Friday, November 30, 2007
well...at least as clear-headed as usual! i really really hate to take medicine of ANY kind. rather treat the cause rather than the symptom. but i was a whooped unit yesterday. today, not so bad. i woke up at the usual time - 5am - and threw in laundry. Diva went out for a quick tour of the backyard, and to make sure her "outdoor" bone was safe and hidden. then decided it was nap time. she sat on the end of the bed tapping it with her paw and looking at me pointedly, so i curled up with her for a few extra minutes. such preciousness all wrapped up in a bundle....as soon as i put my head onto the pillow, she curled in next to me, making sure she fit into my curves....her back snuggled against my face, my face burrowed into her fur, her paw holding my hand down so i wouldn't sneak away on her. just heaven. just heaven. she is my Best Thing. even though she drives me to distraction sometimes. she has becomes addicted to, and obsessed with, her Greenie bones. she'll paw through the grocery bags till she finds them then make little umphing noises till i give her one. THAT one goes outside immediately. then she comes in and wants another one for her Inside bone. she has to constantly go outside and check, recheck, hide and rehide the Outside bone. and don't even think about touching her Inside bone. she'll carry that one around like a woobie, hiding it in between the times she's chewing on it. she knows exactly where they are at all times, and a person may unwittingly walk near The No Zone where it's hidden. she'll race over and grab it, giving a warning growl. my little Diva. so today i'm torn between working on my coat, and starting (finally) the tabletop i'm doing Post Traumatic Mosaic Assemblage on. i vote for both. maybe messy stuff this morning, then relaxing tonight with embroidery & beads. sounds like a plan. my pictures are done and i get to pick them up today! will post a few as i can. today is also the day i switch all my doctors over! as it turns out, they're all in the same building, right at the entrance to Radisson. And as a bonus, the NP for the gyno is a woman i went to years ago and she is EXCELLENT! so here's hoping! as my body starts giving way on me here, at least there are some good Kings horses and Kings men to put me back together again! so off to the studio and hopefully some accomplishment. a while ago i mentioned i had completion envy in regard to my friend Gail....well, i think it's more like Beginning envy! i need a clone! or two. have a fabulous day! L.
at 8:03 AM
Thursday, November 29, 2007
home today. i feel somewhat guilty, since i only work 3 days as it is, but the pain overrides any of that quickly...yep - i do believe my gallbladder has awakened and is not happy. oy. i did have to go out once - for dog food. and this is where it gets weird....there was a bike parked along the side of my house. a bike. it's fr-eezing out. hunh. now for the even weirder part - it was a bike we sold in the garage sale last summer. (cue twilight zone music). Diva is upset that she didn't get her walk. usually she just sulks and gives me The Eyes, but today she was feeling her muse and engaged in a little performance art. While staring at me intently, she shredded an entire roll of paper towels that has been sitting (untouched) on the floor for a month. it will remain in it's altered and unusable state right where it is - across my studio floor- until i can bend down with the confidence that Something won't explode in my abdominal region and come out my ears. so much for getting art done. this weekend i was planning on making some jewelry and tree ornaments with shrink plastic and some Premo. The Big One is still teasing around my brain and a little mindless creativity may just tick it off enough to show itself. (i always picture Mel Gibson in a kilt from the Braveheart movie..."Show Yourself!"). i just talked to my friend Gail-who- calls- fairly- frequently...with the husband who is to be worshipped? that one. apparently, although i feel quite normal, the percocet is still in full effect....i began telling her the bike story, and she kindly interrupted me to advise me that i Had Just Finished Telling Her that same story. so maybe, just maybe, it's time for another nap. safer anyway. i wonder if i called people today who just listened while i chattered on, and inside they're thinking, "she JUST called here....what is UP with this??" so i'm going to nap and hope for a painfree tomorrow. and if i DID call you today, i apologize - even tho i don't quite remember even using the phone. Linda
at 8:31 PM
Sunday, November 25, 2007
...and the eiffel tower and the Forbidden City in China and the Grand Canyon and my very own house! whew! i've been traveling some today! this is so cool..."Google Earth." you can download a free version and pick a place and BAM! there you are. satellite shots zoom in till you feel like you're there, and you can skew the view so you get more of a topographic look. there are dots to click on where people have posted their photos from that spot, and some have a link to click to learn more about the spot. I highly recommend Niagara Falls! you'll want to reach for an umbrella! ***so while i was doing all this virtual travel, the Next Big Thing was rambling around in my head. i'm not sure what form it will take, and i've tried to give it wide enough mental berth to take form. so far, i think it may involve a wearable art piece. a few years ago on the way to Lake Placid, we stopped in this tiny town for lunch. there were some architecturally cool buildings and i went for a short walk down Main St to look at them. i came across an army/navy store that was a treasure trove....this was the real deal, not some yupped-up version with Columbia sweaters and a few camo items. on a rack crammed near the back was a riding coat liner from a Swiss Army (real Swiss Army - not just the brand name) cavalry coat. it's knee-length black quilted silk, and screaming for embellishment. there are rubberized leather patches around the buttons, and elastic around the wrists inside the cuffs. it's glorious in it's naked state, but i'm seeing it beaded up and embroidered somehow. and that's what's been the sticky part. i have too many ideas all vying for attention..PICK ME! so far there's been a hummingbird, a butterfly, an abstract design of my own, a beaded version of Gustav Klimt's serpent woman, Hygeia (which i'm leaning toward. it's part of his Medicine series, and that's so fitting). Then i thought of doing something a la Rise Freeman-Zachery...a stenciled narrative type of thing. but so far, nothing tipping the scales. it also has to end up as a recogizable image, so i'm thinking that although i love the Klimt image, it may not translate well. so on top of that, i have the coolest rusty sphere that's been calling me for a while now. i've put it out on my worktable, and there it sits all lonely and taunting. this is the sweet, delicious, painful groaning part of creating...the birth of the idea. waiting waiting for it to come forth. then deciding on the materials to use. that part can be equal in it's agony. it makes me wish that i was a painter, sometimes.... at least then i'd know i'd be reaching for paints after the idea came. just paints. sometimes the material drives the idea, but usually it's the other way around. my girlfriend asked me today what i want for my birthday, and i said "rusty metal." unfortunately, she'd just passed a rusty tailpipe and muffler in the road and said it was meant to be! (she was kidding) (i hope). my brother (i think it was him) once said i was the only person he knew that could be given a can of rusty nails and i'd like it better than something from Tiffany's! sorry...i've got a real thing for rusty metal. i've had 4 days off and i don't feel like i've gotten anything done art-wise. i think after the fairy wings i needed a break. so the East Coast Art Retreat is really coming together nicely. not too many details to share yet, but i think this may just work. Diva is still moping after her kitties went to their real home. i'd love to get her a kitty but i found out last night that my allergies still persist. maybe i'll just suck it up and take allergy medicine if i need it....her tail almost wagged right off. she was so gentle with them, and after they got a little comfortable, the games began! my stepsister has a kitty that's just terrified to live with her and her 2 pitbulls, 1 collie mix, and 4 other cats (in a trailer). it's declawed, and has no real defense other than to run and hide. it's just starving for affection and i feel like that would be the cat to give a loving home to. i don't want to take on more than i can be responsible for though...when we had all 3 dogs it was just overwhelming. i know cats are less work, but if it's afraid of dogs, and Nikki wants to be it's best friend, then it can only mean double duty in the petting dept... another thought to think. she was just so thrilled last night though. so i should be hemming my pants (duct tape) but don't feel like getting off the couch. lazy lazy lazy. nikki's snoring in the corner, jenny's on her computer, bill's on his computer, and here i sit on mine. ahhh...Norman Rockwell never imagined this! so, bye for now...i've got to get in the shower and see what develops with this Next Big Thing. that's where i do my best thinking. L
at 4:40 PM
Saturday, November 24, 2007
try this! i have spent the better part of the day playing with shrink plastic! can i say...fun fun fun! this stuff is too much! tonight, my stepdaughter brought 2 teeny kitties home for a brief visit before they went to her mom's. diva was out of her natural mind! play with me play with me! she was in l-o-v-e. she would cry and whine when one of them went under a couch or whatever to rest from her chasing. she was so gentle and sweet with them. she will definately sleep tonight. now she's moping and pining because they left. such a good girl. well, off to shrink more plastic - working on a necklace. try it! you'll be hooked! L
at 9:32 PM
Friday, November 23, 2007
you know, this time of year seems to bring out the best and worst in people...on one hand, people seem more generous to others who may need a hand up. on the other side, depression, bad behavior and all that seems to run rampant. today i went to the mall ONLY because i had to - my new contacts were in. (wrong prescription, no surprise). on the way through the mob, there was a guy at one of those red kettle Salvation Army things, ringing his bell and just singing bluesy carols. an older black gentleman. just ringing and singing, and seemingly happy to just be there. i dumped a pocketful of change into the kettle and felt a lump in my throat. all morning i'd been depressed. i read a few blogs that i usually keep up with, and they were all going on about what a fabulous thanksgiving they had, and how their husbands all helped with the meal and cleaning the house, and made them special hot rolls for a snack during the day, and all that. it just seemed so...wonderful. so easy. so, "I want that." i was sad because this is usually the time of year i get sad, missing special people (2-legged and 4-legged), and a very special person to me is dying. and i was sad because my marriage seems to be doing a slow dance of death. i am afraid to love my husband now. there were little moments where i thought my heart would explode with gratitude for his companionship. and then the rug would get pulled out. up and down for 7 years now. to say it has not been an easy relationship, is like saying the Titanic had a problem in the crossing. i'm scared. not of being alone. but of being financially responsible for myself. i've done it most of my life, and am capable of doing it again if need be. but i'm older now. and much more tired on a constant basis. and working part time at my Big Girl job is about all i can handle without melting down. i've learned to take care of my Self, and maybe in this taking care, it has cleared space to see where i'm not taking care so good. plus, my body is having the time of it's life disrespecting me and the rythyms we've set up....don't like having cramps and all that goes along with it, but after the first 20 years or more, you just say "okay, uterus, you've got 1 week...do your worst and clear out." well suddenly we're like a child visitation schedule, my uterus and I - 1 week on, 1 week off. my hormones are swinging like a Cirque du Soleil trapeze act, and my moods are right there in a wrist lock with them. so when your husband travels one week, and comes home during your crampy/bitchy/weepy/die die die week, there is not much fun to be had. so anyway, here i am all feeling weepy and depressed and missing kita and feeling bad for leaving diva home and mad at my mother and my mother-in-law, and this man is standing in the mall with a huge glorious genuine smile on his face, singing christmas carols and ringing the bell. so now add guilt to the list. i guess it made me realize that i do have the power to overcome and go through what is now here and what may be coming. (cue Gloria Gaynor "I will survive") . so i hope i didn't make you depressed...i just needed to vent. i'll probably delete this because it IS the holidays after all. L.
at 9:47 PM
Monday, November 19, 2007
my husband's out in the woods...been there with his friends since friday. coming home tomorrow night. i like to think he's just away on a business trip. i know, i know. so i've had some serious alone time in the peacefulness of my home, and am really liking it. i don't know how i ever worked full time. i just don't. even with just 3 days at my Big Girl job, i still feel crunched. diva needs more attention. my art needs more attention. the housework...well, that's always been low on the list anyway. can i tell you how excited i am for christmas this year?? i don't know why. just am. i think last year was awkward...it was the first christmas without Bear & Nikita. every year we'd take a picture of Jenny and the two of them (diva being all Amish about the camera) in front of the tree. last year we reluctantly bought and decorated a tree the day before christmas. no pictures. so saturday i went out and bought a serious load of decorations and this house looks like the Christmas Tree Shop blew up inside it. i even bought a Febreeze air scenter - christmas wreath alternating with cinnamon apple. love it! i can't wait to breathe! then i cleaned the house. yes...i said it. it's different when i do it for myself, alone, without someone checking my work. i feel so grown up! then the laundry. i needed socks, and the next thing you know, i was knee deep in it. as i dusted the bedroom (no comments) i came to my nightstand (actually bed table). on it, still folded inside out, was the tshirt i wore the last time i held my Kita. i'd taken it off when i got home, and turned it inside out to try to save the smell of him. i know after a year, 2 months, and 19 days, that it would probably smell more like the dust that accumulated on it, but it was still, i don't know, i guess the last link. but i guess it was time. every night before i'd go to sleep i'd see it there and feel a little pang. still. so before any second or third or fourth thoughts, it went in with the dark load. i'm glad he doesn't have to face the cold this year...his bones would just protest, and he deserved better. but i do so miss him. still. we used to play hide and seek out back...for real. he'd run into the brushy area and bark, as if to say find me. i'd pretend i was looking all over and he'd bound out of hiding with his whole body wagging. as if a white dog was invisible in the green bushes! then he'd go around the corner and i'd run behind a tree and he'd look in all the usual places, still startled when i jumped out at him. i grew up a cat person. never thought i could love a dog. surprise. diva has a totally different personality...much needier in the love department, yet much more cat-like in other ways. and don't even think about touching her Greenie bone. oh no! uhn uhn! take a finger off. so i'm thinking about getting a tattoo this weekend. something to cover up the other one that was done pretty badly. Rocky The Flying Squirrel. too dark, though, and as the area grew and deflated countless times, it came to look like a large grey birthmark. so, any suggestions? i wanted to do a Phoenix on my lower back area, but can't find a picture of one i like...most look like a screaming chicken rising from a BBQ pit. which a chicken might indeed do if it found itself in that position, and was able. i know i would. but anyway....hmmm. have to give it some thought. my mom gave me the coolest can of tea bags. each tag has a different saying on them about women. i'm drinking, "a grown women should not have to masquerade as a girl in order to remain in the land of the living." made by Bag Ladies Tea. the tea is actually good also! my friend Georgia is in India. we've been following her progress on http://www.scottstours.com/ . i'm saving my nickels. i will go next year. bill hates to travel outside the US, except the virgin islands-type thing. there are so many places i want to see. a lot of them are in the US, but some aren't. i'd like to see Russia, and parts of Mexico, and Alaska (i know), and i'd love to see parts of Saudi. my girlfriend was stationed there a few years ago. said it was like opening an oven and breathing in the heat every time you stepped outside. maybe i'd go in winter when the temps were down a bit...say 100 or 110. i don't know, there are a bunch of places i'd like to see. but looking at the pictures on the website (scottstours) makes me want to BE there. there's 1 picture that takes my breath away....it's a huge temple...all carved wood or stone...all flashing colors...carved faces...oh my God is it the most incredible sight. i'm sure i'd stand there in tears. check it out under the photo section then dare to say it isn't magnificent! well off to play with diva for a bit before nappy time. sleep well y'all, and have the best holiday, if i don't talk to you by then. Linda
at 8:30 PM
Saturday, November 17, 2007
you all know how much i hate snow, right? well it's starting...but so far, the big fluffy flakes aren't annoying. a coating, a dusting, dressing the trees and lawns. the leaves haven't finished falling from my Japanese Maple out front...my favorite tree out of all of them in my yard. this year, for some inexplicable reason, i am absolutely overjoyed about the holidays! i can't wait! last year was dismal...no holiday spirit in the house whatsoever. bill and i had entered a tenuous truce, and were engaged in that silent arguing...i turn the light on, he turns it off a few minutes later, and all that nonsense. i had planned to just set up shop on my own after the holidays, so had no particular bond with anything or any traditional Holiday Spirit. we finally got a Christmas tree a day or 2 before Christmas, only for the form of the thing...i mean, without it, do you just sit around the footstool and hand off gifts? we did it for the kids mostly. well, i'm still here for some reason. and this year, the house WILL look like the Christmas Tree Shoppes blew up inside. i'm headed out for the dreaded garland/ornament/whatever purchases at some smaller shops, and of course the Christmas Tree Shoppe. a scary place. but with the volume of decorations i plan to buy, i need cheap. i'm mentally prepared for battle. little diva won't know where to hide her bones when i'm done. her personality is so different from my Kita...he was laid back, always smiling. she frets over everything. she'll get up in the middle of the night and have to go out to retrieve her "outside" bone (Greenie) and bring it in to hide it. in the morning, she's up and re-hiding it. and God help the soul who tries to come near her when she has the bone. a good way to lose a hand. she always has a concerned fretful look about her. tonight is diva spa night...bath and toenails. i am looking forward to it just slightly less than she is...the nails part. she squirms and struggles and shreiks and tries to whirl around in your grip to get free. for all the world it sounds like i'm cutting her entire paw off. - back to the garland. the fairywing lady overpaid me and refused to rewrite the check. so now, i figure i have all that extra cashola to go nuts with. it just feels so good to have someone buy my art...even fairywings! it's not entirely about the money, either. it's like an affirmation. but more than that. it feels good, really good, to know that something i created touched someone enough to make them want to own it. to have at their home so they can enjoy it all the time. that is such an ecstatic thing in my soul. (art in general...not the fairywings, necessarily, since i probably won't know who bought them from the shop). i debriefed myself on those and if i have to do more, i will welcome the opportunity - i have it all figured out now. i'm actually thinking of doing a huge sunflower, just to have in reserve. so this thanksgiving dinner has all the promise of being Another Family Get-Together of Epic Result. my mother-in-law is still convinced that i hate her (i don't), my sister-in-law has stopped taking her medication, and is convinced people around her are threatening to kill her (note to self: hide Dreamweaver before he tells her I'M trying to kill her), my parents are exhausted, my husband is slipping into his fall-to-winter malaise and going "into his cave." he read that in a book once - maybe Men Are From Mars, or some such crap. about how men retreat into a cave emotionally when they're hurt or some such stuff. he stopped reading there, apparently, having found justification for his moody, brooding, spoiled child behavior when things don't go his way. i told him the next time he goes in, i'm rolling a very large rock in front of it, and he can ask Lazarus or David Copperfield how to get out, but i would not stand at the entry with a brontosaurus burger and Wilma-like dress on trying to coax him out. i have a hard enough time staying on an even keel in these shorter-day months. so anyway...dinner. yep, his mom is already upset that i am making the squash. people, listen...i could give a flea's fart less who makes the squash...i really could care less for family gatherings. i do this for my husband and his kids....mostly for the kids, so they don't grow up hermitized like me. the lone wolf. remember Lenny & Squiggy? the whole discussion over who's bringing what is just so Who Cares, that i can't believe i'm writing it. just bring. or not. just come. or not. but let me know so we don't end up with turkey and 15 bowls of squash. and again, who cares?? well...i'm off to shower and take diva for a quick walk through the woods...she is now refusing to poo in her own yard. i see her point in it all, but it is a Very Cold walk these days. i'll post pics of the decorating when/if i get it done. OH! and i'm buying all new tree ornaments! can't decide a color or theme yet, but will see what strikes me. the ones we have...well, the cheerios have fallen off most of the 2nd grade pics, and they are sweet and swell, but definately need a little sprucing up. so we'll see. maybe pink......... Linda
at 8:43 AM
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
the fairy fiasco is in my past...ahhh! i have to go do something real butch now after all that pink frothy froof! here are some pics...not great ones, but i've been up most of the night, and can't tell whether it's me or the camera that's unfocused. plus, the person who brought the headboard over has conjunctivitis (no, nothing to do with grammar) and was admiring the wings when she arrived. guess who has it now? oy. so enjoy the pics...i'll try to get some once the dread-bed has been set up. now - off to snooze. L.
at 11:27 AM
Saturday, November 10, 2007
friday? saturday? oy. i left my part time Big Girl job early tues to work (well, allegedly to FINISH) the dreaded fairy wings. by that time i was sooo exhausted that i came home and decided to take a quick nap. 3 hours later....what was the point of leaving early??? plus, i now had to make up the time on friday, my day off. so i went in at 1pm, being the overachiever that i am, rather than 2pm as required. i've redecorated my cubby, with Dreamweaver wearing his Chinese coin necklace and a small sculpture i did that includes a small porcelain doll head in a small brass birdcage. just let it rip, i said. the crow apparently creeped out more than a few people, however my very Goth boss thought it looked fine....her husband makes life-sized zombies in their basement, and they have a real, live casket down there that their cat sleeps in, so i guess she would have a certain appreciation. so when i came in friday, despite being underslept, i noticed a few sideways glances. my cub-mate started chortling and filled me in that during the 8am meeting, when it was question time, a new girl raised her hand and asked what the deal was with the crow. my immediate supervisor said "it goes with the voodoo doll by her calendar. it's harmless, but don't piss her off." so by 1pm, the interest was high...the air rife with speculation. and i arrived wearing red cowboy boots *gasp* in the corporate office. my boss's boss's boss (Ms. Big, 3 levels up, mezzanine...ladies handbags and millinery), (who, by the way is the Best Boss i have EVER had and is definately artworthy), (wtf is millinery anymore?), anyway, where was I? oh, so i got to work, noticed the looks, oh yeah, and made my usual rounds saying hello to each and every coworker. i got to HER office, and she asked me to come in, sit down, and close the door. okaaay. so i did what she asked, but left my coat on just in case. "Chicos?" she asked with a raised eyebrow, referring to my red leather jacket which i had just decided i didn't like - too Michael jackson-ish. too late to return-ish. "of course," came my reply, "matches the boots." "ahh. so now...(pause) ..the crow." "Not Chicos," i replied. "alive? ever alive? how did it become not alive, if indeed it is not alive now? i was told your father is a taxidermist..." "father died. He wasn't a crow. Sold shoes. Do you believe the crow is alive?" "do you?" "i asked you first." "not sure...could be...but very quiet...very, umm, distracting. and this voodoo thing..." "no voodoo...i'm a Jew. Jews don't do voodoo. it's an art doll." "ahhh" Meanwhile, this whole thing feels like a verbal duel at high noon, except the combatants are actually friends and are actually trying to square off in a tickle fight. (not that my boss and i are THAT close, my friends...let me make that clear.) she was trying to keep a straight face and thought she could THOUGHT she could make me sweat. i was, but it was the damn jacket. so that started my friday off at work on my day off. about an hour later, despite the frantic hordes of salmon swimming upstream to my phone line just to call me a stupid bitch, i just had enough and logged off my phone. i was sleepy and was afraid i'd let go with some Real Thoughts, which were definately nearing the frontal lobe of my brain. a short trip from there down the sinus cavity and to the mouth. (not a scientific explanation of what may Actually Occur, but ...) the Control Center was hanging on, but barely. and then, and then, i made a fatal mistake. knowing i had a few zillion hours of beadwork ahead of me, and i still had to slog thru 3 more thankless hours of being smacked about like an emotional pinata, i broke down and swallowed my last Concerta. about 30 mins later, with all systems "go," i realized that i would be humming like a machine for about 12 hours more...that put it at about 2-3am saturday. i was supposed to go back to this job at 8am to help catch up with the paperwork. oy. needless to say, i called it a day around 4am, slept till 8am when diva had to pee, then said forgetaboutit to work and (drum roll!) TA DA! finished the fairy wings!!! i had hoped for a more epiphanous moment when i took that last stitch, but done is still done. HOWEVER...in the midst of my midnight frenzy, i had a Thought. a Big Thought. there are a t-o-n of art retreats, art festivals, workshops, etc on the west coast...not so much on the lonely east coast. upper east coast. so i started planning one. i think it's do-able. i'm pretty sure i can do it. much easier than fairy wings by far. (all tasks will now be measured by the fairy wings). so i am setting about planning the East Coast Art Retreat. stay tuned. i probably should use all that event planning experience i never got paid for in radio, right? not to mention the 5 cancelled weddings ( 1 the day before...which is way better than the day after). i've been itching to plan something big, and since i'm still married, it would seem impolite to plan my next wedding. i think that's what bugs me the most about everyone keeping the details of my surprise birthday party a secret...i love to plan these things..in fact, i love the planning almost more than the actual event (where i sweat and worry that Something Big will go wrong). my husband is absolutely wild with glee that HE knows what i don't about the details...the taunting and teasing. i whine and beg and plead for just one stinking detail, like WHERE it will be so i can be dressed appropriately. he says , "okay...it's somewhere with a roof." hardy har har. that isn't even an intelligent ruse of a response. by the time this shindig hits, i'll explode. from the time i was a kid, i always reconned for my christmas presents (always always in the hall closet behind the health & beauty supplies and mom's douchebag. sorry - it's the truth). (you know, i'm from a generation that has seen so many innovative products come and go. i mean, i remember rotary dial phones, and pay phones that cost a dime, and the douchebag. do they even make them anymore? i love the sound of the word. the word "shower" in French is "douche." when i was travelling in Quebec with the band, there were some French-speaking girls with us, and 1 of them put a sign - in French- on the shower that loosely read, "something something something douche something de bain." the rest of us wondered, and certainly wore our flips flops into the stall after that.) back to my point - i'd carefully open them, (the presents, if you remember) peek at them, then rewrap them. it didn't ruin the surprise...it made the anticipation sweeter. and mom thought i was psychic for a while, when we had to go thru the whole, "can you guess what it is" routine as we held the gift, shaking it a little (or one year, riding it around the livingroom...hmmmm...what could it be? a hamster? nooo. a bike? no scratch that - doesn't count bad guess...a bike would never be WRAPPED like a bike and have 2 actual wheels, a seat and a kickstand...hmmm). (and i say christmas, but it was actually Hannukah, which is actually 8 days of christmas when you're a kid). i just COULDN'T stand NOT KNOWING. this NEED didn't diminish as i got older. and as i approach 50, the "need" is joined with this feeling of entitlement. i tell my husband, "so now, if i'm hit by a bus and die before this party, you'll be left with the knowledge that i could have at least gone to my grave knowing that there was a nice party planned for me, and i could at least envision it as i made my way to the bright light through the tunnel." unfortunately, my need to know is overshadowed by his immature need to lord it over a person that "he knows something you don't know." maybe i'll hit him with a frying pan. the ones he got me for christmas last year. lordhavemercy. cookware. i swear. no wonder i pre-shop for myself. i have never been a "thing" person. i love getting a heartfelt gift as much as the next person, don't get me wrong. but it truly is the thought that counts. now look at me going on like i had more Concerta....now look, my angelfriend Georgia is in India...she left today. i went to the grocery store, she went to India. our lives are very different. follow her at http://www.scottstours.com/ ....makes me want to travel. except for the planning, packing, shots, ugly passport pictures, dogsitter, you know, that stuff. so goodnight - pics of the wings tomorrow. you deserve to see what you've been reading about and rolling your eyes over. Linda
at 9:36 PM
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
can i say it again without boring you? "This has been a Magical Year!" there. the most incredible opportunities have been ladled onto my plate - both work-wise and art-wise....i've met, or re-met, some of the most unbelievable people...my personal growth, well, while not where i'd hoped it would be from time to time, has been in the leap-and-bound category. i have come to realize that the women in my life are breathtaking in their spirits. some vibrate with energy and enthusiasm, and i dare you to try to get a photo of them standing still. others, with the sweet aroma of quiet courage and confidence...an unshakable belief in themselves and their right to be who they are. and still others somewhere in-between...fiercely loyal and constantly stepping in to bridge the gap between goals and gifts - teaching, guiding, urging others to reach a little further...stretch a little more. i have also come to realize that there is poisonous fruit in my life-garden....little seeds that grow into vines that choke out dreams and visions. this past year has been one of weeding, pruning, and nuturing the good, the fragrant. i often wonder where i am planted in the life-garden of others...what purpose do i fulfill? is it different for different people? you know how there are those people you meet, and they just bring out the absolute best in you? you feel energized and enthused just by being with them. then there are others that are always always the victim of circumstance - sucking your daylight from you, or worse - their insecurities manifest through their conversation....dragging down others to step up on them and be a bit taller. as i've weeded out the choking vines, i'm amazed at what i've seen growing beneath...friendflowers i never knew were planted there in the first place... a beautiful fragrance enveloping my life...blazing colors in all shapes and configurations...a garden of friends that give life ...grabbing your spirit by the hand and saying, "come...there is water for your soul here." it humbles me, i tell you, it humbles me. my gratitude cannot be measured. and in that revelation comes the knowledge that i have been charged with being as good a friend back...a good gardner....making sure that, in exchange for the beauty they bring, that i am tending my garden properly...not letting vines and weeds reappear...not letting time or distance bring neglect...giving and taking as is needed. what a wonderful picture to mind-hold as the winds blow outside my studio, with threats of snow to come. l.
at 7:08 AM
Monday, November 05, 2007
and the final rule of commissions...always always always get the due date in writing so that when the client insists she told you Nov 6th but you KNOW she said the 13th, you won't have to take 1/2 a day off from your already teeny work schedule to furiously sew sew sew. i must admit, the newest, and what appears to be the final, version of the Wings are good. funny, they look Exactly like the ones i WANTED to do in the first place, but was all caught up in doing something Breathtaking and Astounding. so i came home tonight in a tizzy and flurry, intent that i would power-slam dinner, and Go Sew. diva was doing her usual dinner dance by the back door...in/out/in/out...because usually when she goes out and "is a good girl" she gets a cookie when she comes in. so to drive home the point to her stupid humans that she has, ah hmm, DOG food in her bowl yuk, she'll continually scratch at the door till we tell her to go lay down fortheloveofgod. so the usual there. til she went under the table looking a little guilty. hmmm. so i ate ate ate then ran my plate to the sink and WHEEEE! slipped in a pile of doggie sick stuff. 2 piles, actually. with a side order of poo by the door. poor diva really really had needed to go out this time. i'll spare you the gagging and just know it got cleaned up. i went to sew, and she indicated she needed to go out again please and thank you, and this time i listened. out/in....with a twist - NOW she needed a bath. again, i'll spare you. is this some kind of test of my emergency stroke system? i mean, yes, looking at the bigger picture of life, this is not even on the register. but Right now, in My Reality, it is h-u-g-e. not to sound snively, whiny or shallow, but i just want to BE DONE. and the end is indeed in sight. i'm typing this with a small plastic tooth (hollow bottom) on my thumb. why? because i remembered my brilliant idea to cut a niche in the 4 poster bed post for a fairy door...a tooth fairy door. and it needed a tooth. so i grabbed one off a keychain i cadged at our Dental Convention & casino weekend, gessoed it and will paint it gold. then jam it in the niche and figure out the door part later. next lifetime, maybe. so i spent saturday at a pre-planned felting day...planned previous to this deadline. i forgot how much i loved shibori dyeing and wet felting! i forgot how incredibly exhausting it is to roll & agitate roving by hand for 4 hours. but the result....delicious! i'll post a pic as soon as i'm done with the beadwork. so all in all, little by little, this mini-meltdown has brought me back to my center, believe it or not. i am beginning to re-feel the warmth and joy of life again. even the rain outside is a wonderful sound. stay tuned.........L.
at 10:22 PM