i just didn't have the heart for it last night. and actually, as i type this, i'm realizing i should have waited til i was coherant - like maybe wednesday. so i'll sign off now before i ramble about dryer lint or something inane. have a fantastically magical day!

as the wind blows hard another day, i began list #4. yes, i am a list-maker. compulsively. even more so since menopause blew through my body and snagged some brain cells that still had some shelf-life to them. in times of stress, i make lists. in times of excitement, i make lists. and now, i make lists of everything i'm likely to forget. everything in general. a quick trip to the grocery store for dog food is likely to have me returning home with a magazine, forgetting the grocery store entirely til i see diva's little fur face. my list making goes into high gear for Events Out Of The Ordinary - vacations, workshops, yes - and art fairs. like the one on saturday & sunday. i am most grateful that Elizabeth has been generous to share her booth with me. most grateful. on many levels. 1st, that she has been this generous. 2nd, that she has done this before, so she knows what to expect and what to bring. i would never have thought to bring bottled water, or a power strip. or lunch. yet one of my lists has 3 different types of pins on it. it isn't that i freak out. quite the contrary. i get so excited for List Events that the list-making itself is a way to quiet that over-anticipation...sort of like living a little bit of it, so i don't explode. it's like telling the kids they're going to Disney - waaaay before the trip. so every day is focused on getting to Disney. yes. that's me. my original list has the broad outline of what needs to occur, which is then broken down by day in a logical manner. there is bump time built in, in case i run long on a task, or just plain don't feel like doing anything that day. as each day ends, if there is a task not completed, it moves to the next day's list. mid-way to D-Day, i re-assess and see if i need to add/subtract from the list, and if i'm tracking good for time. this all sounds very strict and OCD, but it is how i get things done. if there are no List Making Events on the horizon, i just go with the flow. yes, i flow. so tomorrow is set up day. i have most things packed and ready to go. except 100 necklaces and their displays. pretty much the reason for going, wouldn't you say? to sell these necklaces? yep. the display will get finished, no matter what. but it was the task that overwhelmed me so much that i kept moving it to the next day. and broke my own rule. and now, there really is no next day. so perhaps it was all meant to be done today, so i didn't get caught up in the minutiae of it all, as i am wont to do. and although i feel some minor and fleeting twinges of panic, i know it will be okay. i hope it will be okay. it will be okay. throughout this, i've learned to say "yes" to help...from the incredible Ms. Szozda offering bags and T-Pins and all manner of advice and assistance, to Reg cutting foam core, and husband cutting even more foam core. i've learned that a good nap resolves almost everything, and whatever doesn't get fixed by a nap is probably not going to get fixed. i've learned not to squander my time, and use every minute with a grateful heart and acknowledging it's gift. i've learned that my diva's love and need for me is in direct proportion to the amount of time she has me in her day. at this point, she is pretty much attached to my ankle. awkward socks. i have also learned, again, when to depend on others, and when not to. and the difference between Depending on someone, and accepting their assistance. (too long a story even for me). i've learned how much i love the smell of the Delavan's hallways, and the sound the smooth wood makes under my shoes and the mysterious doors hiding wonderful creations. i think if i had a studio there, i'd have a dance party every friday evening. crank up some retro disco, grab a nice box of wine, (i know), some platform shoes, and do the hustle. just for 2 hours. then go create. shoo. everyone out. okay, maybe longer. i'm waiting for husband to cut more foam core, so i'm really not procrastinating here. but should go nudge him. have a dreamy day...........

ps

(click to read inscription) To all the June Squammies, know this: 1) I am incredibly jealous (but not in a mean way) 2) you have just accepted an incredibly life changing/affirming gift 3) go for the Belgian waffles at breakfast :)

double gratitude

i have been blessed by Elizabeths in my life...two of them! (actually three, but lost track of one). Elizabeth Moldenhauer is, well, she defies description in a 1 or 2 word "label." Let me say, at the beginning, make an excuse to get to meet her and get to know her. she is deceptive, though. at first you think, "oh. what a nice person," but if you watch carefully, you'll see she has magic powers. the work she is doing with autistic children is amazing. using felting as the medium of communication, she is unlocking these children. it gave me absolute reverence and goosebumps when she was telling me about her day. and that conjuring can change your own mood from grump grumble arrgh, to weeping gratitude in the matter of minutes. she is a person who quietly and gently makes you want to be a better person, just by being around her. and her artistic expression is pure candyshop wonderment. i am truly grateful for having met her. Elizabeth other-Elizabeth has the same effect, but in a different way. Elizabeth Maccrellish is all about Get Off Your Butt And Live Your Best Life. not that she's a drill sargeant...not at all. she is also of the ephemeral lightness of spirit that E1 travels with. But - E2...carry a fire extinguisher with you...she is about sparks and connections and excited words tumbling forth...and the whirl and twirl, but all in a way that doesn't consume your spirit. somehow this vortex-like enthusiasm is at once energizing and calming. you come to certain Knowing. quickly. but without bruising. i'm not sure if my head could survive the experience of having both of them in the same place, but it would do my heart such good. and that's the story of my two Elizabeths. i'll be away from the computer for a few days as i ratchet down to the final deadline on the westcott art trail work. Plus an art show deadline i just found out about - due tomorrow! yikes! Please stop by and say hello this weekend - I'll be located at Amy's house 423 Fellows Ave, with Elizabeth #1! If you're not familiar, the Westcott Art Trail is a fabulous weekend of art & fun! You can pick up a map at the Westcott Community Center, or go online & print one. There are hundreds (maybe not hundreds, but a Real Lot) of artists set up at "host houses" throughout the Westcott nation, selling, displaying and making art. The work is high quality and all handmade. Westcott is known for it's art community, and this event brings in artists from all around to be guests at the homes, yards, and porches of residents. it runs saturday 10-5, and sunday 12-5. i'll have some original collages, Talisman necklaces, and Intuitive Word necklaces. Lovely Elizaeth will have some of her luscious felted vessels and a few wallhangings, along with other treats ...if i don't buy it all first! stop by & say hello!! and to all who have asked - yes...I can make a "Squam 2011" necklace for you. send me an email or leave a comment and i'll get one right out to you. (V/MC/Discover/Amex - yes, I take it all!)