something beautiful today....go here, www.magnoliapearlblog.blogspot.com ...turn your speakers on...immerse in the wondrous lushness and beauty....thank you Robin....

today is my birthday! yes, jammed in between christmas and new years. i love having all the milestone days in a row...it creates a time to consider, reconsider, recalibrate, and start the new year with fresh thoughts and directions. each year during this week, i spend time weighing the thoughts and attitudes and directions i've headed in the past year, and what i hope to bring into the next year...and also what the new year requires of me. i mark the promise/hope/intuition with a new necklace, emblazoned with a word or words that best sums it up. this year: be in service. i plan to stamp out the medallion during the week, and spend some time adding charms and trinkets and talismans to the chain. do you do this? i'm not a journaler, although this blog is somewhat of a journal, i suppose. i look back through the year's posts to see what resonates with me...what gives me an urge for a second reading. and usually a theme evolves. this year, the days that gave me the most joy were the ones that were full of giving - the "coincidental meetings" where i was able to help...help for no other reason than i had something that could make a difference to someone else...a skill, a connection, a shoulder to cry on...something that i could offer that changed a person's life. this year, my intuition tells me that there will be much much more of that...that i need to be sharpened to discern need, and be open to what is asked of me to give...to discern when to give and when to let a person's lesson unfold to them. it's easier, by far, to be a "rescuer" than to watch someone struggle through a life lesson. but sometimes that's what needs to happen. this year, i am planning to set up a philanthropic organization to be able to give as needs are presented. i say organization, but don't mean a large bureaucratic body requiring forms and justification. more to come on all that as it becomes reality. but the thought of being able to provide a service, a connection, an opportunity, and yes sometimes money to someone to help them realize their life's needs and purpose - just the thought is so exciting. it's has been amazing to me to see how the smallest gesture can sometimes make a huge impact. so share with me: what are your thoughts, hopes and dreams for your own life this next year? what things are you hoping to express more of, or develop? what are you hoping to leave behind in 2011 and replace in 2012? sometimes seeing it in print helps gel it... wishing you each a new, fresh beginning, with lightness, purpose and direction.

the hustle and hurry of the holidays is mostly over...although i still need to mail out my christmas prezzies. someday, i'll do this on time. perhaps. i've had an incredible year, wouldn't you say? and having been flat on my back for the past few months has given me time to think about where i've been, where i'd like to head, what i want to take with me, what i want to leave behind in 2011. going from 0 to 350 in a month was crazy...crazy good, and crazy bad. i learned a lot, to say the least. business plans, marketing, web construction, booth design, networking...all that business type stuff. and in all that, i consider myself a success. however. yes, however. i lost connection to my artwork. gasp yes i did say that. my necklaces and collages and assemblages ... they came from a place in me that needed a voice...a place where no words would suffice...where only something splashed with color or tactile elements or a talisman reminder of truth or strength or loveliness or wisdom would do. and in all the daily rush of emails and organizing work schedules and shipping schedules and the nuts-and-bolts of running a business - slowly the point of it all was lost. i am a person that has a deep need to make a difference. to reach out to a heart that is tired or frustrated or feeling hopeless, and give a spark. it is who i am. it is what makes me so incredibly happy. it is my purpose. throughout the years, it is the direction i always find myself pointing true north towards, no matter where i've strayed. all this being said, and after an incredible 3 months of thought, i'm heading in a new/old direction. true north. and i am so dang excited. the minute i realized that my old purpose never went away or changed, and that i could return to that path...the very instant...i was giddy. yes, absolutely light in my heart and wanting to dance. the very day i re-realized where i had strayed, my hearing returned. how's that for a sign? from "you aren't listening, so i'll take your hearing," to bam! "Now you're hearing me!" at any rate, I'm not 100% positive what the new year will look like, but i have some ideas. my website will remain, and will be updated as i make new work, but it is not my focus. My focus is to be in helping...helping others with the business of their business. not a life coach. not a job coach. nothing quite so organized as that. yes, i have had several people ask for help in specific areas of setting up a website, or making a plan for their business, and i am honored to help. the things that really make the hair on my arms stand up though, are the heart things...the Love Bombs, the anonymous gifting and lifting and opening a door for an opportunity to happen for someone. recently, i wrote a few days of posts that were about blogs & websites that I loved and visited. that was so incredibly fulfilling to me, to be able to share and make others aware of some really cool people. i started a series of interviews with people i wanted to introduce to you, but then got sick and haven't been able to post them. (as soon as my PC gives it up to the new Mac, i'll get those going). I'm not sure what form this giving will take...simple random acts, or a full-blown philanthropic effort. but i do know for certain that this is where i should be, and to not follow the clear leading, well, that would be a shame. so my website is still operational and running, and your requests will still get my heartfelt attention, however, there are some new things brewing too. and the path is genuine and authentic and awesome in it's gentleness and excitement. i feel overwhelmed and blessed by the creation taking shape. and if i needed a push and a confirmation of any sort, i began reading "Desire To Inspire" by Christine Mason Miller last night, and found my heart saying, "YES YES YES - That's What I'm Telling You!" on every page. Now This...this is what it's all about...being exactly where you belong.

does this post make my butt look big?

well, i can honestly say that husband outdid himself this christmas...i did not expect that we would exchange gifts (even though i did, in fact, buy him a huge table saw - see previous posts), but he outsmarted me. i am typing this on a teeny keyboard that is wirelessly tethered to a gi-normous iMac screen. yes. i'm a mac now. and i have to say that i feel more artsy latte-ish. i do not feel more techno-smart, though. and after waiting 6 hours for the migration assistant to suck the brains out of my PC, it cheerfully announced the Vulcan Mind Meld was complete. perhaps, but ....where? no info shows in the Mac, and no info (thank God) was missing from the PC. I did get a good nap in while waiting, though. i'm still trying to figure out how to set up folders MY WAY in the email program, but that will happen sooner or later. the screen is large enough to be in braille, though. the "magic mouse" is a bit weird...no left or right clickie thing. ach. we'll see. so if you email me and don't get a reply in a timely fashion, please call...my emails are all a jumble. they were the only things that did come over from the PC. all 500+ in no particular order and with folders stripped. i am very excited to iChat though. maybe. i guess that means I'll have to wash my hair befre i answer the phone. more on some exciting (actual) news tomorrow. hope your christmas was wonderful and sparkly

May your days be merry and bright.... much catching up to do on Monday - meet ya back here!

well, i've come to terms with the fact that my christmas presents will not make it to the post office in time. yes, ever the optimist, i had hopes. but it is not to be. perhaps by new year? oy. so i have viable excuses and reasonable reasons, yes, but i still feel a tug of guilt. but who doesn't love a gift at any time? so that's the way it is from here. sales at the gallery have been unstoppable. i'm speechless and amazed and grateful. i'm looking at studio space outside of my house...it's a toss up between the convenience, and the privacy/don't-bother-me factor. although my home studio is private, diva and bulimia cat still wander in (and through) my space with demands. plus, it's too easy to get distracted with laundry and naps. a studio outside the house would make it more Official that this is My Job. we'll see. I received my copy of Christine Mason Miller's "Desire To Inspire" last night....it's beautiful, and authentic, and soulful, and has spoken to my heart. and i'm still reading the "forward!" (kidding about the forward). i love this book. i love her. and to her husband, i have a one word message: yogapants. This will likely be my last post through the holidays, unless a typical meltdown of manners occurs, and i need to share some outrageous moments. Wishing you all a beautiful holiday, filled with Norman Rockwell moments, and sweet chai tea peacefulness. and to all, a good night. xox

with sprinkles and a cherry on top

okay - i have to be kinda sneaky about this, because i never know who's reading & i don't want to spoil the surprise. but here's the deal. i am a firm believer in the "what goes around, comes around," and not just germs. my last few posts have been about doing good, and good will come to you, right? well, never in my wildest dreams did i expect that to happen on a freezing cold night (last night) when a certain someone's main christmas gift was at stake. i had just one day - yesterday - to sneak a big big box into the house, wrap it, and breathe a sigh of relief. it had been paid for, and was waiting at the store for the exact right time. so last night was that time, however, i realized late in the day that i would never not ever be able to unload it from my car once i got home. too heavy. i took a mental survey of my neighborhood, and realized that the only person who might be able to help was away. stepdaughter and strong-like-bull boyfriend (hers, not mine) to the rescue. the shortened version of this part was they arrived at the store, and plans had gotten confused, and rather than a pickup truck, they had her small car...smaller than mine. but i was hopeful i could cram the box into my car. at the service desk, we waited and waited and waited for them to locate the box, get it down from the rafters, and wheel it up front. i was not annoyed at the wait...it's a busy time of year, and just felt something peaceful. did i mention we waited a looong time? that's key here, because there is no such thing as imperfect timing in God's world if we pay attention. i was chatting with the customer service cashier, explaining how this was going to be a huge surprise and that the recipient would never ask for anything for themself, so i was so happy to have thought this up, etc. So the box arrives on the big dolly/cart thing, and 2 employees are asking where my truck is. Another man behind the counter looks at the box and says "That is an awesome present! I'd like that myself!" (glow glow). we go outside to my car, which is not a truck, and dread sinks in...it won't fit. it was like trying to shove my ass into the jeans that i own from last year. no amount of wishin and hopin was going to get it in. and delivery was $79. Not an option. so back to the perfect timing thing. while we were standing out there staring at the box, willing it to shrink by a mere 3 inches, the man from behind the counter walks out on the way to his car to leave for the night and asks what the problem was. we explained, and as he walked toward his car, he turned around, and said to the men "ring that under a blah blah blah no charge blah blah blah merry christmas." we all gaped at each other for a second, and then looked at him as he was walking away and said WHAT DID YOU SAY?? all at once. he repeated. yes. he said to put it on a truck right then & deliver to my house for free. tears followed. i was gobsmacked. this is one of those huge corporate chain stores. not a local we-know-you-since-you-were-born places. and this man's kindness saved my particular christmas surprise. the men with the cart said that was their new store manager, and "what a great guy he is." I couldn't agree more. i have initiated many random acts of kindness in my life, just because it feels so darn good, and because it is the right thing to do. but this. coming back in such a huge way. is.amazing. i'm still smiling. i snarkled and dripped tears the entire ride back to my house with a huge delivery truck behind me. they must have spent at least $79 in gas. and to follow the thread backwards, at any time, if any one of the actions had been delayed by even a minute, this miracle would not have been possible...if i had gotten to the store a mere few minutes later than i did, the manager would have been gone already...or if it took them less time to get the box up front, he would've been in the back of the store. my lesson (again) to myself: pay attention to that small voice ...that intuition...that unreasonable pull to go to a particular location at a particular time. there just may be something so incredibly wonderful for you, or for you to do. right now, i am going to explode with gratitude with all the goodness going around. how about you?

be aware today: whatever you put out from yourself, takes on life. harsh words to someone - they don't end there. even after an apology. the hurt person may have called someone to cry on their shoulder, so now there are 2 people affected by your outburst. and then the 3rd person in this ripple-effect gets in a bad mood and reacts badly to others and on and on. conversely, smiling at someone, or complimenting them, or letting them ahead of you in traffic or the grocery store...that goodness breeds goodness and it ripples even quicker. bad is heavier. I remember the Starbucks phenomenon here...My husband would often be given Starbucks gift cards by reps he worked with. He would pass them on to me. on my way into work, I'd go to the SB drive-thru and pay for my order, and the car behind me. one time the girl at the window jumped up and down, clapping her hands & calling some other employees over. she said one day the "pass it on" phenomenon went on for 2 hours or more, with each car getting a free order paid for by the car in front of them. love it! this morning my mother called me early and began filling my ear with a chaotic tumbler of urgent and bad news not involving her, and that i had no way of changing, and only upset my stomach. the pumpkin pancakes were dumped into the trash, and a frown creased my face. husband was racing through the house trying to pack for his work week away. I was grepsing and grumpy to him. he yelled at the dog. the cat threw up. fa-la-la-la-la. He & I apologized. i took a hot shower to reconnect with my heart and wash the chaos out. the dog got a treat. i still had to clean up after the cat. i could use a free starbucks right now :) be good, be kind, smile more today, and be sensitive to the calling of the universe to do one deed so incredibly good that you wonder how the universe ever picked you to do it.

“And it occurred to me that in this new millennial life of instant and ubiquitous connection, you don’t in fact communicate so much as leave messages for one another, these odd improvisational performances, often sorry bits and samplings of ourselves that can’t help but seem out of context. And then when you do finally reach someone, everyone’s so out of practice or too hopeful or else embittered that you wonder if it would be better not to attempt contact at all.” —Chang-rae Lee, Aloft (copied from Space Tiger blog)

being santa

you do not have to live in the area to participate in this....people are people! a challenge for you all: In the spirit of the "Kmart Secret Santa" paying off layaways, I have been made aware of a single mom who has been struggling to pay off a layaway for a crib & mattress. Her layaway is at the Liverpool NY Kmart. She owes less than $200 on it. Christmas is a week away. If you feel it in your heart, call the store 315-652-4494. ask for the assistant manager with the red spiky hair, and tell her you want to help pay on the layaway with the crib. she will know which one. she has others earmarked as well. This asst manager is an angel in disguise, as well. any amount will help, or go for it & do it all! after you call....notice how good you feel? ahhh-mazing! and it all comes back to you.

wonderment

what's not to love about the intense redness of this showoff against the first snowfall? i have a lot on my mind, so this will be long. all good! grab your tea and here we go... while looking through a local boutique, i came across a shirt that had all this on it: Love This Life...it's about celebrating the moment and that we're not guaranteed or owed another day and how cool it is that what we hide can actually be the fuel towards our glory and that it's not so bad being proven wrong... Love This Life...it's about welcoming the blind turn and the possibility that there's no such thing as coincidence and that empathy is incredibly sexy and that it's never too late to pick up a guitar or a paintbrush or to make an amend or to make a new friend. Love This Life...could be about rekindling a past flame or igniting a new one or shapeshifting from a dreamer to a doer or savoring the caress of a love long gone. Love This Life...means whatever it is you want it to mean because it is a celebration of you and your path... Love This Life...'cuz it could go at any second. You rock. Yes!! all this on the back of a t-shirt. by David Culiner, I have to add. Could i think of at least 150 people i'd like to send this to? oh, at least! now, i just spent an hour on the phone with a new friend, and have much much to do in the studio, so i'll check back later with fantastic bits for you.... today...Love This Life.

ok - i've finally admit to myself: my christmas presents will most likely not be mailed in time for christmas delivery. i tried, but will become crazed if i keep this up. and there really aren't many, or all that much, as we've decided to do things a little lighter this year. Personally, i love love love getting cards with a little note inside. that is my favorite. i have a little gift bag hung up by my desk, and i keep every single card i ever get in this bag. yep. it's true. and when i need a pick-me-up, i shuffle through them and re-read them. it just warms my heart. Now that i'm back on my feet (mostly), i have a much more clear idea of where i'm heading...and it looks like there's an entirely new path awaiting...well, not entirely new, but new. and i'm so freaking excited by some of the things about to happen! none of which would have crossed my radar had i not been flat out on my back all these weeks, with nothing to do but listen (internally!). so, a lesson in being grateful - even for the things I think of as bad news or frustrating or slowing me down. BUT - for now, i have a special special necklace to wrap and get to the post office, because this one has been patiently waiting for a while to go to it's new home. enjoy your day, and find happiness and gratitude in each and every thing - yes, even that.

you know. sometimes change is good. although, if you know me, then you know how i can be as resistant as oilcloth when it comes to change. and so many things have changed for me in the past year...yow! but the changes came gently. not to say some weren't fairly abrupt, but gentle in their way...logical and right. they fit. and i sense some changes coming again, just as i've had time to settle into these changes. oy. but rest is stagnation, i suppose. my work is taking on more depth and feeling, as i've begun to explore new materials, and new ways of using old materials. the past 3 months on the couch slack-jawed-and-drooling left me itching to get out and get moving. walks with diva have once again become part of our day...both of us cautiously making our way through the woods on shaky legs. a new studio may just be in my future, thanks to a fortuitous conversation yesterday! can i just say something? there are full days when there are no words to express my gratitude for the people i have come to meet in my life. i can only shake my head and let tears slide. truly truly blessed. call me oogly-googly, but i do sit quietly for a few minutes every morning and let my heart express gratitude in fullness for each of the people who have a spot in my heart. yes - that's a lot of spots! and i just wanted to publicly thank you for being in my life. thank you for holding me up when i needed it, and thank you for allowing me to hold you up when you needed it. yes - holding you up is as much a blessing to me as it is to you. and i thank you for trusting me with your soft parts. so now - after 4 hours sleep (yawn) it's time to move into the flow of my day. wishing you stardust and chocolate sprinkles today! PS: for blog readers only...30% off any copper Intention Word necklace over at my website! yes! can you believe it! they may not make it before christmas - just so you know. I'll even hammer out a new word for you if you don't see yours. but just through December...January has some big changes for me!!

whew! it has been quite a ride these past few months. are you still out there? did you forget me? are you still checking in? well, if you are, here's a little sparkly bit for you: I promise you not a moment will be lost as long as I have heart & voice to speak & we will walk again together with a thousand others & a thousand more & on & on until there is no one among us who does not know the truth: there is no future without love. -Brian Andreas I am officially on the mend! following an acupuncture appointment on Monday, my hearing is back 98%, and my strength is returning. was it the treatment or just natural progression of this nasty bug - who knows? but i made it through the day yesterday at a semi-normal pace. Back to the business in the studio today with tons of ideas and a fresh start. Diva is staying pretty close...like, on top of my feet right now. Bulimia cat has ensconced him/herself upon the new bedroom furniture like royalty. life is good. Husband has determined he will be buying a boat. a sailboat. we agreed that once college tuition loans were paid up and some lingering credit card stuff was taken care of, we (meaning "he") would begin his search. HOWEVER - that seems like telling a kid he can have that big sloppy piece of chocolate cake after he eats all the broccoli. in the world. he has spent countless untold hours skimming the web looking at boats and marinas and all manner of boat-related things. every night. he sits in bed with the computer and a headlamp looking looking looking. i asked him if he was having an online affair or what. just picture this scene. so yesterday he made an appointment to check out 2 boats at a nearby marina. we are at least a year away from my comfort zone to purchase. but much like crack, he is no longer satisfied to just look online anymore. his addiction has grown...he must touch boat...smell boat..board the vessel and imagine himself at the helm. so in all fairness to him, and as payback for him having to look at me wandering aimlessly around the house in my bathrobe for 3 months, we went to look at 2 boats yesterday. in the freezing cold. the boats were not in the water, they were up on those holder-things. and a person had to climb an actual household TALL ladder to get to the back end of this thing, then slip themselves under the winter cover and slither aboard. my footwear was not appropriate. not sure what i was thinking. maybe picturing balmy temperatures, walking down a sturdy dock and stepping aboard, with the support of a strong manly hand. and the captain, looking dapper and crisp in his dress whites would tip his hat and welcome me aboard, while Julie The Cruise Director would check her clipboard to see what the day's activity choices were...a spa pedi, sipping paper-umbrella drinks in cushy chaise lounges while P Diddy grilled some freshly caught fish, and the chef prepared a nice salad and fruit cup. or maybe just standing on the bow in a gauzy white dress, with the wind blowing my hair in an exact semblance of a razor commercial and my straw hat never flies off into the ocean/sea/lake, and suddenly the sunset bursts beautifully over the dining table on deck, and the stars twinkle above the candlelight and crystal. maybe that's what i thought. but... this was more like pushing a recalcitrant donkey up a ramp that was perpendicular to the ground. shove push grunt. and then - i was aboard. ahoy. and i tried to picture myself living on this boat for a weekend, as is my husband's dream. or sailing for a week up to Toronto. or some type of magical scenario...this boat with a kitchen the size of a closet, and a bathroom the size of a standard adult eagle's wingspan - no, make that a crow. i tried to burble up the same enthusiasm i saw beaming from my husband's eyes. but the facts are as cold as the metal on that ladder: i don't like big, open areas of water. I also get seasick. oh, and have i mentioned that neither of us has ever really sailed? husband used to race Hobie's, but that is a whole different animal. but it is his dream. and i will support it as much as he has supported my full-time artist dream. just not right now. so last night, filled with the smell of the sea (or lake, in this case), and visions of hoisting sails he had touched (in their winter wrapper) and bursting with the day's conversations with An Actual Sailor about wind directions and heads and V-berths and map tables, he announced he was Ready To Buy. now, how do you back someone off that easily? How do you inject reality into a conversation about a lifelong dream? not easily, but it definitely needed to be done. and my timbers shiver thinking about these planned weekends at sea, and i reach for the Tums just thinking about it. and i do not see diva partaking in this adventure not one little bit. so i'm hoping that the lottery smiles fortune upon us, and husband can get his dream boat (besides me) and we'll work out the rest. dreams cannot ever be quenched. i realize this will happen with or without my "stamp of approval." sigh. maybe i'll get to name it, at least.

hey y'all...another follow up appointment with the doc today, and she indicated that she may put me in the hospital for some intensive germ intervention. yes - still sick. Soooo....i may be away from this spot for a bit. maybe. but will still have email/web access as long as my smartphone battery holds up, or a mean nurse confiscates it. so i will probably check in anyway. you know me. on a side note, if you have already, or are planning to order off my website, it's all good - i have an elf to help with that! Purell, man, Purell.

from my brother

Not the pain nor the relief. Not the answer or the question. Not the challenge or the victory. The song or the sparrow... Nothing is random. I'm like that, The Universe

i don't want to jinx anything, but i gotta say, if this is winter - i'll take it! no snow yet, mild temps (went out back with Diva this morning in my bathrobe) (I had the bathrobe on - not her). not a fan of snow and cold. this year it looks like i'll be cyber-shopping for christmas gifts, as the Terrible Grepse still has me in it's grip. not much else to say about that. I've acknowledged the lessons it slowed me down enough to hear, and now I'm ready for it to GO. will be making an appointment with a highly recommended acupuncturist this morning. not sure how i feel about that, but am obviously ready for something to change! Can i just interject here - apropos of nothing - I am So Freaking Grateful for the friends surrounding me. So Incredibly Grateful. i do literally count my blessings, (if not everyday, then at least every few days), and it never ceases to amaze me. i hold each of you up like a delicate piece of crystal and ask for blessings upon you, and then give my heart time to reflect on how you are so special to me. i guess that's why i'm so attracted to blingy chandeliers - each "drop" reminds me of a friend. so no matter how tired or frustrated or alone or busy-beyond-belief you feel, please know that you have been held up and seen and remembered, yes remembered. wishing each of you crystal clear visions of your journey, and a vibrant hum of excitement for all the world has for you yet to come....

just when you thought it was safe to 2-step, a pocket of reality smacks you in the face and turns your head around. Please read this. Are you as infuriated as I am? and isn't it funny how hatefulness is contagious?

you will not be sorry...

...if you eat too much of this...and really, now - who can say when enough is enough, and when more is too much? i will personally vouch for every morsel, having been the recipient of Mike & Mary's goodness over the years. set aside some time to indulge. this is truly the Top Banana. and you'll feel "gooder" knowing you are supporting a real, live person behind this business. i hate to say "small" business, because he is, after all, the King o' Nana Goodness...but it is Mike, not a huge faceless corporation. and this banana bread is damn spanky good...every flavor. ask yourself - just how many cheeseballs are you going to bring to holiday parties? trust me - bring this. and a spare for yourself. or two. maybe 3 total. oh - the mailman? okay 4.

more weblove!

While bulimia cat recovers from her inadvertent slip into my once-peaceful bath soak, I'll share some more goodness... speaking of peaceful bath soaks... *the official bubble bath of Eldorado lives here... I love love love ceramics and glass...two art forms that i won't even attempt. here are a few places i love to troll... * sweet, delicate designs are tempting to me... *these colors just hum a song to me...and although we've not met, Asya has a special spot in my heart...she is as sneaky sneaky as I am! *it just tears at me to pass Carmel's work when i visit Szozda Gallery...i have lust in my heart for some sushi plates... * not pottery or glass, but Bryan makes me want lots of land to install some of his work... * ya remember when your parents dragged out those embarrassing baby pictures of you to show your prom date? Take Revenge! * what baggage would you leave behind, if you had the power to let it go? Join in this event, knowing that hundreds around the world are doing the same thing on the same day...powerful,eh? *YUM + YUM = ecstasy....especially with a few of these on the saucer next to it...ok, more than a few. *what could be better than spending an evening in front of the fireplace with this, this, and a great movie? (not sure, i don't get out much). *this is incredibly moving, and just makes me want to be better at everything. *everyone's doing it...you should too.... * Be who God meant you to be and you will set the world on fire....the rest is here As this months opens, and begins it's procession, through all the festivities and lights and holiday cheer & a bit of chaos & mania, we also become aware that another year is about to take a bow...have we accomplished all we set out to do? have we grown in ways we are proud of? are there goals and intentions that we are beginning to formulate for the coming year? what changes do we hope for? what will we be working diligently towards, and what will we shuck off, snakelike, like an old skin? will 2012 bring us closer to goals, or will we realize the goals we've set are no longer pertinent - that what we've accomplished along the way is what Should Have Been, and nothing more. will we make promises to ourselves to reach out more, to reach further, to hone our sensitivities to those around our hearts, to push ourselves towards goals & ideals that we dare not even dream? 2011 has been a time of roller coasters, eh? of starts and stops. and each start has taken the ride a bit further, but just that. disillusions have run rampant, and challenges have risen like mountains. but i tell you this - 2011 was a magical time of clearing. of setting things in order, and of burning the chaff from the wheat...the twinkling things that grabbed your attention may have been just that and nothing more. and those distractions slipped through your fingers, am i right? don't mourn them. the clutter has been cleared in this year, to make room for bounty in 2012. it will happen, you'll see. when the table is empty, there is room to lay in a feast. Authenticity will always prosper, whatever your idea of prosperity is. and i wish this to you - an early christmas/new year wish, tied with my heartstring...

surgery update

it went as planned...the procedure itself was painless, due to numbing drops. within minutes i could hear!! within hours, the OTHER ear became jealous, and i now have no hearing in my RIGHT ear. gggrrr. but will start a 6-day course of uber-roids and hopefully that will help. If you ever have this procedure scheduled, email me for some Thing They Don't Warn You About. other news: if you're in the Syracuse area friday, stop in Szozda Gallery 5-8pm ...a new show opens that will rock your world...i'll have some new collages mixed in with 9 other artist's work. believe me when i say You Will Love It. i have already mentally spent my next 4 months' mortgage money! okay - back to bed. yes, it's THAT kind of day.

oy - a last post before going under the knife

one of my favorite heart-friends from those NH woods (yes i know i talk about those woods waaay too much. are you curious??) has been my roommate for almost as many years as i've been trampling the path for dinner. yes, I own TWO of her paintings. i bought one, and then had to have the sister painting to it. she is on a new journey now as a full time artist, and i have every confidence EVERY confidence that she will bring help & healing wherever she lands.... just so you know, i don't get any money or kickbacks from these mentions :) I also am not posting anything i don't love love love or believe in, just out of friendship. i don't roll like that. however, if i've left you out (so far) please email me and say hello so it'll jog my memory. i have a long list of beauty that i want to share with everyone...things that just make my day more wonderful...people that i've watched grow and expand...websites and blogs that just make me want to reach further, whether i know the person or not. this is my gift to you. now - time to find some matching socks (or at least in the same color wheel) and clean up a little.

post #2 this fabulous friday

one of the juiciest, most opulent blogs/online stores i've ever been to is Magnolia Pearl...you never want to leave. (MUST have speakers on to fully enjoy). Read Robin's story and I dare you not to be fully inspired. Fully. and you will believe in angels. when i win the lottery, i will buy one of each. until then, i am content to sit slack-jawed in front of my screen, mesmerized. don'tcha just want to hang with her for an afternoon?? i would have to say i'll be posting random tidbits for a while. it seems to be my way lately. Oh - next week, stop by Szozda Gallery - my work is hanging in her beautiful end of the year show!!

UK Love

i just received some big love - UK style! Nicola amazes me - we first met 2 years ago in the woods of New Hampshire (where everything wonderful happens, and nothing bad is ever ever allowed). she has had an amazing & courageous ride the past few years, and it culminated into some of The Most Beautiful photography I've seen evah. I've spent countless amounts of time staring at her images, wondering how the heck she does it, and partly not wanting to know ... the mystery of it is half the beauty. these are self-portraits, mind you. she took them of herself. how? that will remain a mystery. but even if i didn't know her, and thought that someone else took pictures of this beautiful woman, i would still want want want these hanging on my wall. go peek. surgery today at 4:15 ... send some love my way!

part 2 - sharing the love

okay - paint is drying and i have a few more minutes to post some more l-o-v-e... * Cal Patch is awesome. I own one of her shawls (made just for me!) and i keep it in protective covering away from shedding dogs and playful cats. she is such a sweet, gentle soul, and her chickens provide me with incredible feathers! * speaking of gentle, sweet souls, Jen Lee is like a wonderful caramel hot chocolate (made with real chocolate on the stove the way it should be). There are a ton of so-called life coaches out there, but Jen is not that...but she is, but not really. she gently helps you tease out the wayward threads of your life tapestry, till it is perfection. you will learn, and own, your life story. I recommend her as a friend, and also recommend her workshops. Something new is afloat at Jen's ...go see! * and speaking of Jen Lee - another one, sort of...Jennifer Lee of Right Brain Business Plan fame. simply put, her book changed.my.life. if you think you want to start a business, or plan to start a business, or have already started a business - her book is an absolute must. you have to have a business plan. you must. it's a plan for your business. and for right-brainers like me, the thought made me queasy. her book gave me that plan and it was fun & creative & painless. did i mention: you NEED a plan for your business? * Liz Kalloch & I met just once, but she struck me as such a grounded earth-mama type of person, that her essence stayed with me. talented designs (which i own one of!). i wonder if i could be that nice if i was that talented? hmmm... * my angelfriend Georgia is responsible for all this nonsense i call art! she believed in me when i didn't believe in myself as an artist...she insisted absolutely insisted that i introduce myself as ARTIST when i would just scruff a toe into the dust and say something deprecating about my craft. and it meant plenty & enough to me to hear her words - why? you may ask? well, because she is an amazing published poet, teacher, listener, life traveler, life overcomer, word painter and makes some damn good soup. Her latest book is actually a textbook to be used in schools to teach kids about poetry and history and themselves. all that in one book! i believe in her, and in her tireless ability. if you knew her, you would too. her house is crammed with artwork from some pretty famous, and some not-so-famous artists, and the whole big victorian funky house feels like home the minute you walk in. and never want to leave. oh - and she knits amazingly. * sometimes a website or blog will just captivate me with color and make me want to reach in the screen to touch & fondle. that is this site. Vineeta Vineeta - you are out to capture my mortgage money! beauty. * i did mention these were in no particular order, right? well if they were, this one would be first: Szozda Gallery. I have known Caroleena (my name for her) for a zillion years. she is more than a gallery owner - she is a true friend to her artists. she makes sure she knows Every.Single.Thing about the work she presents...the process, the materials, the story-behind-the-story, the artists themselves. She watches over her artists like a momma hen. her gallery is on the street level of the Delavan Center - an ancient former factory that now houses artist studios in 3 levels above. she makes sure the pricing is proper and that everyone who is hungry gets lunch. Also in the building is Reg. Life as we know it would cease if Reg ever took a day off. he is the kindest, smartest person - all wrapped up in a tattooed, gruff, hammer wielding package. you never doubt which side of his favor you are on. okay - the paint is dry....time to get back to work.

Blessings to you today - yes YOU

y'all, this has been a long and difficult few months, healthwise, and whenever something is as obviously "blocking" as this, i have to sit back and meditate on what the lesson is. or make art and meditate. and really, i am thick-headed, so a few months of something stopping me in my tracks, well, that's about the right timeline. i'd like to say that i have ALL the answers, but i don't. however, i DO have the lesson to this enforced dis-ease. and will merrily, if not slowly, make my way toward the path i should have taken back in October. hopefully tomorrow's surgery will set most physical things in their place. keep me held up. now - what i wanted to post about a month ago was a list of some of my favorite places to cruise on the web, and drool copiously. shops filled with handmade goodness...blogs that delight me with color and words and humor and real-ness. so here goes a partial list - i will add to it as time allows...playing catch up in the studio. this list is in no particular order: * one of the sweetest people i have met this year - Brandi. she is lovely, rescues rabbits, and has hair i would love! (her husband is one of the sweetest people, also). * My dearest dudelove - artist/explorer/writer, with a new book coming out Very Very soon. hurry and buy her other book, so you can get a double whammy. She has been a true friend and Advisor Of Life's Big Things. and I live vicariously through her travels. Cuba? Jordan? man oh man. * I groan every single time I visit EB. I want to kidnap her and make her play art with me. in a good way. * one of the most generous teachers i know...down to earth, grounded in reality, and her work hangs on my wall. yes - i shelled out real money for it. * another Adventurer who amazes me, and makes me clap my hands like a little kid just given access to a candy store with a line-of-credit...she lured me to Squam the first year, and i have never forgotten her. Wendy's stories are matched equally with the creatures she brings to life to embody the words. she is in a dear dear place in my heart (and in Boston, if you ever get there). * My queen - the dreamer of dreams that she brings to life...and her Life Dreams touch so many, rippling through their lives to touch other people...who knew? i could not live without this week. * and whenever i'm homesick for the above, i crank up a little (okay - a lot) of Jonatha's music...even if I didn't associate her with SAW, i would be addicted. buy you some now! and she'll be performing at Lincoln Center in early January. just sayin: you should not miss that opportunity. * What can you say about someone called a renegade seamstress? "protective gear for your internal revolution." i own some, but not nearly enough pieces, and they are my favorite go-to's. The skirt i wore at SAW? Secret Lentil. her handwarmers are fabulous! and going fast. * in my fantasy world, where i can assemble every teacher i want, and have unlimited acces to them and play & pick their brains, MB would be neck & neck for #1. check out her Stencil Girl stuff too. I had the double-secret-handshake good fortune to take a class from her at SAW last september AND have her as a cabinmate! the stars were definately aligned that week. she is funny, gentle, and somehow makes you make good art. or at least learn the techniques she shares without restraint. (xox MB). * Sarah Sarah Sarah started this whole collage fire in me, and the fact that she has The Cutest Baby only adds frosting to a delicious cupcake. I own her book so i can torment myself. i own her art because, well, go see for yourself. did i lie? no. * Rockin my world with her love and kindness and sneaky sneaky Big Hugs rocks!! she is crazy fabulous! There's much more to come...i just need to get my "go" on and get busy. don't forget ME, of course - www.lindaesterleydesigns.com. go, shop, buy, comment. And blessings to you today - may you achieve your idea of success, and may your idea of success bring you peacefulness and joy.

good news x 2!

first the good news, then the good news... after much weeping & begging, my surgery has been moved up to friday - in 2 days! i am pinning all my hopes on this procedure to restore my hearing. yes, there are worse things. but this has been an incredibly frustrating and exhausting month and a half, and my body is just about done with this. my spirit has been in low places. i haven't been able to keep appointments with vendors and with customers - i simply have been too sick. my usual studio schedule has gone out the window, and i've been sleeping til 8 or 9am, and needing to nap for most of the afternoon. but enough whining. the other good news: I've added some collages to my website! go look, but come back. i've been researching some pretty cool insects, like Luna moths, and white lined Sphinx moths and beautiful, but scary-named Assassin beetles. they are gorgeous, and not at all creepy. That has been the silver lining to hearing loss - i can't hear the TV, so i've caught up on reading. okay - now to try to catch up on some special orders...i'll listen for you on friday!

Big Strange Family

from Brian Andreas StoryPeople: I don't think of it as working for world peace, he said. I think of it as just trying to get along in a really big strange family. wishing you a strange & peaceful day!

dashing through the - ummm- rain

just dashing in for a second...I will be updating the one-of-a-kind goodness available on my website later today! The sale continues! I have had enormous issues with the email link, and apologize for any delay in answering requests...if you haven't heard back from me within a few hours, Please try again, or let me know in a comment here. I sincerely want each & every one of you to get the exact talisman, Intention Word, soap charmer or original artwork that you want. (by the way - getting very low on soap charmers, so act quickly on those!) I did have an email with a question about the Talisman necklaces, and this is how they are created: Each one is handcrafted with your items and/or mine. Before I begin crafting it, we can have a conversation (via email or my call to you) about the trinkets & treasures you send me, or about what you want the necklace to speak. Oftentimes, those little bits you've saved have a powerful story they want to tell - a fond memory...a time in life that has it's essence wrapped around your heart...a reminder of a person who's love or lessons became a part of your very spirit...those stories are brought to life in your own unique wearable art piece. There is no formula for making them - the pieces have their story to tell, and my hands help them speak. If you need more information about them, or would like to purchase a gift certificate for someone else to have this beautiful memento made, please visit my website's contact page, and we can begin a conversation about it. Thank you to everyone who has placed orders so far!

found online

tired of earbuds poking in your ears? kick it old school Lovin me the number 3 hugging Diva and being thankful...helping other fluffers to be continued - the rain has started, and all windows open!

I am truly missing this little Diva! She's still at Camp Grandma's...with grams saying she'll keep her till i'm not sick anymore, but geez...i need some snuggles! so tomorrow i steal her back. walking the woods may do me some good, and now i'll have that little wet nose prodding me. a restful day...time in the studio proved productive - even after a fitful sleepless night last night. temps near 60 today made for a perfect BBQ night. a little more studio, and now to bed. wishing you good rest, good friends, a long hug, and sweet dreams.

"I AM" it's been a very introspective day...there is an expression of some sort starting to struggle out of it's chrysalis...i know the colors will be stark white and payne's grey, but other than that - no idea. hebrew text comes to mind, and i wonder if the payne's will be the color of the text. it strikes me coincidental on 2 fronts...the feeling of the chrysalis, when i've just completed an insect series, and also that paynes grey is the color of a tattoo - specifically the numbers tattooed on those sent to concentration camps. my feeling is that the next few pieces will be reflective and from a place much deeper than my other work. the word "atonement" comes forward. I miss the rituals of the High Holy days...the blessings over the sabbath candles and challah and wine...the prayers, half sung and half spoken, memorized from youth and fully appreciated as an adult...the depth of meaning & sanctity of those rituals and those special days...the depth of sorrow and thankfulness...i am of a generation that knew some who survived concentration camps, and was told of those who did not...i am also of a generation that is not satisfied to be quiet when we see injustice...i am of a generation that knows: to be quiet when it is others, opens the way for it to become you. i don't consider myself a strongly political person, or an activist or someone who will go out and hold protest signs. i am someone who will meet injustice on a one-to-one basis - i will stick up for and step up for someone denied their humanity as i see it. i'm not sure why all this has come up, or why i'm blogging about it. but i await the falling away of the chrysalis, and the hardening of the wings for flight.

ps

today is Small Business Saturday! buy small or buy local! it really makes a difference.

i believe in you - do you?

a quiet day today - well, everyday has been a quiet day for me in the past 3 weeks! it's amazing how different ordinary things are without hearing. driving makes me jumpy because i can't tell if there are sirens coming or what. diva is still at her grandma's. God bless grandma. i miss diva so much, but would not be able to take care of her right now. bulimia cat has become verrry comfortable being the only furbaby in the house - sleeping on the sacred woobie all day. i'll have to wash it before puppy gets a whiff of the boundary-jumper. kitten curls up with me at night, now...like diva, she has to have part of his/her body touching me, although kitten doesn't follow me at 2am if i get up for a glass of water, or to touch up my nyquil. i finally gave up on all the drugs, and found a fantastic home remedy for coughing - honey. it works better than the massive drugs i was taking. for real. a teaspoon stops my cough for hours. and what's not to love about honey? i did a collage called "Honey Tastes Like Sunshine" in it's honor. when i was little, my mom would buy me a honeycomb every so often when she grocery shopped. omg it was sooo good, and the wax was fun to play with after. the teaspoon i tried for coughing the other day transported me back to those days! All i needed was a handful of Richie Rich & Little Lulu comic books, and i would've just time traveled! i have a few art opportunities all at once, and am semi-scrambling to finish everything AND get jewelry out. i say "semi" because i am still not moving very fast. but wasn't it the turtle that won the race, anyway? I couldn't stand it anymore, and broke into my stash of handmade sandalwood soap. mmmm. just smelling it all day in the studio was more than i had willpower for! i'm working on 2 different series right now...one is a followup to the Blue Bottle Fly collage...3 more insects! also a piece about the holocaust...a bit different tone than the other. I have another piece starting to swirl inside too, but it's been too shy to show itself. very frustrating. perhaps i need to close my eyes, as well as my ears, in order to feel it. i'm getting stark white and payne's grey, but that's about it so far. i've been working with marble dust, plaster and adhesives...polish polish polish to a shine. stop by Szozda Gallery after 12/4 to see if i finished what i set out to do! tonight - carrot ginger bisque for dinner. and an early bedtime. last night i was a chapter away from finishing a book and ended up staying up til after 2am. I read the Sue Grafton series, and "V is For Vengeance" is now out...done and ready to ship out to a friend, along with Aleph by Paulo Coehlo. loved both for different reasons - Grafton demands little...just mindless entertainment. Coehlo quite the opposite. read both this week, as the boob tube was not an option, and netflix was not an option, and the studio was not an option. just rest rest rest. felt good - for a while. now i have cabin fever big time. so, off to lay down another layer of plaster, then to bed. i hope you all had a nice day with family yesterday...and plenty of leftover pie today!

today, the sun screaming through my window belies the frost on the grass...but the sun is enough to energize me...laundry cooking, primer down on a huge piece I'm working on...kitten folded up on my left foot, keeping it warm & cozy (i may need another cat for the other foot!)...pumpkin pancakes again, and a second cup of coffee...feeling the warmth of friends as I look around the studio at artwork and saved notes & cards...this is christmas and thanksgiving all rolled up in a special moment. sending out blessings to each and every one of you...may you feel connected and loved and have enough...

cat day

today i took a lesson from bulimia cat...nap often, eat when you're hungry...find the spot on the couch where the sun is shining and lay down in it...smile and purr...

bulimia cat is lovin her/him having the house to her/his self...diva is at Camp Grandma's for the week while I go into deep rest & creativity mode. i'm working on a series of collage paintings featuring insects. yes, insects. I did the one with the Bluebottle Fly (on website), and right after, had a little beetle friend come visit. i kept letting him out, but then i'd turn around and there he was again. when i looked him up on the world wide web, i came across some other really kinda cool bugs...like the assasin beetle, which has a bright green/gold covering over it's wings, and a hawkmoth which is similar to a clearwing moth, in that they both move like hummingbirds and are often seen hovering around flowers. sort of like chubby hummingbirds in fur coats. so, the series begins. i also have a show to prepare for at Szozda Gallery, a huge marble plaster piece to figure out how to make - it's been haunting my dreams lately, and 8 other pieces to bring to life...all under deadline. so a week off from mom duties is really needed right now. there's no distraction from the phone, since my hearing is gone in both ears now. surgery on 12/9 if it doesn't clear up with uber-drugs. have i ever mentioned how much i hate taking any prescriptions? i totally do, and usually won't fill the prescription if a Dr. insists i take the piece of paper. this time, though, it's war. and i have been fairly dutiful in my drug taking. prescription-wise. it should be an interesting thanksgiving dinner at my mother-in-law's...i won't be able to hear the clamor & chaos, so it's every man for themselves. ok - some chai oatmeal and some steamy chai tea for a snack, then back to it. Don't forget to check on friends that have a difficult time this time of year. sending big hugs and surprises out!

click

a year ago, I had the good fortune to meet Nicola Taylor ... she being a brave heart that stayed in a huge huge cabin alone for 2 nights, despite offers to come stay at my cabin with the 4 of us. I just peeked in at her website and am speechless - amazing photography! See if you agree....

popping in

from Brian Andreas, Storypeople: It's taken me a long time to get here, he said, so I don't really care if it's wrong. He told me one time he forgot himself & his heart opened up like a door with a loose latch & he tried for days to put it all back in proper order but finally he gave up & left it all jumbled up there in a pile & loved everything equally. By the way...there's a SALE(!) at my website! These are one-of-a-kind pieces ...when they're gone, they are just gone! (except the prints, of course, which are limited). wishing you a week filled with magic & surprises....

quick peek in... like cupcakes? try this one...

i'll be taking a few days off to snuggle with my pillow, eat lots of ginger, and recuperate from pneumonia. meanwhile, there's a lot going on, so when i get back, we'll talk, pop open some champagne and celebrate!

my bad

The other day, I received a call from a friend who had tried to order something from my website...bad news - when I upgraded to my own domain name, the "contact" link didn't follow...first, my apologies. and now the good news - from now through Christmas, I'm offering 10% off and free shipping, as way of making nice. As usual, if you have a specific word(s) you want hancrafted, there is no extra charge. Now is a good time to have your company name emblazoned shamelessly on a copper or sterling necklace - wear it as advertising, or give/offer it as an added-value item with your "product." Intuitive word consultations are still available, as well! wishing you a bold Tuesday!

i stand corrected

recently, I did a series about business "stuff" i had to share. One of the companies that I recommended was Vistaprint. I apologize, and withdraw that recommendation. (rest of long, rambling codeine-laced post has been deleted. I should know better than to post when my brain & fingers are not in sync!) now go look at the previous post for something even stranger...

a chihuly veggie?

i know, right? i saw this in the grocery store and said What The Hey?? I have no idea what it is, but had to buy it just for the oddness of it. now THIS will inspire some art! today's plan is to make some ornaments for the tree at Szozda Gallery. i have some definite ideas that involve some nicely patina-ed copper, some solder, and a wren. we'll see how that goes. i may get that renovation i've wanted after all, if the torch doesn't cooperate. planning to spend a busy studio day to try to catch up on everything i've let go while being a couch slacker these past few weeks. am STILL sick - in fact, it feels like i've gone backwards, but i can't lay around till january, right? or can i? this would be the perfect week to re-do the master bedroom, as husband dropped in briefly last night, then is gone again till friday, when he drops in, re-packs and goes away for the weekend. i have some plans, but no stamina. maybe hiring out is the key here. but for now, i wish you a great start to the week, and many wonderful coincidences!

taking (another) day to try to heal....go here and shop so I can buy more kleenex!

A-Mazing

what's not to love about an overnight on husband's company at a casino resort? Everything is top shelf... local art across an entire wall...(i think this is Margie Houghto, but didn't see a name)... and this, my friends, is where the story becomes magical. The casino is owned by the Oneida Nation tribe. and they have a shop called Oneida Sky onsite, with Native American art & collectibles. There were a thousand things I wanted to bring home, but a row of kachinas grabbed my attention - specifically this guy wrap 'em up! i knew i couldn't leave without it. It is a bear kachina, the salesclerk told me. hunh. So i wandered down the hallway looking in shops and there was a cigar shop. on the floor were some of The Coolest empty cigar boxes...wood, hinged, all different kinds. the guy sold them to me for 2 bucks (probably his lunch money!). so i wandered back down the hallway, intending to make a beeline for the room and change for dinner, when i passed Oneida Sky again, and this time noticed the window display. Another kachina just drew me in...he had to come with me. as she wrapped him up, the clerk said, "it's interesting that you picked 2 of the same:bear." i had no idea. she said that in the Oneida culture, Bear represents great power to cure the sick. well butter my butt and call me a biscuit - I'm sick! so i had a little meeting of the minds with my kachinas later, and darned if my cough stopped for the night & i got deep, restful sleep. dinner was fabulous...the casino was kind to me, letting me keep a bit of my cash...we ordered room service breakfast and eased into the morning. it was hard to leave. I took the long way home, down a county road, rather than the highway. Along the way, I passed a brightly colored victorian with "ART" written on a sign out front. screech. it turns out, there are 2 separate houses that feature over 48 local artists' work. i chatted with them for a while, and have opportunity to teach workshops in each. just past those places, and down the road a bit is a scrapbooking/altered art store i used to go to quite a bit, so i stopped in. by now, it's sleeting and raining at the same time. i popped in, and my 2 favorite people were working. Kathy stopped her class, and introduced me to them - felt like a rock star. then she asked me to tell them my story. wow. so i did, and along the way realized just how far I'd come in a few short years...and also how far I want to go. I've been standing still for a while, getting in my own way, as i tried to figure out where i wanted to head...how big i dared to dream, and how big i'd have the stamina for. i do believe i can reach for that star that i wished on, with God's help, and He knows I'm not getting any younger, so i expect big things to happen sooner rather than later. i was so energized by the time i got home, that i cleaned the house, did the laundry and walked the diva (in the sleet/rain/snow 35-degrees). husband ran in the door from his convention, shucked off his clothes, put on his jeans and GoreTex, and headed out to the woods for a weekend with the Men Who Wear Camo. a nice weekend in the studio awaits. ahhhhhhh.

wow - a 3-fer. Today was warm...a light jacket over a thin long-sleeved top, sitting on the back step with a new magazine...pup was hunting for a bone she'd left somewhere. As is her usual routine, she came up and snuggled in against my legs looking for a puppy massage. she hasn't gotten nearly enough attention lately, so i soothed her old bones and scratched in her favorite spots, not stopping til she was ready to go look for her bone again. i read a few sentences, and she was back for more. always when we do this, i end it by giving her a kiss on top of her head, saying "and there's where the extra love is, in case you run out." off she went to chew on her reclaimed bone. a few sentences later - the face of a little arctic fox was staring intently at me. more, please. i asked her "did your love run out already?" and then i realized what the lesson was: love isn't meant to be stored up for later...it's meant to be used up fully and recharged and refilled.

i will be honest with you (because i always am here)...I'm terrified. There has been no change in my hearing loss in 2 weeks. despite antibiotics, and changes of antibiotics and decongestants and warm water flushes and just about every thing else you can think of. I'm afraid there will be permanent damage. and I hate that I've been so focused on health in this space, but that's the way it is right now. Please send up your prayers, or let me know of something you've tried that works. Local ENT's are booking into December, and really don't seem to care if something is urgent...they refer to someone else, who refers you back to the original call you made, in a big circle. Thank you for your prayers.... I remain grateful that, as an artist, it is my hearing rather than my vision or my hands. I am able to make art. That would be a cruel test, I believe, to lose eyesight or use of my hands. I'm not sure if that's a test I would pass, either, and don't wish it on anyone. now, enough of that. I am totally enjoying Judy Wise's encaustic class! I highly recommend it...she holds back nothing. I can smell the wax through the computer :) another thing I'm chomping at the bit for is Christine's new book....am anxiously & not too patiently awaiting it's release and placement in my hands. Her other book, Ordinary Sparkling Moments, remains one of my favorites, and I've reread it numerous times. (which is totally unusual for me). I'm enjoying some cuddle time with diva, and even bulimia cat snuck up on my bed last night after diva went into her closet woobie. the nights are getting colder, and they are getting cozified. time to break out the hot chocolate! I'm looking for a chocolate chai to send me over the edge of reality. me+chai= nirvana. other beautiful things...the intense last colors of fall...the view from my studio window just blazing with golds, butterscotch and coppery reds...my japanese maple has turned from deep maroon to the most intense, clear red - seemingly electrified in the morning sun...chai oatmeal for breakfast...cozy slippers on my feet...a gift from a friend - a sketchbook and a tin of 1 billion pastel pencils...the smell of matte medium once again wafting from my worktable...textures being formed on gessobord and claybord, as stories appear...an ant walking across my wet collage, reminding me of his message to "trust that you will succeed in accomplishing your dreams..." Through the woods and to my pond, a Great Blue Heron has been hanging around - taking flight when I get too near, circling above my head, then disappearing in it's camouflage...mama cardinal feeding fearlessly at the window feeder, as kitten leaps high up and tags the window from the inside (the chipmunks don't fear him/her either, as they sit nose-to-nose separated by a glass pane by the sliding door in my livingroom...so many things to be grateful for...so many things to count as blessings...

from Paulo Coehlo

"...only mediocrity is sure of itself..." wishing you a day of scary/fun risk taking.........

i know, i know

was it a mere few hours ago that i was all about quiet self-care and walking slowly & all wabi sabi and fruit & nuts? was it? ok, well, it was. but... then i went into my newly cleaned-up studio to check on my sample board of Kroma Crackle. and that's when the adrenaline started pumping. yes. yes. yes. i am crushin on this stuff. go there now and look, but come right back. i'll wait. ok - see! was i telling the truth? yes. the possibilities are just endless. and not just in the traditional collage, painting, blah blah blah use...think assemblage and fabric and whatevah. i'm going to try it on some encaustic work soon. it won't stick to the wax, but if you gouge out a section or area, and fill it with the KC, then after it dries, apply a light light coat of wax medium to seal it, it will be there for eternity. the usual dry time is 1-3 days, but Michael DeMeng, ever the mad scientist, found a quick dry method that he shares on their website. (though i recommend a workshop with him anyway, because he's just so incredibly talented and funny, and does appreciate a good martini.) The bad thing: it's only sold wholesale to stores - not to individuals. so badger your local art supply store to get this in. they are liberal with the samples to the store, so they can try it out. ok...now i can rest again. no choice. i can't hear a thing, so TV is out of the question.

out my window today

yesterday's butterscotch colors gave way to today's brilliant golds... with a bit of blazing red.... and over at the pond, a lone lilypad drifts lazily ... the geese & ducks are queuing up, practicing formations for their migration south...such a commotion as they decide who will lead and who will co-pilot. we've been blessed with a few more warm days...the sun on my back as I visit the soon-barren trees through the woods path...chipmunks scurrying to fill their cheeks and nests to guard against hunger in the coming months...they know they'll find a good meal in my yard, though. today i began getting moulds ready for suet making - gathering sunflower heads and cranberries and nuts to help against the times when snow will bury the food supply. i love visiting the farmer's market & finding a huge sunflower head to hang from the Japanese Maple by twine...winter cardinals, brilliant red against the snow, feeding from it. my gift back to nature for all it's given me. spending a quiet day of self care & healing creativity...finding center and balance and core...listening to my body, as it shuts out the world in order to get my attention... diva snuggled on her woobie by my worktable...kitten snuggled in her cozy nest by the french doors, soaking up the afternoon's rays of sunlight...chalk and matte medium on my fingers...a trip later to the hills to visit the bison...breathing breathing breathing........ being filled with gratitude, and scruffing away those pointy parts that still say "if only..."

i am still sick sick sick. Another Dr. appointment later today, and hopefully some answers, because darn it...I have too much to do! traveling as fast in one direction as she can go before she has second thoughts & goes back to doing the same old stuff -Brian Andreas Here is a movie you really need to see, and if you live near me, it will be at the Auburn Theater Friday & Saturday: now back to bed for me.

what? hunh?

okay - day 3 of this ear thing...my left ear is completely useless for hearing, and good only for tucking my hair behind it. apparently there's fluid built up or some darn thing, but i've been taking all my medications like a good impatient patient, and still nothing. time for a second opinion i'd say. but not today, i'm afraid. today we celebrate husband's birthday. his mom and kids are coming in for what i hope is a harmonious convergence around the dinner table. he has requested a rib roast and turtle cheesecake. turtle cheesecake i can do (well, i can pick up) but the roast....let's just say I've been pretty much disrespecting every piece of meat, fish, and fowl that I've attempted to cook lately. I'm not known for cooking. well, i am, but not in a good way. but i had a streak of real culinary good luck for a while, which has left me. so hopefully the meal coach at Wegmans will be available to assist. he kinda ducks and runs when he sees me now, after my continued effusiveness and almost stalker-like adoration of him a few years ago. i was just so amazed that i could actually COOK after his instruction! it was a giant breakthrough. and apparently i did it so well that husband bought me a set of pots & pans for christmas that year. (safe place safe place). but i digress. rough night attempting to sleep...accidentally took sudafed before bedtime. yeah, my total bad. so at 2:30am, still tossing and turning, i rolled over on the tv remote (which had been left on the bed when husband slinked away to his friend's house for a birthday drink) and wow! the flurry of fur flying was amazing...diva dog jumped up and started running down her ramp at the foot of the bed (what?) and noticed bulimia cat sleeping by the closet, so had to percolate that situation a bit before heading for the safety of her woobie in husband's closet, but first stepping on a hanger which scared her and set her to yowling. so i watched a few minutes of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, and can i say: well, what can you say? People please. Please. that's all i have to say about that. so don't forget daylight savings time tonight....want me to call you at 2am to remind you?

by executive order, I am Amish today...I have an all-day conference with my pillow, some Augmentin & codeine, and lots of juice. see you on the other side!

last night i decided today would be a totally indulgent self-care day so i could finally whoop this bronchitis-y thing. having lost hearing in my left ear yesterday, i decided maybe a dr. appointment was in order, and set one up for 1:15. till then, i would lay about on the couch watching movies, dozing, and wishing i had my mommy to make me oatmeal. i took some nyquil before bed, to assure i'd sleep through my usual 2am wake-up. a good plan, right? it truly was. until someone started calling the house at 4am on my husband's business phone. the line that has no answering machine, but instead has a loud voice that says "PLEASE ENTER YOUR CODE" repeatedly while the glaring metallic hum of a dialtone spews from the speaker. i would expect a DIVE! DIVE! DIVE! submarine announcement to follow. but addled by nyquil, back to sleep i went. till 7am, when diva started fussing at me, tapping insistently on my eyes to open them. i got up, put on sweats and headed for the door to let her out, but she hadn't followed me...she was tucked into sleepy land. on my pillow. shazzbot. so i tapped on her, as is fair. coffee on, dog out, i am walking slowly with intention, so as to ease into the Day Of Indulgence And Rest. dog shrieking to come in. breathe deep. buddha breath. yes. calm-ish. i sit down on the floor to give her a puppy massage and EEEEEKKKK! a huge i mean HUGE monster tick is fattly gorging itself on her jawline. huge. and not pretty. ok, no panic. i heard something about olive oil and tweezers. grab them, grab her out from under the dining room table (no easy feat) and slather this nasty thing with olive oil, expecting, as i'd been told, that it would back right out and i would humiliate it and kill it dead. no luck, and diva was getting jiggy on the whole Stand Still thing. so i grasped it about the head area with tweezers and it flicked out. now i wondered if i got the head. furious texting to Perfect Stepdaughter who knows about these things, as she has a horse and 4 dogs. and checked the web. duh. rule #1 - don't use olive oil or baby oil. it's a myth and could cause infection. great. but it's out, and the forgotten flea & tick medicine properly dispensed along her shoulder blades. she's better, chasing bulimia cat, who has learned to upchuck on the fly. clean that up and realize i am a Big Dreamer if i think i can relax in this house at any time. maybe the Dr will run late, and I can nap in the exam room waiting in that chic paper gown thing.

In the past few weeks, I've had many conversations with some artists and small business owners that I know. They've expressed the same emotions (in varying degrees) about the coming holidays (have you heard the christmas music already in the stores??). the range goes from cautiously hopeful, to flop-sweat-scared. yes, it's a bad economy for nearly everyone, or so the papers & TV & radio tell us. yes, my household is getting by, but just that...no trips to St. Thomas & the P.Diddy mansion this year, for sure. Maybe a splurge on a weekend away nearby, but excess just feels vulgar to me right now. But in those conversations, a running theme appeared...the frustration that, although the General Speak is about sustainability and buying local and such, they, as artists & craftspeople, are not seeing it in their order histories. They are closing up shop, so to speak, and pulling up their tents from festivals, vendor opportunities and shops. Their work, regrettably will no longer be offered at the events we enjoy throughout the good weather days. This summer, I observed...being new to the art & craft festival scene, i paid particular attention to what people were buying - if anything - and which events drew the crowds. Many of the heavily attended events had fewer artisans showing their work this year than in any year past. Many fine craftspeople had already said that the hard work of getting to the event, setting up their booth and display, paying for their booth space, a hotel room and meals, and staffing the booth - all that - just wasn't worth it to them when the pluses and minuses were added up. "Maybe they aren't making things people want," you may say..."or maybe they haven't gotten the word out that they exist," is another thought. But the conversations I've had are with some of the most incredible writers and artists and small business owners...they have done everything they can think of to try to promote themselves, all-the-while making their craft or running their store, and running a household, and all that goes into being a small business owner/artist/writer/etc. They look at some of their fellow small biz friends who seem to be living the Vida Loca, and it makes them feel worse, and ashamed, and doubting of their incredible skill/talent/niche in this world. I don't know what the answers are, I really don't. I would say, on their behalf as well as my own, buy local or buy small biz. The website or small shop or small gallery you enjoy visiting may not be there for you, without your support. My dad always bought Girl Scout cookies or raffle tickets hawked by the kids who came to the door. He wanted to be sure he was supporting something that needed his help, and to be fair - he loved those cookies! Sometimes even a note to the craftsperson/small business/etc saying something like "i love your work, and hope to be able to purchase some someday" is enough to get people through. no, it won't pay the rent, but as small business people, knowing they are visible and appreciated can mean a big huge lot. Maybe it's the bronchitis making me all sentimental today, but i say this to my fellow artists: be true, be authentic, keep on. it isn't an easy life we've chosen, but it is the one we were born to do. As I write this, I'm wondering if i've done enough to help you get to know some of the amazing people i know. Maybe in the coming weeks, I'll introduce you to some of my friends...some, amazing successes, and some just dipping their toes into this crazy life. for today - i wish you Godwinks and good food. Linda

wise words

nothing. ever. fails.

Mick Fleetwood from pat solomon on Vimeo.

Finding your bliss

Chungliang Al Huang from pat solomon on Vimeo.

passionate?

Sir Ken Robinson from pat solomon on Vimeo.

you are exactly who you are supposed to be...

Reverend Rebecca Armstrong from pat solomon on Vimeo.

some truths I've learned during this year of Trust. As the year winds down, I spend quiet time discerning what the coming year's lesson for me will be. I'm getting an inkling, but it hasn't fully shown itself to me yet. It promises to be amazing in it's ability to let me give back as much (and more) as I've been given in this lifetime so far. and that excites me to no end. i feel the groundwork of the construction being laid right now...much like when you drive past a worksite wondering what the heck they're building - a hotel? a housing development? a restaurant? it isn't until the final stages are being prepared that it becomes clear what the building will be. wishing you truths today.

PS........

some sweet wonderful for you (ignore the commercials) and, from StoryPeople: He told me one time he forgot himself & his heart opened up like a door with a loose latch & he tried for days to put it all back in proper order but finally he gave up & left it all jumbled up there in a pile & loved everything equally.

let's see if i can entertain you with a few more pictures, while i hit the couch & continue to blow my nose... (they're here) And it's the countdown to Christine's new book!! That's all I have energy for right now...this Whatever Has Invaded My Body is kicking my behind. so a nap, then some cool creativity that I've been looking forward to for a few weeks!!

lots o' this