y'all...my email is down, so although i've spawned about a thousand notes to send out, none i mean NONE will go. not one. and i had to trick the darn box into giving up a few it was holding from you to me. so it is just the perfect icing on the cupcake of a deliriously humid day with no a.c / too much a.c day at work and now have a headache. i'm going to bed. diva comes home tomorrow, so this is likely my last truly good night of sleep for a while. i found an excellent trainer and let the games begin! kitten has become so bold as to have taken over The Sleeping Spot favored by Diva, and even marked it in her usual way - yarking all over the foot area of my brand new blanket. can i tell you? so, to bed now. if you were looking for all-light-and-nice-and-uplifting, i'm truly sorry. the shine is off the penny, my friends. but...i completed The Most Amazing piece of jewelry i've ever made evah. will feature it here tomorrow when i can take a picture...eyes blurry now. ok so goodnight.

a day of restoration at my lake...joined by 3 friends.... puddling. "Once she told me she was an ocean person & when she combed her fingers through the seaweed she heard the songs of the mermaids & it was easy to believe all the old stories." (Brian Andreas Story People)

Bad Dog

Diva has been banished to Grandma's for a while. she bit stepson - unprovoked - last night. i miss her dearly...her little cuddlebutt spooned up next to me. but to be fair, stepson certainly has a right to walk through the house without wondering if Diva will come launching out of nowhere like Kato in the old Pink Panther movies. a tentative peace had descended upon the household, and the gains we've all made simply cannot be lost or, if they become muddied, blamed on Diva. i will be looking into a trainer, but meanwhile, for everyone's safety (diva's included) she will stay at Camp Grandma's. I can't say Pearlicious is upset about it. Diva's been a restless sleeper lately, waking me up 2-3 times a night, so a good night's sleep is awaiting soon. do i feel guilty for feeling relief? i really do. my daily dance party-in-the-parking-lot at 7am at work just wasn't the same. (if i time it right, my ipod is playing Black Eyed Peas "Get it Started" when i roll in, and I crank it up and make whomever is passing by dance with me.) (this is a sight, since i dance much like Gumby). but i did come home to dinner cooked and ready....made by stepson. yow. wonder what he's up to. ok - time to sneak in a little art prep, then early nappy. yes, you'll find me HERE more often than not. xox

yes. i am sitting quietly on my deck...early morning coffee steaming in my hands...diva laying in the sweet dewdrop grass nearby, nose raised to take in morning scents. and this is inside me.

my body clock is going counterclockwise these days, with exhaustion during the day followed by sleepless nights. saturdays are spent napping between tasks and chores. trying to get to my studio is an unimaginable task. but i know making art will revive me. while i take a break from my usual drama and chaos, please visit me here for some shorter, more edifying posts and fun. i'll be hanging around, but until the fog lifts, i'm more likely to post here. let me know what you think!

oy vey

oy - i am sorry - it has been a very long too long time since i posted, and i miss you. it's the job. i can see where this job will try to steal my Time. but HA! i'm wise to it's trickster ways. as usual, there is a 6 person department being run by 3, so there are few moments that aren't intensely focused on the many multi-tasks at hand. and you know what? i love it. i am rediscovering the part of me that loves to organize and prioritize an impossible heap of tasks...plan the work, then work the plan, as my former boss used to say. he was a black belt - we listened. although the workload will soon be overwhelming, i suspect, (people measure their backlog in reams - when the manager asks what their such-and-such pile is, they'll say "3 reams" or whatever), and i think it will come soon, i still refuse to put work first. i will go in an hour early if needed, or spend a saturday morning once a month maybe. but the rest is mine. i am finally relaxed enough to actually think about art-making and yoga-taking again. imagine - being afraid to go to yoga lest a panic attack break out. i swear. and actually, in the literal sense - i do swear. a lot. when i'm stressed and frustrated. that combination brings out the sailor in my vocabulary (no offense to any sailors reading this. just sayin). and i haven't uttered an f-bomb at work since i started this new job. oh - once. but it was justified. but it was under my breath and very very quiet. but the area i work in is deadly quiet. so i suppose maybe a lot of people heard it, and i did apologize to the manager. but they knew what they were getting. a prankster. a joker. a smiler. someone just a little edgier than makes you comfortable, i suppose. and although it seems as though anything will pop out of my mouth, it's mostly under control and entirely almost intentional to make you smile. our CEO's name is Robert. and when asked by my manager how my training was going, and if i was understanding the gist of my new duties, i replied (perhaps a bit vehemently) "To Get Bob's Money! Hey (insert insurance carrier name)! GIVE ME BOB'S MONEY!" so that has now become the department motto: Get Bob's Money. as in - collect on all the overdue claims that we've billed out to insurance. not as in - we are stealing Bob's money. there is a particular computer program i have to use in most of my work that Does Not Work. It takes 30 minutes to be able to run 2 inquiries. all the while i (quietly) discuss with the computer how it should be ashamed at how it is Wasting Bob's Money, and it should Immediately Cough Up the Information Or Else. this apparently provides quite a bit of harmless amusement to the cube farm, and i'm always down for a chortle. anyway...diva is just tired of watching me type and has dragged CowPig out from the secret hiding spot and is staring at me with the toy's scrubbly pinkness in her mouth like the dog on that depression pill commercial, so i'm going now. hope your week is fabu! check this out.

one for the road

Most people don't know there are angels whose only job is to make sure you don't get too comfortable & fall asleep & miss your life. - brian andreas

Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. Buddha

it has been way too busy, and i'm finding my time stretched like pulled taffy as i try to carve out some creative time...in-the-zone time. i have 3 projects i'm trying to work on right now...each from a very sacred place...each calling me to the studio. but studying for the new Big Girl job position has taken precedence, as has a girlday with mom, and other agenda items that move up the priority scale. yesterday was girlday with mom. on our way home from an excellent breakfast in a cheesy little diner located at the next right turn after nowhere, i saw a display of sculptures outside an old rundown barn. RRRRRRRRR- the brakes got slammed on. an artist has a studio inside this old historic building. not really a barn, as it turns out, but definitely rundown. the sculptures were welded metal animals made from found objects and repurposed pieces of metal...an aardvark, a chicken, a moose, lobster and shrimp...all lusciously rusty under their brightly painted,but faded shapes. inside, he has a wood shop that is to be worshipped. and some of the most incredible Adirondack style mirrors, tables, boxes, etc. he was obviously and rightfully proud of his work, and we began to chat...he admired my necklace (part of my new collection) and asked if i was an artist. he asked if i made my living at it, and i realized just how possible it was. to have the time to finish what i start. i did it before. what had changed? the answers came easily, and with a twinge of sadness but not regret. i believe there is no wrong path. that we make choices and they go this way or that way. and you bring you essential self to either choice. whether one is easier or harder depends on your acceptance of your choice. i suppose tomorrow i could toss my Big Girl job and finish my Compelling Artwork. but i need that security of the mundane right now...that knowledge of a paycheck every 2 weeks. that is my situation based on my choices, and although it is frustrating at times (like these past few weeks!), i acknowledge that it is my choice. and i am grateful for choice. grateful that i have the security of someone else's name at the bottom of my paycheck. it fills me. i am equally grateful that i have the luxury of being able to make time for art. i don't have to work 2-3 jobs to put food on my table. so i'm not whining about lack of art time. just frustrated. almost seems selfish, when viewed from a global perspective, eh? but it is the path of my choices that i wander...be they conscious or subconscious choices. i am grateful for those who help me make it over the roots and rocks, and equally as grateful for those who skip along the wide shady portions with me. i will be posting irregularly for the next few weeks, as i try to spend some time with a particularly challenging assemblage piece staring incomplete from my worktable. enjoy summer's warm, sweet fragrance!

wow. has it really been this long since i posted? well. it's been quietly hectic as handfuls of tiny, yet significant, miracles fill my hands like twinkly stardust. i am getting a boot camp-style training ...1 month's worth in 1 week. but it is so nice to work in an environment that's so damn quiet! i haven't even picked up the phone all week on the job! and no one has called me a single name. my blood pressure has returned to mostly normal, and i think my body is shocked! you get used to operating with certain conditions applied - whether it's stress or whatever - and my theory is that your body conditions itself to recognize that state as normal. anyway, the new job, i can see, will have it's own pressures to finish mountains of paperwork, but it's the perfect environment for me there - a team effort with my part clearly defined and all up to me to complete. on the homefront, we had our family meeting last night, with 4 empowered adults and 1 nervous, semi-snarky semi-adult. that has been a battle of tensions, and as my work stress has gone pfft, i am better able to take control of the home situations. there are certain stressors that won't be resolved - such as Diva. she is the sweetest cuddler and mostly the joy of my heart, but is admittedly a handful. i am looking into a trainer that doesn't cost a fortune. meanwhile, we make her watch Dog Whisperer with us.

ahhh friday...and if i had any niggling doubts as to whether or not i made the right choice in switching jobs, each and every caller today reminded me of how much i will look forward to never having to speak to them again! there were some very heartfelt emails sent from managers in the field that i've worked issues for, and even 1 doctor/owner said he would miss our "lively exchanges" (read: arguments). it was a little choke-y but monday starts a new chapter, and my new team has made certain that i know how happy they are to have me. and they are wonderful people. so no losses here. i'm off to walk diva before the rain starts! hopefully get those NYC pics posted tomorrow!

it gets better

ok...details...as you may remember, about a month ago I finally hit the burnout wall at work. i've been doing virtually the same type of job since 1980. yes i am that old. anyway, i had had my fill. and i went to my manager and said so. after a weekend relaxation, and a root canal day off or two, i felt better and able to keep on, even though a little voice got louder saying "this is not what you have to put up with...this is not normal." so meanwhile, my manager asked me to bring in my resume - she knew of a position opening up and would personally hand my resume to the director. i did as she asked, even though i felt like i was signing my own divorce papers....leaving something bad, but still leaving and changing. things i don't do well. but i went along with it because i respect her and she asked me to, and besides, i had brought the issue to her in the first place. i could always say "no" if offered the job. interview day came, and i still didn't know what job i was interviewing for, but showed up in the "Large conference room" as directed. (there's only 1 conference room, but they always say "large"). (as if we'll wander about looking for another, smaller one). long story short, i got the job. at my same pay. and i was to start in 4 weeks, which would leave me time to clean up my old stuff, and learn Excel. (i may have mentioned that i had familiarity with this job-required program. i do not. and probably spelled it wrong). this morning, my manager informed me that they want me to start Monday. what?! and asked me not to say anything to anyone about getting the job yet. oy. a big secret. another thing i do not do well at. okay. she jets off to a meeting, and at 4pm, huddles us in the office and gives us the quick & dirty. the company is looking to cut back. bottom line, if i hadn't left the dept, then someone would have been laid off. so good news, double blessing - i get a new job and no one on my team loses theirs. bad news...our already Very Understaffed dept will be down to 2 people doing the job of 5. tears were shed. epithets thrown. half the dept (1 person) grabbed her purse and stalked out the door. she will be back but not happy. tomorrow is jeans day, and a party for me. i removed my flare from the office (except for the crow in her cage) and felt a little choked up. i've been with this dept since before it existed...many years ...well, 3 anyway. i'm glad to stay in the same company, and very grateful to have a job at all. a little sad to go, but not too far...just another part of the building. and the crow will have to come back home. they're a little more traditional in this new dept. for now. but i start on monday...are they ready?

i. got. the. job. Holy christmas. and AND they matched my salary. i am in shock. and filled with gratitude. and a little sad for leaving my department. but it will sure be good to go to work and not get screamed at and listening to swearingly outrageous people. i need to process all this. sorry for the short posts, but it's hotter than the hubs of hell in my office/studio lately and i can't stand to be in here. the short version of my life: i am in love with Times Square. Love. there were FOUR bead shops outside my hotel. i ate and walked and smelled things and people-watched and shopped and loved every second. stepson is home and the games have begun. diva just now came back from Camp Grandma's and she is Tired. i didn't realize just how much i missed her furry butt. so i'm off to find coolness. will promise a catch-up with photos on saturday in the early morning coolness. hey - i got the job!

larceny

i swiped this quote from here...it was actually already borrowed from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, but...anyway, it speaks to me and makes me smile: "For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."