whew.  okay.  i'm somewhat landed, although this day is filled with dentist and vet appointments, so this may be brief, but maybe not.
first - i went to this retreat 2 weeks ago.  I will say right out of the gate that it is not for everyone - there are outdoor showers and composting toilets (outhouses, basically).  some cabins do have indoor composting toilets.  some.  It was fine, but not for someone looking for a 4-star resort.  but really, not so bad.  loved taking an outdoor shower.  loved it - the birds, the lake shusshh-ing...a fantastic way to wake up. along with Chloe's peanut butter & jelly muffins.  damn. I was happy to gather with a group of art women.  there were about 15, so a much smaller group than i'm used to gathering with.  this was good, in that you got to know everyone pretty well, and the island was big enough that you weren't jammed in next to someone you didn't jive with.  I'll say, my big disappointment was that i signed up specifically because Jess Greene was teaching some encaustic classes that i really wanted to take.  i've followed Jess, and admire her style, plus met her years ago at Squam.  i didn't see her wednesday night, and when i asked, was told "it wasn't going to work out for her."  so yes, i got pissed, thinking Jess had cancelled because she wasn't going to make big bucks.  that wasn't the case, as i found out a few days after the retreat.  she had been cancelled by the event planner about a month before the retreat, but the people who signed up for the classes were not notified.  i get it - there was a risk that people would cancel, and this year in particular every registration counted.  the thing is - i squeezed out the cash to go.  i would have cancelled, yes.  there are about 1000 other very important places for me to put that cash, and i went specifically because of Jess.  now, that being said - did i meet people i enjoyed?  yes.  did i experience rustic living and live?  yes.  i guess the time was overshadowed by the 2 missteps.  one, being the change in encaustic instructors (yes - the classes went on, but after the director fell violently ill the 1st night, the other instructors divvied up the classes and my encaustic class was taught by her  daughter) and also because of this - my embroidery class was taught by a children's book author, rather than the internationally known artist who uses thread in her installations.  stuff happens, and it was not the end of life, if you look from a broader view.  it was however, enough of a disappointment to me to leave a bad taste in my mouth.  i wasn't expecting a carnival and over-the-top experience...i was not looking for deep truths to be revealed within my soul.  i was simply looking for 2 workshops taught by 2 specific instructors, and that was not what happened.  let me stress that everyone was amazing and accommodating and friendly and awesome to hang out with!  I completely enjoyed everyone's company.  but had i known then what i know now, i might have made different choices.  lesson learned.

right now i am working with Lion and Golden Eagle.

wishing you a day of dignity and heads held high, and knowing when to hold 'em...when to fold 'em....

yes! I'm home and brown as a biscuit.  this continues to be a fuller than full weekend, but i will be here with a full report on the art retreat and the sailboat and Henry on Monday.  but for now - i need sleep in the most feral way.

anyone still out there?

whee...wow...i just looked up and noticed that in between potty training (Henry) and walks (Henry) and snuggles (Henry) and keeping bulimia cat happy and keeping myself sane and healthy....a whole lotta time has past since i last posted.  my apologies.  i love coming here to share the doodads and tendrils of my rickety zen circus of a life.  Right now, i am 1 suitcase away from leaving for a private island, followed by 4 days at my Rock Fairy's house.  so i'll see you on the flip side after the 22nd, with tales of plunder and art to share.  hopefully Henry doesn't forget me.  and hopefully, neither will you!
wishes you islands of time for private dreams and lazy moments floating in day dreams....

and then this came today...

(oy - again with the big blob to the right) Dear Pure Girl, Growth, healing, change. They all come with a rollercoaster of emotions.  Sometimes we feel like we are up to the challenge, sometimes we forget  there's even a challenge. Then, the next minute, we can be bursting into tears with overwhelm, feeling like there's NO WAY we can meet the  challenge. None of the emotions are wrong.They are all part of the journey.  All of the emotions are temporary, though sometimes we feel like we are in a funk that might last forever. Don't be afraid of what you are  feeling. Let yourself feel it. Hear out your feelings. Listen to what  they have to say, what they have to teach. Often emotions will linger  until we really listen to them instead of trying to stuff them down to  a hidden place. Difficult feelings will pass. Good feelings will come back. Joy will  come back, confidence will come back, dreams will come back, laughter  will come back. Don't be afraid when you are feeling down that you will  never feel right again. Sometimes feeling down is just where you need  to be to hear what your soul is trying to tell you. Just listen, dear girl. Listen closely and be patient.You will feel  right again. You are strong, amazing and competent.  You have come such a long way, and you can keep going. Brave Girls www.bravegirls.com

and happy for it all

if you've been trying to keep up with the roller coaster of my summer, you deserve a steamy cup of spice chai tea and a sweet roll.  this will go down as "the summer of upheaval" for me...and yesterday as i poked around my studio for 3 minutes, i found a phrase i had cut out of somewhere that said "the only constant is change."  boy, isn't that the truth.  but the past 2 or 3 days, a few moments of centeredness have tippee toed in, reminding me to breathe, relax and be calm...to reclaim that Selfness that is uniquely mine...to put all the junk to the curb and concentrate on sending out the good stuff.  and those few moments were all i needed.  i have been (too) busy with workshops, dog issues, workshops, job hunts - busy stuff.  not taking time to just stop and meditate on what my heart is saying.  and once i realized that, some pretty interesting conclusions plunked down in my heart, and some pretty gentle love came to me in dreams.  i'll share one quick one with you - last night for the first time since we got Henry, bulimia cat came to snuggle on the bed.  it was 3am, and he just rammed his head into my forehead wanting to be pet. (this was in reality, not the dream yet)  we spent a few minutes "discussing" how the puppy could be a good thing for him and that it won't be changing, so just know that there was most certainly enough love for both.  then he went back to watching the slider for a bat.  i went back to sleep, and as i drifted, realized that yes - i had made a commitment in my heart to Henry.  That he would outgrow his puppy energy and all would be well.  and then i dreamed that i was standing at the end of a long, dark-ish hallway.  i couldn't see the other end, but wasn't afraid.  there was a masking tape line across the floor, and i stood a few yards back from it.  suddenly from the darkness, my diva dog walked up to the tap line and indicated that she couldn't come any further, but Henry came from behind her and crossed the line and came to me.  it was as if she was sending Henry to me as a gift.  and it was all so sweet and not sad.  Although as I write this, the tears are flowing.  of course.  and this morning as Henry smashed his warm little body even closer to me, i realized that he had kept me so busy that my grief for diva had abated...that i could talk about her and compare her antics to his without needing to go scream in a towel in the upstairs bathroom.  or feel guilty for enjoying him.  (although "enjoy" is a relative term, and determined by the time of day).  and i think it may be time to wash that last sweatshirt that has her smell in it.  it will be okay.
so many things being resolved this week, and i am happy for all the chaos and ups-and-downs because it has brought about this clearing.
wishing you clear spaces to spread your arms and twirl...

how can you manifest something if you don't know what you want?  simple truth.  cold fact.  receiving this in my inbox today....

from TUT (Mike Dooley)

well hello!  i am popping back in here with some glitter and cupcakes, to dispel the dark & dreary that's been spread about these pages lately.  So sorry.  it has been dark & dreary, but you know, it only takes a complete change of attitude to change your attitude.  i have a laundry list of things that have been weighing me down.  and that little effervescent puppy is near the top of the list.  i haven't been able to get to this computer, or my studio, in 2 weeks because he has needed 24/7 puppy attention.  but today i realized - he just wants to be part of the family.  he just wants that companionship.  so, i enclosed an area in my studio (after removing Any Possible thing that could be chewed, eaten, peed on, destroyed, ruined, etc).  i put his little bed down, and his Froggie (which is literally a frog green towel that he drags around with him and chews on till he falls asleep.  I mean the towel is regulation bath size.  he is a chihuahua size).  He has remained perfectly perfect, napping on Froggie for 2.5 hours now, and I have gotten caught up on my computer stuff.  I may actually shower today!  I have some very special pieces to finish in the studio - commissioned work that is dear to my heart.  After spending the past few days in Job Search workshops,  Skills Updating workshops, and event planning gone sideways,  i am so very ready for some time in the studio that has a direction to follow.  I am glad for the opportunities to recognize how blessed i am.  these have been not-smooth-as-fondant opportunities.  a woman i worked with years ago was a fundamental bible believer, and she always said Never Pray For God's Grace.  her reasoning was that God would put you in an awkward/awful situation, whereby you would need to call upon Him for grace.  I'm not sure how i feel about that, but i do see a similarity between her theory, and the past few weeks of my life.  so - blessed i am, and let's just call a cab & leave it at that.
wishing you unexpected blessings with no strings attached.....