life - so precious

i had planned to spend the morning re-basking in the glow of yesterday's incredible party...eating leftovers, starting in on some of the books i received, and trying to formulate the words to describe the events. it started out fine. then bill noticed he had gotten a cell phone message sometime during the night. just after 2am. from his ex-wife. from what we can put together, his 17-year old daughter went to a concert with some friends. first they stopped at an older kid's house (a grad of their high school who works from time to time at menial jobs and has an apt on the other side of town). there he gave them a bottle of vodka to help enjoy the show. my stepdaughter filled a water bottle with it and throughout the next few hours, drank it, and re-filled it at least once. she got in an argument with the girls she was out with and went out to someone's car and passed out. her brother was at the same concert and was trying to keep an eye on her and was texting her for 2 hours "where are you? answer this immediately." the girls she came with continued enjoying themselves. when brother finally found them, he insisted they go look for her. when they found her, and were not able to wake her, the girls said they were going back to the older kid's house to party and would let stepdaughter sleep in the car. brother insisted they immediately take her to his mom's house, which they did. he can be fierce. mom immediately called an ambulance, which arrived just after the police. she had a blood alcohol level of a person considered comatose, and nearing death. the police interrogated the girls, called their parents to come get them, and an investigation was launched. stepdaughter is home at her mom's this morning, very very hungover, with not much recollection of the events....but alive. she will be required to attend alcohol counseling, which should give her something to do since she will have her phone, computer and car taken away for the rest of the year. she will not be sleeping over at anyone's house. ever. her brother is mostly pissed off at the fact that the deadbeat that gave them the alcohol is a friend of his and now he will probably get in trouble. he feels there was nothing wrong with that, and that it was his sister's responsibility to drink responsibly. i think "luckily" is the wrong word here, but luckily their father is on his way to rochester to attend calling hours of a friend from his former job. otherwise, the county jail would need new construction for the number of family members convicted of crimes today. and the so-called alcohol counseling? well, the girl that was driving (and wanted to leave my stepdaughter in the car) completed that particular offering last year. it appears they need to re-work the class a bit. so although i woke up feeling a little pissed that these kids couldn't make time in their busy lives to stay at the party longer than 20 minutes, after showing up late, i now see they had bigger fish to fry. and in the spirit of what's to come, i will just let it go. so very sad. and so very scary. my husband was between rage and tears, with tears winning out, when he left. his emotions were high enough, given the fact that the friend who had just passed away the day after Christmas was only 57. woke up. heart attack. gone before the ambulance got there. i proposed to him, and now to you, not to put off things....trips you want to take....days spent with a friend or relative....words that need to be spoken...issues that need resolving. especially the last one. "i'm sorry," "i love you," or "you are a special person because..." whispered over a casket is never the same as in person. my husband always says "in 5 years when the kids are out of school, i want to..." What if there is no 5 years from now? yesterday, in the shower, I thanked God for all the incredible things that had happened in my life - good and bad, that had made me become the person I am. and i asked God what He required of me. what is it that He would want me to do with all this "Linda?" one of the first things was to Let It Go. i ask people to see things from the other person's perspective constantly. i gripe that my husband doesn't understand how i feel about such-and-such. at times, i resent and even rage at him for being that way. so yesterday, i secretly tried to see how he might feel in a particular situation. what was his perspective? and i have to say it opened my eyes a bit. yes, we have fundamentally opposite politics, for the most part. yes, we have fundamentally different opinions on most everything, actually. can i accept him without giving up Myself? honestly, i don't know. i'm willing to try, but along the way, rather than harbor seething rage against hurts and wrongs, maybe be more vocal, in a gentle sort of way, about what's bothering me. and also be sure to add in the compliments and kudos. maybe they will be returned. i have come to depend on myself alone in my life, and maybe that's part of the problem. trusting someone else to take care of things has never been in my vocabulary. maybe i need to learn, a little at a time, how to give over some of the responsibility. some of the control. ah ha...maybe now the core of the issue. back to that again. maybe recognizing that my need for control makes it easier for another to give that control to me - the responsibilities of running a budget, a household, the day-to-day things that make a house tick. and instead of resenting the job, know that i applied for it and was accepted. and maybe, just maybe, realize that it's not such a horrifying thing to make out the checks every month. and that maybe all the other parts of couple-hood would be more rewarding if Everything didn't have to be done my way. maybe that blase blase that i get bounced at me is actually a little resentment ....at having choices taken away. when a child misbehaves, they get priveledges revoked. it should have a statute of limitations, i'm thinking. a husband and wife should not continue to lock themselves into that same mindset with one another. hmmmm. l.

i will try to post more detail tomorrow, but for now....today was the single most amazing day of my life. truly, i cannot think of an entire day that has meant so much to me. my surprise birthday party was absolutely overwhelming. i'm still processing all the emotions. there was such an incredible spirit of love there.....it honestly was amazing (too many adjectives?) (the same one too many times?) there is no possible way to describe it. on a superficial level, the food was beyond wonderful...the cake - oy vey....4 layers - raspberry fluffy stuff interspersed with chocolate cake, all covered with more pink (PINK!) fluffy raspberry stuff and then AND THEN a coating of shiny, smooth chocolate that dripped down the edges. orgasmic. there were people there that wouldn't normally mingle - my art friends, my friend friends, some neighbors, some people i knew through Bill. everyone so enjoyed everyone. and gifts...! i never expected gifts! my neighbor commented to me that every single gift was clearly given with love and thoughtfulness of who the recipient was.....there were no gifts that were "re-gifts" from Christmas, and nothing that someone grabbed at the sale as they grabbed stuff for themselves. honestly, i wouldn't have cared anyway. not that i don't totally love & appreciate every single one! she said "Girl, you are so lucky to have such incredible friends!" (actually she said it a few times). i then reminded her that she was in that same company. and i realized, for the zillionth time, what a great good gift i have been given in my life - the friends i count as dear. and each person there was so very special to me in so many different ways. they probably don't even realize how special, or the things great and small, that they've said or done that have helped me become the person i am. and will continue to become. so to the friends who are reading this - thank you with all my heart. you are the art in my soul that gets expression with my hands. thank you. just a quick side note...now you all know gail? the one with the husband-who-shall-be-worshipped? well, here's a teeny few secrets i have to tell you before i tell you what i'm going to tell you. we met at a "quilt till you wilt" type of event about 16-hundred years ago and caught on instantly. she quilted, i roamed the room and talked incessantly. she, being the only one who can keep up with my talk talk talk, and stream of consciousness-can't-follow-this-conversation style. okay. we realized we have the same wedding anniversary date (different years though), same wedding ring/band, and we dated the same guy 14 billion years ago - although neither of us is checking the date too closely, lest it be at the same time. okay, now, i told you that to tell you this: part of Gail's gift tower to me were some books. very nice, you say. so what? well, we haven't exchanged christmas gifts yet, so she had NO WAY of knowing that i had bought her THE SAME books for christmas. (cue twilight zone music). how bizarre! so tomorrow, gail if you're listening, i will be returning the books i got you and taking a whole different tack. there were some other items that will remain snugly wrapped, but sheesh! so it's a good thing i'm overwhelmed and unable to talk, eh? so goodnight, my friends, and thank you for the most special day....and thank you for making my day-to-day life more specialer still. and i apologize, georgia, for slaughtering the english language. by the way, georgia's new book of haiku (haiku's?) is coming hot off the press at http://www.mainstreetrag.com/store/ComingSoon.php ! whoo hoo! linda

ooo-ooo that smell

first, a diva update: 2 days and no poo. even at the p-a-r-k, where we carry her at night, just hoping she will - in the words of my neighbor - drop a deuce. no luck. however, she did manage to vomit all over the quilt Bill's grandma made him. she kept trying to point it out to me so i could make it all gone before she got in trouble. amazing...2 grown men who were charged with watching her like a federal witness never noticed it. one of these "men" has been standing in front of the TV next to the quilt ALL DAY for 3 days with a plastic guitar in his hand playing some video game thing where you have to keep up with the video guitar player. nice. it was inches from his feet and he never saw the event. oy. she is getting to the spunky stage where she needs even more careful watching...eyeing the couch like a kid drooling through a bakery window. and tonight i opened the gate at the top of the stairs, leaned down to pick her up, and WHOOSH! she was gone...bounding down the stairs. i almost plotzed. of course it could only have happened to me...my husband has filed that away like an IOU marker in case Something happens on HIS watch. double oy with a side of lox. okay, now back to other stuff. apparently Thanksgiving dinner was soo very entertaining to my cubbyfarm mates that they were squealing in glee to hear how christmas went. today was my 1st day back. even my boss' boss commented that she wanted to come to my house next year. i told her next year "my house" would, indeed, be "MY house," and it would be a quieter, gentler holiday season. y'all need to concentrate REAL REAL hard....i bought lotto tickets for fri (my birthday) and sat. this is the last chance for the Universe to prove the law of attraction a/k/a The Secret theory. no lotto win, then bushwack to the theory. that's my theory. and if i win, i will share with all who post or email me that they promise promise to concentrate. that way it will prove that YOU TOO will be proving your own law of attraction. see how neat and tidy that is? i am currently filled to exploding with spaghetti & meatballs, and don't feel very much like writing any more tonight. in fact, my knees are the size of a Beluga whale head, due to inactivity. just sitting and staring at the dog. i need to power walk or something. maybe just buy larger knee socks. i'm terrified that i'll become this gi-normous caricture of myself that no one will recognize. of course, then i think of my friend from 911 who works out 2 times a day and only has lettuce in her fridge and gets nervous when you invite her somewhere food related. not a bad day today - only 2 people hung up on me, and they were people that i wanted to hang up on anyway. 2 people were exceptionally nice, to the point that they restored my faith in the inherent goodness of people who become so frustrated that they abuse and swear and the hapless customer service person who draws the short karmic straw and answers the phone to their verbal vomit. one of these 2 actually called back demanding MY supervisor. he wanted to say that although he "thought the company and all the medical so-called professionals involved in it sucked the big salami," he thought i was "the best thing that ever happened to them and i should get a raise." now isn't that a heart-warmer? ahh the spirit of Christmas afterglow. so tomorrow is my big 5-0, and i couldn't be happier! i can't decide if i'm going to end up living in the southwest in an adobe house, not shaving my legs, having long grey braids (on my head) with feathers and bits in it and wearing only Blue Fish clothing, or if i'll be one of those women who finally get to dress the way they wanted to in the 70's & 80's.....above-the-knee suede boots (i own some) with tights and a long sweater and a big honkin' canadian hockey player/ lesbian mullet. it wavers. for now, i'll stay disguised as a part time stepmom who can only fit into Bill Blass jeans and tells stories about the glory days of the 60's and 80's to the kids. well, i'm getting that carbo-nod on, and i smell poo somewhere in my studio, so i better go. see ya on the other side of the hill! L.

survivorwoman...the series

so i have a new idea for a TV series...since "reality" shows are all the rage...take an average, normal, reasonable woman and put her in oh, say, a family holiday situation. make sure the in-laws are coming/not coming/coming after all/coming after all with guests. be sure to give her a fabulous roast to cook - 1/2 her grocery budget roast. but the roast is only big enough to feed the original invitees, which didn't include the in-laws in the first place. what fun! it'll be a hit, in much the same way Thelma & Louise remains, to this day, a classic. it'll be a hoot....a nutty classic! sponsored by Lunesta and Prozac. aaaaanyway. the kids got me a 360-degree swivel vise that suctions on to any flat surface! a Craftsman, no less! and our invisible maid, Consuela, gave me a set of Fiestaware measuring bowls! i love the hell out of them. i am so easy to please. and amuse. i had insisted that my surprise birthday party be my christmas gift from the husband this year. so my friend, RaeLynn, from Houston is hysterical. i keep telling her to get a blog going, but she'd have to hire someone to do it for her. just keeping up with the Society goings-on is a full time job for her. there is not enough pink, frothy fru fru in the world for RaeL. and when she gets "her mad on" about something or someone, best be hitting the door. fast. her annual holiday call..."honey, i am just not sure i can take much more this year..." started off pretty much the same as always. her dream is to be featured in the "Big Hair" edition of Texas Monthly magazine. her husband says he can tell just how angry she is by how big her hair gets. she swears that this year she will need extensions in order to reach the height needed to express her inner rage. it's her way of not knitting her brows together creating an unsightly wrinkle that will further "just doodle up" her schedule by needing a trip to "Dr. Botox." blow drying is her form of meditation, and it sometimes takes a while to reach that inner place that says it's okay to breathe again. we compare in-law stories, and it is beyond her comprehension why i don't just lock the door and let "the help" screen out uninviteds. explaining that I AM the only "help" and that locking the door just doesn't seem like being in the spirit of the holiday, well, it's just a waste of time. she lives differently than most. my most...not her most. how we stay friends is beyond me. nothing in common. not in the same social circle. (hell, my social circle is more like a mobius strip.....the same few people that will put up with me!). and, of course, i hate pink. and especially pink fru fru. i must be her touchstone for how incredibly ordinary things could really become if she doesn't just find a way to cope with all those boring, maddening dinners and events, etc. she certainly is my touchstone, my peek into what happens when excess rules. but she has a heart of titanium, like her AmEx, and is sensitive to truly helping others. and quietly. you will never know when she's greased a wheel, or written a check to help out. it's not about RaeL. at least at those times. so i'm procrasting again...i haven't worked on any art in over a month. i just gessoed a box i want to work on, but that takes, like, 1 second to dry. i can't help but once again be amazed by, and envious of, Gail who calls frequently now....she not only STARTS things, but she FINISHES them...and lots of them. constantly. and works. she must be like Samantha on Bewitched. so my new years resolution? (my new year starts friday).... live life gently but on my terms. take no crap and take no prisoners. neither, make others unhappy with their choices. but don't live by others' choices. that should be enough! oh...and learn how to latin dance. so what's your resolution? share share! L.

poor boo-boo leg...the stiches are hidden by her fur, but they aren't pretty. we are setting up a coleman air mattress in the livingroom tonight so we can all (hopefully) get SOME shuteye. i work tomorrow, but don't plan to stay the full day. they'll understand. i hope. she has begun her campaign of furtive stitch licking. it's a full time job to keep her away. the nurse at the vet ER said to put a small amt of deoderant near the stitches....it tastes so bad they won't lick. my girl will probably think it's candy. bill has been absolutely wonderful....i actually got out of the house for a few quick hours today. i really really needed to. i don't know how people with kids do it...or those that take care of an elderly/sick parent. i just don't know. if i'm honest with myself, i'd like to think i'd rise to the occasion, but it would be a dice roll. diva hasn't seemed interested in going potty all day. her bad leg is her balancing leg for that activity, so she has to figure it out. so as the year winds down, i have to ask myself....am i pleased with this year? have i grown? become a better person in some way? accomplished any goals i set out? i have to say - for the most part - yes. i have grown in a lot of important ways. in others, not so much, but with the growth in some areas, came the awareness of need for growth in others. that's good all around. i've also come to realize that being self-sufficient to a fault can be tiring and just plain selfISH. respecting others' opinions and accepting advice/help doesn't lesson who i am...it enhances the relationship with the other person and offers opportunity for new insight. thank you, angelfriend, for believing in me with more intensity than i believed in myself. your hand has pulled me up to a new level of vision. i thank all of my friends for walking beside me this past year. for not running past, and not slowing down. i hope i have been as good a friend to you as you have been to me....each of you deserves to have a friend as good to you as you have been to me. (yes - it's hard to follow but you know what i mean). so as i get ready to close out one the most enlightening, magnificent years of my life, i am also realizing what a whining bitch i can be! perfectionist, OCD-ish, ADD-ish....ahh, you go through the alphabet! i guess i have my work cut out for next year! but what a ride, eh? i hope you all understand the magnitude of my gratitude to you. truly...deeply...indebtedly...thankful. blessed. at night, i replay the day (over & over & over!) and try to focus on the Moments. the things said & done, and left unsaid & undone, that have been brought through my day, and i realize more and more that i am one of the luckiest people around, living the best life. not a perfect life, but for me, what is good & right. i expect some changes to come this next year....some very big, some internal, as i continue my journey. i'm nervous and excited, and welcome it all, knowing there's cool water to drink along the way, warm sun on my face, and friends to fill my soul. thank you....to the moon and back, my friends. L

what day is it???

so much fun we had last night...the palace novelty wore off about 5 minutes after i got all snugly tucked in for the night...short version - i slept (?) on the floor outside the palace door. whenever diva imagined i might be moving to get up, a banshee howl erupted, complete with chin-up full-blown wolf pose. not that i COULD move....i am old...my bones were not made for floor flopping at this stage of the game. so around 1 or 2am, we seemed to need a potty run. the wee-wee pads were not doing the trick. short version (you can tell how tired i am because i am actually telling a short version) - outside...nothing. we played statues. it was a ploy. back upstairs. nothing doing with the palace, so i said fuggetaboutit...there is NO WAY she'd try to jump waaay up on the bed. i'll just stay awake till she falls asleep (which seemed do-able since i had just frozen my nipples off outside. she seemed to be asleep. i did fall asleep. briefly. then my ear told my brain to wake the hell up...there was an Unusal Sound. barfing? possible. nope....licking. stitch licking to be precise. and she was having none of my stern NO NO's...meeting them with a desperate and serious growl that told me it would be at least 2 fingers gone in this battle. i figured if she was growling & staring me down, then she couldn't be licking, so we engaged. who tired first? who knows. she licked my face and oh-so-casually walked past me, then scuttled like a crab under the bed. this was a situation i hadn't planned for at all....unthinkable. she just pushed her battered body under that little area with her good leg, and pulled with her front paws like a friggin little Marine at bootcamp with the devil chasing her. had i not been just standing there gaping, i still wouldn't have been able to stop her, as the only thing available to latch onto was the boo-boo leg dragging behind her. shit. then the nightlight blew out, on cue, as if diva had booby-trapped it and was saying Now Go Away. silence. as i was trying to carefully feel my way to the outlet behind the hamper to plug in the light retrieved from the bathroom, i hear Lick Lick Lick. i don't even KNOW how she was able to shape shift enough to get her little head in position to reach her stitches, but she did. so i made an early date with PetSmart and decided i'd done all a mom could do....i was going to crawl into my warm cozy soft bed for a few hours...did i mention there a wicked draft that comes up the stairs and across the very floor i was sleeping on? did i mention that by the time i decided to catch a few zzz's in the warm cozy soft bed that it was now 6:30am? so just as i was getting to na-na land, scream! howl! armageddon! she wants out from under the bed, but hadn't planned that far in advance. no amount of coaxing would convince her, however (God forgive me) a small piece of bambi liver held just out of reach was just the inspiration she needed. outside again, 4 medicines (to be taken with food, which she won't eat since it's D-O-G food), then i needed a shower. a long hot steaming shower. with a cigarette and a cup of coffee. all in the hot steaming shower. and maybe a christmas cookie. screw it - some rum. balls. no - just rum. i wake the husband up and charge him with watching her every move...."do NOT take your eyes off her for a second. not ONE second. treat her like a federal witness. give me 15 minutes." i hear the dishes being washed a few minutes later, throw on my robe and peek down the stairs to see diva licking her leg with no chaperone. more screeching - this time from me. much pounding of walls and specific and gory threats. i shower. ahhh. dutiful dog & husband sit at the bottom of stairs. so he's out buying a no-lickie lampshade thingie and some Pill Pockets so we can give her the one medicine that's a HUGE capsule....she licks the baby food off and drops the pill. or eats the cheese from around it and leaves a pile of powder on the floor. we have decided that a kitty is in order once she has healed sufficiently. she just loves having something 4-legged around. and she loves kitties. i do too, but was afraid of all the extra work. i'm guessing the playmate aspect of it will outweigh the litterbox aspect. even in her pain & extreme urgency to get out of the vet's office yesterday, she stopped to say goodbye to Perry Perry Pumpkinhead. such a good girl. well, hope for the best & have a cocoa for me tonight. i can get used to the banshee cries (snort - yeah right) but having to be alert for the licking/biting of stitches is just too much. the lampshade will resolve that. although i know in my heart of hearts that she has a way to bamboozle that too. L

we're home

i missed her so much last night! now she's home.....her leg is shaved from the hip down....large, scary stitches the length...her front paw is shaved from the IV. the nurse said she was good...put up a fuss about getting a bath (a bath???) at first, but then just relaxed against her. my girl. she screams in pain whenever she tries to move tht leg and i get all throat-lumpy. she hasn't made an attempt to move from the palace yet (kennel), but i am sure not looking forward to the potty breaks. i suspect she isn't either. i put some leftover wee-wee pads out, in case she'd like to give them a go, but Kita used to avoid them studiously...didn't want to mess up the "new carpet," so he'd go right next to them. the biggest thing is to keep her from licking or biting the stitches. hadn't thought of that. otherwise....lampshade time. and THAT will go over like a turd in a punchbowl. i'm hoping she has a little sleepy meds left in her for a good night's sleep tonight. the surgeon is AWESOME. he is all about the pets. he went over the the aftercare instructions in detail BEFORE the surgery, and made sure he was satisfied that i would be able to after-care for her. he said there was no point to putting her through surgery if the followup wasn't going to be possible. now that is a vet i can recommend. he is totally into Lance Armstrong....his courage, persistance, etc...has posters framed all over the place. he bikes too. so if anyone has connections & can get Lance to call or send an autographed anything to Dr. Bookbinder in Canastota, NY....pls have at it! i've started my connection campaign. so in 2 weeks she gets her stitches out, but still no walks for 10-12 weeks. no up on the couch. no stairs. just r&r. for her. she slept when we got home, and i read my book next to the palace. my hips are screaming from the bend! am taking suggestions for good books...done with one, and 1/2 way through another (paulo coelho...the pilgrimage). so back to nurse duty. my poor diva. she did not deserve this. one bit. L.

diva update

so today was the big day....surgery. she was not happy about going Somewhere New in the car...that could only mean trouble. yip, yowl, screech in my ear the entire 50 minutes. when we got there, she put the brakes on big time. this vet's practice is primarily a surgical practice. you have an appt time for drop-off, and you are the only one in the waiting room. so much less stress for the dog. while we were waiting (and diva was trying to dig out of the glass door), Perry Perry Pumpkinhead came skulking around the desk to check out the new arrival. diva caught sight, and it was l-o-v-e. of course Perry toyed with her...sitting nicely, then batting diva's nose as she moved in for a kisseroo. then perry hid behind the christmas tree. oh boy. diva just HAD to follow. i let her...after all, she just wanted to be friends. best friends. engaged. she loved perry perry. diva does not understand that cats do not get to know each other in the same manner as dogs...there is no mutual bottom sniffing in the cat world. just a few measured looks, maybe a hiss or 2. but diva thinks she's a cat, living by dog rules. so that was a distraction for a moment. anyway, she got out of surgery around 5pm and was doing good, they said...still coming out of the anesthesia. they have a 24-hour nurse that stays and monitors them. if she seems like a stitch-licker/biter, then she'll have to wear the dreaded lampshade. in which case, i don't know HOW we'll get her in the kennel. oh - the kennel. well, she's not allowed to jump up or down for 12 weeks. and since our bed is a jump up, then a 2am jump down, then a 3am jump up, i figured the best way to protect her from herself was a kennel-cratey thing. so i bought the medium-sized one...big enough for her to get up and move around, but not so big that we need to put an addition on the house. she verbally bitch-slapped me the entire time i was putting it together. once her woobie and b-o-n-e were installed, she waltzed right in, sat right down, and said, "is good, ya?" i left the door and her options open last night, and she preffered her palace. stayed there all night. got up ths morning and went out to tinkle, then came right to the stairs to wait for a carry up, and went right back in. whew! i thought THAT would be a battle. we'll see how she does with the door closed tomorrow. she's a dog who likes options. she may be spending a lot of time ensconsed there, according to the vet. i guess they remove the torn ligament, then use surgical polyester to re-attach the bones. it's actually the scar tissue that holds it all together, so that's why the immobilization....sort of like waiting for glue to dry before you move a part....a very slow drying glue. i miss her so much, and hope she's doped up enough to not miss me or worry. she's a dog prone to worry...her little brows always knit together. anyway, i have to be in very early to work tomorrow in order to make up time from today....and a mtg at 8am no less. yuk. at least our mtgs are productive and fun. and involve food! my butt is getting huge! too much nosh. ok so shower time. thank you all for your prayers - keep them coming...the fun starts tomorrow! Linda

hey guys! this will probably be my last post for a week or so...i know, i say that a lot! anyway, i suspect dog duty and holiday fun fun fun will be overtaking my life for the next bunch-o-days, so i wish you all happy holidays, a fantastic, wonder-filled new year to create your life in, and much much treasure-filled moments! i'll try to update soon! hey! 1week and 1 day till my BIRTHDAY! yippee!! linda

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"- Mary Oliver

it has not stopped snowing all day. huge, gi-normous snow chunks falling from the sky. my diva's path to her favorite private spot has filled in more than once today. shovel shovel grrrr. i'm glad we went to the woods this morning before this all hit. all the green has been swallowed up by white. the plows didn't even make it here till about 6pm. so that grocery adventure yesterday paid off. i just want to get swallowed up in a fluffy down comforter, all cozy cozy tucked in, with a stack of books and a pot of India Spice Honey Chai Tea, and of course - my most excellent cuddler, Diva. she is a wonder of cuddle. somehow, she manages to perfectly spoon you...she'll find the curviest spot, and just snuggle in. of course, by the end of the night (or if you get up for a potty call), she will stretch out east-and-west across the bed, so when you return, you have about 2-feet of space up around your pillow....and she has the rest of the bed. i have a king bed. she is a small dog. the fairies must come and grow her at night. kita used to sleep with his head on my pillow. he had to watch me to make sure i fell asleep. i'd often wake up with his little head tucked under my chin. diva is a very particular sleeper. she needs her space. if you move your feet under the covers, she freaks...barking, growling, biting. she doesn't understand the concept. and she has hot flashes. where kita used to like to be covered by a sheet or blanket, diva dog starts panting and struggling to get out from under. both dogs shared a knowledge of time: at 9pm every single night, diva barks, whines, paws at me, looks pointedly at the stairs. it's nappy time. kita did the same. and it happens at grandma's too. so when i'm in my inspired mode, and up till 2-3am, diva is just beside herself. she can't go to bed without me. usually she'll nap on her studio woobie (pink) under my desk....snoring loudly. this past week has been a test, for sure...carrying her up and down the stairs (and she has to have me in constant line of sight), carrying her to and from the path to the bridge over the pond/lake. she is not getting lighter! i do it gladly, honestly. i hate that she hurts. i just wish the recovery time was shorter than 12 weeks. she desperately wants to play now, and can't understand why no one will play with her. the stairs ....well, to go up, we have to move the baby gate (sounds political) without tipping the christmas tree and while trying to block her from trying to go up. then, carry her up, stopping at the 3rd step from the top so i can set her front paws down gently. then grab the upstairs gate before she decides to go back down and get her Favorite Bone. then i run down to grab my coffee and whatever else. then repeat the whole process to go back down. worrying that i'll slip or lose my feet in space again and crash down 10 stairs with her getting squished under me. at least i have my new contacts, so i can see where i'm headed. mom is going to watch her mon-thurs after her operation. with the kids here for christmas, there will be too much commotion. as much as i will miss her (i pre-miss her now!) it's better for her. well, i'm rambling here and you're probably snoring your head off, so i'll close. try this: www.jacksonpollack.org have fun! Linda

the storm

the weather prophets are predicting a huge storm...10-inches of snow, sleet, freezing rain, etc, today. no such commotion in my CreativeSelf. i haven't felt an inkling, an urge, a call in so long now that i'm hearing those panicky doubtful conversations. you know the ones? they say "you've done your work. it's over." or the ones that start the comparison game - the feelings of fraud, or worse, the overestimation of skill. i know this will pass. it always does. but those brief bolts of lightning that tear into my confidence hurt. i love the work i've done...i feel very connected to it, and know my soul has gone into each piece. i know there will be more. but when? i don't feel any pressure to make & sell...make & sell. but i feel empty when i'm not "in progress" with a piece. i'm not a person who can just "make art everyday" just to keep the gears oiled, and "maybe some fantastic idea will emerge." i work differently. my art is a visual representation of an idea, an emotion, a process in my life. so to just make anything for the sake of getting my hands dirty, well, it just distracts and frustrates me. for the most part, the elements i use are unique. at least in the sense of not being able to replace them from a rack at AC Moore. so to just a grab a few and start gluing and soldering...no. i think because i havent been feeding my soul properly, it's starving ....no good stimulation in, no good art out. my main focus has been diva dog. my poor little fluffer. friday night was the last of her pain meds till surgery on thursday. she has to be off them for 5 days prior. she's been uncomfortable and anxious...laying down for a few minutes, then up and pacing, then needing hugs, and back through the cycle again. it's been bitter snap-your-fingers-off cold, and now the storm, and she refuses to poo in her own back yard. usually i take her down through the woods and that does the trick, but we haven't been able to go in a few days, so she is constipated now too. sooner or later that'll have to end. **so youngblood is home for semester break. so far, we haven't seen much of HIM...his duffle bag remains in the middle of the livingroom floor where he left it as he was telling me what a slob his roommate is. i'll eventually slide it down the hallway where he'll undoubtedly trip over it as he makes his way to the bathroom around noon-ish. so my husband pointed out to me that i've re-developed a potty mouth in the past few days. hmmmm. any connection? the kids have begged me to talk to their grandmother (husband's side) and tell her not to buy them a load of crap at the dollar store for christmas. she always gives them a check, but then fills in with dollar store stuff. usually a day or so before christmas she'll call and ask what they want, and we try to scramble for an idea that she will actually be able to find. they are all on their own this year. i love getting gifts as much as anyone...no, actually way more. however, this whole christmas-as-a-chance-to-get-the-shit-i-can't-afford-to-get-myself ....just rubs me the wrong way. and if it makes grandma happy to buy a few things at the dollar store hoping you'll like them....then by golly act like you're thrilled. you wanted the game, you play by the rules. this year, i opted out. when asked what i wanted for christmas, i said "nothing." really. i mean, i'd love to have some more rusty metal, or some great boxes to schmutz with, but other than that, i feel like my birthday party is christmas present enough. well, i may as well have announced i was shaving my head, donning a saffron robe, and going to live in the airport. "you HAVE to want SOMEthing!" truly nothing comes to mind. and i guess that was my point with the dollar store ramble....if you WANT to buy me something, by all means please do! i LOVE getting presents! but buy me something you want to give me....don't just fulfill my shopping list for me. if that's the case, then you could've spent 5 hours trying to get through the grocery ordeal yesterday. i DID finally get the tree decorated last night! it's way smaller than the usual, and i'm not sure what species, but it's the kind that has the bendy limbs, so when you put an ornament heavier than balsa wood on it....the branch snaps off, or droops till the ornament falls off. perfect. it was an easy task....i went with the white lights, the gold glass balls, and the lighter balsa wood ornaments. now this is funny: my husband has this treetopper angel that his mom gave him the 1st year he was divorced. yes, from the mother of all dollar stores - the christmas tree shop. so anyway, she's all angel-like and swell, (the topper...not the mother in law) BUT... picture this now...she's holding candles (fake) in her hands...her hands are about angel-waist high, and the candles light up....not at the same time, but they blink...left....right...left...right, until they get out-of-sync. then they flash at the same time. so for all the friggin world, all i can think of is the countdown then LIFTOFF! i named her SpockAngel. last year i finally told girlchild why i start snorting every year when the husband puts the angel on the tree. so we both get hysterical when we look at the tree. this year, the tree would tip over if she was on top, so i've begun my retirement of SpockAngel. i may keep her in my studio for a chuckle. although it just feels wrong to laugh at her right to her face. **my printer is going all fubar on me. the thingie that the ink deelies are on will slam back and forth a few times while it decides if it's going to print or just barf black ink all over the paper. like it's going,"oh perfect shit now you want me to print ...what's this? you woke me up for THIS schmaltz?? oy vey." then, if luck is on my side, and it decides to print, AND print nicely, then it makes this tragic grindy groany noise like someone's uncle meyer clearing his throat in the morning. (i'd say "my" uncle "so-and-so" but i don't want to offend). so the odds are slim that I actually get a nicely printed page, and if I do, i just feel so badly about making the printer go through all that work. i'd rather just toss it out the studio window. except i can't because my husband has this innate inbred compulsion to friggin cover our inside windows with plastic. the kids call it ghetto. at least it's the shrink film kind, but help me here. last year i accidentally put a hole in one. for real accident. so rather than leave it there to flap, i took it off the window. lordhavemercy. who knew how important it was! i pointed out to my husband that most of our battles involve air flow....in the winter, it's plastic on the windows, and a fan on the floor to recirculate the air. in the summer, it's this interior door open and that interior door closed to circulate the AC. and a fan on the floor to help push the air. i swear he can see the jet stream as if it really were colored red like on the weather maps. so i pointed out to him the source of our arguments ...air flow...and shared my solution that the biggest air flow issue i had was the way he breathed - in and out, in and out....constantly....and that if i could solve that problem, then it would be easier to just live my friggin life. he was not amused. mostly because i don't take his air flow issues seriously. i turn on the heat, and i wear sweats, NOT SHORTS, when it's cold. oy. **so if you read any back issues of this blog, you should pretty much be aquainted with the other guests at the party ....we haven't heard back from the Dalai Lama yet, and no one's talking on the RSVP from Ty Pennington or Stacey & Clinton. couldn't you just dish-n-bitch with her? but other than that....my toes are tapping! i get to spend some time with the people who are the most important to me. now THAT is truly the BEST gift ever! and for the 2 people who will be out of town....you have to make it up to me. :) L.

i'll probably be posting rather sporadically the next week or so...i'm bushed! carrying diva up and down the stairs and all around the block has me kicked. thank GOD she isn't a Newfie! 19.2 lbs. feels a lot heavier when you're traipsing through calf-deep wet snow on the way back from a too-far poopie walk at 7am. with your mother's armwings. 12 weeks. i do it gladly though...she is my love. it hurts me to see her struggle. suddenly her 4am wake-up calls for a belly rub aren't quite as annoying. tonight is her last night on pain meds till surgery on thursday. i hurt for her. she doesn't deserve this. ** the boychild is home from college. we spend a quality 20 minutes together before he dumped his plate in the vicinity of the sink, stripped down in the livingroom, redressed, and left for parts unknown with friends. 3 weeks. my poor naked Christmas tree still awaits some tarting up in the livingroom. every night i say i'm going to decorate, but by the time i'm done with the cart-and-walk, dinner, dishes, etc ,my holly jolly has taken leave. maybe we'll leave it in it's au naturel state. hang a few rusty nails on it. perfect. ** i can't wait for y'all to meet each other at my semi-surprise birthday party! you'll just adore each other, and if not - FAKE IT ...it's my party. (smile). **why do people tell ME things and then tell me not to tell anyone else??? i am genetically unable to keep a secret without blowing an aneurism or something. my head hurts now with news that someone shared. and i'll bet you anything, someone told THEM and they weren't supposed to tell anyone, but they told me. knowing i wouldn't tell, but not caring that it could cause my untimely death. just before my party. so if i show up with an eyepatch on, it's because something blew. worse still, i CAN tell anyone tomorrow. so, does that mean at midnight i can start calling people and say "GUESS WHAT!!" or is the official start of tomorrow, like, business hours? what time zone?? who's business? 7am? 8..9am?? the pressure is KILLING me. well, just in case that Quantum Faith stuff is for real....it's not killing me...just really really teasing my sensibilities. ** diva dog is very restless tonight...popping up and moving from 1 woobie to the other. i bought a good book at B&N today so i could spend time belly rubbing & reading. so goodnight, and turn off your phone ringers unless i decide that midnight :01 is tomorrow. L. ***oh PS: i returned my glasses - full refund, after some alpha posturing games by the manager. I won. it's the stare...gets 'em every time. oh! and double PS...the girlchild is on birth control....her mom called to tell me today. she has a 20 year old boyfriend, (child, not mother...although...) and it was a good decision. let the games begin! okay bye.

can you guess?

riddle me this.....what's creepier than a spider dropping down in front of your face at the bathroom mirror? no..no...worse....shriekier than a zillion-legged bug in your shower? hmmm, no - more horrific...think multi-level horror, disgust,outrage, banshee scream-inducing. you guessed it! the "show-and-tell" your shy, quiet stepdaughter left in your freezer in the garage.....left there because her mom said "not in my house." quietly snuck in after you were headed off to dreamland, and forgotten on bio-science day, and now has no purpose, and the show-and-teller has no idea what to do with it so she leaves it there for Someone Else to worry about. a deer head. procured from the deer "processor" across town. i know i need not make further comment. i do not like hunting. i don't buy the whole "thinning the herd so they don't die of starvation" theory. not one bit. i don't eat things that wandered happily through the forest. though how i justify eating nicely packaged, store bought meat is a mystery to even myself. but having to look this literally in the eye, when all i wanted was some Carmel Cup ice cream, is something that may just haunt me through the end of my days. so i guess, despite comments to the contrary, i was not overreacting when i made an urgent call to the princess to Remove It Now. no matter that it was dinnertime at mom's. Now. i do not know this child anymore. and her brother comes home for 2-3 weeks friday! yippee! does anyone have a spare room? L.

quickie

this is a quickie...my new glasses are sooo aweful...they put the wrong lens material in, so that extra $200 for the thin lenses....hunh? plus they are really really the wrong strength - at least in 1 eye. plus the frames are about as crooked as a dollar store pair of sunglasses. this has been going on since october, so i think it's definately time to refund and go elsewhere. i like the frames, though, so i'll keep them. just typing this is making me oogy. if i tilt my head to the left, and tip my chin up, then i have some clarity, but i'll run into quite a lot that way. i can't imagine hauling diva up & down the stairs like this. btw, she goes for her 2nd opinion appt wednesday, so say some prayers, cross your fingers, hug a tree, whatever you do to invoke a higher power...pls do! so bye bye for now! L.

blessed

so yesterday i stopped in at the scrapbook store near my house to pick up my finished book from the altered book round robin. the round robin was 2 years ago, but the woman who had mine got busy. not a problem, and actually a blessing...i'd forgotten how amazing the pages were....as i looked at each person's work in my book, it was so moving. my topic was "nature," and i'd written a short story about a walk i'd taken early one morning with my diva, and put that on the inside cover for inspiration. each page was amazing...the interpretation of the story...what each person saw in their minds as they read the lines...the book is one of my Treasures. the woman working at the shop is my favorite...so grounded and certain of herself...a guide to those of us following close behind. we talked about my upcoming birthday and what 50 is all about. another woman was in the store, and it was a conversation between 3 kindred spirits...all nearing or past that milepost...how the approach was worse from a distance - at 45, it seemed that 50 was the end of the road. at 47, we tried to dig our feet in like a Flinstone brake assembly and began to truly fear "getting old." 50! it just seemed that only our mothers were ever 50. now as i am just weeks away, i look back on the past year and all that has happened in my soul, in my spirit, and i am excited. we 3 laughed that after 50, you no longer had to shave your legs. and i realized that there was such a feeling of freedom to just be myself...to just Be...that has evolved this past year. my friend said she felt like she became invisible in society at 50...no longer a childbearer, no longer part of the youthful crowd, an old maid. the invisibilty part - maybe to an extent...to the extent as you let it happen. but with a grain of that in my head, perhaps that's where the freedom comes from. no longer needing to impress/attract a mate (even if i were single), comfortable in my own skin - no matter how stretched and sagging and wrinkled it may be, trusting myself to know my likes/dislikes. it all wavers of course, because i AM still ME! but i feel settled... in a good way. not stuck-in-a-rut settled, but centered-settled. and if it took me 50 years to get here, it was worth the ride. the woman in the shop said people see her grey hair and think that everything she has to say is a pearl of wisdom. except, of course, her kids. they think she's too old to have kept up with the fast-paced new world. just wait, she says. she speaks her mind and doesn't stand on formality. she's had enough years to develop the skills of her interests. i am feeling much the same. do i miss my youthful body and face? sometimes i do. but not to the extent that i mourn for it and buy creams and lotions and doctors to try to reverse the clock. what i have been given inside is far too precious to bother about the wrapping it comes in. i ask for comfortable clothes that keep me warm in the winter, cool in the summer, are moderately stylish. i don't need to wear mini-skirts and things cut down to there or up to here. or uncomfortable high heels. or a 20-minute "beauty" routine. my grandma used to say " beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." thanks gram. you always spoke your mind. so i'm excited about the coming year of my life, and feel truly awed and blessed by the gifts i have been given this past year...gifts of knowledge of myself. ahhhh. L

yippee!

what a great day! I got my contact sheet and CD from the photog (of my artwork) and it is Fabulous!! i can't wait to get the website rolling rolling rolling! then i got my new 24/7 contacts and they are finally the right prescription! what a big difference. i like wearing contacts better than my 3-inch thick glasses, but the extra time it takes to put them on in the morning is time better spent with Diva. then there's the whole extra tote bag filled with cases and cleaners and re-wetters and glasses for reading and glasses-just-in-case...oy...who NEEDS it?? so these stay in for 30 days...day and night. and when you're as blind as i am, it can be a scary thing to think about getting out of somewhere in a hurry at night...an unfamiliar hotel, etc. not that i habitually spend my nights in hotels - unfamiliar or otherwise. but still... i stopped in to work to pick something up, and went down to the cafeteria....the woman who owns it...her father is an artist - he did the statues on 690 at the old train station. he's just getting back into things after a 10 year illness/recovery from arsenic poisoning. he used to work with a lot of pressure treated wood, and that's where it came from. who knew. so that's why they won't cut your lumber at Home Depot. anyway, we've been chatting about doing face casting, and he's offered to teach me the finer points. very generous. ANYWAY i wanted to show him my work, since it's very hard to describe. he was genuinely blown away...in fact, he wants to trade art. now, i would DEFINATELY be on the better end of that bargain, but talk about the ultimate flattery. i love my art...i love making it, despite the frustration at times....i love seeing it in my livingroom...i'm pleasantly surprised when someone wants to buy it. but it's such a solitary thing, the creating, that i guess i never picture the piece leaving me - even when i'm making it as a gift. when i do give a piece as a gift, it truly feels like i am giving a part of myself to that person. quilter's call people "quiltworthy" - those people that appreciate the time and effort and skill that goes into making a quilt...the one's that ooo and ahhh, and don't thank you for the "blanket." the same goes for people that are "artworthy." they may not understand the piece you give them or even like it, but they understand what went into it, and that you are giving them something from your soul. of course, if you know a person well enough to consider them artworthy, then the piece you make for them should strike a chord with them. ** Diva is about the same. she did toe-tap, as the vet calls it, a few times today when i took her out, and put the foot down to tink. so maybe it is beginning to heal. she's getting a little stir crazy...dragging Big Brown Bear around the floor and shaking him a little. she needs more snuggles than usual, which is A LOT. i almost want to buy one of those Snugglies that you carry babies around in. she's gotten heavy! when she first came to live with me, she only weighed 7 lbs and had no fur whatsoever...just a little down. she looked like a plucked chicken. boy has that changed! ** so the glimmer of a thought of an idea is beginning to gel a bit more. i need to rest in it and not try to force it, or it'll get all caught up in my normal chaos of thoughts and get strangled. diva's going to gramma's tomorrow, so i'll have some extended shower/meditation time. geez, either i'm having a heart attack here, or that chicken wing stuffed chicken breast i had for dinner is burning a hole through my guts. it was good...wegmans ready to eat stuff...split boneless breast stuffed with who-knows-what with bleu cheese crumbles, chicken wing sauce, cheese and more unknowns. but hells bells...my lips are burned and chapped and 3 Tums and a soy milk latte later and it still feels like chicken chernobyl going off in my esophagus. yikes. of course i can't drink a regular milk to neutralize it, since i'm lactose intolerant and that would create a whole new set of problems. getting old just sucks. i could eat flaming metal and drink a gallon of milk when i was ...not this age. now...i thank God that my neighbor is a fireman and 1st responder! ** so i gave a bunch of clothes to the Rescue Mission 2 weeks ago. yesterday, i realized that i gave them 2 pair of pants that actually fit. see, i have a pair of blue work pants and a pair of black work pants...classic, all weather, Big Girl Job pants. the 1st pair i got were a size 4. then i got the same pants in a 6. etc till size 10. they go with everything and take the hassle out of getting dressed at dark o'clock. well, i gave away the 10's and no longer wonder why i was sooo very uncomfortable at work yesterday. i almost split the zipper and was fretting about having to buy yet another size, just when i had a closet full of brand new THIS size. (of course at this moment, NO size would be comfortable, as the tummy is expanding by the minute to try and get away from the alien inside it). well, time to stand up and give it room...i feel like the blueberry girl from willie wonka. i bought a stack of magazines at B&N today and am drooling with anticipation! i truly have a magazine addiction. and i do not want a cure. it's bad when the whole staff at B&N knows you by name and asks about your dog and your art. yep. there are worse things. L.

quick update

diva is making good time in her 3-legged hop...has me out of breath once she gets in motion. she's sleeping a lot...pain meds, no doubt. tonight she put her foot down while she was "assuming the position" which is a good sign. by coincidence, my husband called on a scientist who is also a vet...don't know how that career change came about, but Anyway...his best friend is the top rated ortho vet in the area, so we're getting an audience with him, as well as Wonderful Dr. Holly. and then, my neighbor told us his mother is a vet in some faraway place like Montana or something, and he's going to get info from her on this type of injury. i mean, sheesh! it's all coming at me and it's good. i am exhausted from sleeping on the couch, so mom is going to dog-sit saturday so i can nap and run errands. the salvage yard is having a s-a-l-e!! so i'll be the 1st in line, barring a snowstorm. in order to get into the town, you have to go down this tremendous gi-normous hill that curves halfway through. on the right side....the lake. it is gorgeous any time of the year, but can be treacherous in the winter. it's bigger than a hill, slightly smaller than a mountain, and a white knuckle trip the whole way this time of year. getting back up requires a 4-state running start. so hopefully it'll remain clear sailing. THIS time i'll bring back bona fide pictures! time to snooze.....thank you for your calls and concerns! linda

so, if you know me at all, you know i'm completely and totally gone on my diva dog...i believe the earth revolves around her, that her love is absolute and perfect, and that she is the best dog that ever lived ever. so when she started limping suddenly yesterday morning about 1 minute before i was to leave for work thru the snow and cold....that is if i could get through or over the knee-deep pile of snow the plow gifted me with at the end of my driveway.....i became worried. (were ya able to follow that?) husband, of course, was out of town, so grammy was coming to walk her around 1pm. i left an extended message about what to do if she was still limping, and 45 numbers that i could be reached at. the verdict - she has a torn miniscus in her rear driver's side knee. at first the vet said it would require an expensive trip to the expensive orthopedic vet, no doubt followed by surgery (appr $2K). now, this is not to say that i would ever put a pricetag on my diva's wellbeing. it was just a startling thing to hear on my work phone in the middle of the day (especially since he wasn't calling me names that insinuated that i have sex with my mother). when i sounded shocked at the diagnosis and price, the whole scenario backed off a little, and maybe we could give it 4-6 weeks rest and see if it healed itself. and it's a better bet that it would in a small dog like her. So. that is the pinpoint moment i lost confidence in my vet. i've been going to that practice for 20 years, first with Kita, and then Bear & Nikki. there were times when i felt a little uncomfortable with a diagnosis, or test request, or Something. and it seems that when i questioned it (and specifically addressed the cost), there were less expensive alternatives. this is the final straw for me. i don't think they are evil or incompetant. in fact, the vet that i usually see there (the owner) has often done this or that just for his own peace of mind. but what i see here is a new breed of doctoring. same as the place where i work. it's about the ching. i mean, i will admit here that i cannot talk to my dog. and she is not able to tell me where it hurts and if it's serious. so being the concerned dogmom, of course i will do anything for her. and i think there is a certain mindset that will use that concern to pad the "dollars brought in" column. not necessarily evil. but when a doctor tells you that you need a certain procedure, if you trust that doctor, you go ahead with it. in people medicine, as well as vet medicine, there are often required billable amts that the professional needs to bring in if they want to stay with the practice. same as lawyers. so it really does become "buyer beware," but with your healthcare, not just a new TV. anyway...remembering the incredible kindness and concern and straight-talking of the vet who owns the emergency clinic down the road, i will be taking diva for a 2nd opinion. this vet also owns her own practice, and through my previous job, i've gotten to know a number of the people who work for her. all very impressive. she gets a 6 out of 5-star rating from other people that go there. meanwhile, little diva is snoring away in her own private Woodstock. say a prayer for her....i hope it's just a pull or a strain or a Something Not Requiring Surgery. i'll keep you updated...L

nicho box

I got a few nichos from Helga at Artchix, and decided to play around with them today...here's a reliquary box in it's not-quite-done state...this is a close up of the nicho, with a brooch I got at a house sale...on a piece of copper mesh. The background is not quite as icky blue in person - the box itself is a wooden cigar box that i cut a hole in with my trusty Dremel tool. then I applied a rust solution and a patina solution on it...the patina is showing off here:

here's the inside...the heart came from Absolutely Everything, a store in Topsfield, MA that lives up to it's namesake! I took a workshop from Michael Demeng there (see previous posts) in May or June, and couldn't get out of there without spending the mortgage money! check out their website - some excellent classes coming up:

The bottle inside has a scrap of paper from an old airline ticket that reads: "Retain this and your ticket stub as evidence of your journey." kinda cool. The inside will be finished in maroon leather with some moss. There's a piece of antique lace around the neck, and the stopper has a red jewel on top.

...here's the top...the color is icky...that's patina and rust around the nicho, not robin's egg blue:

so all in all, a lot done. i started this last night, then woke up around 4am and added more layers, then again at 6am, then again at 9am. lotsa layers. the Next Big Thing is still playing cat and mouse with me, but some shower time tomorrow may dislodge it. plus it's flea market day and that always gets my ya-ya's going. will try to remember my camera...it's 3 buildings filled with tetanus and junk! heaven! L.